My anniversary is aug 6. What do you do on that day
Oz, I read back through, sounds like you are doing better at focusing on the advice and trying to implement it so kudos for that! Keep at it.
Regarding your anniversary, either do nothing or do something very low-key. Be careful about getting her a card or flowers or a gift because those things are all a form of pressure. My first anniversary post-BD fell after XW had already moved out, and it was our 20th. What I told her was "I know we're separated but it seems awkward not to do something for our anniversary, I was thinking we could just go and have a nice dinner at XYZ together." She said that sounded fine so that's what we ended up doing. The important thing is to have no expectations that it makes any difference in your sitch. And doing nothing at all is appropriate too, but if you feel like you have to do something then just keep it informal.
For our anniversary in my sitch, I got my W a bronze (it was our bronze anniversary) statue of her college mascot.
Remember, my W and I were in the beginning stages of Ring at that point, but I still knew enough not to be over romantic and pursuing. Ring is very very fragile early on, so I had to be careful.
Be even more careful when you aren't even to R yet.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Ok so it sounds like gift is out. Thank you Steve. I’ve thought about a simple card. I dunno.
Another question. We are getting along better than we have in years. I’m definitely in the friend zone, although I notice her checking me out more frequently, but is that ok right now? She has kinda given up on trying to levitate off the bed. I came home and she had really organized the office by herself. Made it look really nice. She actively helps with dinner and child care. I’m slowly GAL more. Mostly just running but man that helps my mood.
So the question is. Is this the holding pattern MWD talks about in her book?
I also found out the cause of her unhappiness if that matters
Ok so it sounds like gift is out. Thank you Steve. I’ve thought about a simple card. I dunno.
Another question. We are getting along better than we have in years. I’m definitely in the friend zone, although I notice her checking me out more frequently, but is that ok right now? She has kinda given up on trying to levitate off the bed. I came home and she had really organized the office by herself. Made it look really nice. She actively helps with dinner and child care. I’m slowly GAL more. Mostly just running but man that helps my mood.
So the question is. Is this the holding pattern MWD talks about in her book?
I also found out the cause of her unhappiness if that matters
To Cadet's point:
In my sitch my W's REAL source of unhappiness was meeting guys she wast interested online but not being able to move forward with them because she was married to me.
When she would voice her unhappiness, it NEVER had anything to do with that. It was that I mean, unavailable, controlling, etc. While a lot of that was true, it had been that way for a while. It wasn't until she became wayward, involved in an EA, and interested in EAs with others that those things became enough to end the marriage.
See what we mean by "believe nothing they say"? If I went by words I wouldn't have known that she really was wanting to sleep with other people. I bought counseling sessions (kind of like MWD's coaching sessions) that told me this. I had an old friend who had gone through a wayward period herself tell me that. I had posters here tell me that. People could objectively look at my sitch and tell me what was really going on. She'd never cop to that.
In fact, even when I had proof. Screen shots of messages. Including nude photos! She denied that she wanted out to sleep with other men. She maintained that she had tried for 19 years, I was a jerk, and she was just done trying to make it work.
So what do you think is the cause of her unhappiness?
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
