Hey again... seems I've been spending more and more time online these days. Work just seems to be slowing down and getting boring lately, that'll be my excuse.
I wanted to write a little bit and let you all know what happened this last weekend (Mother's Day) when we went to visit my parents...
A few days before the trip, Ceb still hadn't decided whether he was going to go with me or not. I hadn't been pushing the issue because honestly, I didn't want to confront it and was hoping he would come to some resolution himself. Unfortunately he was thinking the same minus the resolution part. So I brought it up and he thought about it for an entire evening - literally.
Finally, he made the decision to go with me. He said that I'd taught him so much and he was so proud of me for that ... that he was going to take a lesson from everything I'd learned and go with me because it would make me happy and it would benefit our R. So he decided to put the R first (yay!) and that alone made me so happy... but it only gets better.
We headed up to my parents on Friday night and got in real late so we went to bed pretty much right away. I got up early (as usual) and he slept late so I had some time there to talk to my parents - especially my mom. She tried to make me understand that it wasn't that she didn't support me (because she does) but more that she didn't want me to see myself waste so much of my life trying to make my husband happy because she did that for so long and it wasn't worth it when you weren't getting the reciprocation. I assured her that wasn't going to happen and Ceb was as dedicated to making things work as I was. I think that made her feel better.
I also went over the issue of how Ceb doesn't feel very accepted at our house and we discussed it for a bit. I have to disagree with my mom's thinking unfortunately. She believes that if you're ok with something and someone else has a problem, it's their problem, not yours. While I agree with that to an extent, I think if you care about that other person, there are things you can do to help them.
For example, Dave doesn't feel accepted by my family because sometimes my mom just invites me to go places, not him... or we talk about people he doesn't know, etc. My mom said it was his problem because we weren't excluding him (true) but I feel that there are things she could do to help the situation like specifically trying to invite him along etc. Anyways, I couldn't get through to her on that point so I let it drop... for now.
I figure that by being this new, more compassionate, validating, empathic person, I can slowly work on my parents, family and friends with my own attitude and solutions to problems and maybe teach them something along the way. I know my parents and grandfather have issues with my uncle and in the past always end up in yelling matches so I've been suggesting different solutions and trying to impress upon them that when one approach isn't working you need to try something else. (My mom really liked that concept when I put it to an example.)
But anyways, back to Ceb... I told him all of this after he woke up and told him that my parents weren't excluding him and I think that part of the problem is that he felt excluded. I explained to him how my family works and the differences between his family and mine (basically my family expects you'll just speak up or go along with something if you want to do it, not invite you...) and he told me he would make a bit more of an effort to include himself.
It worked amazingly... we did yardwork at my grandpa's house, karaoke at a bar with my parents and her friends and spent the entire night at the casino (yes, the entire night with my mom ... we got NO sleep ... and I was the party pooper who wanted to leave at 5am and take a nap!). After the weekend was over and we were on our way home, Ceb said that he really had a good time and had fun! He's never said that about being at my parents. Plus my mom was just about crying when we left because she had such a great time with us.
It is so good to read of your compassion and caring and how hard you Db to get to where you are. Can you please stop over to newcomers and give me a swift kick. I am getting so discouraged. I want to be where you are..........
Boy do I need you! I started to read your thread and when I go to the part about your C suggesting you keep telling him and showing him how you feel I about FLIPPED. I am in the same position with a man who felt underappreciated and that I never loved him. He was a GIVER, just like yours and I TOOK.
I REALLY need your advice since most of the time I have yet to find someone who is the Woman that turns into the pursuer. I am excited that I found you and hope you are around to help.
IF anyone know s how to reach Calystra can you PLEASE tell her that her twin is looking for her at calls but no message
Sure hope you check your OWN thread now and again!
Truly excellent work with Pam, Cal. You do seem to have the calling.
There MUST be some clinical MA programs being offered through distance edcuation or even on-line. If not, I'll bet there WILL be in the near future (That's what CJ's upcoming MA degree is in: e-learning).
I'm not sure about the laws in Ill. but things are pretty stringent in Ontario. To practise as a "Psychologist" one needs a PhD.
Many offer counselling (private and publicly funded) with a Masters in Psychology or Social Work (MSW).
But in reality, pretty much anyone can "Hang out a shingle" and offer counselling. You just can't pretend you have credentials that you do not. Plus it's harder to get clients as you cannot be accredited without the full degrees.
I think it would be AWESOME if you could find SOME program that encourages part-time distant study, and would let you clock in your practicum here on the BB!!!
Sure hope you check your OWN thread now and again!
Truly excellent work with Pam, Cal. You do seem to have the calling.
There MUST be some clinical MA programs being offered through distance edcuation or even on-line. If not, I'll bet there WILL be in the near future (That's what CJ's upcoming MA degree is in: e-learning).
I'm not sure about the laws in Ill. but things are pretty stringent in Ontario. To practise as a "Psychologist" one needs a PhD.
Many offer counselling (private and publicly funded) with a Masters in Psychology or Social Work (MSW).
But in reality, pretty much anyone can "Hang out a shingle" and offer counselling. You just can't pretend you have credentials that you do not. Plus it's harder to get clients as you cannot be accredited without the full degrees.
I think it would be AWESOME if you could find SOME program that encourages part-time distant study, and would let you clock in your practicum here on the BB!!!
Shiny
Thanks for the encouragement, I'm certainly going to keep looking. The laws work the same here in Illinois as you described them. I definitely want to focus on marital therapy because I think too many people think that D is part of our culture and ok and I definitely disagree with that. After trying to find a good C around here that's solution-oriented and knows the DB principles, I know how hard it is.
I remember first searching around the internet for ways to stop the D and only coming up with a couple of resources! And searching at the library turned up so few books as well. I just wish there was more available help out there for people to turn to - and the more help there is, the more mainstream the information becomes so people will know it is out there even before they try to D.
I think I'd just like to get some guidance from a C or someone else in the field as to what the best route is for me to go at this point. I'm also really concerned about the money because I know that I won't qualify for any financial aid and college is so darn expensive!
So I actually need to just get a Masters in psych or social work and then concentrate on getting accredited by various organizations. I'm really curious as to what Michele requires for her phone coaches and moderators too but I haven't gotten an answer back from her office yet. I know they're pretty busy though and I've learned some lessons in patience.
I'd be really curious about her system and the credentials too. I agree 100% with you about the poor state of MC in my area too. I can't imagine this is an isolated phenomenon.
Maybe Michelle should offer her OWN on line course that seasoned DBer's could take and then open their own DB practise in their own locales. Wouldn't that be awesome? That might be the only thing that would tempt me away from teaching!
