Changing Times

[MamaB]

Thank you for the hugs Maybell! I do agree that I need some time with all of this. I need patience to find my way.

So good to hear from you Betsy! My shelves turned out great! The chalk paint was so easy to use. I picked a ladder type shelf that leans against the wall with graduated shelves. We have had it forever and it was showing it's age but I love the shape. I used Annie Sloan chalk paint in the color Provence which is close to an egg shell blue. The paint is great because you can use it on anything and without any primer, you can mix with water to make a wash, mix with white or black paint to vary the colors. It dried very quickly and did not have heavy paint smell. I want to buy more colors and paint everything. You and your daughter will love the class, please let me know how it goes!

To answer your first question, I do feel like he is being sincere and I do not believe there has been any other OW in his life before this one. What goes through my mind though is that he lied to me for over a year about this OW so is he lying now? He was pretty convincing with his words, however his behavior towards me during the time of the A was very withdrawn and dismissive and now he is more interactive and engaged with me.

I do struggle with what my family thinks and feels. I feel as if I will be letting them down. They are pretty disappointed and mad at him. My parents were here on a visit the day after H called to tell about D and when I was served papers at the door. They left and when they came back to visit is when we found the evidence of affair, unfortunately they have had a front row seat to all the emotion. I do realize that this is my choice and I just hope that they will support and except whatever happens. My D17 is exactly collateral damage and he is feeling it right now (I really hate this part.)

Your suggestion of dropping the rope is exactly what I want to do. I want H to make the choices and take the actions to try to work things through or not. I want to know that he really wants to work at this because I realize how much work it will take. He knows I have been seeing an IC and that I have been trying to work on what I contributed to the failure of our M. He says he wants to see his own IC to work on his end, but he has not yet. He wants to see MC but that will take me to organize, which is fine really, but I want him to take some action that this is really what he wants.

So, do I just drop the rope and see what action he takes, or do I try to communicate what I need to keep going (although I'm not even sure what that is at this point.)?

Thank you for the story of your friend, those success stories help to know others have gotten through it and are happy.

I have just started to read "After the Affair", so far I can completely relate to the hurt partner, especially the part about feeling that you are disposable.

I will drop the rope.

Thank you Betsey.