well I made the mistake of assuming that since H asked me to move back home that he was ready to try again. he told me in an email this morning that he asked me back to get me reunited with my kids and because I belong in my own house. H told me that everything is not peachy-keen however and it doesn't mean he's ready to start over. He also said that we can't work on stuff if I'm out of the house. What the HELL is he telling me????? he's distant and the next thing I know he seems loving. Then when I think he's being open and willing to try again he makes sure he puts me in my place. Any opinions?
in a way your H is right only he didn't put it very well. maybe he isn't willing to say he wants to work on things...yet.
quote: He also said that we can't work on stuff if I'm out of the house. What the HELL is he telling me?????
this could be a round about way of telling you he wants to work on things.
quote: Then when I think he's being open and willing to try again he makes sure he puts me in my place.
i'm not asking for the email, but it seems that there was conversation or writing that sparked off this discussion. he didn't just write this all out of the blue, did he?
how have YOU been acting since you got home. are you still DBing?
What's he telling you? He's telling you he want's you back with the kids and in your own houes. What he's IMPLYING is that he wants the family back together.
What's he telling you when he cautions that he's not ready to "work on it", but acknowledges that he can't work on it if you're not there? He's telling you that he knows when he wants to work on it, he needs you there. Usually these two revelations occur kind of simultaniously.
Remember to look for baby steps. And, these are much bigger than baby steps. Lower your expectations, and take things really light and slow.
thank you Mary p and zebra. Yes I'm still db-ing, I'm acting as if things are Ok and being his friend and much easier and kinder to be around. You know, trying to be someone he'll want to return to. No demands or pressure or the destructive behavior I was doing for so long before. I am a new woman now and he just needs to give me time and see these changes, he doesn't think they'll stick. But when I set my mind on something I'm relentless. That's how important this is to me. Mary P, the email I sent said that "i was making changes for a better marriage and that he needs to realize these things and that he must have since he is willing to give us another chance" I think this last statement is what freaked him out because he wrote back that he wasn't neccessarily giving us another chance, etc. Lisa
i posted on your thread in the MLC area, but being fairly new to this i'm catching on quickly and can see in others what i should be doing. does that make sense?
yep, you probably scared him by letting him know that you assume he wants to work on things. you probably hit the nail on the head. i would say the best thing to do is to go home, live life and don't bring anything up unless he does.
i think my H was overloaded with emotion this weekend. me telling him i need to go dark from his family and him telling me he really does want it to work out but is afraid of getting hurt. all we did was OR talk all weekend and i think he's backing away from it for the week. on the phone last night i said something about something and said, but that's about us and let's not talk about that now and he replied....exactly. he was very cold and distant and now wanting his time away again.
it's rough, someone told me it is easier if he's still in the house though. i guess i have the best of both worlds b/c he is coming home on the weekends but gets his escape during the week.
i still cannot find an answer to the question...and when do we get our turn to escape?! even if for a short time? and not finding sitters or anything, just walking away and leaving them holding the bag for a just a few hours of being in "our shoes".
just smile, be happy and live. i hope that helps and sorry i've rambled.
as for cleaning, check out www.flylady.net - it works! my house has been clean for well over 2 months.
