I'm crying happy tears right now!!! This is wonderful.
I am the master of creating positive energy and love in my own environment. I am the source of love in my life. It starts with me! This energy radiates from me! It gives me strength, courage, wisdom and grace!
Sorry, I was busy at work yesterday and this is a long story lol and on Saturday I really thought I would be telling you all something different. On saturday I was preparing to tell you all it was over !
Here goes.
Two Fridays ago H had arrange to go out with me, on the wednesday he told me he would not be able to make it as his daughter was coming over and he didn't want to leave her on her own, well I can understand that, however I did find myself thinking yeah and he was going out with his buddies would he have dropped them because his D would be there.
One of the problems in our relationship, thereason I built up resentment is because I was always bottom of the pile.
Anyway this Friday, I heard from his daughter he was going out and she was babysitting D8. Already I was getting annoyed but I was trying to control it.l
Then Saturday he was supossed to be going to a party with me. Saturday morning he text me saying " thinking about you" So I text back " are you cooming tonight" He text back " I have D over this weekend ( sad face) sorry I cant.
Well, I thought about it all, and I thought yeah I know the DBing rules but I cant go back to this R lik this, I will just build up resentment again.
So, I called him, he answerd the phone, and I just said " Im sorry H I cant do this no more. H said " What??" I said " tell me, why am I always bottom of your list?? H said " Your not" I said " I am, thats why we are were we are today, because good old dependable Sue is always there and you always take me for granted. Then I askd him why he blew me out last friday for D, then last night he went out and left D at home and then tonight he he cant make it with me because he needs to stay home with D.
He was speechless and gobsmaked because he never knows how I find this stuff out .
He said" Its not like that" I said thats how it looks to me.
I then went on to say. " for the last 6 years its been like that and thats why we are where we are today. I have been patient H, I have given you your space, I have given you time to sort your thoughts out. In the time I have sorted mine out. When you left I was gutted, I would prefer us to stay together and work through this, but I had begun to get on with my life, I feel I can do that now, but im still hurting, I cant do this on my own, you need to come with me.
Then I asked him " Do you not feel that your Spouse should be at the top of your list?? " he said "yes"
I said even when we book our holidays we have to book them around all the other stuff you have booked in, it shouldn't be like that, all the other stuff should fit round us. I said we are at a stage in our lives were we should be doing all this together, not you doing it alone and fitting me in.
He then said " Im sorry sue but I have to divide my time. I said well why is that!! Because you are living seperatley from me!! why is that because you chose to leave, He said we have never discussed me coming back.
I said Im waiting for you to come back, Im not going to ask you, I have told you I want that long ago, the ball is in your court.
I then said " I have to go now, when you bring D back we can talk. I said bye and went. I then thought, What have i done ?? So, I spent the whole of Saturday preparing for it to end, I knew this was make or break time and by the way I had spoke to him I figured it would be break.
When he turned up with D8, I asked him you want coffee?? he said yeah. We sat in lounge and I said " have you anything to say?? He said " oh put me on the spot" So I just laid into him really and sadley I brought up OW again. In fact I went over absolutley everything. I tore into him. He just sat there and took it. Then he went to speak and his lip started to quiver. He stood up and said " sorry sue I gotta go" I said, Ok you gonna run again, not face up to this, this all needs to come out!!
His lip was really going ( I have NEVER seen him cry before) I stood up and cuddle him, I said H im sorry I went over all that again, Im hurting, I dont know what else to do, I have tried, I have acceptep my part in all this, I have forgiven you, I have waited patiently, But for me to forgive you, you need to meet me half way.
He then started to sob and said " sue I just want to come home, im so sorry, im sorry for the way I have hurt you, I know I havent treadted you right, but I dont kno0w how to repair the damage I have coursed, he said " I have never stopped loving you.
We were both crying now.
We sat down and discussed everything, H said he wants to work at it, we discussed moving, we dont know what to do about that yet.
He asked when he could come home and that he felt it would be difficult, cos he felt like it wasn't his home, I sadi " its always been your home, but I know what he meant.
He wants to sort his flat out first, so he is doing that and he wants me to clear his side of the wardrobe, I had put all my stuff in there
