Glad to see things moving your way and that you have moved over to this forum. Please don't forget us poor saps back in the newcomers. Thanks for all of your input on my sitch. You've been a great help and I will miss your visits. Best of luck.
bb, I also want you to know how much I appreciate your posts in my Newcomers thread. Your words to me, as well as your words to others, are part of the reason I've made it this far. blebop will NEVER be forgotten by sparkie, and I'll continue to monitor your progress and offer what ever I can from my experience.
I still can't believe how fast my W turned around. Maybe my experience from our previous two separations has helped me get here sooner than I expected. Now I will do everything within my power to make this "third time a charm".
- Mark
What goes around, comes around.
My sitch: "Third time's a charm?"
My W and I had our talk on Thursday as planned and here's what we came up with.
1. Proceed slowly and with caution. 2. Be 100% open and honest with each other and ourselves. 3. Define ourselves and each other(how I see myself as a person...how I see my W as person and vice-versa) 4. Define who we want to become and what changes we want to make in ourselves. 5. Read "The Five Love Languages" and learn to love each other as BF/GF. 6. Read "Getting Back Together" and follow the course of actions, step by step. 7. Continue to work on ourselves and deal with our personal issues in life. 8. Welcome any "bumps in the road" as a way of learning and growing. 9. Continue to live apart until we both feel the time is right for living as H & W again.
At this point, I feel 99.9% confident that my W and I will be reunited and living togerther again by the end of the year. Neither of us are in a hurry to end our separation as we are both comforatble and secure in our current sitch. We both are enjoying some of this alone time and we'll find a way to carry this over into our M.
We are once again talking about a new future together. The goals and dreams haven't changed much, but my W and I will become two new individuals who can unite into a M where those dreams can become a reality.
Later tonight I'll post details about our weekend together. For now I'll just say that my love tank is overflowing and I'm falling in love with a new woman.
- Mark
What goes around, comes around.
My sitch: "Third time's a charm?"
Thank you for stopping by with your words of encouragement Sage.
In our previous two separations, my W and I just sat back and expected everything to work itself out with little or no effort on our part. This time, my W and I are determined more than ever to make our M work, and we are both willing and able to do whatever it takes to make that happen.
This weekend was one of the most love filled weekends I've spent with my W in the last 14 years. She's been reading "The Five Love Languages" and she's been filling my "love tank" every day. As soon as she figures out her LL's, I'll be able to do the same for her. Until then, I've been doing my best to cover all 5 LL's.
Saturday was the 50th wedding anniversary for my W's parents. I had asked my W on Thursday what we would say to friends and family if they asked about our sitch. I didn't want to put anything out there that would put any pressure on my W. We agreed to just say that we were talking and working on getting back together. I doubt very much that my W would have agreed to this unless she truly felt that we would be living as H & W again in the near future.
We had a GREAT day on Saturday with her family. I felt as though my W and I presented ourselves as newlyweds with all of our hugging, kissing, and holding hands. My W's family all came up to me and expressed their happiness for my W and I. They never took sides in our sitch and each and every one of them offered their support to both of us.
Sunday was a day of relaxation as my W and I went down to the beach and had a little picnic followed by some cuddle time in the sun. We are both excited about having a future together as H & W, and we know what we must do to make that happen.
- Mark
What goes around, comes around.
My sitch: "Third time's a charm?"
(Had me going there as a local pal of mine named Mark goes by that nickname too, only I'm in Canada).
I LOVE the idea of going slow and rebuilding your R from the ground up. So romantic! It's wonderful that you are planning this out together, I just sense success down the road (there will be bumps of course, but you seem equipped to handle them).
sparkie is a nickname used by my Vegas buddies. My W's favorite nickname for me is "puddin head" (like Moe used to call Curly...for you girls out there, that's from the Three Stooges).
After reading a few other sitches here in piecing, I can see that I am very fortunate to have a W that is willing and able to work togehter with me at the same pace. The biggest problem for me right now is to overcome the fear that resides in the back of my head that my W will leave me yet again. The only foundation for my fear is my memories of the past. I will slowly let those memories go as I see the changes in myself and my W.
For the first time in 14 years, my W has started to share her feelings with me. She was raised with a very strict father who didn't tolerate weakness(cying). My W said she and her 11 siblings were taught to be strong and to just get over it. This helps explain her stuffing and hiding her feelings and her "get over yourself" attitude that I've talked about over in my thread in Newcomers.
My W is now ready to deal with her feelings and discover ways to express them. I told her to take them(feelings) one at a time and I let her know that there is nothing she can't share with me. My W is afraid to hurt me and she may have feelings towards me that will cause me pain. I told her it's healthier to let those feelings out rather than stuffing them and allowing the resentment to build inside of her.
I too am starting to feel comfortable sharing my feelings again with my W. In the past when I shared feelings with my W, she seemed defensive and uncaring at times. As time went on, I started stuffing my feelings as well. Open and honest communication between us is the key. We are starting to trust each other with the understanding that our love can endure and even grow by our expressing our true selves.
I told my W that I want us back togehter, but only when her love for me is as solid and strong as my love is for her. When she's ready to dedicate and commit herself to this M 100%, she will let me know by placing my wedding ring back on my finger. (I gave her my ring with along with a letter when she dropped the bomb on me in Jan.).
Looking back, I see that many of my thoughts as to why my W left me are true. My W is tryng to recapture her lost teenage years and she's not ready to commit herself to being a W just yet. She said at her age(42), she's having a hard time keeping up with the "kids". I told her to take her time and to make sure she finds and experiences everything she feels missing from her life. My W thanked me for my patience and understanding and ensured me that my giving her space has helped take a lot of the pressure off of her.
Although being separated and living apart from my W is still difficult, I know it's necessary. Letting go and detaching from my W was the hardest thing I've ever had to do, but the rewards(a new me ... a new W ... a new M) will make the effort well worth it. Absence does make the heart grow fonder, and I feel that our separation is the key to bringing us back together again.
- Mark
What goes around, comes around.
My sitch: "Third time's a charm?"
Never, in our 14 years together have, I felt so loved by my W. My W has thanked me time and time again for sharing my copy of "The Five Love Languages" with her. Even though we are still living apart, we are able to fill each others "love tank" daily. We decided it was best not to move in together until we are both 100% committed to an everlasting M. I have always been 100% committed to our M, and I will know when the time has come for my W when she places my wedding ring back on my finger. My W still doesn't wear her ring, and that's fine with me. This shows me that she is still focusing more on herself rather than us.
I want and need my W to explore every avenue of her life before returning to our M. Part of the reason she left our M was due to the fact that she was unhappy and she felt incomplete as a person. I understand now that it wasn't so much me that was blocking her path to happiness and finding herself, but rather our M and the responsilities that go along with being a W. My W doesn't like to do things half-assed, so I feel as though she decided we'd both be better off as being best friends rather than H and W. My W has said in the past that I deserve someone better than her, and she was right. Us being friends has allowed that "someone better" to enter into my life.
Right now we are each working on our own personal issues as well as some of our R issues. Once we have our personal issues taken care of, we will than be able to focus more on our M. This was our plan right from the start. "Fix" ourselves first then see if if we could "fix" our M.
We are communicating like never before with open an honest feelings. We are re-discovering ourselves and each other, with little or no fear of what we find. No more mind reading and false perceptions of each other. We both are beginning to feel safe in voicing our opinions and expectations as well as asking each other questions without fear of hurt or anger. We are learning to trust each others love.
My W has been spending a lot of time with me at my apartment and stays the night 2 or 3 times a week. I don't get much free time to post to other threads, but I am keeping my eye on most of you.
- Mark
What goes around, comes around.
My sitch: "Third time's a charm?"
