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Originally Posted By: Brian in Hville
I agree it's needs to be intentional, not reactionary. But finding out about OW #2(3...4...) isn't reactionary, it eye opening to the actual problem. He is a serial cheater and has no desire to change. Also, every decision you make ultimately effects the kids. They will go through everything you go through. They are seeing the mamma's emotions and feeling them. Thankfully, they are young enough so they aren't learning that daddy's behavior is normal.

Don't be afraid to say "you're done" out loud. Only you know if you are. If you are ok with who he is, then keep at it. If not, and you don't either see him wanting to change or don't want to wait the time it will take for him to change (and who knows how long that would be), then why not announce your intentions. Announce it, then move forward. One problem I battle constently is that I don't always stick with the decisions I make (though I know whole heartedly that I NEED to keep them). In the end, I end up getting hurt or walked on.

Brian


Well, see and then you say what is in my head. I am done. There is no way I will allow myself to continue in a marriage with someone who is doing this. I know I will back that up.

In our conversation today, he was going on and on about how hurtful it was for me to think that he is running around with all these woman. And he can't just accept his responcibiliy, has to throw out that he may never be able to trust me since I looked through his stuff. Ok. Yeah. I wouldn't give a crap if he looked through my stuff, especially if I GAVE him a reason to look. Ok...here I go again. Trying to get crazy to see rational thought. And, even if he was willing to change, I know I will never trust him. That's not fair to either of us. But, he isn't willing, so here we are.

I will discuss this with my IC. Maybe just saying I'm done, but we can talk later about D. Get finances in order now. See how we feel after the baby gets here to really D or just legally separate.

I just feel like it's lying to not state that I won't be staying married to him. Especially since he outright asked.

I titled my thread exactly to make me smile. Muppets, they just make you laugh. And I have to keep laughing and smiling. I won't let this dim my light!!


M: 9 yrs
T: 13 yrs
H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months
Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs
Dbing 12/12
S 1/13
7/13 H moved back in basement.
8/13 #3 born
10/13 still cheating
10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
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I love the muppets, too. Never grew up, I guess. Not the same since Jim Henson died.

With regard to H trying to turn it around on you...I can maybe give you some perspective on that. He feels guilty, unfounded, without a leg to stand on...in short (I think), he feels like he is in a position in which he is morally inferior to you. He feels morally threatened and ashamed, and wants reason to feel like he is not complete trash. So, he tries to find something to blame you for, so that you will be on equal footing.

I regret to say that I know this tactic firsthand. I have f***ed up a lot in my M, and during fights I have used this weak and pathetic device. I wish I could say that it has been a long time since I did. Sometimes it seems to come out automatically. I am working on changing my reactions.

There is no excuse for what he did to you (I could say the same thing of myself). I thought it might make his answers easier to tolerate if you understood what was going on behind his face.


Think about it...if you met a potential mate who was nothing but a bundle of needs, would YOU be attracted to them?
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Check on your state laws...I know in Alabama, you can't get divorced if you are preggo...So that choice may be made for you.

Still praying for you girl. I know you have the strength and determination to to make it through this. You are such a strong and wonderful person.


Me: 39
W: 44
SS 24
SD: 20
M: 13
T: 15
Bomb: 2/16/11
EA: 2/14/11
Papers Signed 4/13/11
Divorced 5/13/11
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THinking of you, T! (((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))

-turtle/GTO


M- 18 T-21
S-14,11 & 10
BD 6-18-2012 (OW-EA)
H moved out 11-3-2012
10-5-13 Me- I want a divorce. I want to move on w my life.
11-25-13 Jointly filed.
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Hey T, just thinking of you. smile

You do what feels right. Whatever the decision, it always comes attached with mixed emotion, but that is to be expected. These people were in our lives for long periods of time and no matter if we are done or not, it still is emotional.

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GTO, First I want to say I do admire you and think you are an amazingly strong person. My heart goes out to you.
I have a question and that is all it is, nothing more. You have said that a PA crosses your line and since you have stuck this out with EA, I assume EA does not cross your line. I am not saying either are ok, as they are so wrong in my book. My question is why does a PA cross and EA not for you?
For me my W had or is still having an EA and for me that burns much deeper than a PA would. PA and EA together I guess is the worst possible, but for me an EA is so much more meaningful and hurtful, for me.


M46,W41
D16,D18
M22,T25
BD 11/12
W moved out 01/13
Piecing 10/13
Divorced 01/15
"Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can."
UrWorthy
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Sh!t Sorry Tallula thought I was on GTO's thread!!!


M46,W41
D16,D18
M22,T25
BD 11/12
W moved out 01/13
Piecing 10/13
Divorced 01/15
"Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can."
UrWorthy
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,561
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Hi Talulla... in my small town today, saw a cute litte red car with the licence plate Talula!.... was that you?...LOL

Hope you are having a good day today!


M:46 H:49 T:20yrs
myD:22
H distant summer/12
H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12
BD: Dec 2/12
asked me begin to move end of Jan/13
moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff)
"agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 733
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Tallula Offline OP
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Nope! Ha, no cute little red car for me.

JP- hilarious!

So in my state we can't D until after the baby is born. I got a call a text from H this morning to call him ASAP. Well, he had to tell me that he got into a verbal altercation with a guy in our AA home group. Bthen H slapped him in the face. Ya. It happens to be the next door neighbor of his OW...who is married to my best friends cousin. You can't make this up. He has been very vocal about how messed up & angry he is at H for what he is doing.

I didn't respond at first. H asked if I hate him more. I said no. I don't. I just don't care anymore. His choices are catching up to him & he is lucky that they guy didn't press charges. He got all "I'll just leave everyone alone since I keep letting everyone down". I got off the phone. I didn't RSVP to the pity party.

Spirally down. He is cracking, that's for sure. I just have to ket go of him acting crazy around the kids. Deep breath


M: 9 yrs
T: 13 yrs
H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months
Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs
Dbing 12/12
S 1/13
7/13 H moved back in basement.
8/13 #3 born
10/13 still cheating
10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,561
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Good for you Tallula... I like the way you handled THAT! It amazes me how you disengage from his 'tude. Is it because you are detached or are you truly not caring anymore. (there is a diff)


M:46 H:49 T:20yrs
myD:22
H distant summer/12
H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12
BD: Dec 2/12
asked me begin to move end of Jan/13
moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff)
"agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
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