So I arranged the sitter for tomorrow. I see my H so little and have really not been at all communicative, so I felt like it would be more respectful and validating, and set a better tone for the next stage of our relationship, if I met in person to listen to hear what he has to say. However, if he starts going on again about how I don't light his fire, I'm going to stop him, say he's already made that clear, and ask him to move on. If he tells any known lies, I will stop him and ask him not to insult me that way.
Strong, brave women don't hide from the hard stuff.
The next few months are going to be really demanding. It'll be one more big growth spurt and then maybe I can just mature for a while. Like a complex and highly expensive wine after the grapes have been crushed.
Last edited by Maybell; 01/09/1512:07 AM.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
I want to be a strong, brave woman, too. But I feel like I have slipped into pitifulness lately. Even if I think I am faking it on the outside, the inside tells a very different story.
You are doing fantastic!
Last edited by mustardseed; 01/09/1501:03 AM.
40s 2teens M14Y BD-10/12/13 rec-1/14 BD2-5/14 rec2-9/14 EA disc-10/14 4/15-BD 3 and triangulation ensues Served with D6/15 MS forced to leave7/15 D agreement signed 8/16 final 5/17
Well, we're set for 5ish tomorrow. I can't say I'm looking forward to getting thumped by the other shoe, but once it's done (and I've had a stiff drink) I know I'll be ok. Thank God I've got a lot of friend activities planned for this weekend. And my kids are well. I think getting past this meeting will be like navigating past another lighthouse.
Sometimes I read the super outraged, angry, self-righteous newbies who show up here and cringe, knowing that I sounded like that for a long time. Sometimes even now, when I'm complaining about my H, I pause and wonder... Is that reasonable? Fair? Could I be wrong? It makes me nervous to be making a mistake.
I think, though... It is true, he hasn't made the sort of priority of me and the kids that I would hope for in my version of a happy family. There is a model for that family in his sister and brother-in-law, so I don't think I'm dreaming of fairy tales. It is also true that for a lot of years I have felt constrained from being really open with him and that isn't reasonable either.
If I had a do-over, there are a LOT of things I'd do differently. A LOT. That doesn't mean my outcome would have been different; maybe I'd have left him, and sooner. But I regret a lot. I'm glad I have better tools now.
We will know one another for forever. If there is a path back for us, then there is room for that to happen. But I think for now, the right thing is to let him go, wish him well, and go live the fabulous life I have envisioned for myself.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
However, if he starts going on again about how I don't light his fire, I'm going to stop him, say he's already made that clear, and ask him to move on. If he tells any known lies, I will stop him and ask him not to insult me that way.
Strong, brave women don't hide from the hard stuff.
The next few months are going to be really demanding. It'll be one more big growth spurt and then maybe I can just mature for a while. Like a complex and highly expensive wine after the grapes have been crushed.
I like this.
Strong, brave women don't hide from the hard stuff. They don't put up with unnecessary bullsh!t, either.
Roar, darlin'.
I'll be thinking of you.
M: 40 H: 44 Married 14 years S11 & D6; D20 & D19 from previous M 2BDs/PAs, 8 years apart Piecing: April 2014
me: 47, W:49 M 16.5 years T 17 years Three kids - D17,D14, S13 Heart 2 heart about M 11/8/13 Bomb drop 11/29/13 W moved out 12/5/13 I Retained L 2/20/14 D filed 3/17/14
Wow, maybell. I look forward to developing your strength and self-knowledge someday. Meanwhile, be the you that you have gotten to know through all this. Unwaveringly.
