Not from her. But from neighbor when W opened up to her. (Neighbor went to school to be therapist)
She regrets her life. That’s the gist of it
She doesn’t deny that we have had a lot of good times. She just never got to discover her purpose. She didn’t want kids yet when we got preg. We got preg and married and bought a house REALLY fast. She was ok with it then. But then there was cancer and special needs kids and financial ruin. She never finished high school. Never got to go to college.
She feels like like a mom and a house wife who is chronically broke is all her life is. She never discovered her own independence. (TBH i have made A LOT of bad financial decisions). Our being poor is mostly my fault
But in summary. She regrets everything. We are so broke we can’t breathe.
She is really depressed about our finances. It dominates her thoughts when she gets down. She seems more upset about our money than anything
She will be really happy. Finances get brought up and she will crash
On a positive note. She got down about them yesterday and I talked her back into a positive mood
“It’s alright W. We just got to keep chugging. We will get stuff paid off”. I can’t believe it helped but it did
Not from her. But from neighbor when W opened up to her. (Neighbor went to school to be therapist)
She regrets her life. That’s the gist of it
She doesn’t deny that we have had a lot of good times. She just never got to discover her purpose. She didn’t want kids yet when we got preg. We got preg and married and bought a house REALLY fast. She was ok with it then. But then there was cancer and special needs kids and financial ruin. She never finished high school. Never got to go to college.
She feels like like a mom and a house wife who is chronically broke is all her life is. She never discovered her own independence. (TBH i have made A LOT of bad financial decisions). Our being poor is mostly my fault
But in summary. She regrets everything. We are so broke we can’t breathe.
She is really depressed about our finances. It dominates her thoughts when she gets down. She seems more upset about our money than anything
She will be really happy. Finances get brought up and she will crash
On a positive note. She got down about them yesterday and I talked her back into a positive mood
“It’s alright W. We just got to keep chugging. We will get stuff paid off”. I can’t believe it helped but it did
While all of this might be true, it is NOT the reason she is unhappy. It is the excuse possibly but not the reason.
Unhappiness is an internal thing that has hormones and depression as its roots.
It is not something caused by an external thing - nor can it be FIXed by something external.
No more than can you get a 8 year old child to become an adult by giving them a vitamin.
Cadet you are right. I actually get that you have to make your own happiness. I don’t think she does
And there is no denying I let her down as a husband financially.
Steve you are correct. I was 22 and she was 20. We are now 32 and 30
Okay this whole time I thought S1 was Son 1 years-old. You meant Son #1.
I see this a lot oz. Where a young girl (and 20 is a young girl) gets pregnant, gets married, and at some point wakes up and starts questioning how she got where she is. It is a very dangerous way to start a marriage because the long-term prospects for that kind of marriage are not great. Off the top of my head I can think of 5 couples that I know personally and really well, that started their lives as husband and wife that way. Only 1 of those couples is still married today.
And that couple, who have been married about 20 years now, are having problems.
oz, this means you really have to DB. And protect yourself. Prepare for the worst....hope for the best. You have to let her go to get her back. Any pressure or pursuit will make her feel even more stuck. Even more unhappy. Even more unlikely to look for an escape plan.
So how is GAL going?
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
GAL is better than it was. Mostly me leaving to exercise (which feels amazing. Clears my head, elevates my mood) and I’ve been out with a friend once.
She is really warming up to me a lot. Like a lot. She seems confused herself. And she is starting to ask me what I’m thinking about when I’m quiet. Like 2 or 3 times an evening. “What are you thinking about” or “what’s on your mind”
She acts like she is wanting to talk about something but she is waiting for me to make the first move. This is what my neighbor thinks too
Neighbor also noticed W seems more relaxed around me
W called me “babe” last night and I don’t think it was by accident
Yes, as you get better at loving detachment, this is natural. My W would ask "What's wrong?" I would cheerfully and happily say: "Nothing! Things are good!"
Some of this is because they expect you to be doom and gloomy, pity party after DB. When you do the opposite they get curious.
Be very careful. Removing pressure and pursuit. Being detached (present, pleased, upbeat, content). Often that causes the WAS to come sniffing around to see what has changed. Do not be surprised if she starts accusing you of having an EA, or even a PA! Lots of WASs pull this projecting on their LBS when the LBS removes pressure and pursuit, and starts detaching.
But the be careful is because if you pressure and pursue too soon, she will run from you fast! So tread lightly. Remember the analogy of a cat. (If you've never had a cat, cats are very stand offish and only come to you when THEY want to come to you. If you force them to come to you they will try to escape as quickly as possible.)
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
