H said he'd stay with me (after saying 2 months ago that he didn't know if he was in love anymore)to not put the kids through a divorce and 4 days later he was distant again and said he needed to think. I moved out temporarily to give him space (and me too, his ups and downs are taking their toll on me too). I can tell he's hurting very badly. He doesn't want to hurt me, he also doesn't want to be alone the rest of his life. He's 45 and I know a lot of this is MLC, although I've done my share to damage out marriage over the years too (19) and that it isn't only him. Today in an email he said he would take a hug-from me. Ironically tomorrow (4-23) is our 19th anniversary. NOT a happy one this year. Lisa
First, keep one thread going. It is a pain to have to look up new thread for every little gyration in this situation.
Seems as if you haven't been at it for two long. You have been married for 19 years. It didn't fall part in his mind overnight. He isn't going to get up some morning and say, yep, marriage is fixed. This stuff takes time. I have been separated for 18 months and divorced for over a year, yet I still am working on the R with the W. It is hard so don't get caught up in the day-to-day crap.
Hi, That is all you can do is give him space. When he does finally return to the marriage after he decided that he didnt love you anymore it takes time to build that back up. It is possible but you have to be patient. As he shows his love for you, yours will also return. No pressure just allow things to move along gently. Enjoy each day, be happy and it will come. Loretta
No reason to write a Dobson letter. You haven't bneen here very long. As I said before, it didn't fall apart in his mind overnight, it isn't going to just come back overnight. The process done properly should be painstakingly slow. Patience is the key here. I do believe that I would be in a much better pklace in my life had I been patient. But no, I am the king of the backslides. Go easy. Fix what you want to fix about yourself. Take care of the kids the best you can. And give H space. Sounds to me like his thinking is all over the place.
I guess i'm just afraid his decision is going to be to end it and that would be such a waste. I know we belong together. I think he knows it too deep down. Lisa
T, you're making a lot of assumptions on what's going through his head right now, which isn't good. He's probably not even sure, so try not to push it one way or another.
For know, just assume that he wants to make it work. "Act-as-if".
Your assumptions may be totally opposite of what he's thinking. Don't create a self-fulfilling prophecy of doom!
imp speaks wisely to you. Reconciliation is going to be a process, not an event.
Hang in there. This crap takes a lot of time and patience!
JJ
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OK, no Dobson letter for now. I want to thank you all for your support. H and I talked the other day and I asked him if he really thought he'd be happier divorced and he said no. There is no "OW". If there were he'd have been outta here by now. I hear men don't leave "something for nothing". Lisa
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