To all of my new friends on piecing. I have posted on newcomers and mid life this past year. Bomb dropped last August 3 kids 10, 8 and 2. Married 11 years together for 17 one day here the next day my H was living at a clients house. No other woman involved. Mid life all the way. Tons of anger and meaness everything was my fault.
Last Sunday after months and months of leading up to renewing our R my H and I made love. And then again and again and again. And then he went away with us this past weekend as a family. He still hasn't moved home but all signals are go.
I am going very very slowly and feel very strong. I have had a wonderful therapist who my husband just started with last month and I really got my act together in every way. I am very happy and have a great job. Although it is hard to admit this past year has been a gift to me no matter how hard the pain was to endure.
Did H move out? I find I am in similar sitch. h had EA but very short lived. I screwed up royally and did it all wrong. Sometimes I feel like I wasted a year. I have been on the right track these past two months. The year wasn't wasted as I am now happy with myself. Made great changes.
Any idea what made him come back?
I am on the big D board but aspire to coming to pieceing!
Dotto we used to talk on newcomers, I posted under Lynn my middle name. I believe your H is a lawyer also.
Anyway so much happened this past year that I can't really type it all.
I can tell you that my husband kept saying he wanted a D but never filed. He said I sucked all of the love out of him like a vacuum and it was to late. He said very mean and hurtful things. He acted like a true Alien. He ignored my anniversary, and barely made an effort on my birthday and mothers day.
But every holiday he came here and spent it with us and ate my cooking and no matter how hard it hurt I let him go.
We went to couples therapy and I felt like he wasn't working so I said we should stop.
I sat him down and said I was ready to move forward one way or the other by this September for the sake of the kids. That he needed to make a move in one diretion or the other.
I dated and although he knew it it wasn't until I slept "out" one night that I saw a BIG change in him.
I went back to my career and I am more happy and confident.
I stuck by him when his mother was sick for 2 months and died this past May.
I never forgot how much I love this man and what we had.
But I am FAR from in the clear.
He is not home yet. He didn't call us until tuesday night when he came to see the kids since we were together this whole weekend. He told me he had to talk to Miles (our therapist) and sort things out before commiting to our vacation. I simply asked him if he wanted the kids on Saturday or Sunday so I could make plans.
I cannot chase him. I cannot expect him to go out with me and then be disappointed. I can only live my life one day at a time and try to be honest and open in my communications.
I told him last night after the kids went to bed and he stayed with me to watch TV (big change) that it was nice to be intimate and I was fine with him leaving but when two people are intimate you would expect some sort of connections after they part...a call.....
I said this isn't about it being a husband and wife thing this is about the behavoir that I would expect from someone or anyone would expect after making love 5 times in one weekend.
And then a big thing happened. He didn't say I made a mistake going away with me.. He didn't get defensive. He said Your Right. Im Sorry. And I said I don't mean to put salt in the wound it's OK. And he asked me for a hug. (He doesn't initiate affection, I do). I told him to have a good session with Miles and call me about the trip but that it sounded as if he might not be able to go. ( He also has a conflict cuz his secretary is taking vacation that week) It is 4pm and no call....
So guess what? I am going to book my trip with my kids to club med and celebrate my one year anniversary because I worked really, really, hard on this year and if he comes home or doesn't has nothing to do with my celebration because I am truly celebrating myself.
I look forward in helping you all in any way that I can.......
Yes my husband made me feel like we were strangers. That is the biggest change of all. He likes me again (won't admit to love)
I just got off the phone with him and we had the big talk about vacation. He wants to go but he feels like he hasn't had enough time to think about it yet. He feels like I sprung it on him. What he doesn't understand is I had no intention on taking him and sometimes I really think I would be better off not going with him.
He still always looks at things from his perspective. Although he is liking me more the same things that I didn't like about him, lack of affection, intimacy and making me feel like he really wants to be with me are still there.
I really think that I can't mess up by going on my own but it might be to soon to reunite now or ever. I really don't want him to come home until we have productive couples therapy.
This is so awful to say but I have wonderful guy friends now who adore me. Don't get me wrong they can't match the undying love I feel for him, our history, our future, but now that I can see more clearly his faults are they are not as acceptable. He needs to do the grunge work also.
DOES ANYONE KNOW HOW YOU POST YOUR FULL STORY AND OR SUCCESS STORY? It seems that my situation is getting better and better and I am confident that my H will be moving home soon. He is here with me this weekend (in every way ha ha) and says he is 100% sure that he wants to go away on our vacation in two weeks . I want to share my entire story with Michele and the board because it was pretty bleak one year ago at this time.....
