JJ, here's my story. I've been posting on the MLC thread (he has it bad).
Me 46 WH 44 2 kids, S17, D11 M 19 years (11/23) PA 1998 EA(?) 2/04 (married (OW contemplating D) 3 kids (13, 10, 8) ILYB... 3/04 Moved out 6/21
I've gone very dark. I can't seem to get it together. The last time I saw him he kissed me and held me...then left. H's living with a friend and continues to work, work, work. I think b/c he doesn't want to think, think, think.
He tells me I'm so self sufficient, yet she's needy (her H is unstable). How to I show him I need him, when he's not living at home?
Q how do you get them to miss you when they're busy w/someone else AND they're not living at home?
Hey there everyone...Just a couple of points...my H left 6/04 still with OW and now has pretty much kept me out of the picture. No phone calls (except to talk finances or kids), no emails, no touching, etc.
Seems he doesn't miss me at all. I'm fairly unavailable...what might be next?
My H says he doesn't miss me but we talk a couple times a week. I don't know I can do to make him miss me. What can you do when they say they don't miss you. My H says it was my being bossy & controlling was the reason he left. He hasn't seemed very happy lately so I asked him about it. He said he was happy to be able to do what he wants but wasn't happy to be away from home. Is there a chance I can make him miss being at home enough to want to come back? I have stopped being bossy and controlling. When we talk I do not ask him any questions. Some days I feel we have a chance but others I am so confused. I have noticed a few baby steps since we talked a couple weeks ago. I am trying to work on those but it is so hard since it takes time.
My H did call last night and ask to switch days for visitation because he coaches a sports team and they have a game on the night he was supposed to have the kids. I told him that was fine. I was shocked that he didn't just say he would get them over the weekend as usual. He is actually giving up a night that he said he couldn't miss for anything. He is finally putting the kids before himself and his sports. I figure if he can give up one night of his fun time then I can give in and switch days. (This is my way of letting him feel he is controlling the situation instead of me). I am going to do whatever I can to show him I am the same funny, loveable woman he married 16 years ago. I am going to stop asking questions and let him live his life. I am just hoping too much damage hasn't been done and he can find his way back home.
He has turned down 5 apartments since he moved out. He is still living with his mom. He hasn't wanted to change anything with the bills. (no name changes or anything) He did get his own checking account but that was more for the reason of not keeping a lot of cash sitting around at his mom's house. He said he probably won't write checks, it is just somewhere safe for his money. He will still pay everything in cash.
I still have hope. I have 7 months to show him I am a better me. After 7 months then if he wants to file for divorce he can. We had to wait a year. It is getting harder and harder for me. Each day my positivity goes downhill.
I won't give up though. I will fight to the end. Until I have papers in my hand I will continue doing whatever it takes to get him to miss me and want to come home to me and the girls.
I don't think my ex is missing me because he is so convinced that I was the main source of his unhappiness and perhaps some of his anger.
I do know one thing for absolute certain that he will miss even if he doesn't admit it,my massages(not sexual). I'm very good at giving a massage. hmmmm wonder if I could use this somehow?
The only other thing that I can imagine he might miss is just chatting to me about his family and friends. He used to share everything with me,who's doing what,going where,buying new cars or real estate etc. In fact he likes a bit of general town goss.
mY w WENT OUT OF TOWN FOR A FEW DAYS AND SENT ME A TEXT STATING " LOVE YA" AND ANOTHER TEXT SAYING " I MISS YOU GUYS " (ME AND D2). BUT WHEN SHE GETS BACK AND I DO STUFF TO GAL SHE ASK LOTS OF QUESTIONS AND EVEN GETS A BIT ANGRY AND TELLS ME WHY DID YOU DO THAT. ETC.. SO I CAN ONLY ASSUME SHE DOES MISS ME.
sounds to me like maybe it's at a point to slow down the LRT approach, and become more available to her. I don't know (not at that place myself)... but if she is angry for your distance from her... perhaps it's time to drop some of the walls.
Just my 2cents.
Forgiveness is the release of all hope for a better past. – Alexa Young
