10 months ago W told me her she was considering Separation during a joint C session. Like everyone else here my heart was ripped from me. Fortunately, for me, DBing proved to be very effective. For us, DBing pulled us back from the edge of the abyiss, far enough to begin the healing process, but not so far that we could not see the edge.
Today, I turned 43. I felt a little bummed as W was going out of town without any real interaction. I have no excuse to feel unhappy and I don't allow myself to wallow anymore, but I guess, I felt a little stuck. You know, stuck as in wondering if you are needing to make a permanant compromise in regards to your relationship that you are not really willing to make.
It's all about expectation. How can we have this surgically removed. My expectation was that W and I would eventually work our way back into a closeness that we previously embraced. I was just beginning to wonder if I expect too much? If I do, can I live with the compromise? Tough questions!
I guess I must have been distancing lately. Distancing from W and from the BB. I was in my cave re-evaluating wether what I was doing worked. Well, I guess I received an answer tonight. I must admit, the timing was impecable. I arrived home, thanked great grandma for watching the boys and sent her on her way. Made dinner and noticed a birthday card from W.
I really did'nt expect much as W already took me to a Steven Tyler concert just last weekend. Furthermore, I really did'nt want anything as I'm not a very materialistic guy. My wish list is full of things that I can't ask for as some are personal goals and some are relationship goals. My dreams all revolve around my family. Sometimes the dreams become so distant with the reality of daily life that I feel like I am slipping backwards. Today was one such day.
Back to the card. It was really a simple card. But what is this? A folded piece of paper inside. Could this be a letter? I think so. What could it say? Will it be bad news or good news? I guess I will have to say that it was spectacular . I guess W is finally throwing herself back into the R a little.
I won't duplicate the letter, but in it she thanks me for all the support I have provided with her going back to school and taking the load off her in regards to the kids. The letter was full of "I love you's" and promises for the future. Our future.
W finally hit a homer. She is finally figuring out what I really want and need. It's kinda nice to see that the effort is paying off. It's kinda nice to see that we can take another step back from the edge.
I wanted to share this for various reasons. I feel like I might explode if I don't tell someone. I also want to share the progress so that others can see how slow the process works. Slow but sure! Patience and loving consistancy are the mandatory.
I'm a lucky guy. I'm lucky in that W never really closed her heart to me. I'm lucky that I found the DB book and this BB. Lucky that I met Michelle, Lucky that I have three healthy kids.
Happy birthday me! You have all the reason in the world to be the happiest guy on earth.
Happy, Happy Birthday, Buddy!!! Sounds like much reason to celebrate! I'm happy for you, my man. I'm on my way to have a few Ouzo's to help you celebrate!!! Sounds like your good work is finally paying off!!
JJ
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Great news Kent & a very happy birthday! You are right that the progress can be very slow. My H & reconciled a year ago after 19 months apart & it is true that things can actually become better than they've ever been in a relationship, even when you've visited the edge of the cliff & there has for some period of time seemed to be only dismal times around every corner. Your love & support offered to your W has clearly been recognized & it sounds like you are on the path to great happiness with your family. Congrats again--Jamie
Your post did me good.I was wondering if all the effort was worth it. Whether H will always be like this -- whether he could ever have a mature relationship whether I should look elsewhere...
You give me hope and let me know there will be down moments.
This is SO wonderful to hear. You have worked so hard, and you deserve it to come back hundred-fold.
I am going to continue the birthday celebration into today from here, have a drink for you tonight, and pray we can all be as patient as you've been, friend.
Thanks for sharing this happy news today!
LeeP
[This message has been edited by LeeP (edited 07-19-2001).]
Happy Birthday - although a little late!! I haven't been around much myself lately, but had to respond to your post! I am so happy for you, and can identify with your comments about expectations and timing. I am glad that your wife communicated to you that she values what the two of you created, and that she talks about your future - I know that when healing our hurts from this kind of experience that "future talk" can be a comforting salve.
You deserve and have earned the rewards of your efforts. You are a lucky guy, but your wife and your friends here are just as lucky to have a place in your life.
. I guess W is finally throwing herself back into the R a little.
