Need advice from successful DBers. Situation My H has been home for 7 months after MLC lasting 2 years. He decided that he loved me and wanted to come home. 6months before he came home he was separating from the OW. She wasnt happy called me once crying why do you want him he is mine. He said she is obsessed with him and is following him, waiting for him after work. Follows him in her car. The past 7 months have great with H me and the kids and still is. Last night my daughter received a phone call at 1015pm from the CIBC asking for Mr.SoandSo. He got on the phone. And said I didnt get themessage at work to call. I will call the band tomorrow. Person kept talking and he kept trying to get off the phone. When he got off the phone I said who was that it couldnt be the bank. He denied it. My daughter unfortunately picked up the phone and heard OW say to her dad. I am going to make your F...ing life hell. Daughter came upstairs yelling daddy you are a liar. He admitted to it said the OW has been waiting for him. States he called her 3 weeks ago to ask her why she is doing this. Daughter said for the past 7 months she has been getting the same phone calls from theCIBC. Not telling me so I wouldnt get upset. This was the first time she called her Dad to the phone. Please advise I dont know how to handle myself After successfully DBing I am at a loss. I must admit I am not really upset because I have read about after the affair. Loretta
This morning when H came down I asked him why does he need the security of the ow hanging on. Is he afraid I change my mind he wont have someone to go back with. He said no. He started crying saying he didnt want to loose me or the kids again and go back into that black hole. We had a real nice moment he was going to cancel the work day at the house because he didnt feel like doint anything. I said go have a shower and lets have a good day. He started to tell me about days that he doesnt remember. Explain that was normal. He said if ow continues he will get a court order to have her stay away from his work and home. He doesnt want to change the phone # because we have had it so long and it is the only link to his mother if she ever wanted to meet him. I feel better now. The love is getting stronger. I told him when I accepted him back I new it wasnt going to be a smooth journey. Any thoughts, please let me know. Loretta
Loretta, I couldn't be termed a successful DBer by any means, but I'm throwing my two cents worth in anyway.
It seems like a one-sided obcession. I think you have to assume that this is the case unless you see otherwise. It sounds like he is being straight with you.
I do see why it would bother you. It would me too, but you pretty much have to trust H and leave it to him to handle.
L, Seems that he is back with YOU. OW is hanging herself. Let H deal with it in his own way. I imagine he is very embarassed with his "Play Misty For Me" ex-ow.
Hi, Perhaps it is because I just watched CoalMiner's Daughter twice through,but it occurs to me that perhaps YOU should pay her a visit. Like Sissy, tell her if she wants to keep her arm she better keep it off of your HUSBAND. And of course, You aren't woman enough to steal my man OR Honey I don't know who you are (or care) but I sure know WHAT you are.
I envision doing something to hurt the reputation of the OW in my life. She is a doctor and I keep thinking I really could mess with her. I have been trying so hard to let time and God handle it. But it never hurts to pretend a bit.
In your case, you could check into the laws of your state and see what you could improvise. If she goes to church, an appropriate prayer in the Sunday 'prayer sheet' re God help save my family from the adulterous ...... might help? Or calling her family. Or a newspaper ad with her pic...calling a slut a slut. HEHEHEHEHHEHE
Thank-you all for the feedback, I know now how I must handle the situation. I have been very successful at DBing my H and it has helped get in touch with who I am. So I wont be posting in the local paper, but you did make me smile.
The rest of the weekend was great as it has been for last 7 months. We went out on Sunday and Celebrated the Super Bowel. He had his arm around me not wanting to let go. Before I would have my arm around him notwanting to let go. I am enjoying my life with him, kids and friends. I look good, feel great and plan to keep my distancer position.
You are right about feeling embarrassed Kent especially because D heard her scary voice on the phone. I heard that voice a longtime ago when she called to cause trouble by saying why do you want him, I am his girlfriend. You dont need him. I just said to her, it is none of your business where my h is, I love him, His children love him and we want him home. I then hung up.( At the time I was falling out of love for him and I was just going through the motions of DBing because I wasnt sure and it was away of getting some control of the situation.) He has proved his love over and over since he came home. If he did decide to leave I know I would be OK, we would be good friends and I would just move on. I never wanted to be stuck at the anger level. That is another thing DBing has done for me.
When we were driving last night and My H was talking about the future together. Selling house and getting out of the city. I just said I have to feel secure with him before I ever make a big move like that. I said now I will be thinking when you leave work I will be wondering if she is sitting waiting for you. He said she can sit all she wants I will be just driving by. You dont have to worry about anything. I have heard that before. Thanks for listening. I was doing so well. Helping everyone on the board. I kind of felt embarassed to now tell everyone about this. I guess when a relationship ends you will always have debrie to clear out of the way. Loretta
Loretta: don't ever be embarrassed to tell us what is going on or of your fears. I certainly understand. Just think how hard it was for me to post when he left again at Christmas. If I wasn't receiving emails from Wonder Woman at that time i would have lost it. I couldn't bear for all of you to know at Christmas when I was the "success" story. Now I know that there are many backslides & none of this is easy. I had a really good laugh when I read your post. You talked about you & your husband clebrating Super Bowel! that was just too funny. I think my H's OW (Maggot) is very obsessed too & I'm sure they will not split without a battle. he is obsessed now too, so wonder how it will end. No one ever wins in these situations. I know you want to trust you H & wish he didn't lie to you. You could always have him followed if you are not sure. I think I would resort to this if we ever get back & I have my doubts. Barb
Hi Everyone: He was home at 5:00 last night I was busy cleaning because we went out the other night. I never mentioned anything. Just had an enjoyable evening with him the kids and friends on the phone.
I have to remember patience and all my dBing skills to keep this relationship on track. Whenever I get sad thoughts I have to remind myself that I have to make me happy. He is just the icing on the cake.
Thanks everyone for coming to the rescue. You are all amazing people I wish I knew each and everyone of you personally Loretta
What happened prior to him coming home. My W and I are divorced 1 year now and we have been going back and forth, you know the rollercoaster ride. She is in OR, says it's a day by day thing and there is no committement. She doesn't want to loose me. She knows I love her and want to try again. We have talked about this but not lately. We even opened a joint savings account 2 weeks ago and she gave me her credit card for emergencies. We love each other and want each other in our lives but she is not clear of what she wants. She went skiing last weekend is gone again this weekend wich kills me. I have great friends who support me as well as a great C and author of "Getting Back Together". It's just she won't let go either way. She dropped our dog off to me this for the weekend and appreciates that I am there for her. She says I care for you and will always love you. She acts like all is well w/ us. My clothes and things are all still at the house. I am sharing a home and have some of my things but most of my things are there. I know this guy see's it and I have to wonder. We had breakfast 2 weeks ago and had a great time. She wanted to open a joint savings account and gave me her credit card. I know she wants me in her life, we got close several times but she is still teeter totering. What was it like w/ you after the first year. I love her and I dont want to give up. I have done a 180 and was not at home when she dropped our dog off. She sent me an email and wondered if that I was having a valentines dinner w/ someone. I didnt email her responses so she thought I was going out. She said, I hope you have fun because you deserve it. So what did you do. I want her back the right way. Like you, completly over a relationship. And I want her to come to me, otherwise it wont work. But she acts so distant at times. She wont let me go, this I know but yet she goes skiing 2 weekends in a row and we talk and see each other and share our dog. What do you think?
Hi, Yes, thinking back I remember my H in other relationship. It was almost like I became the OW and the OW became the wife with all my great DBing and 180. When H came to me and said I want to come home if you will have me. I got great advice from a counsellor friend. She said tell him he has to totally dedicate himself to me and the children for 1 year. Going through all the seasons. He worked really hard and a year to the date he came home. Now that he is home the dbing continues, we are now working on the relationship, I handled the big items like money before the year was up and some relationship handling with the kids. Now we are going day to day on issues. But I know what I want out of a relationship to be happy and if he is willing to provide this I can be extremely happy. I just posted on Marie I thing Newcomers. If you cant find it let me know and I will find it for you. Loretta
