DR Chapter 2 - Your differences

[Jamesjohn]

"You're more likely to divorce if there are differences in your backgrounds, your likes and dislikes, and interests".

Thoughts on this illussion?

[3K451]

JJ...

I am unsure here. I will say there are many, many similarities in my STBX's background:

- We were both raised in Catholic homes
- Both fathers are/were very functional alcoholics
- We grew up in the same geographic area, not far apart
- We had similar educations through HS (attended parochial schools through HS)
- We both were middle children
- We both are technical professionals in the computer/internet industries... he is a systems manager, I am a technical writer/researcher
- We both were political news junkies
- We both enjoyed cooking, museums, and other common interests
- We both are supervisory/managerial level employees with entreprenurial companies
- We both enjoyed some of the same authors and types of reading material... we often shared books.
- We both enjoyed watching NCAA basketball with the family.

Now... that may lead to boredom having to come home to someone who is your "duplicate," I don't know. I would think some dissimilarity would need to exist also. Some differences we each had are:

- I am the much more outgoing of the two, STBX was more shy and quiet
- STBX really enjoyed gardening and outdoor work... I hated it
- STBX was a real workaholic, constantly. I would put in my 40 hours generally because of other things I was interested in, and would only do OT on an infrequent basis.
- STBX was much more conservative politically than I am... I question everything that happens politically, he was a Limbaugh conservative

So... who knows? We're now heading for a D. He's living a lifestyle beyond my wildest imagination and has done some of the oddest and (MHO) stupidest crap imaginable... something I never would have expected out of someone with his background.

[Jamesjohn]

bluekeys -

You put together a great list in a short amount of time!!

If we were to just focus on just the positive, the things that the two of you have in common, you've got a lot of points of connection to work with.

What things can you do that might help you connect with each other better, with these things in mind?

As for your differences, how could you use these things as a way to connect also? How could you learn to appreciate each other's differences? How could you exchange ideas in a way that might work?

What are some ways that may have worked in the past? Were there any times when the two of you peacefully agreed to disagree? Times when you may have learned from each other on your differing points of view?

[Jamesjohn]

In what ways are you different from your partner? What things might you be able to add to their lives?

In what ways is your partner different from you? What things might they be able to add to YOUR life?

What are your strengths and your weaknesses?

What are their strengths and weaknesses?

How might the two of you be able to come together to make a great relationship?

[Jamesjohn]

Up Up Up!!

[uvision]

True love is a quest to find someone who has the quality or a strenght that we lack and being inspired to develop that quality within ourselves. Hence - being different from one's spouse can really stimulate magnificent growth in a person.

U.

[Jamesjohn]

True love is a quest to find someone who has the quality or a strenght that we lack and being inspired to develop that quality within ourselves. Hence - being different from one's spouse can really stimulate magnificent growth in a person.

U.

This is AWESOME, uvision!!

Learning how to really APPRECIATE the differences in our partners can take our relationship to a new, and better, level.

Thanks for sharing this thought with us!!

[happy1]

I love this b/c in my sit. we are very differnt personalities and everything he has as strengths are my loves about him.

[Jamesjohn]

I love this b/c in my sit. we are very differnt personalities and everything he has as strengths are my loves about him.

So, happy1, what ARE his strengths that you love about him?

What are some of the differences in your personalities you think that he adds to your life?

What are some of the differences in your personalities where he might think that YOU add to HIS life?

How can you make all of this work in the favor of strengthening your realtionship?

[Jamesjohn]

What are some of the differences between the two of you that you thought were "cute" when you first got together, but you know think are rather "annoying"?!

How could you dig deep, and learn how to appreciate those differences again?

[Jamesjohn]

Up!!!