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Sure if you spend too much time wondering about what the driver behind you is going to do you could end up wrecked. However, if you ignore what the driver behind you is doing you could end up wrecked too, or even worse miss a helping hand to the front and the win.


M 39, W 34
M 15
S 14, S 12, S 9, D 7, D 6
Separated: 7/2/2012
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Divorced 11/5/2012
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Obviously you know much more about racing than I do :-) All the best for your course.

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Well consider it an analogy instead of just racing jargon. Of course not everything is going to transfer well; for example when going through a divorce you don't have a crew chief or a spotter to help you out. If you are lucky you find a group like this one where you can talk and share ideas with other people who are or have been through what you are going through. However they don't have intimate knowledge of your entire circumstance so it is kind of like trying to give advice to a driver when all you have is what he tells you through the radio.

So how does a knowledge of racing help? Let's put it like this. I have my own things going on with school and work and everything. I have my own strategy that I am going to stick to, but based on what other people on the track are doing I may have to modify what my plan is. That doesn't mean that I let their pit strategy or their setup dictate the way I run my race but it does mean that I do pay attention to what the other drivers are doing.


M 39, W 34
M 15
S 14, S 12, S 9, D 7, D 6
Separated: 7/2/2012
Served: 7/10/2012
Divorced 11/5/2012
Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 238
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So this is a question that I have been giving a lot of thought to for the past couple of days. How do you regain someone's trust if you aren't sure you ever had it to begin with?


M 39, W 34
M 15
S 14, S 12, S 9, D 7, D 6
Separated: 7/2/2012
Served: 7/10/2012
Divorced 11/5/2012
Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 2,757
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Consistent actions repeated over time so they become part of your core.

Not saying.

Look at me... I have changed.... Look at me....


Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul.
unconditional love is awesome!
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Well, today is Christmas but it certainly doesn't feel special. It is really the first time that I have realized and started toward accepting that my ex is not just testing me to see if I have really changed is is just looking for some sign that I am different before she takes me back. It is the first time that I have really realized that this is my life now.


M 39, W 34
M 15
S 14, S 12, S 9, D 7, D 6
Separated: 7/2/2012
Served: 7/10/2012
Divorced 11/5/2012
Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 238
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Surprisingly, at least to me, I am actually okay with all of this. Sure, not everything in my life is exactly the way I would want it, but I am happy with what I have and where I am at. It's not where I want to be a year from now, but it is good for the time being.


M 39, W 34
M 15
S 14, S 12, S 9, D 7, D 6
Separated: 7/2/2012
Served: 7/10/2012
Divorced 11/5/2012
Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 2,757
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Good to see you Nascar. Now that you are ok with everything. That is good. This is where you really can work on personal growth. As you are only judging yourself. It's a good time for becoming a better Man.


Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul.
unconditional love is awesome!
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Well it wasn't an easy realization to accept but I believe that I may have been here for awhile. Just last Saturday I was having a conversation with a friend on this subject and was asked if I would want to get back together with my ex. I think I surprised both of us when I said that I wouldn't unless there were some major changes on her part. Then I explained that the person I am trying to be isn't compatible with the person my ex has chosen to be. Therapy and distance have helped me to see that while I was not entirely blameless for what happened, neither was my ex and while I have tried to accept responsibility for the things that I did and then some, make amends for my actions, and change those parts of myself the only thing she has decided that she needs to take responsibility for is not filing for divorce sooner. And so long as that is the case I just could not go back to her for fear of falling back into my own self defeating and destructive behavior patterns.


M 39, W 34
M 15
S 14, S 12, S 9, D 7, D 6
Separated: 7/2/2012
Served: 7/10/2012
Divorced 11/5/2012
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