(dramatic pause and long breath, for purpose of instilling weight to the word.)
What hit me hard was realizing where I was 2 years ago. 2 years ago on my W’s birthday her jeep was in the driveway of OM’s parent’s house, where he lived. All day and all night long.
Typing that and I remember the pain and start getting bothered I start getting angry.
So many roadblocks to Piecing, so many pitfalls and traps.
Easy to forget that she said “I love you,” this morning. First, before I did, or that she said it twice. Both are becoming more common but still enough of a difference that it is memorable. Too be honest, I will always like it when she says it first, I don’t think I want to come to take it for granted.
Getting over the little things that pop up every now and then, that remind me of ‘what happened’…
Looking for my MIL’s tax information she believes she left here when she moved back to the Lower 48, yesterday, I came across an email reply that my wife never sent me. It was in a box of my wife’s paperwork she has yet to go through.
It was just as bitter and biting and angry as my email had been to her. She never sent it. It would have been the end of us if she had. I was shaking after reading it. I was all set to rip into my wife right then and there…and I paused.
She never sent it. She didn’t want me to read it. It must have felt good to write it, much like some of us do or did here, write a letter that we are told not to actually send, just to get it out. She never sent it, she was deep in MLC when she wrote it. I put it back.
When my wife saw me next she asked what was wrong.
I pointed to the box, that also has one of OM’s “I love you” letters in it.
“Can we both get rid of hurtful things?”
“Yes…I have been. I REALLY don’t remember or know what is all in there.”
“I know. Mom’s tax stuff wasn’t in there either.”
“Wait…both of us? What do you have?”
“Emails.”
And I do. Between me and her, and between her and OM. Which I shall be getting rid of this weekend, my proof.
A step forward. Getting rid of my proof of the affair. For whatever reason I held onto it.
All in or all out. And I am all in.
This last weekend on her own, she went through all her kitchen stuff that she still had packed away, dishes, pots and pans, and together sorted out what we wanted to keep and get rid, we pared down the collection of items until there was just enough for one household and not two.
We donated the extra.
We are also going back to having our joint checking and savings account...You don't know my wife, so you don't know how huge of a trust issue that is for her.
If I needed a sign from God that she is comitted to "us", it is that joint bank account.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
Jack; You are so awesome....don't know if I'll ever make it to where you are but you are great....I just love reading your posts....
God Bless you and your wife......
((((hugs))))
Treese
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
