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#835822 11/02/06 11:31 AM
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I guess it is with much trepidation that I am begining a new thread over here after being on the MLC forum for so long.

After 4 years of MLC and 2 years of separation and threats of divorce my Husband is finally coming home to rebuild our relationship.

I can see so many positives in this and he is really making an effort and for this I am very happy.

I have spent the last couple of years making changes and working on my issues which he is noticing and comments about daily in a positive way.

So I guess now the hard work comes in.

Relearning how to live with someone after doing everything on my own for so long.

Sharing the responsibilites of the kids, the bills and all of the daily stuff.

I really do not want to overwhelm him with any expectations I may have or make any demands on him.

I am trying to understand that it takes so much more courage to come home and admit you made a mistake then to run away.

I almost feel like we are dating again and this is a new relationship.

Our last visit together was wonderful.

Our physical relationship was renewed and was as exciting as when we were first married.

He is trying and that is all I can ask for.

He has apologized and I have chosen to forgive him.

We had one heated discussion when he was home which ended up with both of us apologizing and letting it go.

He feels loved and respected by me and I want to make him happy.

He is planning things for our future.

This is all so new to me and I guess I am afraid in some ways that the novelty of being in this new relationship with my Husband of 20 years will wear off and he will leave again.

I prayed for so long to be in this place and I am so grateful to have some normalcy again so why am I having these feelings?


There can be no testimony without a test.
I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
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Quote:

I am afraid in some ways that the novelty of being in this new relationship with my Husband of 20 years will wear off and he will leave again.




Hi there! I'm new to piecing, too, and not doing a very good job of it, so I don't have much to offer other than to say: Do Not Give In To The Fear.

My fear is killing our re-building efforts. Please try to do everything you can to get the fear out! Maybe a Piecing Veteran can offer us both advice on how to do that, but the fear & insecurity is poison.


H-44
M-36
Married 6/7/03
8/17/06 - H not sure he wants to be married any more
8/17/06-present - Just crawling through the rubble that's left of my life
2/8/07 - H admitted affair
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This is all so new to me and I guess I am afraid in some ways that the novelty of being in this new relationship with my Husband of 20 years will wear off and he will leave again.


BND,
I feel this too, I am interested to see what advice others give you.
I feel as though this feeling holds me back and it does not allow me to be who I am.Who I can truly be.
May God bless you with strength and determination to get to where you need to be AND to feel more comfortable.
God bless...

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BND,
I am so happy for you. Congratulations--you and your family deserve all the happiness int he world.

YOu have fear because it is a natural human reaction to what you have been though. It would be weird if you were not afraid--it would mean you were living in la-la land and not facing the realities of the hard work ahead of you.

My advice would be to embrace and understand your fear as part of the process. Learning as you go to process and deal with it in a poductive way. Do not deny yourself these feelings because that is the surest way to keep them alive.

I'm very proud of how strong you are. You are in inspiration.

Blessing to you.
Althea

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I'm very proud of how strong you are. You are in inspiration.

I agree you are truly an inspiration.
You have ALSO been there for me at times when I needed it most.
God bless you sweetie!


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hey there! so good you find yourself here.

The fear is something normal that happens to us all, normal but something to watch out for. Your trust has been broken and only time and his commitment will make you feel at ease again. After having your heart broken you are putting it out there again, so of course you feel this way, but each month it will feel better, as you guys get familiar w/each other again and the little everyday things will feel good.

There will be times when you'll ask yourself "why did I take him back?" in a fit of anger I've thought this too, but it was quick to pass, sometimes it is 1 step forward and 2 steps back... (this from my H after we had an argument in which I felt so hopeless) but remember, you BOTH are walking forward, and that's a good thing .


Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2

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survivor of S, MLC, A, D
I have peace in my heart, at last.
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Quote:


This is all so new to me and I guess I am afraid in some ways that the novelty of being in this new relationship with my Husband of 20 years will wear off and he will leave again.

I prayed for so long to be in this place and I am so grateful to have some normalcy again so why am I having these feelings?





Congratulations!

I have that same fear. I think the only thing we can do is try to be good friends, patient listeners and supportive lovers for our spouses.

In the beginning it does feel kind of like a honeymoon period again, but I figure if we can just move from there into a comfortable, supportive friendship (with some fun spicyness in the intimacy area) hopefully that will be enough to keep things relatively smooth.

In the meantime, just try to live in "the present" and enjoy what is. None of us can predict the future.... so we should love, appreciate and enjoy what we have today.


There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
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Quote:

I guess I am afraid in some ways that the novelty of being in this new relationship with my Husband of 20 years will wear off and he will leave again.




Hey BND snap for me too!
H recomitted a few weeks ago, said our problems were behind us now. He's been loving, attentive and open.
We've had one or two mis-understandings but we are both much more forgiving now. In fact, I lost my rag completely just after he recomitted but it's OK.
I am still in the early stages of piecing, I do worry that this changed H will revert back to old h again....I suspect very much like how he felt about me when I started making changes he liked. So like he needed time I'm giving myself time. Putting the focus on me, what I want and like to do - back to GAL.
I'm gonna mark up this thread in my aves as there seem to be a few of us who feel exactly th same - I hope this thread will become a good source of support while we all take these scarey piecing steps, to me it feels like a journey into the (almost) unknown... a new R, much better than any I've had before, including with H.


Bomb (ILYBINILWY, don't want to be married)Sept05
Seperated Sept/Oct 05
Oct 06 - H recomitted
July 11 - I am now a WAW.
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Thank you for all of the responses to my questions.

I am enjoying this part much more then the nasty other parts but it is all still so new and in some ways it feels almost like dating again and being in a new relationship but with that comfortable feeling.

I am trying hard not to allow my thoughts to overtake my common sense and stay focused on the actual issues not the what ifs.

I have been reading a couple of books that have been helping me to stay on track.

My H has been very supportive especially int he case of my dysfunctional relationship with my Mother. He has been listening to me and that means more to me then anything.

For the years of his MLC I could not share anything with him as he either didn't care to hear it or want to hear it. So I am feeling that I am getting my best friend back as well as my lover.

He continues to keep making plans for the future and I still have zero expectations but make a point to be happy and sound encouraging.

At the end of the day I am glad I made the choice to stand for my marriage. The man that has returned to me is becoming the new and improved model..I like that!!


There can be no testimony without a test.
I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
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He continues to keep making plans for the future and I still have zero expectations but make a point to be happy and sound encouraging.



WOW! That is exactly how I am feeling. My H has been "recommitted" for almost 2 months, but I am still nervous. He doesn't want to talk about what happened so I have unanswered questions that I keep to myself.

It sounds like you are able to talk to your H. You mentioned reading has helped......any particular books?

Matilda


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