towards the end of this page you can see my other posts. H asked me this morning (one more time) to come home. he's not one to make snap decisions so I hope he knows what he's doing. I always knew deep down that he loved me and was fighting it. we haven't talked yet, only instant messaged each other this morning. we need to talk, there are changes that need to be made and basically there needs to be a new marriage because the old one wasn't working. I've made a list of the changes I'm making and a list of things I want from him. I'm well aware that we have a long raod ahead of us and i'm not jumping for joy like I have it made today or anything. My goal is for him to say he loves me again. No more silent treatment. No more defensiveness and volatility. No more of him not knowing what mood his wife will be in when he gets home. No one should have to live like that. Lisa
I wish you all the patience in the world. I can't imagine how you must feel. It's a big step in the right direction! Now the hard stuff happens, but keep your goals in sight, and you'll do just fine.
Hang in there...you've come so far!
I'll be watching for updates from you. Please keep us posted - we can learn from each other during all phases of this.
Mom of two, well I thought H asked me home to try and work on 'us" again but apparently it was to reunite me with my sons and to get me back in my own house. And just because "he has problems doesn't mean everyone else has to suffer".I sent him an email this morning telling him about the changes I've made for myself and the marriage and that I had my own expectations for the reconciliation. and that he must realize I'm serious because he decided to give us another chance. i think the word "reconciliation" and that I said he was giving us another chance freaked him out. He wrote back and said that everything is not peachy-keen and he hasn't decided to give us another chance but besides the things between us that need to change, things like a cleaner house and our oldest son having more respect for his dad were what we need to work on. he says I need to be home if we're going to work these things out. any comments? thanks, Lisa
Well, don't believe all he says at face value. The fact that you are home, and he asked you to come home, speaks volumes! So what - to his 'reasons'. So what - to his hesitance. Here's the fact that he wants to work on it:
quote:he says I need to be home if we're going to work these things out.
That sounds good to me! Sounds like he KNOWS you will be working on it! Stay positive, and really read his words. He may be hiding behind his 'excuses' to get you to come home, but at the same time he is acknowledging you had to be home to work things out.
Thanks for posting..keep it up the PMA. You're SO on the right track.
Tiel, I remember so clearly when my H told me he loved me again. It had been probably 9 years since he told me, and we had been separated 1 1/2 yrs (he left, in MLC, hated me, wanted divorce).
Those were the sweetest words to me. He said he hadn't told me that in a very long time, but he really meant it. I cried because I had been in such anguish and despair for the past 1 1/2 yrs of our separation, and I thought I would NEVER hear those words.
I read in several books that it is wise to take your time and not jump back into getting back together. I waited 2 months after my H woke up, and after I saw that he was serious and was taking positive steps to change (I was as well), THEN I told him he could give his 30 day notice at his apt. Then I had him wait 3 more wks before moving back. I told him I wanted a NEW relationship; one that worked. We had a bad marriage for about 15 yrs (out of the 19 when he left). But now we have a great marriage, and I am so thankful. But I work at it all the time, and so does my H. We really worked on our communications skills. That is where a lot of the problems in marriages come in.
Thanks Carol and Mom of two. h and I talked a little today after he got home and he said that he had noticed that stuff I used to get mad about, I don't anymore but then 1/2 hour later he said again that he doesn't think people really change and I said that maybe he didn't want to really admit that he sees the changes because it would be easier for him to call it quits if there is no change in me and I was going along like I always was- volatile, reactive, nonsupportive, moody. those things are gone. He had no comment to that. Carol, my goal is for H to say he loves ME again. You're lucky and I'm happy for you. Lisa
