Let my last newcomers post lock up. This is a good time to move over here. In 2 weeks I'll give notice on my apartment and will be moving 12 hours away. Before I become a resident of a new state, I'll be filing for at least a legal separation (keeps insurance, etc going, but prevents other issues). I talked briefly to H about this and him getting his tons of stuff out of the basement. He said he hadn't thought about D since he looked at it around moving out time. Really??? That was in Nov and it is June and you are still having an affair.
Threw a wonderful father's day for H and D3, though. They had an amazing time and he loved the gift the kids "made" for him with a lot of mommy's help. She was very proud of it and kept telling people about it all day.
Hope all is well with you, AJ!
I hope some of you are still checking in, even though I haven't posted much in a few weeks.
I'm very overwhelmed. 1st, my landlord very nicely, but firmly told me to take a few extra days to let her know about renewal when I told her I didn't think it would work. She basically said we needed to suck it up and figure out the money so I could stay close to H, otherwise the kids would lose their dad because he'd stop seeing them because he'd want to avoid the guilt and negative feelings or because he'll start a 2nd family.
Next, I'm confused about where to live in general. The house next door to my parents is for sale, overpriced/needs some work...I'm sick of living out of boxes and moving constantly. Not sure I'm ready to buy a house, though, and it's not where I want to live longterm.
Finally, H and I discussed two things last night, housing and his life. Housing caused a near fight, since I told him staying local wasn't really an option in my mind since he hadn't even asked us to stay or said he'd move closer to the kids if we did and he was very touchy about all considerations other than us going away and leaving him to his misery.
Basically, we talked about healing things he could do to get his life back on track (other than reconciling, which he has no interest in). He wants to get away from OW (and I think from me) and from the dark, negative feelings/guilt/etc. He has a lot of guilt and is still angry at me sometimes. He says I am better than him and it makes him feel bad about him self and that I dominate his personality. Plus he sees how moving away from my friends and family affected my well being so negatively and he says he feels a lot of guilt about that.
So basically, H is trying to get his inner self sorted out, which I am proud of and happy for him. However, he's decided he wants us, but doesn't deserve us? Is afraid of failing again? Is tired of coming up short in comparison (in his mind- the rest of us think he's pretty great)?
What do I do?
Argg, we're in such a better place, but my parents hate and do not trust H. How am I going to balance between these two families that I have?
Just out of curiosity... why does your landlord think that your H would start a second family if you don't renew your lease? Just asking...
As far as his inner turmoil goes... I've read that could be a sign that he's finally beginning to work things out in himself. Possibly a good sign... also a point where he could go into the MLC "replay"... nothing you can do to prevent it if that's what happens...
Best you can do is let him work it through. I guess you can validate if he contacts you. I've heard that any questions from WAS regarding R would best be responded with something like, "I am not sure what the future holds" or similar...
As far as the R between your parents and your H... *shrug*... IDK...
It is a difficult enough road to rebuild a M as far as I've heard. I'm guessing that rebuilding all the Rs that are interlinked to the M would have their own challenges... Likely part of why it's said that rebuilding a M is possibly more difficult than having to deal with a possible D...
Wish I could offer better words of encouragement.
Hi - landlady had a terrible cheating EX. Years ago and she is still very angry. She has a very bare bones idea of what is going on, since she's been there and read into what I did tell her (H called her and tried to cancel our lease months ago).
Hey AJM80.
Lost you there for a bit. Just dropping you a note to let you know I'm still keeping tabs on you.
OMW
Hi OMW - long time no talk. How are things with you? I am getting ready, I think, to finally pull the trigger on that move. Told H that if he could figure out finances, I would be willing to live near him in a cheaper town (he would have to move near us too). So between that and a fun weekend over july 4th he is freaking out/feeling like he's raised expectations and backed waaay off again. I think I should probably go dark. Get some space, protect myself while he sorts himself out. We did have a good talk the other night, when I asked him why he was being so weird. We talked, then hugged it out.
Also, I went on a quasi-date 2 weeks ago with a guy I new 15 years ago - jeez, terrible idea. I am WAAAAAy to vulnerable to even go out as friends. Thank goodness he is a good, decent guy and we all just had a beer or two. I bet I hugged him a dozen times...you know, when you just want to be close to someone. I think he and I are safely in the friend zone and I had fun, but still....weird night for me.
What's new with you? feel free to post here or on yours.
I think I am down to a few followers from this little break I have been taking.
I think H loves and misses our family (and maybe me specifically), but is too scared of failing again...AND I think he is sad and depressed and probably having trouble ditching OW and making it stick. Fear is a tough thing to overcome.
Nothing new with me. I moved over here to "Separated" with you, as WAW move out long ago. My new thread is here:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2169008#Post2169008Interesting that you have come so far. I think you are making great progress.
Funny about the quasi-date. Sorry it didn't go so well. I've had some recent activity in that arena and I am finding it enjoyable and fun. Nice to have someone's attention who doesn't scorn me constantly.
I have nothing really new to report with the exception that I have grown sick and tired of all this. The depth of my concern with my W & my sitch has grown very shallow. I feel like I'm entering a new phase here.
Keep at it. I'm here with you, still.
OMW.
Yeah, I have to give a lot of credit to H. He's NOT being the man he could or should be, but he is providing for us and spending good time with the babies. He was very honest a few weeks ago and now he's pulled away again. I thank you for that article on the dance. I am a pursuer, a fixer, and a smotherer. Maybe I do need to just move away and let him jump in or not - at least then I'll know. Do I tell him I am going to see an Atty before, after, not at all? What are your thoughts there?
In my sitch, my thoughts are to avoid all that. It would be good if WAW & I can just come to a mutual understanding and minimize the effects of the court system on our lives. In Nevada, getting a D isn't a real big deal, as long as it is uncontested. We've both had consultations and neither of us really like the results. I think, when/if we get to that point, she and I will sit down and do divorcewriter.com and just get it done.
I'd prolly not go with the big "surprise" route. If the two of you are communicating, then keep doing it.
So I am thinking - what's the next step? Do I stand and risk a financial hit and more heartbreak? Do I accomodate's H's moodiness by bending over backwards to keep the kids and I close enough that he can still visit all the time? Do I say, look, I am here for you, let me know if you want to talk (in other state)? Or do I go dark, stop sending pics of the kids, stop having more than basic convos with him, etc? And see what he does?
lol... I don't think you want my opinion right about now on that...
I'm doing the ultimate LRT now... time to cut my losses and move on. If she ever wants back, it's likely that we will be the D and re-M stat...
hahaha... unlikely... lol!
I'd go dark. It's helped me a lot in my switch. Kind of step away and live my life on my terms helps to give clarity. Over on ninelives thread, someone posted a thing on MidLife Crisis. It makes sense and I have had success with it in my site. This is the link
http://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate...d-distance.htmlHope this helps.
Hi all - exciting news, I've met someone new and am engaged and due with his baby in April 2012.
PSYCH.
just seeing if you were awake. No MLC or nasty rebound for me yet.
I am moving back to parent's town in 2 weeks. H is driving our stuff back. I'll keep you all updated. Quiet for now. We had a pretty major convo 2 weeks ago. Seems like H is near bttom. He has the date his insurance policy no longer has any restrictions on it memorized. I'm going to wife him a bit and make sure he has a counseling appt before and after we move. He loves us very much, but isn't in any sort of reconciliation place. We'll see what some patience and distance bring.
The kids and I will have family, he and I will have safer finances (paying off school loans), and some other considerations.
We'll see what happens.
LOL. Very funny AJM80! Glad you are coming here with a sense of humor about all this.
FWIW, I think your plan is sound, esp. the counseling part. Separation and familial support will help you. There never anything wrong with getting ur finances "safe." Keep doing what you're doing and keep the faith.
Thanks for the update. It's good to hear from you.
OMW
You...
are sooo not funny, AJM...
I was so HAPPY for your new baby and fiance... and you just let me down horribly...
Hahaha - KD, RULE 1 for dating is don't "F" crazy. Crude, but remember that. It's why affairs rarely work out in the long run, Charlie Sheen can't stay married, and strippers generally don't work out as wives.
Maybe I'll do a little rebound dating next spring, but I know I'm not ready now. The crazy thing is we all still love each other. H just isn't fixing his "crazy" and he and I both know it's a good rule. He doesn't want to let us or himself down. And he's not ready to fix himself and be the man I've always seen him to be.
How are you guys doing? I'll drop in and see soon, but moving is making things a bit nuts.
I'm just trying to figure out how to get my W to file... maybe I should show up there with my suitcase and tell her I'm moving back in...
I think she's got her future all planned out now, so she's full on D mode now... I am pretty OK with that...
Talked to my nutbar aunt today for the first time about my sitch. There was no such thing as DBing back in the day, 20 years ago... but funny, her L told her "no contact" for her and uncle until settlement signed... she said it worked great for her.
She said to me that there's no point getting seriously involved with any new lady now that I have kids... it actually made sense... I think she might be smart, that way... lol
Hi everyone, I could really use some help and support. Just moved to where my parents live, plus found out H (who was trying to fix his soul/be a person he could be proud of again) is still dating the stripper who he says he's been trying to end thing with/hates sometimes (not indicative of turning over a new leaf - using her, using me, lying to both?).
I've decided I need to be done with him and go dark for my sanity. Thought I was doing very well as friends/friendly for kids. We weren't reconciling, just status quo/small improvements (well, some big ones). But I don't think he respects me, I think he's using her for sex/to feel young and not alone and using me to feel like a good person/family man/keep his parents and the kids happy.
Any suggestions? I've just moved and am a bit overwhelmed/depressed. Am working on getting through it without using frequent contact/hope of reconciling as a crutch. Around my family a lot, which is a double edged sword since I cannot just avoid and I have help w/kids which gives me time to think. Thanks!
I think you've made a wise decision A. He's no where near hitting bottom yet, and you keeping it "friendly" might just be enabling him to continue with the status quo. Time apart will either either give him a true wake up call, forcing him to realize what he's lost or it will confirm your decision to remove yourself from the sitch and move on. Either way, you've made the right move.
For now, just relax and enjoy your family and your new life. Try not to second guess and take things one day at a time. Either way, you'll be fine.
Keep us posted.
OMW.
Ok, continuing to stay busy, hanging out with some people I went to hs with (including a guy who is totally up for looking out for me/wants to date a close friend/says things that makes sense and doesn't try to put the moves on me). Some friends want me to get drunk and "let it all out" or "spill", but the best ones get that I'm like a super soft boiled egg. I need that shell till things are more together inside or I'll just ooze all over.
Question for you: Since you are now out and on your own, have you toyed with the idea of just forgetting it all and not even bothering with a divorce, but just moving on with your life on your own terms? Are you still holding on that he may one day come around?
I'm curious as to your thoughts. I've just become so sick of my sitch, I just wanna go away. The thought of even having to deal with getting a D right now, let alone do anything with my W turns my stomach.
Hey OMW - At this point, I don't really love him (or so I had decided last week). I found a crush to sort of focus my attention on, but it's not anything that would go anywhere or lead to a relationship. H threw out that it has been a lot harder than he expected since we left, but did not clarify if he misses me in addition to the kids. I'm assuming he means our older child the most, then the baby to a lesser extent. He's coped by shifting the love/missing he had for me over to the kids. He's talking about signing a year lease and then trying to get a transfer to be closer during his annual review at the end of next year.
My dose of reality guy friend brought up that no decent guy he knows would want to get involved with me while I am still married/technically in a relationship with someone else. Harsh, but he's probably right. As long as I am still legally married to H, I feel obligated to at least leave a little crack open for trying to reconcile. Really, because I can see H is juuuust starting to change. He said that his job prospects cannot be the number one priority anymore, that even if it hurts his career, he needs to be closer. So, I went from being irate and not speaking to him when we moved and his slut gf called
to loving him again, just a tiny bit...
To answer your question, I am keeping busy, trying to keep my mind otherwise occupied. I'm not ready for a relationship with someone else and I'm not really ready to deal with the finality, expense and emotions/hassle of a divorce. So I am in a bit of limbo. I am trying to break the cycle I have of playing happy family when H is around. I've started to tell more family and like I said, I have a little flirtation going - friends with limited to no benefits? Right now I feel like I'm all dried out and cracked up. Think smashed pottery - I emergency glued the big pieces together so that I look like a water jug again, but if you poured water in I would just fall apart. Gotta get to those little cracks and use some better glue this time.
This is all a mess anyway - it doesn't really matter how it turns out. You need a friend right now, if you know any divorced women NOT in a relationship and NOT NOT looking for a new relationship, a listening, understanding ear might help. I'm getting a lot of hugs from friends and family and it's starting to help. Be realistic about what you're ready for- even if your wife makes you ill, a new relationship won't work now anyway...really, you're healing and sometimes it's lonely and it [censored]. I crave love, affection, sex, someone to fold big blankets/sheets with...a partner. That won't come again for a long time, my friend.
What do you guys think about dating at this point? Not seriously looking for a relationship, but dating? I'm married with two little kids and feel like I am some weird untouchable state. There's a very limited amount of time for me to leave the kids with family and go out and what sort of guy wants to date a lady who is married with kids? A nice guy would want me to be divorced/not mess with a married lady. A jerk wouldnt care, but the last think I need is a guy who just wants to mess me up more/make me feel cheap. I am starting to see why so many people go for this "friends with benefits" thing.
I'd have to say... define... "dating"...
Are you talking about going to a movie with someone, diner and dancing... or friend with benefits...?
You bring up the "married but dating" thing... the so called "open" M... and personally, I really could not see myself doing that... but that's now... at least not emotional or sexual intimacy... but I would entertain diner and a movie with someone as companionship... but not technically a date...
I'm still not sure what I'm going to do, but I expect separation papers in the next couple days... I may hold out as long as I can and negotiate some finer points... but I'm not prepared to hold on too long and will get counsel on the docs and sign them if there's likely no sign of movement...
but what I'm trying to say is, Nov. 6 marks the day we can technically file... and I honestly feel that... I need D to really be able to move on with my life... my W commented in an email that she figures the sep papers will do that for me... no... we're still M and I can't truly move on without D...
IF I don't file D right away, it will likely be because I am not ready (emotionally) to move on... it will be my... guiding light, as it were...
I don't know, that was a lot of probably nothing that didn't answer your question...
I don't see myself getting to close with anyone, until D is filed...
I don't believe in an open marriage...more questioning ethics in a marriage that is constructively dead, like mine. We've lived apart nearly a year, not had sex in much longer, and he's been emotionally checked out for a long time. Now we live in different states. What is my obligation to him? Legally, morally, religion-wise...I just don't know how I feel. Probably should push for a legal separation harder, but he's dodging all those questions.
I'm not ready for a relationship/boyfriend sort of thing. But I do think I am ready to start severing those emotional ties to him (we've been together since I was 19) and feeling out other options.
ajm
my mc told me once that if I chose to stay m, at least don't let 'fear of being alone" be a factor. That surprised me (he was a DB mc too, btw).
his point was that there ARE decent men out there and not to fear being alone so much that I became a doormat or lived in a trapped marriage in effect.
While legally separated, I did date. It was weird at first and I was very careful. But I did have some fun. The good news is that I found myself genuinely attracted to 1-2 men, (didn't sleep with them so no weird regrets there). They were intelligent and fun, and it was very good for my ego.
Mostly, It gave me a glimpse into a possible future without h, that was a happy one.
And ALL the men who asked me out in the past 5 years (married or not) had kids of their own, btw. One of my brothers told me he knew if he remarried, that the woman would have to already have a child of her own and he was glad b/c otherwise she'd want one of her own w/him, and he didn't want to be a father again.
(He had 3 girls of his own and his 2ndw brought her 3 girls into the m and yes, they had a girl of theirs together (oops!) so they have 7 d's. See why he would not want another child? Most men over 35 will get that. THEY may want another child with you, so figure that out. But don't assume "no one wants a woman with 2 kids." It's modern reality.
The better news is that in general, I found myself thinking that the pre-MLC h of mine, was better suited for me than 95% of men out there. H is very smart, not threatened by my income or IQ or degrees, he gets my jokes, he's active, etc...so don't assume that your h's dating is all about you looking bad by comparison. I'd be surprised if that were at all true.
IOW, even though I enjoyed meeting these OMs I mostly came away thinking that h was the best one for me...unless he stayed in his MLC, in which case there were other very pleasant options out there.
I pass this on, fwiw. And b/c I know limbo sukks.
(( ))
Thanks! Today was our 7th anniversary, so it was a very difficult weekend. I'm 31, with a 1 and 3 year old, so time alone is hard to come by and so is time with grown ups. My parents took the kids and a girlfriend came in from out of town. We went out and (to quote the Eagles) Drank to Forget.
It feels like a lot to expect any man, even guy friends or family, to really accept and love me in my current position. I know that some of that is the after effects of what H did to me. But some of it is real - I'm still working through a lot of crap and have some serious self defense mechanisms that pop up. Plus I don't have a lot of time/energy to devote to others. When I have time away from the kids, I enjoy it, but they're pretty young and have been through a lot too this year.
What you're saying makes sense. I'm on the fence about whether I have to figure me out 1st or if meeting people/casually dating is part of figuring all this out?
I hope I do find some interesting men to date and don't have too many bad experiences while I figure this out. I'm working out a ton right now, getting in shape for me, for being a role model for the kids, and ....well....I'd rather attract fit, active guys who value taking care of their health.
Hi AJM80
I've read your threads now and I find we have some similarities in our situations.
My H left home last December (just 2 days before Xmas, 6 weeks after finding out I was pregnant with 3rd kid and 1 week after moving in to a new house we bought...)
My kids are 4, almost 3 and our little one just turned 3 months old. When H left, he was starting an EA with a client from work. Our M had gone bad for a few years - too much work, neglect from both ends, lots of resentment from my part and finally my H gave up silently until he became a WAH.
Just 4 weeks after he left, he started dating (in addition to his EA with client). I did not find out until March, when I caught him with a "guest" at his place. It turned out to be the client. His EA had turned to PA. She is married, has 2 kids and at the time was still "working on her marriage."
Long story short, my approach once I found out he was dating, was, like you, to try to be friends. I had an open door policy - he would come see the kids almost daily. (Sometimes even laying down in my bed to rest, just like your h). Our R improved, we had good times together and he noticed my changes. Yet, at the same time, his R with OW became stronger (I didn't realize this at the time.)
I was hopeful that with our son's birth, he would decide to leave OW and decide for his family. Yet, just the opposite. Just two weeks after the birth of our son, he told me he was in love with OW, she had left her H and they were pursuing their R openly. So in essence, he was having his cake and eating it too.
I was soo devastated that I have had a very hard time recovering. I have been very resentful the last three months and have lost all momentum and progress in my R with him. His R with OW is going really well - they are truly in love and it seems serious. (Yes - I have snooped and found lots of evidence of a very strong emotional and physical bond.)
Now H wants to finally file for D and move on with OW. My sit. is not looking promising, but I am not giving up. Many have adviced to focus on me until (if it happens), his rosy R with OW cools down.
I love the way you have been able to detach. I find that you are in a much healthier place than me. You don't seem to have just put your life on hold for your H and I can sense real confidence in you. I wish I felt the same way.
For now, I don't really have a lot of time to GAL. I am not back at work and am seriously considering not doing it anytime soon - the kids are really struggling, specially the middle one. It's so confusing. And even though H still is around with them and is very loving, his contact with them is limited due to work and OW (she is not local).
I also admire that you have worked out. I have lost a ton of weight, but now want to get back to working out and triathlon training, which is something I like, but until my work sit. is figured out, I feel like I all my other decisions will need to wait.
Anyways, just wanted to tell you that I think you are doing great and I really enjoy reading your posts / progress. Your strength inspires me and believe me - I know what you are going thru trying to raise your little ones.
Hang in there!
Hi KG - Thank you so much for your post. I hope you guys are doing ok through the holidays. That was the WORST last year.
I have started to detach since we moved out of state. H helped me financially and we agree on a lot of things about raising the kids. Sometimes he still makes me mad, but I have really learned that being mad at him doesn't change anything. It doesn't bring my closer to peace or erase what has happened. I am more and more convinced that I am better off without him. Because really, how can you be better off with someone who DOESNT want to be with you. If God works a miracle and things change, it will be a new relationship between two totally changed people...I truly believe that and I hope you can start to see it too.
What I thought was silly advice turned out to be the best...
1) Join your local ymca and start working out everyday. The Y where we are now has free childcare and it is amazing. For an hour or so, almost everyday, my kids get to socialize with calm, happy adults and children. I get to workout, which was hard the 1st 2 weeks. Then it started to get easier...then the gym regulars started talking to me and including me in their joking and chatter....then I started to look better and feel stronger and have more energy and pride. I may not be eating better or losing any weight, but as a woman and a mom, it helped kick me back into an upswing.
2) If you're like me, you need to get out of your head. A good girlfriend, who had a front row seat to all this, told me I needed to stop over thinking and trying to plan everything out. Life wasn't going to fit my planning and trying to think through each step and possible result was maddening. So I let a lot of it go and have been much happier since.
On a personal note, if you're ok and making decent choices, your kids will be ok. They may not be perfect, but who gets to be perfect? Get family support (moving back by, not with, my parents and his parents has been huge), get time away from the kids, and embrace the good things in your life. My son saved me, I think. I'm not going to raise him that way....but cuddling that little newborn and knowing what I had, that my husband would never get back...that made me calm and made me feel strong about the path I chose.
A billion words..not sure if it helps you. Just truly, truly believe that you life may not be what you planned, may not be perfect, but it'll be ok. Teach it to your kids by showing them that you're ok. That comes from you, not from any man or job or relationship.
2) If you're like me, you need to get out of your head. A good girlfriend, who had a front row seat to all this, told me I needed to stop over thinking and trying to plan everything out. Life wasn't going to fit my planning and trying to think through each step and possible result was maddening. So I let a lot of it go and have been much happier since.
This is HUGE. This is the number hardest lesson I've had to learn, yet the most productive and beneficial.
It just happen for me one day. I finally had enough of all the constant inner monologue and just set it all to the side - all of it. Life has been wonderful since. I live every day to the fullest, because I'm finally comfortable in my own skin.
Glad to hear you are still making progress, AJM. Good to hear you are ok.
OMW
That's "#1 hardest lesson."
Sorry for not proof reading. As a man, I'll never be good at multi-tasking! LOL
Haha, no worries about proof reading. Happy New Year everybody!
I check in so rarely. Lots happening though. H and I just bought a house for the kids and I to live in. I will find out this week if I got a part time job (work from home for old coworker) and what salary they want to offer. Friend I had a sort of crush on has a girlfriend now, which is great because that was just a crutch to keep my brain off other things. And I went to see an amazing, reasonably priced attorney - certified family law practitioner and works for the same firm as a family friend. AND my birthday is coming up. The big 32.
H sent me a e-book reader and a birthday cake to pick up, from the kids. We're going to hash through some of the logistics of divorce next week when he comes back to see them @ Easter.
Peace be with all of you who are still rolling through here periodically. This has the makings of a good, but difficult transition year.
Just getting caught up - been so busy with life I haven't spent much time here either. Kind of sad about you guys, but I do trust you to do what's best for you. Keep on keeping on.
OMW
H still will not talk about D. Avoids conversation, dodges texts and emails. I cannot bring myself to just file. It's nice to not be divorced, have his great insurance, and avoid that crappy stress of admitting I failed, that I sucked at being married. (false? I dunno, I think if you get divorced you suck at being married. Defeatist attitude today, don't feel that way normally) I know I will have to do it eventually...every time I get close to making a big deal out of it and forcing a convo, something (life) gets in the way. I may be a more passive person that I realized.
I'm a bit lonely and depressed, but kids have been sick the last few weeks, lots of money going into house, etc and it is all wearing on me. Joined church softball league. New job starts in June. House is going pretty well other than termites and some hail damage to the roof....lol. I know things will come back around once I stop waking up to sick, crying children at 2 am.
He was in town 2 weeks ago. We took kids to the zoo, shopping, playground, emergency run to the dr for son's burst eardrum. He was very present and a person I would want to be married to. He got up with the baby in the middle of the night, comforted our daughter, and was supportive, encouraging, and grateful of/for my parenting of our kids.
Jackass. Why can't he either stay the jerk who is 700 miles away screwing a stripper and taking life enrichment classes to find himself and get divorced OR man up consistently and be present for his "wife" and children? I know a lot of reasons why he will not and can guess reasons he thinks he can not. It's just frustrating.
I do not know what to do next, folks. Mostly, I am at peace with my current life. Appreciating what I have and getting through the crap (there's always some crap). There is a lot of wondering about where I want to end up. Perpetually informally separated, divorced/dating, divorced/remarried, etc. I don't want to get ripped apart like this again and may be hiding out.
Force the conversation and start filing?
Keep coasting along, being sort of friends and co-parents?
Coast along, but stop talking to him regularly? Very hard with a 2 and 4 year old to keep connected with skype and cell phone.
So what do I do?
Well, my daughter sounds like she's about to throw up all over her bed...so I guess that answers that question.
idk, AJM... my W is the same...
I'm in the process of starting the process...
I know that some newbies wish they were in this sitch but really... the "un-divorced" thing sux...
but... I'm not rushing... It'll get done when it gets done...
really, I do know someone who is still M after 10 years of separated... i don't think I'll be to interested in celebrating THAT anniversary...
stay well...
Holy cow! 10 flipping years of separation? Do you know Warren Buffet was separated until his wife Suzie died a few years ago? She got sick of his crap and moved out west with her tennis coach, left him with a lovely woman to do housekeeping/act as a companion....
I have 2 little kids and waffle between letting it ride and cutting him loose. I don't want my almost 4 year old to think MIA husband is something acceptable for herself. BUT...son only had a live in dad for 4 months. At least now we won't have him asking if he "caused" daddy to move out.
Dingaling.
Oh well, shallow dating pool in town. Who knows what will happen. For now, kids, new job, and getting house sorted out.