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Yeah, that attitude over money probably won't stop when she see's new things. If she wants to re calc the CS, I'd just say "let me know" and let her initiate it. It can only be done every two years anyways and if it comes out to the same or less, good for you. Then if its a big deal you can always choose to give more.


M: 43 W: 43
Married 6 yrs.
T: 7 yrs.
Son 20, 18, 17, 15 yrs. (w/ Autism), 12, 10

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Thanks guys, I know she's just spewing. As far as the sworn financial statements. Do I have to fill it out or should I just give her the info? I'm not trying to be a jerk but I also don't want to help the D along.


Me 40
WW 41
D 4
S 12
S 14
BD 6.16.2015
W stopped wearing ring 9.4.15
W Filed Divorce 9.14.15
My ring off 11.15.15
D finalized 12.18.15
WXW (wayward X wife) moved out 1.28.16 got her own place

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I would fill it out and return it to the L myself. Otherwise you create opportunities to argue over what is what. Yeah, you don't want to help the process along but you can't impede it either. That doesn't help anything. I know it feels right to be generous with the money, but its not a good idea to start. It seems like a great act of kindness, but it won't get recognized with any value at first.


M: 43 W: 43
Married 6 yrs.
T: 7 yrs.
Son 20, 18, 17, 15 yrs. (w/ Autism), 12, 10

Joined: Sep 2015
Posts: 569
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Quote:
When the reality of what D really will look like sets in they spew, mine certainly did.
It's starting to set in for her. She's been looking at buying townhomes and she doesn't realize just how much the costs in our town have gone up since we were married. We sold her townhome for 185k and the very same townhome sells for 250k+ now. She could barely afford it before we were married. Several months ago she asked me to budget her part of bills and how much she makes. When I did the math for her she was surprised to see she spends more than she makes. Rude awakening for sure.
Quote:
Seems your W is really hung up on you and the 20 something's
This is not a new issue for her. The difference is now I'm not reassuring her. I just let her sit and stew on it. It's actually flattering to know she thinks women 20 years younger than me would be chasing me. The sad thing is she is a 10, drop dead gorgeous but the abuse in her childhood has really crushed her self esteem. At this point though it's her circus and her monkey's ( love this quote)


Me 40
WW 41
D 4
S 12
S 14
BD 6.16.2015
W stopped wearing ring 9.4.15
W Filed Divorce 9.14.15
My ring off 11.15.15
D finalized 12.18.15
WXW (wayward X wife) moved out 1.28.16 got her own place

Joined: Sep 2015
Posts: 569
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Quote:
I would fill it out and return it to the L myself
we aren't using L's. At first she wasn't asking for anything. We met with a family court facilitator and she said she didn't want any spousal support or child support. Then when the calculations were done she asked if I would pick up all of our D4 health insurance. I agreed. Then last week she asked for another $75 per month. I said "no problem". Now I think she is going to ask for more. If she pushes the issue I'm pretty confident she would actually be entitled to less.

Quote:
I know it feels right to be generous with the money, but its not a good idea to start. It seems like a great act of kindness, but it won't get recognized with any value at first
I do not have any intention of being generous. She's choosing to leave so she can do her best on her own. Not to punish her but I won't let her bully me anymore. She's firing me so she loses my support too. And like Cali said the more I give her the less I have to spend on D4


Me 40
WW 41
D 4
S 12
S 14
BD 6.16.2015
W stopped wearing ring 9.4.15
W Filed Divorce 9.14.15
My ring off 11.15.15
D finalized 12.18.15
WXW (wayward X wife) moved out 1.28.16 got her own place

Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 366
Likes: 3
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I definitely don't know the specifics but wouldn't bet too much on her getting less if she pushed it. I was lucky enough in my D to get S7 and XW has to send us CS. I make twice her income and she still somehow has to use a third of her income for CS. Pretty steep...


M: 43 W: 43
Married 6 yrs.
T: 7 yrs.
Son 20, 18, 17, 15 yrs. (w/ Autism), 12, 10

Joined: Sep 2015
Posts: 569
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It may be different state to state. Here they use a calculation to figure it out. I make about 25k more than she does and the calc said I should pay her around $175 per month. We have 50/50 custody. But we went into the facilitator with WW asking for $0 in CS.
I don't know. I'm not going to worry about it. I've already spent too much energy thinking about it. I just know I will not let her manipulate or bully me.


Me 40
WW 41
D 4
S 12
S 14
BD 6.16.2015
W stopped wearing ring 9.4.15
W Filed Divorce 9.14.15
My ring off 11.15.15
D finalized 12.18.15
WXW (wayward X wife) moved out 1.28.16 got her own place

Joined: Sep 2015
Posts: 569
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Well, WW has settled down a little bit about CS. This morning she sent a txt that said "Do we need to modify the CS paper work for the $XX you agreed to or can we just agree you'll pay it?"

I txted " I agree to it but if you would like it documented that is fine too"

She txted " No, I trust you"

- seems like a step in the right direction. I can't remember the last time she said she trusted me. Still nothing to hang my hat on.


Me 40
WW 41
D 4
S 12
S 14
BD 6.16.2015
W stopped wearing ring 9.4.15
W Filed Divorce 9.14.15
My ring off 11.15.15
D finalized 12.18.15
WXW (wayward X wife) moved out 1.28.16 got her own place

Joined: Jul 2015
Posts: 986
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man, the support numbers are such a game. I wont tell how much i am paying in spousal support, but it makes me sick thinking i have to do this as it was her choice to leave. the child support is no problem with me and i am willing to give more thani have to for that.

If you are comfortable with what you are giving then i suggest getting something drafted and signed. she could change her mind and then you will be at the mercy of the courts.


M 37
W 34

T 12
M 8
D 7
S 4

Need break 4/12/15
W no ring 7/7/15

Separate room 4/12/15
Separate living suggested 8/15
W moved out 11/1/15
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I agree. What we already have drafted has me only paying health insurance. It will submitted to the courts.

Of course, I'm hopeful. I'm hoping my D won't be completed and her telling me she trusts me is a step in the right direction.


Me 40
WW 41
D 4
S 12
S 14
BD 6.16.2015
W stopped wearing ring 9.4.15
W Filed Divorce 9.14.15
My ring off 11.15.15
D finalized 12.18.15
WXW (wayward X wife) moved out 1.28.16 got her own place

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