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#118434 04/17/03 05:04 PM
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Quote:

I have heard this "book" mentioned before and would like to know what it is.
The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. Great book....

Last edited by hacker; 04/17/03 05:06 PM.
#118435 05/18/03 12:23 AM
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Up!!!!


JJ

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#118436 05/19/03 10:59 PM
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Hacker, speaking from a woman's point of view..if she asked for appreciation before..don't try to kiss her...TELL her how appreciate her looks, hard work, etc. Kissing her now may make her feel like a sex object..she wants to be the object of your emotional affection. We can't be told enough how great, beautiful, shapely, etc. we are. But be as genuine as you can. It WILL pay off.


notmars "No problem was ever resolved at the same level at which it was created."
#118437 07/03/03 03:26 PM
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What are you going to do and say during your next contact with your partner that will leave a positive, lasting impression?


JJ

Read about Divorce Busting® Telephone Coaching here!
#118438 07/03/03 11:36 PM
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I'm not sure yet, but W has left me with some interesting thoughts. Since I'm with the kids for two days, I called and left a message at her work. She called and I said to her " I know it's last minute but I have dinner working and we thought it would be fun to have you over for dinner." she told me that she picked up an extra shift at night and couldn't come, but ended the phone call with " If I'd known you were asking me over for dinner, I'd have come."

I almost dropped the phone! Wow!

The next time we see eachother, I am going to give W a key to the house. She left our home with the kids and went to MILs. I changed the locks b/c she was coming home while I was at work and taking things. My attorney agreed that since she didn't live there, I needed my own privacy.

I have to trust her and what better way to do that than to give her back the house she left? I know that she totally regrets leaving, she really goofed by doing that but W is really set on her word. She'd run off a cliff like a lemming just to stick to her word.

No conditions, no tit for tat just give her the key back. I think she'll dig it, she'll kinda wonder why I'm doing it. Since I want to be her H and be together again, I have to act the part. I put my wedding band back on and now my W must have her key back, it's her place too.

I really want to kiss her, man I miss kissing her. We used to kiss for hours. I know she misses the kissing too. I think that it's too early for this now, but I'm taking steps to get to smooching.

Berto


I believe that dreams are more powerful than facts,that laughter is the only cure for grief. And I believe that love is stronger than death
#118439 09/24/03 07:33 PM
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#118440 09/24/03 10:29 PM
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I send H emails everyday or at least 5 out of the week. I try to keep it light and happy. I did send one yesterday and just said...hey you crossed my mind and I wanted you to know someone is thinking of you. He calls me every morning, but I try not to call him unless I have a valid reason. I don't hesitate to tell him that he is special and that I believe in him. I am the only one in his life that will tell him such things so I try to do so.

#118441 10/14/03 11:43 PM
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first of all I have not posted on this thread before. I am a little confused though. It has been 4 mos. since my H left. The first 3 he treated me pretty much like sh&%. I told him tha and that I was tired of that. He seems to tallk to me more now. and come around more. He has said things like Ithnk yu're doing things to get me to come back. I really am not doing anything different. Anyway, about doing nice4 thngs for him. I woulde love to write him an e-mail evryday, but I don't know if that wuld push him away and not want to call anymore. I feel like he has made a big step by coming ove rmor often. And it's really not that often, but a big difference from the summer. He keeps saying that he doesn't want to be married to me, but did say he will alwyas love me. That is the first time has said that since he left. Is he weakening or am I too hopeful. This is so hard, and I get more confused by the day. I feel I'm at the point that if he doesnt come back I will be sad, but I could move on. He is leaving for Utah hunting this weekend. So I'm hoping that he will do alot of thinking while he is gone. Sometimes I feel like I am reaching for the impossible, but on the other hand, he has not made any attempt to file for D so I can't quit now. I want him back. Any words of advice? Thanks JME

#118442 11/22/03 12:50 AM
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JJ

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#118443 11/24/03 01:26 PM
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This is a great post. Well for those who dont know about my situation, heres a quick run-down. my girlfriend of 7 1/2 years, seperated for 6 months now. Have been in fantastic relationship with practically no arguments and both planned marriage but I must admit I was'nt as excited as I should have been only because I was not financially secure but since seperation I am going back to school to make sure I can provide for a family now. Anyways, We started our seperation in may after a big fight where something I did upset her. She asked for a break and I didn’t really take it seriously since the beginning. I did try occasionally and there were signs of improvement early on but I would rush things or complain and would fall deeper into my problem. After many backslides I started DB’ing the beginning of November and have noticed small improvements and she has finally been initiating contact with me and even asked me out once.

Ok, now for how to make her miss me more. I have began doing several things such as dressing much nicer but I think I need to town it down a little. Im not wearing suits or anything but I should reserve the really nice outfits for special occasions to impress her and she out right told me that she noticed but it hasn’t done anything for her. That was before I started DB’ing though. I blame my backslides for that along with my mental state around her. I tried to be more upbeat around her but I would get upset and not act like my old self and she noticed.

I know one thing she has told me over and over that she loved my sense of humor and she fell in love with my personality, not my looks. I think I have been focusing too much on my looks to make her attracted to me but that’s not what did it in the first place. Since DB’ing I am trying to sound cheery on the phone or when we see eachother. Id love to ask her what else she misses but I am afraid that her emotional state might blind her memories.

Her birthday was this week and every year I would make a big deal of it and have a cake and a mini-party waiting for her at her house but this year I didn’t. I want her to miss these things. I just hope she notices. Ok, that’s all for now. Thanks for listening everyone!


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