Hi Lodo, I'm a sporadic poster so not one of the ones you probably remember. I found your sitch early on by accident, and always look for you, you inspire me a lot. I feel so much like you in my sitch. Hope I can forgive like you and remember my baby steps. Good luck, wish you all the best, you deserve it!
Me 46/H 48 M 19/T 20 S 16 D 9 Bomb 2/9/08 OW 2/29/08 Ended A 3/12/08 (LIAR)
Haven't posted for awhile. Won't post much in the future. Guess it's just reaching that level of acceptance, you know?
Have been feeling really positive lately. Went to Vancouver for a conference and that went really well. Got back and suddenly felt motivated to deal with all the stuff I've been letting slide. And then I suddenly crashed again. And I began to realize that this is reality - at least until I establish a new R.
But that isn't what motivated me to post again.
What motivated me was something more intense, more personal. In a weird way, I guess it was the feeling of community.
Family, friends. The support we receive. There's something about it. We take it at the time, critique it even. And maybe rightfully so. But it's given freely. By people who care about us. And it's easy to lose sight of what that really means. Sometimes we become so obsessed with our own lives and trials, we lose sight of where the meaning in our life is flowing from.
I'll be honest - at this point I find it surprising that I was really in a relationship for as long as I was. Who is this woman?! She's not someone I care about anymore. But the people who do give me energy are those who care about me. In the long-term. I may not agree with them, but I do value them. That's an important distinction.
This is a weird post, I know. I wish I could put each of you inside my mind right now because I think you'd get it. But, not possible. And maybe I should go out for a walk instead - some fresh air. But I hope everyone is okay. There's a big world out there and we are but small pieces of it - vital pieces, but small. We deserve to enjoy what our years on this earth offer. If someone doesn't want to be with you, let them go.
So what happens if they say they do want to be with you but seem to keep putting off the hard work that needs to be done to ensure that we dont' end up in the same yucky place that led me to these types of forums?
** Purple
As soon as you trust yourself you will know how to live. Goethe
lodo buddy, you're still lost and feeling out your future. You're single again and have all the opportunities in front of you to make your life full of your dreams. I remember when I had that opportunity and I jumped back into the fire. duh.
Quote:
We deserve to enjoy what our years on this earth offer. If someone doesn't want to be with you, let them go.
You sound like a WAS. But hey, that's ok because of where you are in life right now. We all deserve to enjoy our days here, but I think the key to being able to enjoy it with someone is keeping communication open. You might think they don't want to be with you because they think you don't want to be with them. That feeling feeds and builds because no one ever just stopped and said 'hey, what's up?'
The question I really want to ask you is - If someone doesn't want to be with you how do you get rid of them?
How soon will you be skijoring?
Do you hang up your bike in the winter? oh wait, you don't get winter. Too bad so sad. You'd love it all over again (not).
How's that, did I match your weird post?
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
Just stopping by my old thread. Felt like I should post today. It's the end. I don't really understand why the judge said the D wouldn't be legal until today, being a sunday and all, but there it is.
In some ways it's a relief. I've been waiting for this day for what seems like forever. Everything I read always said that the healing begins once the D is final. And here I was in in this stupid waiting period. I haven't even spoken to W for a month. I'm waiting to be able to say, "I haven't even spoken to XW for 6 months."
But. a friend posted some old college pics on fb last night. Made me laugh - who the heck was I back then?! So I went to pull out some old college pix to scan and post as well. And almost all the pix I've got are of XW and I. We've done a lot in the past 12 years. Been a lot of places, experienced a lot of different things.
There were also letters mixed in. I didn't realize they'd be there. When I moved out of the house I was just throwing everything in boxes. There was a letter to me from as recently as 3 months prior to bomb - "I love you more each day, your wife."
right.
It was hard because these things mean so much to me. Those experiences formed who I am. I'm not particularly nostalgic, but I draw meaning from where I've come from to help inform where I'm going. And XW is constantly burning bridges in order to move forward. I don't understand. I never will.
And that's okay.
So. Just a post. I'm doing okay. It'll all be fine. I looked at those old pictures, saw myself smiling in them, and wondered if I'd ever be happy like that again. But it's started to come in bits and pieces. Time. It takes time. And I still have a lot to address within myself.
Okay. I'm rambling now. take care everyone. Thanks WCW for always being there. Thanks Kat and karen for making me laugh. Thanks g for relating. Thanks Lyn for saying hi. Thanks puppy, h4h, lwb, neecy, sara and the other sara for always posting to me. Thanks to Mike for being Mike. And kerry for being kerry. Kalni, I think of you in the golden light of sunset. GFI, I've hoped for so long that things would resolve for you. RMG - thanks for the great advice. AG - thank you as well for providing insight and opinions. Sweet cookie and Bridgestone, a special hug for both of you because you deserve it.
I'm sorry if I left anyone out. In case it wasn't obvious, this is my goodbye. And how fitting, that it will end on the thread that started it for me. Weird, huh?
