Wife dropped the bomb on me one year ago. Found this website within a few days and read Michele's Books. Have been DBing for a year, going to counselling and becoming a better person, husband and father.
Wife and I always had a different approach to money, I saved, she spent. I became an angry person because of it. Over the past year I have changed my value system and have become more understanding, caring and considerate on all matters including finances.
Had a brief discussion with my wife about our relationship this week. She told that all of the nice things that I am doing and the improvements that I am making, only make her feel guilty. She says that she can't ever go back to loving me again and wants to live as roommates. I have recently moved to the basement and she seems fine with this.
The question I have that I guess everyone asks at some point is how long do you keep going with this? My wife is all laughs and giggles with people from work, visitors to the door or people on the phone. With me, there is this emotional wall up that she won't let any emotions through. Its like living with a complete stranger. I think others have referred to the WAW being like having an Alien in your house. She is not the person I met, fell in love with and married.
She has also connected with a male employee from work who she says is just a fried, but admited that he was interested in her sexually. Although she told him she just wants to be friends, she is always texting him and very secretive of her cell phone.
I guess my other question is whether making her feel guilty a good or bad thing? I have been thinking about going dark and or letting her know that I am considering divorce. Every day that goes by, I feel as if I love her less and less. Its almost like I am now going through what she has gone through and at some point I will be as emotionally detached as she is.
The question I have that I guess everyone asks at some point is how long do you keep going with this?
The depression has to stop today!
when my wife had her mid-life-crisis. i decided i was going to have mine at the same time. she did her thing. and i did mine. sold off all my junk, bought myself a cadillac allante, took up racing a j22, got very athletic. starting talking to some people that changed my idea and expectations about relationships.
kids come first and grow up and want nothing to do with you but money, so i made sure popsicle head and superstar didn't have a teenage memory of dad coming home from work and complaining about politics and the lights being on. my daughter and i played guitar until all the kids started hanging out and bringing their instruments to the mcqueen's garage. we played a mean 4 guitar version of hot legs. "i love ya honey" and they still play ain't talkin' bout love just to piss mom off. superstar's a jock. we have fun.
which reminds me. the situps. this is the most important thing right now. people might start commenting about boundaries and letting them go. but that is all bs compared to the situps. there is nothing more encouraging about solving your relationship problems then when some chick says "i wish my husband had abs like that." Brittney says she was doing 800 hundred a day, tyson 2500 sit ups per day with a 20 lbs weight on his lap? who knows he beat his wife, but 50 cent who bought his home was competing with me for the best abs at the club. 800 hundred a day is not easy. you are doing them when you wake up feet hook against the bed rails, at lunch with your colleagues asking what the hell are your doing, at night and whenever else you have a chance. add some push-ups and body weight squats to the routine and you are insane.
which might seem like a lot but i have been at this a long time, and the one thing i have realized is it not about her, its about knowing yourself and loving yourself so that you are having a good time and laughing through all of this.
Wow, 1 year later? What the hell have you been doing?
It sounds like you really didnt read DB or DR. Otherwise you would have been dark this past year. You are letting her eat cake and being a safety net for her.
And I am willing to bet she is having an affair big time with her work friend. My XW did the same crap and was all smiles to everyone else but me and my Son as well. It classic detachment on her part.
You are giving her exactly what she wants and she has zero respect for you as a man. This needs to end now. You have wasted a year. Tell her to get out of your house and persue the divorce she wants. $hit or get off the pot in other words.
Me:48 W:55 M:22 T:23 Bomb:19Nov09 S:15Jan10 D:11Feb10 EA:Confirmed on 20Apr10 Fast track to her divorcing me
