well here I am 1 year after 'bomb' and still in 1 piece. H is home with me and he talks like we're gonna make it! All I can say is what a difference a year has made.
1-1/2 weeks ago I would have said "still no ILY's" but even that is just starting to change, H said to me last week, "Do you love me"? I said that I did and had for over 20 years. He said "well I want you to feel loved too". Then in a Valentine card he wrote "love ya" 4 times in different spots all over it. 2 days ago he signed an email with "L,D". D being his first initial. H clings to me now, holds my hand and tells me to sit by him. He hasn't had his ring on for over a year, that's another step I'm patiently waiting for.
He hasn't come right out and said it but there is love in his eyes when he looks at me. I knew it a year ago too but didn't say it, I knew it would have done no good with the way he was talking and feeling. I decided to become his girlfriend again. I wanted to be the 22 year old girl again that he fell in love with. Not just for him, but I was in misery too and I wasn't happy either with myself, and my M and H are what got the worst of me.
Luckily DR literally jumped out at me at the library the day after bomb and 5 days later I joined this board. Sadly I posted in the "I Need Support" section and got not one reply. Once I got the hang of it around here I did OK though. I don't think I would have made it this far if not for this BB. It's been a year of ups and downs for sure, and I've backslid. And the pain, I've never in my life known such pain as this year has been, especially the first 6 months. But you know what, no pain, no gain. I also like to think of the words to the Steve Miller song where he sings "You've got to go through hell before you get to heaven".
Well I've been to hell and back and I know that a lot of the fine folks here still are and I hope and pray for everyone of us to have a happy ending. Lisa
Hey tielbeagle! Congrats and all my best wishes for your relationship. It has been about 3 months for me (H started "re-bonding" with me). It still is scary because I catch glimpes of my h relapsing every now and then.
He has finally agreed to do some communication work in our relationship but I have to be so careful not to push. I have so much printed info on communication stuff and my h is really not a reader, it is so frustrating for me at times...ARRRGHHHH! LOL.
Did you get the video tapes and if so how is that going for you and h? I still haven't been able to "motivate" my h to listen to the audio tapes of Dr Phil's Relationship Rescue book. Both my h and I are working crazy shift work plus he works a second job that requires him to travel on his 4 days off .
His second job has been a big issue for me but I have to let go and allow my h to set his own priorities even when our relationship suffers as a result (and I feel hurt). I am working on my life not revolving around his so much and that is so hard especially when my h wants so much independance in his own life.
Anyways, glad to hear things are going better for you. Believe your h's actions and it sounds like you are trying to be patient with a lot. My thots and prayers are with you. Take care and God bless!!!
I have been here since Nov. and from what I read so far, your sitch and mine have some unique similarities. I haven't got around to reading your threads just what you posted on Paul's, I have a new thread too, big changes yesterday.
TielBeagle, Hope you had a good bday and Vday. It's so funny (interesting) how I find your posts so calm, especially as you speak of yourself as a previous B****, or moody, etc. I just don't believe it.
Mostly, I want to thank you for continuing to visit us here on the BB. Hope is something that keeps the human being alive, and I could imagine how easy it would be to walk away from here once you get what you wanted... the M.
I love the part about "love in his eyes" but I also know that there will always be the hard times, as displayed in your post about a week ago when H went to some class for the evening. That was an interesting post too, as typically I see you posting about the big picture and not getting caught up the the fragments of the itsy-bitsy picky stuff. You know, your M will never be "perfect", as how else could we grow and learn if we don't have the bumps and obstacles to test our strengths. Perfection is boring, anyway.
I think about you and the specifics of your situation sometimes and think that if only I did this or that, but I realize that each sitch is different, and we relate to one another the best we know how. I love it that your H is there, I love it that you didn't let him cake-eat. I think it's ok that he's not wearing his wedding ring yet; it's an indication that there may still be lessons to learn and the only lesson may be that there might be a lesson to learn and you have to be open to it. I know that I have no "authority" to say all this. My M is still in the failure stage, but somehow I feel you listening to me and I think I say things that strike a chord w you, or open you up a bit to another realm. Even on this BB we make up our own realities, just like in our R's, I guess. I hope that this post makes you realize that I'll be ok no matter what, and some of that is due to you. SS
Ange, we haven't watched the "Marriage Breakthrough" videos yet as there hasn't been time, wlthough H says he will watch them. THAT'S a big deal because a year ago he'd have had no interest at all. Another thing he would not do that your H is willing to do is go to a MC. I hope you get what you both need there. Lisa
well we're workin' on it, Kaw. I DB'd my hear out but also knew that H still loved me a little. I think if that edge is there you really have a chance. I bet more WAS's still love theire S's some but are being TOO stubborn to admit it to themselves. Lisa
Darkblue, don't dwell on that April 30 deadline, look at it as another chance to continue DB'ing and to win her haert back again.You can do it, you said DB'ing works and it does! I am prrof of that. Be the man she fell in love with... My strategy too and IT works also. Good Luck, Lisa
Sarah, oh my gosh if you only lived with me you'd know the B*&$#% I can be!!!
I don't feel I'm anywhere near ready to leave the BB, as I feel there is so much more DB'ing to do and much more learning for me to do for myself. I don't think I'll ever consider myself done or "having it made now" because THEN, I think is when a person would find themselves backsliding into old ways and then before you know it, it would all be SH*$ again, and I ain't goin there!!!!!
You're very kind with everything you've said Sarah, I hope you have a happy ending one day yourself. I don't consider myself having a happy ending, I'm just at a place that is happier than a year ago. I still have insecurities, I don't know if H is talking to "her" anymore or what. He's so loving to me that if he has her as friend, then so what. There's no way he's acting towards her like he does me, for one thing they don't ever see each other, I know where he is at all times and he's home when he's supposed to be.
Sarah I hope your H comes to his senses little by little, that's how it seems to go. My sit. got way worse before it got better. H didn't even seem depressed before bomb but after he was a mess. Really strange stuff this MLC. Take care and thanks for checking in on me. Lisa
I agree with what you said about our spouses still loving us (in some way) even if they say they don't. I think my H still loved me in some way, but was so tired of things, and so emotionally empty (his words) that he didn't want to admit his love for fear of things going back to the way they had been before.
It's still hard for me to think that there was a time when he was telling me he had no feelings at all for me. I never thought that would happen. But, we are getting things on track now, showing love, support, etc. He says he's still not "full", but he thinks it will just take a little more time. Listen, who in the world is EVER completely fulfilled? I'd like to meet that person, lol. At one time or another, we are all lacking something. You know what I mean? I'm going to keep filling up his love tank, and hope for the best. I love the person he is now, and the person I am now. I still have some work to do, but it's a slow process.
Anyway, I'm glad things are going well for you. Any other suggestions about books? Going to the store today to search again for Love Busters.
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