Sorry to hear about how the situation went and its fustrating, however, seems your in control of your feeling a little better. I saw your building a logical step on legal and I would recommend taking steps for your children just so you can rest emotionally that nobody will stop you seeing your children and start supporting your children financially by going through the Children Maintanance service, as they keep record of all payments given to your children. I again feel your a good father, but I too need to tell you, your wife is also a good person and she is going through a hard time because of the circuntances with also parents or friends involvement. However, as everybody told you, keep distance, switch off from wife, focus on your children (main priority) and learn to forgive and who knows, maybe you may be back together.
Alpha, I understood as well as everybody here in the forum, your a responsible person and did so much for her and your children, but are you expecting results back from her? There's a saying from Anthony Robbins (Give more than you shall receive), hope that makes some sense. It's difficult I know, but deal with the legal stuff first, children main course, and then sides second, and continue working on you.
I believe your doing great, and believe me you will feel better.
Nothing much to report, just thought I'd drop by. Contact with W varying between cordial and her whinging about money (life is hard supporting yourself apparently - who knew?), with it mainly being the latter.
Had MIL threaten me a few days ago. Apparently she has 'lots of money' and is going to 'sort things out'. It makes me laugh. I've moved emotionally to a much healthier place but unfortunately have to deal with sad, bitter people who are just craving a fight. They won't get one from me. They can all goto hell.
Had another date last week. Different girl. Nothing came of it but I'm enjoying the experience. Social life has gone crazy. I've made lots of new friends and have been busier than ever socially. This is the main difference for me recently. Children are fine, and I put them before everything.
Hope you're all well. I'll be back soon!
BD - 30TH JAN 2015 S - 30TH JAN 2015 PA CONFIRMED - 16TH FEB 2015 (SINCE AT LEAST OCT 2014) CONTINUAL TALK OF D ME: 31 W: 28 T: 10yrs M: 4.5yrs D:5, S:6
Nothing much to report, just thought I'd drop by. Contact with W varying between cordial and her whinging about money (life is hard supporting yourself apparently - who knew?), with it mainly being the latter.
Had MIL threaten me a few days ago. Apparently she has 'lots of money' and is going to 'sort things out'. It makes me laugh. I've moved emotionally to a much healthier place but unfortunately have to deal with sad, bitter people who are just craving a fight. They won't get one from me. They can all goto hell.
Had another date last week. Different girl. Nothing came of it but I'm enjoying the experience. Social life has gone crazy. I've made lots of new friends and have been busier than ever socially. This is the main difference for me recently. Children are fine, and I put them before everything.
Hope you're all well. I'll be back soon!
How is your Alpha level? I found a lot of myself realizing that I am the prize. Also I was unconsciously attempting to gain validation by "dbing", now I don't care about that.
It has made a huge difference in attraction and my confidence is starting to soar again.
It's amazing how long a bad situation can keep you down, in my case it was years... And I kept thinking I was at an emotional high...
Are you having quality dates for women? Are you finding dates who will spend their money, their time on you and are good people to deal with?
Hi Alpha - good to hear from you & pleased to hear about your great social life - good for you! In terms of your W & MIL, I think it's best to keep the positive links as much as you are able. I know it isn't easy, but given the kids, you're always going to have contact.
Are you pressing ahead with the house sale now??
((((Alpha))))
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
I realise it's been a while since I last posted so I thought I'd stop by and give an update.
At the moment life is going about as well as it could be! On the whole things seem to have settled down sitch wise. There is no positive change, nor do I think there will ever be, in terms of us getting back together - in fact I'm 99.9% sure that that's not what I want. I think only nostalgia and thoughts of the children and their upbringing would bring to mind any such idea. When the children are with me it is like nothing has changed - they are fantastic children and I make sure I put a huge effort in to do nice things with them and spend quality time with them.
When I think of myself and my sitch, I don't miss W at all. I'm not sat around waiting thinking of her or waiting for a call or text. In fact, when I see her it feels more like a burden having to put up with her to be honest. I think she is living the kind of life she wants to live these days, not compatible with mine it would seem. I have a feeling she is struggling to deal with her new found financial responsibilities. Anyway, having said all that when I do have to speak to her regarding the children etc we have been getting along largely OK. No arguments, fighting, or threats from her in a little while.
GAL activities have gone into overdrive. A few months back I was only going out once a month. Now, I am out up to 5 times a week doing various general social activities. I have made new friends and feel that socially I am in the best place I have ever been in.
I have been dating. In the last 6 weeks or so I've had a few dates with a few different women. I am always upfront about my sitch, having children, and everything else. The last few dates have gone well and may go somewhere. I don't feel bad or guilty as I thought I may before any of this started. It's not a case of reframing things to justify them, it's just that I think I was holding out some small hope that things might work out well sitch wise. They are clearly not going to. We'll see what happens on the dating score anyway.
Work is going better than it ever has. I am able to save a little money now and do more things now that I'm working properly once more.
BD - 30TH JAN 2015 S - 30TH JAN 2015 PA CONFIRMED - 16TH FEB 2015 (SINCE AT LEAST OCT 2014) CONTINUAL TALK OF D ME: 31 W: 28 T: 10yrs M: 4.5yrs D:5, S:6
In my last post I said I was 99.9% convinced I wouldn't want to R with W. Well, that has changed to 100%. I'm not writing this full of emotion etc but I have just come back from a straining encounter with W. The gist being she has said for weeks she will pay some money towards our household bills. Neither of us are living there now but I'm paying everything. Unfortunately she is quite the liar these days and her promises to do things fall through. I dropped the kids off today and mentioned getting some of my stuff that had been taken to MIL's by mistake. This caused W to erupt, had to deal with a load of spew. She was gloating over her A. She looks like hell, has put on quite a bit of weight, and clearly is struggling financially as she is not going to pay her share of the bills.
She swore repeatedly in front of our D and said she would like to never have to see me again! A while ago I learnt not to take these things to heart so they don't really bother me anymore. I do not like arguing with anyone so that aspect still grates but I am happy in the knowledge that life will go on, despite W's behaviour our children will see a father they can be proud of, and I do actually feel in general far happier than I have in years.
We have plans in place regarding the sale of the house. A few days ago W called me about the house and we had what was a civil conversation in which she amazingly feels she can't trust me (ironic eh?). I said how I'd been straight and honest through everything and just wanted things sorted quickly and fairly. She agreed. Her actions speak differently though.
What I do want now is for the house to be sold asap and to divorce quickly afterwards. The woman I met and married has long since left the building, a carbon copy of MIL has taken over and it's like something out of a horror film.
BD - 30TH JAN 2015 S - 30TH JAN 2015 PA CONFIRMED - 16TH FEB 2015 (SINCE AT LEAST OCT 2014) CONTINUAL TALK OF D ME: 31 W: 28 T: 10yrs M: 4.5yrs D:5, S:6
In my last post I said I was 99.9% convinced I wouldn't want to R with W. Well, that has changed to 100%. I'm not writing this full of emotion etc but I have just come back from a straining encounter with W. The gist being she has said for weeks she will pay some money towards our household bills. Neither of us are living there now but I'm paying everything. Unfortunately she is quite the liar these days and her promises to do things fall through. I dropped the kids off today and mentioned getting some of my stuff that had been taken to MIL's by mistake. This caused W to erupt, had to deal with a load of spew. She was gloating over her A. She looks like hell, has put on quite a bit of weight, and clearly is struggling financially as she is not going to pay her share of the bills.
She swore repeatedly in front of our D and said she would like to never have to see me again! A while ago I learnt not to take these things to heart so they don't really bother me anymore. I do not like arguing with anyone so that aspect still grates but I am happy in the knowledge that life will go on, despite W's behaviour our children will see a father they can be proud of, and I do actually feel in general far happier than I have in years.
We have plans in place regarding the sale of the house. A few days ago W called me about the house and we had what was a civil conversation in which she amazingly feels she can't trust me (ironic eh?). I said how I'd been straight and honest through everything and just wanted things sorted quickly and fairly. She agreed. Her actions speak differently though.
What I do want now is for the house to be sold asap and to divorce quickly afterwards. The woman I met and married has long since left the building, a carbon copy of MIL has taken over and it's like something out of a horror film.
I believe you. When they become a non-repentant cheater and will take the lies with them "to the grave", it's like a greased piece of crap. If they had any integrity before, it's long gone. You are interacting with an entirely different person.
This person will screw you over in a heartbeat, all your work and support will be taken for granted, and you will not be respected.
I'm glad you are solid within your own frame. The woman former wife is today is not worthy of you.
Hi Alpha. Haven't checked in in a while. Sounds like you proceeded in a similar and positive way like I did. Glad that you seem to fully have your life under control. Are you actually still bitter about everything or do you think that you will be in the future, looking back? I'm wondering how you deal with those negative thoughts, because I still have them. I accept them and can deal with it but it's something that you cannot forget and if you want to or not you'll drag those around for a long time. Glad to hear your children are still top priority too! Have a nice weekend
Me 32 (German) Wife 28 T 3yrs M 2yrs Moved to US for W No kids BD 6/2014 In house separation Confirmed EA 1/2015 (ongoing since BD) OM not ready Real D talk started 1/27/15
