I have finally moved over here from the MLC boards as I am now officially building a new relationship with my H.
H moved back in two weeks ago. It was a gradual thing that was precipitated by my accepting a position in another town 3 hours away.
I wasn't looking for this opportunity, it found me by way of a professional recruiter. After much discussion, H and I decided that this is a perfect opportunity for us to build a new life together in a different town.
Also, we are going to have to live apart for another year as our son wants to graduate from the high school he's been attending with his friends.
So....
H and son will stay in our home until S graduates in 2009.
I have leased an apartment in new town and D20 will join me next month when she finishes her current semester.
I will travel home twice monthly at least to see S and H and ready our house for the market.
I had my last therapy session today as I leave for new town this Friday. H is still going every other week but may move up to weekly now that my slot is open.
There is no walking on egg shells.
No fear of H leaving again.
No fear of doing the wrong thing or "running him off".
Only the wonderful assurance of knowing that I am healthy and that as long as I hold onto myself, things will be as they are intended to be.
The "secret" to all of this I have found is that you have to confront yourself before things change.
Until you do an honest self-confrontation, learn about your dark side and embrace those things that need to be worked on, nothing changes.
Once you know who you are and REALLY get it in your head that the only person you can control is you, nothing changes.
Once you realize that you don't have to hate your estranged spouse to let them go, nothing changes.
Until you believe that each and every one of us has a right to choose our path, our life and our partners in life, you may hang onto someone or something that has choosen someone or something else.
The past 2 1/2 years have sometimes felt like walking on hot coals or broken glass. Looking back at what it took to wake me up and force my hand and heart to change, I would trade a step on my journey.
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." -Eleanor Roosevelt. M-42, H-42. M-22yrs, together 27yrs, Sep 5yrs. D-22, S-18 I'm a survivor
I am hesistant to use the term "piecing" because the goal is not to re-build our previous relationship. Our goal is to build the kind of relationship that we both want and never had...EVER.
H and I married young, had kids young and didn't develop the tools necessary to cultivate a deep and loving relationship. We went about marriage on auto-pilot thinking that is what we are supposed to do.
We are in "construction" not "piecing"!
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." -Eleanor Roosevelt. M-42, H-42. M-22yrs, together 27yrs, Sep 5yrs. D-22, S-18 I'm a survivor
T:22, M:20 H:55 Me:45 H-OW PA: N/07 OW Jan08 Bomb:Feb/08 S: Apr/08 Back together Ap1/09-Sept/11 Oct, 2011, uncertain future/H is a mess. Dec/11 - Doin'friend mode. Some days are better than others.
Well, my move to new town is complete! H and kids helped me move some of my things on Friday to my new apartment and stayed the weekend so we could check out "our new town".
Started new job today and boy do I have my work cut out for me! Found out that I have not one but two departments under my direction...
New apartment is awesome! I have never lived alone before. Went from mom and dad's to H's house and stayed in it when H left in 2005. I have too much time on my hands so the dog and I are spending time everyday in the dog park and my stuff is so organized I look OCD.
New town is beautiful and more than I hoped for.
H and I are doing great despite the move 3 hours away. I started crying as they were leaving on Sunday and H hugged me for the hundreth time and told me that I was going to be ok. I broke down and said ILY and he hugged me tighter and said ILY back.
It was the first time in over a year that we exchanged ILY's. I cried harder after they left because it was so simple but so beautiful.
I miss my babies and my honey.
I have my dog, a 13 inch TV that gets 3 channels with rabbit ears, 3 cans of ravioli, some chicken wings, tea and eggs...
I'M GREAT!
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." -Eleanor Roosevelt. M-42, H-42. M-22yrs, together 27yrs, Sep 5yrs. D-22, S-18 I'm a survivor
Trytoohard, Just wanted to let you know that I find inspiration in your thread. In our situation, we have been piecing since the beginning of the year, but W is still missing something, soooo...
W has decided that her moving out will be the best way to discover if being married to me is what she really wants or if it is just the comforts of home that make it easy to stay. She signed the lease on the apartment last night and will be moving this coming weekend. The apartment is just a short drive (or even walking distance) away in our case. We plan on continuing to work on the R, so I'm actually looking forward to what lies ahead for us in over the next year.
I hope you keep posting to let us know how you are getting along living so far apart.
When you get to the point that you are able to let go enough of your former need based attachments to your wife and see her as a seperate person with the right to make her own decisions, it gets MUCHO easier.
We are taught that "the two shall become one flesh". Yet, we must remain individuals with our own two feet underneath us to remain healthy.
The caveat to your wife having the freedom to make her own desicions is...she also has the responsibility for the consequences of those decisions. Let her take the consquences.
Things are going well here. It is hot and muggy and my apartment has gnats! I called the apt. mgr and said "Hey apartment manager guy, I have gnats!" and he said "we all do. It happens this time of year, nothing we can do." Then I mentioned the spiders and silverfish and he agreed to exterminate on thursday. I was prepared to mention roaches, rats and snakes if I had to.
H is now saying ILY daily. I went home this past weekend and it was great. We got alot done around the house and really enjoyed each other. H got teary eyed when I left Sunday and I felt a connection with him that I have never felt before. Like everything was just as it should be that we love and respect each other very much. I have NEVER felt this loved in our entire R.
Hang in there my piecing friends. Hold onto yourselves, love and nuture yourselves and get to the place where you know that no matter what, you are going to be ok. Things get so much better from there.
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." -Eleanor Roosevelt. M-42, H-42. M-22yrs, together 27yrs, Sep 5yrs. D-22, S-18 I'm a survivor
