Just wanted to come and give the update you've all been looking for... short and sweet? I'm HOME!
My wife and I are back together again, working on the relationship and the family. It's been a long, tough road that started back in February of this year. By no means do I believe that we are out of the woods yet and I now realize that DB'ing has really only just begun.
This is a scary time for me right now as there are so many questions that will remain unasked and more than likely unanswered. That's ok right now. I take each day as it comes and am thankful to have it with her. I see how easy it can be to fall back into the same ol, same ol and that's quite the opposite of what I want.
How did it happen? Tough to say. Those that have followed my threads know that the link between the two of us, other than the kids, was getting together for our daily Starbucks ritual. We did that pretty much every day while seperated (against the conventional wisdom of most here ) but what made it different was that I gave her my complete, undivided attention. Since I'm not really all that sure of how all this started in the first place it's hard to know or even hazard a guess at what it was that turned things around. I don't press for those answers and I'm not really all that sure I want to know.
So here we are. Making plans for our first family trip in 4 years to Disney World. Talking about new houses. Slowly getting more comfortable with each other again (I might be pushing this a little harder than I should right now...gotta be patient) and basically enjoying life together. We've got a lot to work on and I know it won't be easy but the biggest hurdle has been cleared.
A huge thanks to Kent for being there at a moments notice! Lisa, Sheila, Wit, Greg...ya'll have all been wonderful and I sincerely appreciate the support you've given throughout some of my darkest days here. All of you who've posted and I just didn't start a dialogue with...your thoughts, concerns, and encouragement were the lifeline that kept me on the right path...thank you.
I never felt comfortable giving advice...couldn't seem to follow it myself. I pray for each and every one of you reading this that you will find your path and your happiness. Keep searching..it will come. Just remember that my last thread, "Patience...", really did fit in my case. Be patient. Be loving. Be understanding. Be forgiving.
I will be moving over to the "Piecing..." forum when I do get back online again. That has been the biggest change for me...LESS COMPUTER ACCESS!!! I work on it all day and don't need to do it all night!
Congratulations! It's always nice to hear of another success story. I know it means alot to me - gives me hope that maybe this might work. Then again???? who knows at least we all learn to be better people. Penny
Given a choice to stand aside or dance, I hope you always dance
congratulations! I too would like to check out your thread for any 'pointers'! I live about 20 min from Disney world, weather is nice now! Come on over! judie
Thanks for all the kind words. I think there are some pointers somewhere in my threads that may help a few people, you just need to read through the responses to see how things played out. Looking back on it now it doesn't seem like that much time has passed. When it was happening, time stood still.
Don't get me wrong. We still have lots of issues to resolve and everything is very fragile right now. I still haven't gotten over my fear of losing her again so I maybe trying too hard now.
Hopeful...I too miss our chats! One of the harder things I've had to do is get away from the all-night computer love-fest marathons I had been having. Laying in bed at 10:00, my mind racing with thoughts of work left unfinished, friends to catch up with...it's tough!
C, I've been stopping by looking for this thread. I'm really proud of what you(C) have accomplished. Thats right, you accomplished it.
I'm also glad your gonna stop by the Piecing forum. The folks there are gonna be able to help you bunches. When the feelings of "why do I want her back" start to rear their ugly heads. Look for JJ, as he is really a special soul. He has some news to share with you. Listen!
Your new mission is no longer "Patience". It's now "Don't react". I had an experience this weekend that brought my W to tears. It tore me inside out. I had two beings sitting on my shoulders. On the left, the old Kent saying "let her have it" you are right and she is wrong. On the right, I'm not sure, but it looked like Michelle. She was saying "OK Kent. this is what it's all about, Whattya gonna pull from the solutions barrel"? Kent appologizes to wife for hurting her, gives the mandatory hug and withdraws to take care of necessary child care business. Hmmmm! We talked about it at midnight and W was ecstatic.
This, my friend is your new challenge. It continues forever. I'm glad there is such a smart and beautiful angel on my right shoulder. I hope she is on yours. If not, I'll be there to kick you in the ass. Just call or E-mail me.
To others reading this thread, I think this story is significant. CD, is home. Not alot of posts on his threads, but a helluva alot of work on himself and his R. He swallowed all his pride and temporarily gave up on his vision of right Vs his W's vision of right. He decided what was really important, "the family"! Now CD works to find a mutual reality. I recognize this sacrifice, even if he does not. C is lucky, just as I was lucky. Lucky for Michelle and lucky for this BB. The DB/DR principals can really work for many of us if we only give them the chance (time, time, time, time, time)
I stopped by looking for this post from C. I managed to fall Xmas eve, on the ice. I now am laid up with plates. screws and pins in my ankle and I'm here to say I have never been happier in my life. Pretty strange eh! How could that be? I know how. Thankyou Michelle for everything. You saved my marriage and my sanity. I am just finishing DR and am here to say that it is 1st class. This is the book that all couples should read before the trouble starts.
I also recommend Michelles KLA seminars or if you can score it, a few minutes with her. In 60 seconds, Michelle helped me more than could ever have been anticipated. She is the result of a "solutions" oriented mind. Bought and paid for my friends. Take advantage of it for as long as she offers it.
Keep up the great work C and everyone. This is part of what it is all about. If your smart, patient, studious, and alittle lucky.
) but what made it different was that I gave her my complete, undivided attention. Since I'm not really all that sure of how all this started in the first place it's hard to know or even hazard a guess at what it was that turned things around. I don't press for those answers and I'm not really all that sure I want to know.
