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Joined: Dec 1999
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dan m Offline OP
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Joined: Dec 1999
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Hi all. Originally came here in 1999, after my w dropped the usual "bomb", after 23 years of marriage. After our divorce was final and after that when her EA/A blew up, I moved back in, and we tried to work things out for a few months, but she moved out.

I thought I was ready to move on with my life in a different direction, and found someone new, but, boy what a mistake that was!!! Shortly after that one left, my ex and I were more or less "thrown together" by the impending death of her stepfather from leukemia, due to the fact that I was wanting to visit him (he was a GREAT father-in-law for 23 years), and she was there all the time.

One thing led to another, and we were able to find our way back to each other, in every sense of the word. 4 years after our divorce, we bought our dream house together and got re-married on our original anniversary date. Even got the judge who divorced us to re-marry us, and joked with her (the judge) that unlike most people she sees who say the "marriage didn't take", with us, it was the divorce that didn't take.

Things were fine for a couple years, but pressures due to my working time, and our lousy financial situation (like we're any different than most?) have not been beneficial. Couple that with the fact that my wife has never really forgiven me for the other woman (whom I did not meet until after our divorce was long final, and after our 1st reconciliation did not work out, and in fact, months after she had moved out), and that she is still lying to me about things in her first EA/A, and there have been occasional blow-ups. But, usually kiss and makeup took care of it, after talking about it.

However, in the last few months, the "signs" have been showing up, and since the one unfortunate thing I learned from the divorce is to not be blind, I've done some investigating.

And she is now in another EA. Emails, chats, wearing clothes "for him", asking him if he "liked what he saw", telling him that she'll miss him "very much" if he and his wife are going on a trip and they can't email or chat, telling him she figured out how to erase the Caller ID on the phone so he can call her, etc. And, it's a "friend" of ours in one of our social organizations that we belong to. She has picked the same type of person once again - this guy is in an outspokenly unhappy marriage and has no female companionship, since he doesn't want his wife's (her first EA guy, 7 yrs ago, had no female companionship and was unhappy because he had a wife that was dying), so I guess she's volunteered herself. And, of course, this guy is just what she professes so stongly to not like (15 years older than her, lifestyle habits she abhors, big fat belly, verbally abusive to his wife to all in hearing range, etc, etc). The age difference itself is one thing that she has railed on for years, because that was the situation her mother was in. Kind of makes you wonder what's ticking inside her head.

So, after 7 years, I'm back here. Wondering if I should bother to come back here, or just become the WAH this time. I'm not sure if I have the strenghth or gumption to be able go through this once again, not to mention not sure if I even want to.

I'd appreciate comments, but probably won't be back for about a week, as I cannot get to a computer to check this site unless she is gone (she spends 2-3 days a week looking after our infant grandson). Oh, yeah, last I knew, she was trying to figure out how to erase the Caller ID at our son's house, so he could call her there, too...

Thanks.

Dan

Joined: Nov 2004
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Sorry you're back here, Dan. Really sucks! I have to be honest and tell ya, that if I were in your situation, I would walk, unless there was some serious MC'ing. Actually, no, if my H did what he did 2 years ago, again, that would be it for me. I simply cannot go down that road again (as it is, I am thinking about WA for various reasons).

However, you may be a stronger person than me. How do you feel about your W right now? Have you thought about how you could do some GAL activities, make some 180's, etc.?

Take care.


Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed.
D35,S/D twins28,D22
EA4/04 End? Who knows?
"Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Joined: Mar 2005
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This is an old one and I'm late in replying, but if you are still reading....my vote is to move on. It isn't you. It isn't financial pressures. It isn't not treating her well enough. It is, and has always been, her. She is the problem. Marriage is beyond her. Life is to short to be cheated on over and over.


In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years.
Abraham Lincoln

It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed.
Theodore Roosevelt


Moderated by  Michele Weiner-Davis 

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