No Code... Been there, done that. My W left me Dec. 25th 2005. I could not believe how heartless she was about it.
We opened presents with our daughter that morning, I bought W a CD I knew she wanted, she bought me nothing. After our daughter opened presents, we all got dressed and I took my D with me to my folks house. That was the last time I saw my W in our house.
She had bought a house (I had no idea she did this) and left me in financial ruin with our house in foreclosure. SHe had made sure she was taken care of (took ALL the furniture)and left me to drown in a sea of debt and misery.
I spent a week in that house sleeping on a mattress on the floor, didnt even have a chair to sit in. I remember coming home after work and sitting against the wall and wondering what I had done to deserve this. I mean there was absolutely NOTHING in this house, nothing. It was a vacant house, nothing but carpet.
Luckily I was able to short sale on the house and walk away from it with only 12k in debt. COuld of been much worse.
I too am Christian but as much as I try to walk with the Lord, I wanted my W to suffer for everything she had done to me. I wanted her to suffer the absolute worst possible pain known to man for hurting me like she did.
That Christmas changed my life forever but I made it through it, you can too.
Hurtin: 32 WAW: 30 D: 8 Bomb: 10/05 Sep: 12/05 Back together 8/07 Bomb (OM): 11/07 Filed for D (me): 12/07
H4C, yes, man, what your W did to you was unbelievably harsh-- now that is certainly something I'd call cold-blooded.
Wow, dude... Just wow.
And for that I can truly understand why you would want your W to suffer the consequences, purely because they would be the consequences of her actions. And yeah, I realize as Christians we're supposed to turn the other cheek, but boy do I sometimes wish the Lord would get His vengeance sooner rather than later.
W decided at the last minute to show up for church this morning. And then she pulled the same little maneuver she did a couple of months ago -- during the offering she escorted S6 to Children's Church (this is about mid-service usually), but then when she returns she sits somewhere else -- to avoid sitting next to me.
She had an "excuse" this time however -- she said today she was the Nurse-on-call for her group, and she had to relocate closer to an exit in case she got called.
Me, I'm thinking, "Whatever". I don't care anymore. I don't need her excuses.
What upset me more was that in the first part of the service I was looking through the church bulletin and saw a flyer for our church -- they're going to hold their own session for the DivorceCare program starting the second week in January. I smiled and pointed this out to W. She glanced at it and acknowledged that she had already seen it, but she was not interested. She said she "had too much 'homework' to get caught up in something like that."
I have been fuming about this ever since. Oh, I acted nonchalant and got focused on the main service, but when she decided not to show back up later after taking taking S6 to children's church, I was actually somewhat relieved. (But I almost wish she just wouldn't show up at all, if she's going to be that way.)
Still, the assertion that she is anymore busy than I am -- and yet I manage to have shown up for the DivorceCare support group sessions at another church without fail for the entire 13-week program (and am still going back) -- is patently ludicrous. I know W's just close-minded to anything other than hearing from those who enable her vices. And she's too arrogant to consider that she has anything she might possibly could learn in these matters.
I have had a mind to put the flyer prominently on her vehicle under the wiper blade, but she'd just toss it in the garbage.
W won't seek any more counseling either. Miss know-it-all can't be bothered.
Put the boys to bed about an hour ago. They were up late tonight with me, watching a Christmas DVD, The Polar Express. We love that movie.
I have my S's one extra night, tonight. They'll get to spend tomorrow, daytime, with me, but I take them back tomorrow evening, Christmas Eve. I am so happy for the good quality time I've had with my S's this weekend.
I have been wondering how Christmas Day is going to go, and whether I will be invited to be there first thing that morning for the gift opening. W has said nothing about it, and I won't pry or impose myself where I am am not welcome. So I am mentally steeling myself for the worst.
It does not bode well so far. W recognizes that I have a lot of the major gift items from Santa to be brought over yet, so I will have to transport them down there when little eyes are asleep. W merely mentioned that I should return later tomorrow night after our S's are off to sleep -- she'll leave the garage door up and "allow" me to quietly place the gifts in our car port. Then she'll bring them inside after I am gone. (Sounded to me like a hostage exchange.) It doesn't sound like I am welcome for anything else.
Honestly, if this really is the way she wants to handle it, then I am fine. She's only harming our S's. I will be angry for their sake, but part of me will be resigned to the fact that this M is truly over under those circumstances, that the person I loved is most assuredly if figuratively "dead" and gone. It will only underline and confirm what I have been fearing is true.
I pray my pessimism is unfounded, for my family's sake.
(Sounded to me like a hostage exchange.) It doesn't sound like I am welcome for anything else.
"Just place the gifts down and back away...no sudden moves..."
Sorry couldn't resist. I am angry for you if you don't get to be included on Christmas morning. That's just wrong. No need for any real exchange with wife or mil that day, it would focused all on the kiddos. I am sorry, truly sorry. I will be devastated if I can't see my kids on any Christmas morning, but you are in a much better place than I, my friend, and I know you will make it through if you don't see them.
(((HUGS))) for you since you have been sending them my way.
I read your thread every day and thought LWB's comment was funny. I am sorry your W is being this way. Not fair for all of our children at xmas to be going through this.
Yeah, any sudden moves and the teddy bear gets it.
Unfrickin believable what these WAS's do to us LBS's. It is like we are toxic or monsters and can not come near them.
I hope you can get some happiness and peace at xmas.
I have been following your sitch' as well, and I know how depressing it must be to want to be able to provide for your loved ones, but lack the means to do so properly, especially at this time of year. I have a job and yet I find it much more difficult than in years past due to the strain on our finances this separation is having. And while I do know what it is like to be without viable income during Christmas (I was laid off right after 9-11 in 2001) my W was at least helping us make our ends meet. I can only imagine how hard it must be for you to have all of this at once, and my heart goes out to you.
I pray that you find the job you need, and that you gain what you need to get yourself where you need to be in your life. I pray that you will regain the footing you need to take care of your children and give them the father they need. I know you can do it -- I hear your heart in your words, and that you have found your priorities. You are your children's father, no matter what. And likewise we are God's children -- He will never give up on us. Please always remember that and you will be fine.
Thank you for your kind words. It is important for me to remain a strong man here, that is all I have left. I know that I have messed up on the job front and should have done something earlier but in my defence, I took this sitch badly and could not function.
WAW jumped ship and think she did because she tought/thinks OM can provide. She has still got money issues and has claimed food stamps, Temporary Assistance For Needy Families and has to work. However, she picked an OM who was divorced, had adult children, a home with only him in it and a business that she worked in. This was a coincidence was n't it? He had what she needed to leave.
She is not independent enough to do this on her own, live by herself or herself and the children.
I must also mention that part of my problems that contributed to my M failing is that after I found a job, I went too far in focusing on keeping it, to the detriment of my R with W.
There is a balance, my friend, a delicate balance.
