Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 7 of 11 1 2 5 6 7 8 9 10 11
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 4,227
Likes: 63
A
AndrewP Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
A
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 4,227
Likes: 63
Gout it seems is a pain.

My left foot started hurting some days ago and got rather bad on Thursday night. B immediately diagnosed gout when I mentioned it on Thursday and while it is possible that I hurt my big toe in other ways the odds are that she's right. I was able to go for my walk on Wednesday and over the course of the walk it felt better.

The cause according to B is "obviously" the 12 pack of beer I drink / week and not the utter exhaustion, stress, lack of regular exercise and extra weight that have also been issues I'm working with. Her dad who was a very unhealthy and heavy man but lived until he was in his late 80s drank and ate too much, had gout and like I found with my ex at the beginning of our relationship, all the sins of the fathers etc etc etc. I do find that her being an "all-knowing" Mom is a bit of a challenge, especially when she's right. She's quite aggressive in her "do this - don't do that" and just dodges when I push back.

It's feeling slightly better now but I'm still limping. Since it's my left foot the 2 1/2 hour drive to work was a bit of a challenge when using the clutch. I did promise to go see the doctor if it's not better in a week but from my reading there's not a lot they can do for short term results. For long term results, it's the same as everything else. Make healthy food, drink and exercise choices. I have started going for my walks again mid-week and on the weekend starting last weekend even though B has no interest. I'd also stopped eating apples for the last few weeks switching to pears but the pears were in sad shape and it turns out that apples help prevent gout at least according to what I've read so apples are back on the grocery list.

This is the first time that I've had gout although I had plantar fasciitis in the same foot about 4 years ago. Hopefully with some basic healthy changes that I should be making anyway it will take care of itself. I had hoped that it was an injury related to new shoes or long walks after a month or more of little walking. The symptoms do match up though.

We've also talked about my getting more sleep. I've always managed to get 7 1/2 - 8+ hours / night for many years, especially when I was alone. Now we go to bed later than I am used to, get occupied, wake up in the middle of the night for a cuddle and then B's alarm goes off at 4:00. Earlier to bed is on the agenda and some more focus on sleeping in on the weekends. This is going to be a challenge as B wants me to sit with her in the evenings more than I currently do. She'd like me to stay up later than I do but while she can nap in the afternoons at times, it's not an option for me.

For her, she's been having bad back pain which is pointed towards the bed. It's a pillow-top about 10 years old. I sleep fine on it. She didn't have an issue with the bed in her old apartment which her son now uses so we've found out the make and model and will be getting a new one, which has been needed for a couple of years anyway. She of course has stalled the process - "don't worry about me" where I'm the "see a problem - fix a problem" sort. It will also be nice to get rid of the marital bed. The sheets were all replaced in the natural course of things after my ex moved out.

Ah - the joys of getting older and forming new relationships.

Going to be a busy weekend and I'm bored at work hence posting today. I have to delicately suggest to B that even though she has taken over cleaning the bathrooms that her methods aren't effective against the soap scum and that I'll do my usual scrubbing this weekend as it is the "first weekend of the month cleaning weekend". Which I, oddly to some perhaps enjoy doing.

We will also be getting a new mattress this weekend. B is off with a couple of grandkids this afternoon to the cottage where it is hoped to be cooler and will check the mattress store near there which is where her old one was purchased. If the price is decent we'll get it there, otherwise we'll check out a discount place in the other direction which carries the same line.

I was pleased that B sent me some money to help cover the bills this morning. She's going to do that each paycheque. She knows that the amount she's sending doesn't quite cover the costs but she still has to figure out where she is financially. She's not asked for help and I don't intrude but I do think she's getting a better handle on things. S38 issues continue and she's distancing herself from some of them a bit although she's still taking the GK for him regularly as he now has a job but no confirmed sitter. They had a blast in the kiddy pool in the back yard yesterday followed by ice-cream from the shop across the street. B said that she's keeping a closer eye on the youngest who has a destructive tendency especially around the 130 year old etched glass doors.

Well - enough for now. I'm having lunch with a friend and will see about getting out early. It's a hot and sunny day here. Too nice to be staring at numbers and graphs.


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 18,913
Likes: 316
K
kml Offline
Member
Offline
Member
K
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 18,913
Likes: 316
Some advice about gout:
The uric acid crystals that cause gout are the product of breakdown of protein. It was known as a "Rich man's disease" in the past because poor people couldn't afford high protein diets.

Standard treatment of an acute gout attack is usually a strong anti-inflammatory drug called indomethacin. This is usually pretty effective. If you're not going to see a doctor you can try ibuprofen.

Tart cherry juice may also be helpful.

Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 4,227
Likes: 63
A
AndrewP Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
A
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 4,227
Likes: 63
Hmmm - B has been switching me over to a high protein / low carb diet. There seems to be some documentation on a link between that and an initial attack of gout. However reading a bit more it indicates that once the body adjusts that uric acid levels actually decrease. Can't really trust Dr Google although I find it a good place to start.

She did also push for cherry juice.

Despite her lack of formal education and average literary skills, when something is important to her B becomes quite the scholar. It annoys her to no end but she won't let it stand in the way of doing what she can to fill what she sees as her role in life.

The standard advice seems to be
- minimize intake of sugar - I have very few sweets although did have more a while ago when B was in her "let's eat pie every day" phase.
- reduce intake of alcohol - certainly wise for all sorts of reasons
- lose excess weight - certainly a positive goal

It sounds like the only thing that an MD would be able to provide is some pain management and whacking me with the same advice I should be following anyway. No quick fixes.

-----------------

As a side note, one thing I worry about is what I saw in my ex and also in B where they expect to fit you in to a mold of a former partner or parent. A recent battle was B unbuttoning my golf shirts to show off an expanse of chest hair which she thinks would be well decorated with a gold chain and me buttoning back up and refusing to wear such a thing wink I saw a picture of B's STBX and he dresses like that although rather sloppily.

It makes me wonder if OM has figured out how to tie a bow tie laugh


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 6,826
Likes: 156
G
Member
Offline
Member
G
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 6,826
Likes: 156
did you ask B to switch you over to a high protein, low carb diet?

Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 4,227
Likes: 63
A
AndrewP Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
A
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 4,227
Likes: 63
Originally Posted by Ginger1
did you ask B to switch you over to a high protein, low carb diet?
It largely matches the way that I want to eat to lose the weight I gained back over the past year and a bit. She'd serve me pie and mashed potatoes every night if I asked.

It's not a very extreme version and we do have a tendency to cheat. The main thing is to be mindful of everything we put in our bodies.

I've cut out probably 4 or 6 slices of bread / week, a couple of flat breads, hummus, a fair amount of potatoes. I've added in more fresh vegetables (steamed), almonds and a home cooked supper 2 more nights of the week that usually is a protein like a pork chop and steamed vegetables - although she did make mashed potatoes on Tuesday which it is impossible for me to say no to. With reluctance I did compost the left-overs rather than turning them in to potato pancakes. Fresh vegetables are also replacing the flash frozen ones I used to eat to avoid spoilage. The almonds offset the potassium I lose by not eating the skin-on potatoes and also make a fairly filling snack.

Still to do is to cut out 4 or 6 cans of beer, the couple of bagels / week I'll pick up at the drive-through if I'm dragging, add some more fiber and get my exercise consistently back to a minimum of 2 hours of brisk walking / week in addition to the couple of hours each weekend it takes me to cut the grass. The pain in my feet might make that problematic in the short term but unless I buy a goat the grass won't cut itself.

One key issue to solve is sleep. I think everything revolves around that. I will substitute carbs for sleep which works but isn't healthy. That's how I ended up on 4 sets of blood pressure pills years ago. A good sleep will also refresh me, reduce my stress levels and help me mentally. Sleeping alone for 3 years did me no end of good. B not sleeping well in the current bed is disturbing my own sleep so the new mattress will hopefully help us both.

It's funny - my ex, especially during the last couple of years would toss and turn so much that I would joke that she was actually revolving. B doesn't toss and turn as much but does shift position fairly often.

When I was alone, I would get in to bed, put on my CPAP mask laying on my back and essentially not move a muscle for 8+ hours. Even my arms which would be crossed on my chest wouldn't move. Probably creepy to see. But it used to take me 10 seconds to make the bed. It's a much more complex problem now - for lots of reasons some of which are very very positive wink .


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 6,826
Likes: 156
G
Member
Offline
Member
G
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 6,826
Likes: 156
Improving your health is always a good thing. If you were extremely changing your diet to high protein low carb, I would tell you to consult your doctor first.

But you are still pretty high carb, lol. You’ll get there. You seem to have good goals.

And it turns out flash frozen vegetables are just as nutritious as fresh. Fresh might just taste better.

Get healthy, absolutely’ but don’t go fitting into anyone else’s mold. You are Andrew, and not with the big gold chains. You are Andrew with the bow ties.

Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 4,227
Likes: 63
A
AndrewP Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
A
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 4,227
Likes: 63
A pretty good weekend. My gout has mellowed out and although I still have some inflammation it's not affecting me. The ibuprophen helped a fair amount to get me through the worst of it. If nothing else, this certainly helps inspire me to improve my diet.

A couple of interesting things happened I think. There was a much longer post that I've since attempted to trim back to the more relevant info. I've not been keeping too much of a diary outside here lately and much of what I wrote is just random stuff and recipes.

S24 and I did errands together Saturday morning and he got some driving practice. I was surprised to see in his glove-box that the car is actually in his mother's name and not his. Motivation for her to nudge him I hope.

B despite having to babysit GS3/4 did both our our laundry on Saturday which I appreciated. She also made us breakfast on Sunday and was rather proud of herself.

I did cause her a bit of an awkward moment because she was talking about a possible upcoming family event and how she wasn't sure if spouses would be invited or not. I joked that (STBX name) might find that uncomfortable which got me a stink eye while I laughed.

We were able to spend the day together on Sunday and I was surprised when leaving brunch she made some joking references to my performance as a husband. Later that night I mentioned to her that I was pleased at that reference as it reassured me that she was also treating this as something long-term. Which I was worried about. Was this prompted by my joke about her still having a spouse who isn't me? I don't know.

On Sunday evening, rather to my surprise, B and S24 hung out together in the living room talking and laughing about how I can be a bit of a challenge at times while I snuck out and made us Sunday supper. It's good that they are getting along so well. B, like I, worry that he spends far too much time alone in his room. S24 had just helped us bring in and set up a new rug and mattress and they were relaxing after a job well done.

B and I did chat a fair bit over the weekend. I got some more of her back-story how her STBX had ED which ended their sex life and was used against her as an excuse for him to cheat. She laughed saying that as far as she knew he still had those problems no matter who he was with. Having read about cheating spouses with ED here and elsewhere, it does make me wonder how common that may be. We also mused a bit on if our former partners feel rather stupid as neither of them have gotten the dreams that they were chasing after. I personally think that my own ex probably feels a bit hard done by. We also talked about future plans and shared our own visions of what that future might look like. The visions aren't the same but they are compatible.

Ah well - enough for now.


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 18,913
Likes: 316
K
kml Offline
Member
Offline
Member
K
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 18,913
Likes: 316
Quote
I was surprised to see in his glove-box that the car is actually in his mother's name and not his.


I cosigned a car lease for my son and they insisted on putting me on the registration as I'm the financially responsible party (he had no credit).

Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 4,227
Likes: 63
A
AndrewP Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
A
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 4,227
Likes: 63
The changes continue.

B was having a lot of back pain in our bed so we found out what the model of bed was that she had been sleeping on in her apartment and went out and got a similar one from the same manufacturer on Sunday. She's now sleeping a lot better and her humour which was good has improved. My own sleep hasn't been as good but I'll get used to this mattress. I had the old one for almost 10 years and not only was it time to get rid of it because of that, the whole "ex-wife cooties" thing, while it was never mentioned may well have been a thing. We got it from a factory outlet place and so the price was very decent. We also picked up a new rug for the living room for cheap that a carpet place happened to have that was almost exactly the right size and made out of a remnant of an install they had done of a high end carpet.

The old mattress was a pillow top and this one is quite firm and just a regular top. It's similar to mattresses I've had good sleeps on in hotels.

S38 drama continues. I stay out of it and provide an ear to listen and a shoulder to lean on. B has gone all "Italian Mom" on him a few times in recent days and it has hopefully stuck. Her strong opinions about how he should be living his life have certainly been spoken. I did laugh / correct B slightly when she was complaining about his on again / off again girlfriend and how she wasn't doing her proper duty and keeping the apartment clean for him. It's not "woman's work" - the conflicts are sorting out here and I'm letting go of some things but not the ones I enjoy.

The cottage that B loves and goes to all the time probably will be sold sometime in the next year or two. We talked while we were out on the weekend about perhaps getting a camper trailer of some sort and putting it on a lot. The other day though I saw one of those little tear-drop trailers which I've always thought was cute and passed it on to B with a ???. I think she's keen on that idea but probably prefers of a more permanent camp-site / cottage. We'll explore this. I'm historically not a camper while she is. But this is something that has been on my radar for decades but for whatever reason my ex and I never acted on it. The budget is also a thing that has to be taken into consideration.

-------------

We were sitting yesterday evening and I made a joke as I often have since my ex left on how I was "unsupervised". B immediately corrected me. I do think that she is growing in to this relationship as I hope that I am as well. When we were doing the dishes last night I joked that this must be very different for her which got me a "you have no idea" eye-roll. She's told me about her routine before and it was going and caring for everyone else from early morning to late at night with no rest.

The big news now. Da - da - da -da -daaaa!

I was cleaning out my email yesterday and stumbled across the fact that the multi-national that bought the industrial chemicals business is looking to hire for a role very like mine. I know from friends on "the inside" that two of their senior people are retiring in the next short while.

I asked those friends for opinions and then talked to B and S24 about it last night. B was "of course I'll do whatever it takes to support you".

It would mean more traveling going back more or less to where I was about a year or so ago so nothing that I'm not used to. It would also mean adding on some new skills which even at my age is a good thing. I do know from my friends that the place is rather messed up and a lot of people are under a lot of pressure and are upset. Oddly, that is a positive for me as I hate being bored. The negative is that as a much larger organization I'll be more constrained on what I can do. Or so I believe.

The money may well be better. I got my annual raise a couple of days ago and again it's just a bit below the cost of living. The benefits are decent.

After sleeping on it, I applied via LinkedIn which sent my profile over to the relevant robots. I also let my friends know that I've applied, one of whom I used to refer to as my "work daughter" who I mentored for some time. She's done very well there and has a very good profile and asked if she could take my resume directly to the director of the division involved. Someone she knows well, who knows me from the integration project and who I have had a good relationship with.

We'll see where it goes. On the surface this should be a slam-dunk. Finding someone with my experience in our industry is fairly rare. On the other hand there are many a slip betwixt the lip and cup. They might have specific technical requirements that I don't have on paper. I don't think they would worry too much about poaching someone from us as there has been movement in the other direction already.

Anyhoo - it's a glorious sunny day here. I pulled some pork chops out for dinner. I'm going to do my ironing today switching my schedule around to make more weekend time.

A couple of more weeks and it will be exactly 3 years since my ex-wife walked out the door taking much of the furniture. There's been a lot of healing and growing since then. As one of my dear friends has told me many times - God has been very kind to me.


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 18,913
Likes: 316
K
kml Offline
Member
Offline
Member
K
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 18,913
Likes: 316
If you're not sleeping as well on the firm matters consider trying a memory foam topper for just your half?

As for B's traditional values - just bear in mind, often what comes with that are very traditional ideas that a man will "rescue" you and an expectation of being taken care of financially by a man. So it may require some patience when trying to get her to sort her finances and become fiscally responsible. It's a weird phenomenon but I know many women who never really got their act together financially because in the back of their mind, they were expecting/waiting for "daddy" to take care of things. (I never felt this way and in fact always managed the finances in my marriage.)

Page 7 of 11 1 2 5 6 7 8 9 10 11

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard