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#1499679 06/30/08 04:22 AM
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Wow. Guess I haven't been on my thread as it's been locked for over a month.

I'll post more later, but just needed to get a new one started.

Still have more to learn about spending more time with H as opposed to the computer. ;\) We are still doing good though, although I did have my occasional, "ug, we have nothing to say to each other" feelings. He was home for 3 days due to a undeserved suspension, and it was not very exciting during those 3 days. Well, 1 night was good, but that was the night I was all over him. Could just be a womancycle thing though, as I've been a little down over the weekend.


Me 33 H 34 S9 S3
M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs)
EA/PA 1/2006
DB 5/2006
H wants D 6/2006
H wants ME 8/2006
H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006
H erased OW off phone! 2/2007

"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
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"I've been cheating on you."

Five chilling words. No wife (or husband) ever wants to hear them. But after the truth comes out, what next?

Bitterness? Revenge? Or forgiveness and freedom?

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* How to release the offender from our courtroom to God's custody.
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Ultimately, he got involved in an adulterous relationship with a younger woman - destroyed his marriage - and ended up actually marrying the younger woman.

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Enter this code when you give your online donation to receive the Choosing Forgiveness CD: Key Code: FORGIVE

Yours for godly homes,
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Me 33 H 34 S9 S3
M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs)
EA/PA 1/2006
DB 5/2006
H wants D 6/2006
H wants ME 8/2006
H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006
H erased OW off phone! 2/2007

"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
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the above is an email I received from Family Life. I believe they will take any dollar amount as a donation for the CD.


Me 33 H 34 S9 S3
M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs)
EA/PA 1/2006
DB 5/2006
H wants D 6/2006
H wants ME 8/2006
H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006
H erased OW off phone! 2/2007

"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
Joined: May 2006
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We will be leaving tomorrow for Wichita to visit family for a week. Hopefully I'll still have a chance to check everyone here.

Things are still going good. WEll, except for the boring part. I really wonder if our personalities are so different that we can't really have fun. I want to have a husband that brings out the best in me, but I don't really have that. I guess part of that is on me, because I control myself, and he doesn't control me. I wish I could get my silly/weird/fun old teenager back. I use to be really goofy and silly and I had so much fun back then. I feel kinda old now. But that's what a M and kids do...it puts responsibilities on you and now I have to learn how to balance myself between being fun and responsible. I think I've lost that fun self for so long that it's work trying to get her back. lol

HOWEVER....we did have an interesting early morning "activity" the other day...we were unable to finish the "activity" the night before due to someone having a bit too much alchohol in their system...hint hint...and when he woke up for work the next day at 6am, he was all over me. ;0 I won't go any further, but it was a nice wakeup call. haha


Me 33 H 34 S9 S3
M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs)
EA/PA 1/2006
DB 5/2006
H wants D 6/2006
H wants ME 8/2006
H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006
H erased OW off phone! 2/2007

"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
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This mesg is for GABBY... G, your thread locked up, and I wrote a long mesg, so here it is...

ok. I am glad to hear that you are seeing that your H is showing some sort of interest.

First. of course your don't want your H for who is right now. he's not being himself, and anyone having an A is never themselves. They are living in a delusional world, a self-pleasing world.

BUT. If you can get past who he is right now, and what he is doing, and start living YOUR life, then I truly believe that he could come around. But you need to move on for YOU, and then if he comes around, then wonderful.

All these R talks are just futile. quit it. If he brings them up, then just validate. You know yelling back with arguments will only make him defensive and blame you. Of course he wants to blame you, he doesn't want to admit his wrongdoing, but your making it easy for him to do it. Your making it easy for him to justify him leaving. Start making it hard.

and yes, you can NOT expect anything from him. I know you guys have a child, but in this sitch, you can't expect. unless you want to be hurt and your child be hurt. In time, things will get better in regards to what he does for your D. Unless you never get over this sitch...but I know you will.

A lot of what your H is saying to you is because he's also hurt, he's guilty, he's angry at life, he's just really messed up.

no more R talks okay?

oh, another thing. You keep saying how he doesn't understand love. Obviously he wasn't getting love either. The thing we need to understand is that we all receive love in different ways. Now what he's also going to need to learn is that love is not a feeling. but that will come in time, hopefully sooner than later. I'm not saying that you had to be that perfect wife, but there was something there that he was missing, and I really don't think it was being a perfect wife. I think the biggest problem was you being so emotionally tied to him. I know you were independent doing everything yourself, but I also feel that you were bitter about this and you were not doing these things out of love, and you have been so mentally enveloped in your H, and this is why it is so hard for you to let go. I think this happens a lot. The LBSer is the one who is pulling and pulling emotionally while the WAS is the one who feels drained and pulls themselves further and further away.

I don't know if this is what happened or not. But I do think you lost yourself at some point during the M, most likely when the fertility treatments began and after the baby arrived...and it's so easy to do that because us women are consumed with responsibility, that the H just can't comprehend, but we still have a duty to ourselves to take care of ourselves and put our M first. We can NOT put our baby first. Our M is first. then our babies. this is where many mothers mess up. sure, our babies are vulnerable, and they need considerable care. But when we put our children first, our R with our H's can slowly deteriorate, and therefore puts a rift within the whole family. Of course we should hope that our spouses will just contribute and be the spouse they need to be and do it all together, but we are all human and sinners, not one of us are perfect, so we cannot expect it.

When we put our M first, then it trickles down. The R is healthy, and therefore the R's with the children are healthy. It doesn't mean that you ignore your children, but we need to put our M first and make sure it is good and that the M couple is working as a team. I'm not good at explaining, but I learned this the hard way, and so did my neighbors who were together for 9 years, 6 being M together, had a baby and 1 year later were D'd. They just both didn't get it. And all I could do was be a spectator because neither of them were open to listen.

okay, I'll quit now.

What's important is that you get that house taken care of. You stop allowing R talks, start looking hot, start being fun, start loving life and your H is going to see this and he's gonna want it.

oh, and I'm sure your H is not going to comment on your weight loss, or the house, or whatever. Most likely, he may think...oh, NOW she does these things, but when I was there, she didn't give a crap. blah blah. But him saying you looked pretty was good! I KNOW that your H is noticing these things, and most the time he probably won't say anything because of his pride. YOU just act like the confident little hot mama that you are anyways!


Me 33 H 34 S9 S3
M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs)
EA/PA 1/2006
DB 5/2006
H wants D 6/2006
H wants ME 8/2006
H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006
H erased OW off phone! 2/2007

"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
Joined: Nov 2006
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Hiya ST


Looooooooong time no see on my thread \:\( and yeah, I know I've been pretty absent on yours too


How is the singing going & the Mona Vi sales?


I owe you some dance DvD's as soon as I can get the recorder working again



Anyways, I think of you often and just wanted to pop in and show some support!


Best wishes & blessings
CM



PS - I wanted to share this MESSAGE with you bearing in mind my wife IS having an affair and is also expecting a child

Quote:
July 15, 2008

Love That Never Fails

Mary Southerland



Today's Truth

Hosea 3:1-5 (NCV) The LORD said to me again, "Go, show your love to a woman loved by someone else, who has been unfaithful to you.

In the same way the LORD loves the people of Israel, even though they worship other gods and love to eat the raisin cakes." So I bought her for six ounces of silver and ten bushels of barley. Then I told her, "You must wait for me for many days. You must not be a prostitute, and you must not have sexual relations with any other man. I will act the same way toward you." In the same way, Israel will live many days without a king or leader, without sacrifices or holy stone pillars, and without the holy vest or an idol. After this, the people of Israel will return to the LORD their God and follow him and the king from David's family. In the last days, they will turn in fear to the LORD, and he will bless them.



Friend to Friend

A college man walked into a photography studio with a framed picture of his girlfriend. He wanted the picture duplicated, which involved removing it from the frame. When the photographer took the picture apart, he noticed an inscription written on the back of the photograph:



"My dearest Tom

I love you with all of my heart.

I love you more and more each day.

I will love you forever and ever.

I am yours for all of eternity."



The picture was signed "Diane" and contained a PS that read, "If we ever break up I want this picture back!"

Love that never gives up has no "PS" in it. As Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 13:8 says, "Real love never fails". In this verse, "fails" literally means "collapses, falls or disintegrates". In other words, true love does not collapse under the weight of testing. It will not disintegrate when the pressure is on nor will it fall apart in the hard times. True love is strong and unconditional. True love is God's love, a love that we cannot understand or explain in human terms. The life of the Old Testament prophet, Hosea, powerfully illustrates this kind of love.



Hosea was married to a young woman named Gomer. Together, they had three children. Gomer blew it when she was unfaithful to Hosea, betraying the covenant of marriage. Hosea had every right to walk away, but love that never fails calls us up to higher choices that are beyond human reasoning. Supernatural choices demand supernatural action.

Love that never gives up chooses commitment.



Hosea 3:1a The LORD said to me again, "Go, show your love to a woman loved by someone else, who has been unfaithful to you.



Commitment is almost a foreign concept today. We want commitment to be easy and convenient, painless and cheap. Commitment is none of those things. Commitment never stops trying and never tries stopping. It is a pledge and bond, a covenant and contract. Commitment is a promise.



Cortes, the great Spanish explorer discovered what we know today as Mexico. He sailed in several boats with many men committed to conquering and settling an unknown land. When they arrived, the men looked around at an undiscovered world and were afraid. Cortes, sensing their fear, gathered them all on shore and set fire to their ships. He then announced, "Now there can be no turning back!" That is commitment; a choice never to turn back; a contract without escape clauses; a battle plan with no option for retreat. Love that never gives up can hold on because of commitment. It looks past the circumstance and locks its gaze on the promise.



Hosea had a decision to make. I am sure his feelings told him to run. After all, his heart must have been broken and to risk that kind of pain again seems absurd. His home was on the brink of disaster. Hosea must have been angry and hurt, not to mention embarrassed by Gomer's betrayal. Everyone knew what Gomer was doing because it had been going on for a long time. Hosea wasn't even sure that he was the father of his second and third child.



Hosea chose to stay because he was committed to God, to Gomer and to their marriage. Sometimes, being committed means sacrificing your own happiness for a time in order to redeem the relationship. God called Hosea to commitment -- the first time in marriage -- and now He calls him to show his love "again". The word "show" means "to be a friend or ally". Love that never fails focuses on the needs of others and chooses commitment.



Let's Pray

Father, I have to admit that it is so much easier to turn and run instead of staying simply because of commitment. Forgive me for judging others instead of loving them and giving them the same grace that you have given to me. Please help me to see these difficult people as You see them, through eyes of unconditional love and mercy. Give me the strength to overcome betrayal and hurt in my own life. Help me see the needs around me and then do something about those needs. In Jesus' name, Amen.



Now It's Your Turn

Right now, think of the hardest person in your life to love. Ask God to love them through you, to let you see them through His eyes. Write that person a note of encouragement this week, in Jesus' name.



More from the Girls

I must admit that the story of Hosea and Gomer makes me a little uncomfortable. When I tally the score, Hosea has more than enough points to ditch Gomer. Instead, he not only loves her, but pursues her and forgives her even when she doesn't seem repentant. That doesn't seem fair to me! Love that never fails does not deal in fairness but in grace and we are never more like Him than when we love the unlovable.



If you would like to hear the amazing story of Hosea and Gomer, check out Mary's CD, Love that Never Fails.




Bomb dropped - (09-11-2006) my 9-11

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oh wow CM. I had no idea she was expecting. I could not imagine what that would feel like.

I didn't realize you still had a thread going though...I guess I stopped checking after a while, I will go back and check on you. SORRY!!!

And actually, the MonaVie is doing good! I had a few people to work with that wanted to do the business, but 2 of them are in Germany doing business now for the next 4 months, but 1 girl I just signed up is very excited because her H's back pain (which was so much like mine) is going away and he's doing things he hasn't done in years!!! I'm so excited!

AND I wrote a song that we will probably play at church!!! I will definitely get it recorded and posted on myspace if we do. We just rehearsed it once last night, me on keyboard singing, the guitar and the drums., I think it sounded pretty cool too. I hope we can do it soon! I'm excited about it.

Well, gotta go, have had a busy week with fam over and bday parties.

I've gotta get back into the grove of being more intimate and initiating with my H again. I've not been doing that as much, as I've gained some of my weight back, and I've just not been as motivated on that part of the R. I definitely don't want to fall into those traps of...lack of self confidence, and lack of intimacy.

I'm also struggling big time with what to do about s10. He has recently been very adamant about NOT going to the public school again, and wanting to go to the private school we looked at. ug. We really cannot afford any private school, but I was hoping, and praying some that God would provide the $ so that he could go. I know that I've lost him in the respect of his R with Christ since he's been in public school, and his grades were just not good, in respect to what he SHOULD have gotten. and I know that he's not in an environment for him to learn the way he needs to in order to strive in school. oh, I wish we weren't in so much debt. but that's my fault, and my H's fault. I wish my H had a desire for him to go to private. He has no wish to pay for school when we can send him for free. I also wish I could homeschool again, but my H will never let me again, and my s10 wants me too, but I said that I would do what my H wants, so that I can allow him to be a leader in our household.

I wish God could give me an answer. and maybe the answer is keeping him where he is since we do not have the money to pay. \:\( They even changed the bus route so that he's farther away and that it will be right by someone in the neighborhood who is a registered sex-offender! and the transportation people won't change it. \:\(

Well, I need to go to bed as it's almost 2am!!! and I need to pray more about my s10. I am so bad about praying everyday and reading my bible everyday. It seems the day goes by so fast and I can't get everything done. I need to make a schedule for it. How does everyone else do it? Do you pray while with your children making dinner? or sit down and read while they watch tv? I find it so hard for me. although I do get on here, probably more than I read/pray, but then I feel this is a calling or a ministry for me, and in a way that is worshiping God. right?

okay, goodnight everyone.


Me 33 H 34 S9 S3
M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs)
EA/PA 1/2006
DB 5/2006
H wants D 6/2006
H wants ME 8/2006
H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006
H erased OW off phone! 2/2007

"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
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...


Me 33 H 34 S9 S3
M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs)
EA/PA 1/2006
DB 5/2006
H wants D 6/2006
H wants ME 8/2006
H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006
H erased OW off phone! 2/2007

"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
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Posts: 5,302
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((((ST))))

I owe you more soon, but for now, THANKS!!!


Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7
Bomb 1 10/07/06
Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15
Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07
Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate
2/08 slowly improving
7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!)
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oops, it's been so long I don't know what I did to deserve a THANKS Nik!


Well, guess what????? I got to perform my song at church yesterday! With the band too, I was really really nervous, plus the fact that I haven't been sick in a year from drinking my juice, but I've been watching kids and they have ALL gotten sick, so of course I catch somethin...but it's not near as bad as them, but it did cause my voice to be not-so-great, so I know there will be some pitch problems here and there, but I think overall it went good. I will be looking forward to hearing everyones critiques! It was my first "happy" song that I could actually DO in church.

anyways, I'm noticing that H and I are slacking on some things. like ML...we've just been busy and tired, especially with me doing this school care thing now. I can't believe he's been getting up at 6:30am every morning for the last 12 years!

We do have a vaca coming up in a few weeks to Pitts. we'll be watching a penn state AND a steeler game. luckily I love football, or else I'd probably HATE our trip! I've never been to a college game, or at least one that mattered, and I've never been to an actually IN season NFL game, so it should be pretty cool.

One thing though, it seems that he always wants to go on vaca with other people. we've only been on a trip by ourselves twice I think. and this trip we were suppose to have our realy good friends come with us, but something happened and they can't now, so we're both really disappointed, because I'm very close to the wife, and he's been BF with the H since he was in highschool (although they don't talk much) But, it just makes me nervous about how the trip will go because we don't have much in common and I don't want him to be bored with me. I know I need to not focus on these things and just focus on having a good time. It's really hard to do that sometimes when a third of your life has been focused on children and putting yourself last. It's almost as if I don't know what I enjoy anymore, or I don't know HOW to have fun.

I know that this is partly due to me not fully GALing during the sitch. I did GAL, but I was mostly by myself. I have though been more involvd with church since I play in the band now, so that has been good.

Another thing that I would like different is for us to do more things as a family. Life becomes so hectic, that we're never together. I think we've played a board game twice as a family. That seems really pathetic. We have watched a movie here and there, and really it seems like the only thing we do as a family is watch tv. I'm going to have to think of how to change that. My H spent over $100 bucks on a bike, and we've never gone out riding as a family.

HMMMMM.... I know, I need to stop looking at what's wrong and start thinking of solutions! But I'm too LAZY!!! hahaha... I want HIM to do it! ;\)


Me 33 H 34 S9 S3
M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs)
EA/PA 1/2006
DB 5/2006
H wants D 6/2006
H wants ME 8/2006
H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006
H erased OW off phone! 2/2007

"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
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