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Joined: Apr 2007
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Well,
H and I had some pretty serious phone conversations this past weekend. He took the kids to his moms for the weekend and brought them back on Sunday. We also had a very serious conversation on Sunday afternoon at the house. Basically he wants to come back home, but is really torn right now about breaking it off with OW. According to him she makes him feel good and he wants to know if I think I can make him feel the same way?? I told him very nicely that she was "new" and that some of those feelings would be impossible to obtain with me. That after 15 years you just don't get that anymore. I know I wasn't perfect in our marriage and told him so. I know I could have met his need for affection and admiration more and have been trying to do that when I do see him. He says that he thinks he can get that feeling with me because he's gotten it some recently with me and that's what has gotten him thinking about coming back. Says he's felt like this for about 3 years and can see when the downslide occured and how he started trying to deal with it. He says he also sees that his priorities were totally messed up. That his job is not the be all end all of the world and that the kids and I should have been coming first. He says that he will put us first and realized that he should have been all along. He says we need to be each other's best friends and use each other instead of other people like he was doing. He took full responsibility for his affair and apologized for it.

He's asked me to give him some time. Says that getting OW out of his life is not going to be easy and that it may take months. While I don't want to put any pressure on him, and I know that it will take months I want to know how long should I wait? I know he won't get over her while living with her. I know that as long as they are together this will never really truly be back to normal so how long do I give him? If I decide it's been long enough what do I say? I know he's confused and depressed and messed up right now so I'm not going to pressure, but he could get comfortable like this and decide he'll hang out this way forever if he can. I don't know. I'm confused. In my world nothing has changed except his words are now indicating a change. I even told him yesterday that he was saying all the right things but that until he put them into action that I was going to be very cautious about the whole situation. He even agreed that I was wise to do this. UGH. I guess I just hang around while he sits on the fence and decides who has the better grass. Bring on the sprinklers and fertilizer!


There is only one person who could ever make you happy, and that person is you.
David Burns, Intimate Connections
Joined: Apr 2005
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What makes you believe that he is MLC?
I am just curious.


There can be no testimony without a test.
I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

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