Hi Guys,
I feel that after Thursday night we've gone back into Stage 1 of the cycle. I invited him for dinner tonight and he declined. It would appear that the friendship stage will have to be slowly approached again. I guess I wanted things to go a little quicker than they were going. Patience is key to all of this and I think I got a little ahead of myself.
Time to pull back and regroup. I won't initiate any activities for a while and give him time to pull back a bit too.
(((Jen))) we all backslide. Heck, look at me, I am the QUEEN of backslide!!! You will get through this. I think you have the right idea of backing up and regrouping. We all need to do that sometimes.
How are you feeling?
Hi Lola! I'm ok just a little saddened that's all. Feeling like the weather (thunder and lightening with heavy rain) here today.
Everything will be fine I'm sure.I've come along way since February so I know I'll be ok.
Yes you will. I think this is a momentary setback, and it will blow over. You and your H have had too much positive interaction. Again, maybe he just needs a brain break, and so do you. Its okay to take care of you. I know that is easier said than done, but just relax. Do something today just for you. (((Jen)))
Hi Lola! The good news is he still wants to go to the football game tomorrow but the bad news is the weather might not agree!
See then!!! You guys have come too far for you to worry. I know it is hard, especially in light of all you have been through. Make a new strategy, just relax and go with the flow. Find something you can do, rubber band or something, when you feel yourself starting to slip. You are really doing great!
You are Jen, don't be discouraged. Show him a positive you.
(((Jen)))
Thanks Lola and Julia! Send some good weather vibes please! It's expected to be rainy til Wednesday...yuck!
Jen,
You've been doing really well. Your H wouldn't agree to go to the game with you if you were back at stage 1. It seems you are at stage 2 but you would like to hurry it along into stage 3 and he's not ready for that YET. Try not to push it (easier said than done). He obviously enjoys spending time with you. Hang in there!
We actually had some nice weather today for the first time in weeks so I'm sending it right over!!!
(((Jen))) Just like everyone else said if you were back to stage 1 he would not still want to go the game with you. Just hang in there...it probably is the weather adding to your mood. I'm sending our good weather vibes to you!!
**Sunny, blue skies and a light breeze**
Jen,
You've been doing really well. Your H wouldn't agree to go to the game with you if you were back at stage 1. It seems you are at stage 2 but you would like to hurry it along into stage 3 and he's not ready for that YET. Try not to push it (easier said than done). He obviously enjoys spending time with you. Hang in there!
That was exactly my thought. It's not that you're frustrated because you've slid back to stage one, it's because your too anxious to get to stage three.
Be patient Jen. I know it's frustrating, but you're still getting there. Remember, it's a marathon. I've never ran a marathon, but I know that about a mile into it, I'd want it to be over too.
Ok so maybe I'm a little down. How could you tell?
Well, they went out before it started raining and I wasn't invited and also I invited him for dinner and he declined. I was talking it personal and I have stopped.
Yes, he still wants to go to the game and that's great. I'm very happy for that...just hope the weather cooperates. Be a pity that the first game of any sort we go to together and it gets rained out LOL...karma?
Ok so maybe we didn't go all the way back into Stage 1 but he is dealing with some negative emotions right now and told me so Thursday. He'll come around again but there are only so many time I can hurt him before he doesn't. I can't push it anymore.
Jen the thing is you have realized what you are doing....which gives you the opportunity to try to stop it next time. I think it much worse and harder when we don't realize what we are doing. You have the advantage just keep it in mind and remember to use it!!
Addie and Floyd I think you guys are right I was axious to got to stage 3...jumped my guns and it didn't work out to well. Now I will go even slower.
Sometimes I want to scream...
XH and D went to go to MacDonalds around 2 this afternoon. They didn't go but instead headed off to the club. While there he "remembered that D was invited to a pool party" there. She didn't have a swim suit so he bought her one to "have in the car just in case". I asked him if he bought a gift and he had bought a couple of tubes of dinosaurs in Miami "for situations like today".
I could just kick him. He usually blames things like this on coinsidence. I want to believe him but I have my doubts.
One big issue in our M is that he felt that I didn't believe/trust him to do the right thing or tell the truth. He still gets hurt if I let on that I don't believe/trust him. This pool party is another example of this issue.
Are you upset because you thought they were coming right back after McD's???
No I knew they were going to be a while...it just looks like he knew there was a party at the club and didn't mention it to me...my H has a way of forgetting stuff so it probably is true that he forgot about the party.
I have to have faith that what he said was the truth. If I question him then I'm showing my old self again. I need to drop it so he sees that I can change. I came here to vent and say what I'd love to tell him.
Just venting so I don't freak at him
LoL...Good Jen!!! Our H are very much alike they forget everything and some things make it seem as though they are lying and then when you confront them on it....you don't trust them!!
Completly gotcha!! Your right most likely he did forget..I mean what sense does it make that he would want to spend extra money on another bathing suit. Vent away!!!!!
I believe him (now) but it took some thinking hard and a couple mini questions to figure it out.
I'm still chatting with him...but about D's party we want to have in the club in November. She turns 7 and we want to invite 5 or 6 little school friends to the club for a pool party...but the rule is that the pool cannot be reserved on a Saturday. We're trying to figure out how this kid managed to have his party at the pool on a Saturday.
Awww kids b-day parties!!! Damn that's weird...you need to find out how. That sounds like a cute idea. November..your D is a Scorpio too?
Nope shes a sag...born the 27 of Nov...phew!
LoL....I know I was thinking wow you definatly were outnumbered!!
Hi Jen,
Time to pull back and regroup. I won't initiate any activities for a while and give him time to pull back a bit too.
I've been reading some principles suggested in this book that I found interesting.
They're all pretty simple, but somehow when you see them listed they have more of an impact;
#19-There's nothing more prized to a man than something hae had to wait for, work for, or struggle a bit to get.
#20-As soon as a woman hands a man a more seriuos commitment on a silver platter, he'll be reluctant to take it.
#21-Don't be so blunt, obvious, or available that you come across as having made up your mind about the guy.
#22-You want to figure out his pattern, but don't let him figure out yours.
#23-Men are far more smitten when they feel like they are stealing your time away from something else you could have been doing.
#24-When a woman makes a man feel he's trusted, it makes him feel strong & worthy. It makes him want to be honorable & do the right thing.
I won't go thru all 75, but the common theme is mystery, confidence, keep it unpredictable, etc., all the things we pretty much already know, but somehow could use steady reminders along the way.
Here's to good weather coming your way......
Sunny
Sunny - I like those points. What book are you reading? It sounds interesting.
Jen - Ok I think you're doing it again. Does it really matter if he remembered about the pool party or not? Not really. Is it a little irritating? Probably. This is a good example of a instance when you need to drop it. Good job coming here and venting instead of questioning him to death.
Now....What are you doing for you?
Jen- just catching up a bit..sounds like it is fine w him wanting to go to a futbol game...i think he wouldnt go to that if he was pulling way far away...just a small pull back...that is just life...even when you are married happily there are times of pull backs....
it will be ok
Hi Jen,
I agree with all of the other posts. It doesn't sound like a backslide, or that you've gone back to the beginning. I don't have a lot to add, but I just want to add my reassurances to the others...
ITH
Jen, Thought you scared me off, hah!
I'll offer a suggestion for you. You seem to have a lot of expectations, get dissapointed, take it personal (think its your fault) and then your emotions kick in. Plan your actions out ahead of time. Think thru what you are going to do. When I coach we go over situations a lot. When this is happening here's how we are going to play. That way my team is not reacting (emotion) but thinking. We already know what we are going to do. We practiced it , talked about it , drew a picture just so the we don't have any anxiety about the situation.
Back to basics, you don't control him. Quit making his actions about something you did wrong. Just own your actions, thoughts and feelings.
I have to make a longer post than normal on your thread because by the time I get back in the morning you will have had this thread closed with 200+ posts and have started a new one.
Cheers
Hi everyone!
Sunny that list is pretty good...what book is it from?
Amy, you are so right...I still can't seem to stop paying attention to what he's doing. Maybe I'm not trying hard enough?
Pisces, I think I am the one needing to pull back this time around. I think I can
ITH, thanks for dropping by...I appreciate you reassurances too.
Coach, we all thought you ran as far as you could from us lol!
The strategies that you use for sports can easily be applied here. If someone can decide how they will react to different situations they are more likely to be successful.
I know that his negative thoughts are not a reflection of me but are his interruptations of events in the past. I cannot control how he sees things nor can I make him see anything differently than he does. I can only hope that he'll remember more positive things when he's ready. But that's the way the WAS is isn't it? They see everything in the R as negative alomost as a way of justifying leaving.
Jen - my first post to you - "Hi"
On the pulling back thing - I too have been reading - In my case Men are from Mars etc and associated books and it strikes me from this particular angle that your H is merely retreating into his "cave" for some r & r time.
If he, like me, finds it difficult to have his life "organised" for him, IMO this is quite understandable.
Perhaps he needs time to feel in control again and then he'll be open to ideas.
I think -don't look on it as a backslide, but as an additional bit of information to take into consideration next time round.
May be way off target here - and if so "sincere apologies".
Best - GFI
So we didn't go to the game today...it was just too wet! The rain began at 10am and went until 2pm. The game began at 4pm.
XH came buy around 1pm and watched Tom & Jerry with us, fell asleep on the bed, and then played Legos with D while I cooked dinner. He left about 4pm to go and bring his parents somewhere and said he wouldn't be back anymore today.
He'll pick up D tomorrow at around 8am and he said he had one little thing to do around midday but he would take care of her for the day.
Fill me in on you. What do you do to take care of yourself?
Hi GFI! Welcome! No need to apologize
I don't think you're off target at all. My XH Hates it when I try and control his life. Maybe he does need to regain control over his life a bit more. Could be.
I agree that he's gone into his cave and I really should let him do it more completely. He's never gone completely into the cave and maybe it might be good for him if he did.
Hi Coach! What am I doing for me?
I see an IC every 2 weeks, I try and have a PMA, I enjoy reading, I try and spend as much time with my D as I can, I Hash every 2 weeks, I get a manicure once a week, I try and sleep well. I need to do more for me though.
Sighs of relief!
Ok, if XH has gone into his cave, what I'm saying is:- see this as "normal" behaviour rather than aberrant behaviour - cos as Coach (above) observes - you seem to have a tendency to beat yourself up about it....
Seeing it as normal might help you organise a response next time or to frame your next approach to him in such a way as to make him believe he's back in control???
I, for one, would fall for that hook, line and sinker!
Best - GFI
Coach... Hash is Hash House Harriers. It's an international group where the members get together to go hiking or running and then have a few beers afterwards.
GFI...I'll try that! I need to let him think he's in control at the least. Tomorrow I'm not contacting him nor and I going to ask him any questions when I see him in the morning.
I do take what he says and does personally and I jump to conclusions so fast his head spins
Ok, I think I have heard of that. We have a running group here called Drinkers with a running Problem. I did the Dallas marathon last year. Lot of work.
Beer the great international beverage.
What do you do for yourself mentally? Spiritually?
Yes the motto of the HHH is drinkers with a running problem. has to be the same group. I don't run though...I walk with the slow pokes
Mentally I see an IC and read. Spirtually nothing...maybe that's a problem??
Spirtually nothing...maybe that's a problem??
That's your call. It helps me. Especially since the only other person I talk to is the dog!
...what do you do then for spirtuality?
Church, pray and just talk to God like he's sitting there. I do try read the Bible for a few minutes. Since the W left, I pretty much hit my knees first thing in the morning. I am looking into yoga and a retreat.
Hey Jen
Just want to toss in my two cents! I think we are similar in the way that we want things to go a certain way and when it doesn't turn out that way we get dissapointed and either blame ourselves or blame our spouse. I could be off but it kinda seems like it. Anyways for me those desires can turn into expectations. For example I think "wouldn't it be nice if hubby offered to take me out unexpectedly this week" and then I start thinking about how much I want it and it suddenly turns into an expectation and then when hubby does not offer to take me out then I get mad because it did not happen. The poor sap is wondering why I am so pissy while I am thinking "how could he not know what I wanted!"
It all kind of ties into what was being talked about on your last thread. . .before things went south
about you thinking you had slid back to stage one when in reality you were just bummed that you had not reached stage 3 yet. Totally understandable and I think I do the same thing. Things are going really well and then I get mad and don't know why until I step back and realize that I am just being impatient and that even though I am in a good place I know there is a better place and I just want it to happen NOW! Lol.
So as hard as it is you just have to go day by day and work each day at letting it go little by little. I myself am a Christian woman and have been doing a lot of praying and I would recommend it to you for sure. Read the Bible and pray. I'm in Proverbs right now. The book of wisdom
Also. . .when are you starting your DB coaching? I saw that you have purchased a 3 session package. Do you have a start date yet?
Best of luck my dear!
Hi Daisy, Yes! I think you pretty well summed up some of the things that have been going on for a while. I really do need to take a deep breath and relax. To just let things happen when they happen and not push or rush them.
I did book the 3 DB sessions but I did it online so they are waiting for the charge to be made to the CC. I don't if they will call me or if I'm supposed to call them to make the first appointment. I guess I'll wait until tomorrow to see what to do. I'm looking forward to the 1st session.
Here is the infamous list that has been going around for quite some time. I thought I would post if here to my thread...after reading this list I realize I have some work to do. I'm ashamed to say I have broken over half of them
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
1.Do not pursue, reason, chase, beg, plead or implore! This turn the spouse completely off!
2. No frequent phone calls to spouse.......let him/her be the one to call you. Then don't try to hang on to your spouse through conversation.....instead, you say good-bye first.
3. Do not point out good points in marriage or try to get him/her to read marriage books, etc.
4. Do not follow your spouse around the house like a puppy dog trying to get his/her time and attention. (Remember, you are drawing your spouse back with this technique.)
5. Do not encourage talk about the future.
6. Do not ask for help from family members.
7. Do not ask for reassurances (That is showing neediness and
being clingy.)
8. Do not buy gifts. (Can't buy his/her love and affection.)
9. Do not schedule dates together. (That is pursuing.)
10.Do not spy on spouse. (Not good for you and will make
matters worse.)
11.Do not say "I Love You" (It is being "pushy" and trying to
make your spouse say it too......he/she will despise you for it.)
12.Act "as if" you are moving on with your life!
13.Be cheerful, strong, outgoing and attractive at all times!
14.Don't sit around waiting on your spouse – get busy, think of things to do. Go to church, go out with friends, etc.
15.When at home with your spouse, (if you usually start the
conversation---then don't, wait for him/her) then, be scarce or
short on words, but don't sound rude. If your spouse asks what's wrong....just say "nothing". Keep it short and simple. Don't get into an argument! Stay polite and don’ t act like you are pouting.
16.If you are in the habit of asking your spouse his/her
whereabouts, ASK NOTHING!! No matter what time he/she comes home!
17.You need to make your partner think that you have had an
awakening and, as far as you are concerned, you are going to
move on with your life, with or without your spouse.
18.Do not be nasty, angry or even cold - just pull back and wait
to see if spouse notices and, more important, realize what he/she will be missing. (But never ask him/her if he/she has noticed any changes!!)
19.No matter what you are feeling TODAY, only show your spouse
happiness and contentment. Show your spouse someone he/she would want to be around, somebody that is attractive and fun.
20.All questions about marriage should be put on hold, until
your spouse wants to talk about it (which may be a while)
21.Never lose your cool! Don't let your spouse trap you into a fight.
22.Don't be overly enthusiastic, don't over-kill, b/c it will come across as fake.
23.Do not argue about how your spouse feels about something (it only makes his/her feelings more negative.)
24.Be patient......very, very patient. Give your spouse space and time.
25.Listen carefully to what your spouse is really saying to you. Look them in the eyes when they talk to you.
26.Learn to back off, shut up and walk away when you want to
speak out (or scream and yell).
27.Take care of yourself (exercise, sleep, laugh & focus on all
the other parts of your life that are not in turmoil)
28.Be strong and confident and learn to speak softly. Read self
help books, inspirational books or listen to tapes.
29.Know that if you can do 180's, your smallest CONSISTENT
actions will be noticed much more than any words you can say
or write.
30.Do not be openly show that you are "desperate" or "needy" even when you are hurting more than ever and truly feel desperate and needy.
31.Do not focus on yourself when communicating with your spouse
32.Do not believe any of what you hear and less than 50% of what
you see. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives because
he/she is hurting and scared.
33.Do not give up no matter how dark it is or how bad you feel.
34.Do not backslide from your hard earned changes.
I'm ashamed to say I have broken over half of them
Shame is the wrong word to use for yourself there. Negative self-talk. You just made a mistake, your human. Say you screwed up some of those but you can try better next time. That's the coach in me coming out
I see you reaching out to MsMelancoly, she could use a woman's support and perspective.
Coach...My choice of words is something I'm working on in IC too. I have a tendancy to use negative words when referring to myself.
Ok I screwed up some of the "rules" from the list but I can do better.
Atta girl. It matters. I do it too. that's why it's easy for me to see.
So what would be a hobby you would do just for you?
Hey Jen...I think its natural that we arrive at worrying conclusions when they pull back or something changes. I guess it does keep changing, fluctuating, maybe contact goes up and down or the quality of the meeting...I have experienced this lately! I had it in my head he had moved on, maybe met someome, made some kind of decision...turns out for him (I cant be certain) but that nothing had really changed, he'd just been feeling quiet, rundownn, stressed at work.
You havent mentioned the death of his grandad recently, but maybe could that have affected him a little temporarily? Having to see his parents or be there for his Mum at all? Could he feel at the moment a little overwhelmed/sad/hassled!? Maybe he just needs a little space but that doesnt mean he is done with you.
I also think about the list (thanks for the post!) that you are in a confusing sitch with your ex, you see him an awful lot, you hang out with friends and he calls alot and sleeps at your apartment and also.. you ML! So its not surprising that you would try and try and inch a little closer to him and overstep the mark a bit here and there, so liek Coach said, dont beat yourself up!!
Thing is, you're not out of the woods yet, he is still maintaining a separation from you, so you just got to pull back and be a bit more canny girl ! Thinking of you, I always love to hear what progress you are making,
Ali xxx
jen- you know what works- that list is very clear for LRT...it isnt live and die rules-you can pursue some and make plans as well...just balance it as you have been.
the ones you have "broken" may not necessarily be a bad thing w your H.
what has worked?
...and also, at some point you progress out of LRT.
Ali...isn't is so easy to jump to conclusions about things and then after all the stress we put ourselves through it turned out we were wrong to begin with! I haven't spoken to him about his Grandfater lately. When we were out Thursday we were looking at some pics on his iPod of our trip to Peru and he paused at one of a family shot with his GFather.
I'm trying to withdraw a bit more but when he says something negative about me or our R I feel sad but I need to realize his thoughts/emotions are his can't control mine. He only mentions the bad times. He was here this morning for about 3 hours and the interation was 99% positive.
The list is one to follow and has worked for so many. Of course not all points work for everyone. I think boundaries are important for me.
Pisces, I agree it's best to balance out the dos and don'ts.
For example he doesn't mind me calling him but doesn't like it if its in the evenings. He will spend time around me even if I initiate but would prefer if D is with us. He doesn't like me to ask to many questions about his wherabouts so I've cut back. I try and let him deal with his negative emotions about me and our R.
I haven't detached as much as I would like to and I haven't given forgiveness or unconditional love.
I'm trying not to contact him much except if it's work, child, or financially related. I'm trying to be happy with what he can give at the moment and not make him feel bad for not giving more.
I hurt him on Thursday when I left him in the restaurant...he told me "the person who calls me their friend left me sitting alone like a dork...friends don't do that" So now I need to build his trust again.
I just wanted to say thanks to everyone for cheering me up and talking me down over the weekend. I'm back in the fight and I'll go down swinging
***************************************
Keep smilin', keep shinin'
Knowin' you can always count on me, for sure
That's what friends are for
For good times and bad times
I'll be on your side forever more
That's what friends are for
I just wanted to say thanks to everyone for cheering me up and talking me down over the weekend. I'm back in the fight and I'll go down swinging
I pop in to check on you and you are already on the upswing. Women, change your mood like you're changing sweaters.
Glad to see you feeling better. My head was in a funk this morning also but no more. The karma on the BB has changed.
Cheers
Hi Coach!
I guess a lot has to be said for a little time and a lot of PMA huh?
PMA the breakfast of champions.
PMA the breakfast of champions.
That just almost made water come out of my nose.
ouch Lost! One time I laughed so hard cheesies came out of my nose lol
PMA, I'll take it over PMS anyday!
HA! PMS is the worst! PMA, all the way! That could be our cheer! It is football season after all!
GIVE ME A P!!!
P!!!
GIVE ME AN M!!!
M!!!
GIVE ME AN A!!!
A!!!
WHAT'S THAT SPELL????
PMA!!!
Now I have this image of a skinny white Yankee jumping around and trying to do the splits.....help...must...wash...eyes
I just wanted to say thanks to everyone for cheering me up and talking me down over the weekend. I'm back in the fight and I'll go down swinging
***************************************
Keep smilin', keep shinin'
Knowin' you can always count on me, for sure
That's what friends are for
For good times and bad times
I'll be on your side forever more
That's what friends are for
Get out your boxin' gloves Baby!!!!!
Now I have this image of a skinny white Yankee jumping around and trying to do the splits.....help...must...wash...eyes
Skinny white Yankee with pom-poms!!!
Go Team!!!
See now I need to see my shrink...can't cope with the images
Well, you could join me. We could be the skinny, white, Yankee/Canuck duo.
That would be fun! Scarey but fun
We could be the skinny, white, Yankee/Canuck duo.
The Yucks
Thanks Caoch!! Doesn't sound too attractive I'm afraid lol
The Yucks...lol...YIKES!!!!
How do I DB in less than 10 minutes?!?!
My XH came by a few minutes ago to pick up a letter I wrote for his Sister . It was nice to see him. He sat on the coach and we talked about tomorrow. I casually asked him if he wanted anything to eat and to stick around for a while and he said no he wasn't hungry. Ok no big deal. He said he has fast food sushi for lunch and we chatted about that for a bit. Nothing major, simple but too short.
10 minutes is better than nothing so I can't complain even though I want to
It's true I get so discouraged if he's only here for a short period of time and I don't count my blessings that he's still in my life.
Thursday night he told me to go get a boyfriend so I didn't worry about him so much lol...I told him I don't want a boyfriend.
Tell him you have a girlfriend, that'll confuse the heck out of him...LOL
LOL Floyd...he might like it
He said the BF speel out of anger and exasperation. He's calmed down since and we're getting along ok.
Hey Jen, One thing I'm noticing is that he seems to be declining a lot of your invitations lately...within the last week or so. I'd like to know what everyone else thinks, but I think it might be a good idea to not invite him to anything for a while. I wonder if he's feeling some pressure and you are overpersuing a little bit.
Floyd, I thought maybe I should hold back with the invites and yes he has declined 2 in 3 days. He's pulling back and I truely know I have to let him do that. Ok no more invites.
I'll try not to call him for anything tomorrow. I hope nothing comes up work related.
Hey Jen, One thing I'm noticing is that he seems to be declining a lot of your invitations lately...within the last week or so. I'd like to know what everyone else thinks, but I think it might be a good idea to not invite him to anything for a while. I wonder if he's feeling some pressure and you are overpersuing a little bit.
I agree with Floyd. H has been declining your invites lately and it would probably be best to not invite him for a while. He's feeling pressure. Instead of inviting H to do something with you, try to do something new to GAL.
Hi Addie...I'll lay off the invites for a while. He still needs to pull back from Thursday night and I need some me time too. I think I can find something to do
Hi Jen,
You've got mail......It's time for some female bonding (of sorts) & sharing of important information.
Yes, I agree, time to pull back.
Sunny
Sunny, Thanks! I'll check that.
Ok pulling back! A LRT of sorts.
Jen - Don't make me get on the next plane to Venezuela.
If you do bring $2000 for the Boob job lol
Maybe I should seriously consider this...then I can convelace at your house, and you can play nurse, and then that will keep your mind of your H, and if it doesn't, I'll have a 2x4 lying next to me. :):):)
Morning Jen: I agree. Pull back. It is hard really the first few days, but it is okay. Remember, he needs time to think, to process. NO CLINGING!!
PS Next time he suggests you get a b/f, rub your chin, put a look on your face that states intense thought, and say...huh...I never thought of that...
Always leave 'em wanting more!!! And sometimes, less is more...
(((Jen)))
PS Next time he suggests you get a b/f, rub your chin, put a look on your face that states intense thought, and say...huh...I never thought of that...
Or reply inquisitively with "What makes you so certain I don't have one" then smile and laugh and then give one of those "in thought " looks
That would be even better!!!!
ROFLMAO!!!
You guys are good! LOL
Seriously though Jen - ALL good advice.
I like that TD. I would actually use there. There's nothing wrong with stirring up a little curiosity.
If you do bring $2000 for the Boob job lol
That's so cheap I may have to take you up on that.
Dan
You're getting a boob job Dan??
lol
I booked my first session for tomorrow at 2:30pm with Vernetta...now I'm getting nervous for 2 reasons...1. the cost of the phone call (i hope XH doesn't see the bill because he'll be wondering why I called the US and spoke for almost an hour
and 2. what am I going too begin with since there's so much to say.
Make an outline, and then stick to it.
<~~~ career student seriously knows what she is talking about lmao
$400 for 3 sessions plus 3 calls at full rate from South America
I sure hope this pays off. I guess it's a small price to pay for unlimited returns
I'm really looking forward to it because this is a chance to really talk about the issues in English. I love my IC but sometimes the language barrier doesn't help.
I assume she'll have a lot of questions too right?
Hey Jen,
I'm a huge fan of the DB coaching sessions. The board is great for advice, but the coach can quickly get an idea about things you haven't tried yet, things you might be doing wrong, can help you see things from H's POV etc., at least that was how I found mine. I don't know what will happen at the end of my own situation, but I really think without my coach there wouldn't have been any chance as she helped me get an insight into my own behaviors that were damaging the R.
Can you get a phone card for your call?
Also, don't worry about what to say. The coach will quickly cut to the chase and get out the most important bits.
Please post right after you have your call tomorrow!!!
ITH
Don't worry Jen....it will go smoothly. I would tell you about mine but I really think that in order to give her a full spectrum of the situation her questions need to be answered "off the cuff" if you will.
There is a lot of food for thought and have a pen and paper ready. I wrote down all the pointers and eventually followed them. It was a scary leap because she really wanted me to set up boundaries but I have talked about all this before.
I sometimes see your husband as a cake eater....not because of the ML thing but with the daily stopovers and phone calls not pertaining to your business or daughter. He's to intertwined in your life to really get a good perspective of what being Divorced looks like. He needs to see that maybe. Just my opinion and I know it's scarier than hell.
ITH...thanks for giving your input about the coaching! Thank goodness she'll get to the heart of the issue because I think I'd mamble a bit. I'm so looking forward to it!
A phone card is an excellent choice...I didn't think of that! It'll be so much cheaper and XH will never know I was on the phone for an hour to the US...perfect!
I'll post ASAP tomorrow.
Hi Sandy...thanks! I'll make sure I have a pen and notebook ready tomorrow to take notes. That'll be much easier than trying to remember everything.
I think my XH doesn't want to hurt me anymore than he has and is trying to support me. I think he might be a bit of a cake eater too because he gets the best of both worlds.
Today I have not called and sent only 1 text to XH. He's been signed into Google Chat most of the day and I haven't sent him a single message.
So far so good
He'll be here with D tonight while I'm in class and the plan is not to invite him to stay. In the past I've walked to the door to say goodnight but tonight I'll sit on the sofa or maybe be busy washing the dishes when he leaves. I think I won't walk to the door anymore to say goodnight (even thought thats how we've inched to ML before).
Good DBing Jen, GOOD JOB!! Let us know how it goes, and remember, you can do this!!!
Thanks Lola!
Yes I can! I feel like a vehicle on Bob the Builder!
Great job Jen!!! ((((Jen))))
You can do this. I know you can.
Thanks Amy! I'm feeling somewhat empowered today
Let's see if I can stick to it...I believe I can.
You're getting a boob job Dan??
It seemed like too good a deal to pass up
Dan
Maybe pec implants? Men are getting those. It's a manjob
Dan won't ever be leaving the house.
Quick question...my class was cancelled tonight. What should I do? I don't want him to bring her home early and then go off and do whatever he wants...Do I just tell him my class was cancelled but I'm doing X?
How about "My class was cancelled but I am thinking about doing X so you can spend time with D"
BTW...you are sounding a wee bit controlling....don't try to control him, it only puts you in a bad light and makes you seem needy. I know you are trying to keep that from him, but if you amnipulate enough he will catch on. Also he has probably seen enough of this in the past to recognize it for what it is.
Hi TD, I certianly don't want to come across as controlling! He's been with D all day so I couldn't use that but how's this;
"My class was cancelled so I was thinking of going to a movie, I hope you don't mind watching D for a while longer tonight"
Jen,
How about "My class was cancelled, would you mind watching D for a while longer tonight, I was thinking about going to see a movie".
I still think the whole idea is clingy even if he doesn't realize it.
I think a better approach which is probably a 180 for you is "Hey my class cancelled tonight, so I can take care of D tonight if you would like to go off and do something else" Show him you are secure and confident! (even if it will be difficult for you)
TD, I don't know. I'd feel very uncomfortable doing that. It would be a big 180 for me though. Although, going to a movie by myself at night would be a big 180 too. I know he wants me to do things and get a life so I'm torn as to what to do. And to be honest I'm tired of sitting at home alone.
I can see both sides of your delema. Which 180 do you think would make the biggest impact on your sitch.
The one were you GAL (honestly I think you have done a fair bit of that with the Hash's etc....but you know better than me)
or
The one where you show your H that you are comfortable and confident in him going off and doing something else (heck he might be so surprised by it that he might offer for y'all to get dinner or something else....though he seems a bit testy lately)
A third alternative might be to say "Hey my class got cancelled tonight, so I can come home early tonight to watch D if you have other things to do". After he responds you could follow up with "I have been needing a little break from the house, would you mind watching her one evening later in the week so I can go out and see a movie".....kid of like getting a 2 for 1 on the 180.
Jen,
You need to show him you are confident and don't feel the need to "control" or manipulate his activities. He needs to be free from this so he can come back to you
((((((Jen))))))
Jen,
I have been reading but not posting much. Sorry. I like what TD said. But if you dont feel good going to a movie alone, dont. If you want to go home and that means he brings her home early, do that. You cant control his life. If you feel like doing a 180 do it for you, not for him to notice.
K
I like the third alternative.
What would you do if he was just a babysitter and not your XH Jen?
ok so he just called. Dilema solved rather quickly.... getting my pee hot over nothing
XH: Hey!
Me: Hi!
XH: Do you have class?
Me: No, she just cancelled.
XH: Oh, so I can drop D off before my class?
Me: Oh, you have class tonight?
XH: Yes, we have class today because R is leaving on Thursday for a week.
yada yada yada about work and D...
Me: Ok talk to you later then.
XH: Yep, ok!
Ok to answer you're questions alternative 3 is the best option...I'll try it out next time.
K! You're so right. I have been doing the 180s for all the wrong reasons! I need to think about what I want and to tell you the truth reading and lounging around are fun for me. I love being lazy
Now that D will be here around 6 maybe she and I can see a movie....if I can convince her lol.
Not that my vote matters now, but for the future, I like #3.
You put the lime in the coconut....
and drink it all up.
Great flippin song going on my playlist now.
yes I think choice 3 would work best too Amy...right now he's doing things when he wants to and he knows that I don't like it. Now if I were to actually suggest that he do something it would stop him in his tracks and wonder WTF has gotten into her? A couple of times and it might just have an affect. Great 180.
Even though it's eating you inside, you need to act like it's water off your back with whatever it is he's wanting to do or is going to do. Let him think it doesn't bother you. It is really hard to do, and you may have a bloody lip for awhile, but it will make him think, and it will make you more attractive to him.
(bloody lip and all)
Hi Amy....I've been trying to let things go a bit more and also to not make crises where there aren't any. (trying mind you)
I guess I'll have to get a bloody lip.
Quick question...my class was cancelled tonight. What should I do? I don't want him to bring her home early and then go off and do whatever he wants...Do I just tell him my class was cancelled but I'm doing X?
How about you don't tell him anything? You don't owe him an explanation!
Okay so re-reading, that is not an alternative. But you know what, Hun, you don't owe him an explanation, and if it is his night with D, take advantage and do something for yourself!!!
I did some re-reading too. Personally I don't think you have to tell him your class is cancelled. So you don't want to go to the movies by yourself. I can understand that. What about about coffee and a bookstore? Make a mani/pedi appt? go visit a gf? Be home at the time he thinks you're supposed to be home and you have to give no explanations. He doesn't owe you explanations on his time anymore than you owe him. If it's his night to spend w/D, let them spend their time the way they want, you spend yours the way you want. Period. Nobody questions anybody.
Exactly. You are entitled to spend some time getting to know yourself. Remember, these WAH's are attracted to strong, independent women. Sometimes when we get married, as women we lose that. Find it again! You don't even half to go anywhere, stay home and take a bubble bath. Do something that you would not normally be able to do if you had D. Walk around naked with your hair in a mohawk singing death metal songs!!!
Now that is my kind of night out! Along with the bottle of wine.
I promise you ladies he is not analysing his night as much as you women are scheming.
Jen just do what you want to do. You want to do it for you and its good for you. You all are spending energy on the wrong issue.
Guys are dogs. The dog is not listening. So you stop chasing the dog. Dog gets bored. Now you can get the dogs attention. Cat walks by all self-absorbed, dog can't stand it and must chase the cat. Be the cat.
Ok so I save alternative 3 for a weekend and proceed with keeping my schedule to myself? Last week I cancelled one of my classes and took my books to visit a friend. When I came back he thought I had had class. I guess I was scared that if he found out I didn't have class he would have chastised me for not telling him. But that's making an assumption and I don't KNOW he would have.
Coach I love your anology! You think we're scheming? lol
Sorry Jen, there is no think about it
Dan
What do you think men find attractive and seductive?
Do you guys have a set schedule for arrangements with D, Jen?
Who said anything about analysing
ok ok I got it!
Dan we don't have a set schedule and to be honest neither of us would function well with one. Due to the type of work we do we never know our schedule from one day to the next and quite often we go day to day with the responsibilities. It works for us. In the beginning I told him I thought that we should have one day for ourselves a weekend; for example Fridays would be my day and Saturdays would be his day but that didn't sit well with him at the time because he thought I was controlling him. I let it go. To be honest though all I have to do is ask him to come get D and I can go do what I like. Since she's living with me then he doesn't need to do that but neither has he offered to watch her so I could do smoething for myself. That doesn't bother me though since like i said all I have to do is ask.
The D papers say that he'll take D every second weekend but since he doesn't have his own place yet we haven't put that to practice. It also says that he can see D whenever he wants and I'm ok with that because he's her Dad and he loves her so much.
Through all of this we've managed to be very civil and friendly (with some F ups along the way).
Jen,
This is just me, but I think this is a little different than your typical class, I assume it is one of your classes that you teach (i.e. one of the ones that you and your H are in the same business on).
I suspect the two of you do a lot of coordinating with taking care of D?
I agree with everyone about keeping your personal business to yourself...he doesn't need to know this, but when it comes to your business dealings I think you should keep it on the up and level.....I don't think losing his trust in this regards would help your sitch or make you seem less controlling.
Think about how you would feel in the opposite situation......Your H asks you to take care of your D because he had to teach a class that night to accomodate a student. Perhaps you even looked forward to doing something else, but knew you needed to do it for the company. Now your, H's student cancels at the last minute. Your H could come back early and take care of D, but he decides to go out instead and do whatever.....how would you feel?
How would have that panned out in this current example...he had a class tonight?
Just my thoughts
Hi TD, yes you assumed right it is a class I teach and yes we coordinate how to take care of D especially now that she's out of school.
While it's true that he really doesn't need an explanation of what I'm doing when D and work is involved it does to an extent. I think the best solution was/is to tell him my class is/was cancelled and leave it at that. (He has told me in the past when a class was cancelled). Then he can ask me what we should do. Then if I want to do something else I could tell him or if he wanted to do something else he could tell me. That way no one gets the sh!tty end of the stick and nobody feels a lack of trust or gets controlled.
How does that sound? Maybe a little less scheming and a little more honest?
Be honest with him, but make plans for yourself. Start implementing the tools you have. You say if you want to do something he will come stay with D? Then start asking him a little more often. Start doing things for you. Things you enjoy and make you feel good. Even if it is sitting in the park on a sunny day with a book. Take the focus off your H and put it on you and solely on you for now.
Here is the infamous list that has been going around for quite some time. I thought I would post if here to my thread...after reading this list I realize I have some work to do. I'm ashamed to say I have broken over half of them
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
1.Do not pursue, reason, chase, beg, plead or implore! This turn the spouse completely off!
2. No frequent phone calls to spouse.......let him/her be the one to call you. Then don't try to hang on to your spouse through conversation.....instead, you say good-bye first.
3. Do not point out good points in marriage or try to get him/her to read marriage books, etc.
4. Do not follow your spouse around the house like a puppy dog trying to get his/her time and attention. (Remember, you are drawing your spouse back with this technique.)
5. Do not encourage talk about the future.
6. Do not ask for help from family members.
7. Do not ask for reassurances (That is showing neediness and
being clingy.)
8. Do not buy gifts. (Can't buy his/her love and affection.)
9. Do not schedule dates together. (That is pursuing.)
10.Do not spy on spouse. (Not good for you and will make
matters worse.)
11.Do not say "I Love You" (It is being "pushy" and trying to
make your spouse say it too......he/she will despise you for it.)
12.Act "as if" you are moving on with your life!
13.Be cheerful, strong, outgoing and attractive at all times!
14.Don't sit around waiting on your spouse – get busy, think of things to do. Go to church, go out with friends, etc.
15.When at home with your spouse, (if you usually start the
conversation---then don't, wait for him/her) then, be scarce or
short on words, but don't sound rude. If your spouse asks what's wrong....just say "nothing". Keep it short and simple. Don't get into an argument! Stay polite and don’ t act like you are pouting.
16.If you are in the habit of asking your spouse his/her
whereabouts, ASK NOTHING!! No matter what time he/she comes home!
17.You need to make your partner think that you have had an
awakening and, as far as you are concerned, you are going to
move on with your life, with or without your spouse.
18.Do not be nasty, angry or even cold - just pull back and wait
to see if spouse notices and, more important, realize what he/she will be missing. (But never ask him/her if he/she has noticed any changes!!)
19.No matter what you are feeling TODAY, only show your spouse
happiness and contentment. Show your spouse someone he/she would want to be around, somebody that is attractive and fun.
20.All questions about marriage should be put on hold, until
your spouse wants to talk about it (which may be a while)
21.Never lose your cool! Don't let your spouse trap you into a fight.
22.Don't be overly enthusiastic, don't over-kill, b/c it will come across as fake.
23.Do not argue about how your spouse feels about something (it only makes his/her feelings more negative.)
24.Be patient......very, very patient. Give your spouse space and time.
25.Listen carefully to what your spouse is really saying to you. Look them in the eyes when they talk to you.
26.Learn to back off, shut up and walk away when you want to
speak out (or scream and yell).
27.Take care of yourself (exercise, sleep, laugh & focus on all
the other parts of your life that are not in turmoil)
28.Be strong and confident and learn to speak softly. Read self
help books, inspirational books or listen to tapes.
29.Know that if you can do 180's, your smallest CONSISTENT
actions will be noticed much more than any words you can say
or write.
30.Do not be openly show that you are "desperate" or "needy" even when you are hurting more than ever and truly feel desperate and needy.
31.Do not focus on yourself when communicating with your spouse
32.Do not believe any of what you hear and less than 50% of what
you see. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives because
he/she is hurting and scared.
33.Do not give up no matter how dark it is or how bad you feel.
34.Do not backslide from your hard earned changes.
This is a good list of reminders Jen. Now, can you take anything from here and make a smaller, short list of positives for you to do, that will help with the goals on the longer list?
These goals should involve you, not H. They should be things you feel you need to work on for yourself. By working on them, they will ultimately spill over to this longer list and that list won't be so long anymore.
Be honest with him, but make plans for yourself. Start implementing the tools you have. You say if you want to do something he will come stay with D? Then start asking him a little more often. Start doing things for you. Things you enjoy and make you feel good. Even if it is sitting in the park on a sunny day with a book. Take the focus off your H and put it on you and solely on you for now.
Sounds good Amy...thanks!
This is a good list of reminders Jen. Now, can you take anything from here and make a smaller, short list of positives for you to do, that will help with the goals on the longer list?
Ok let me see; #2, #4, #11, #12, and #13 for now sound good. I can work on them.
Ok, now reword them so they sound like a positive. Make goals out of them. You're on the right track. :):)
2. I will not make frequent phone calls to XH but if he calls me I will answer.
4. I will not try and get XH's attention when he is here and will be happy with him just being present.
12.I will act as if and get on with MY life and I will find things to do that keep me busy (#14)
13.I will be cheerful, strong, outgoing and attractive at all times because it will make me feel better about myself
(((((Jen))))
Those sound like 4 great goals that you can control! I like them!
Thanks Jeff!
The best thing is that all 4 are doable. #2 is affected by work but I'll do my best to only call when necessary.
(((Jen))) just catching up...wow...
lots of good advice...as for the DB sessions- it is os packed full yet it is so empowering. all worth it. there is room for questions, issues, what ifs, etc.
all of it. write down all you want to get out of it ...you will see...it will be great for you!
you are really doing 180 after 180! dont get sea sick though!
Hi P!
Ok so I'll try and think of issues I want to discuss tonight and keep it all recorded in a notebook.
I wish I had signed up for the sessions a couple months ago but al least now I'm ready and willing so that's all that matters.
Who was your coach? Many people seem to have Jodi. I have Verneta.
Good Luck Jen!!!! I haven't had any coaching just wanted to offer support though
Hi Sep! Thanks for the support.
i had Jody as well- im sure yours is great too. i had one session with someone else but i asked to switch. i just didnt feel connected. make sure you feel a connection.
you are ready now- thats all that matters- no looking back...its all meant to be in the right timeframe. if you pushed yourself before- maybe you wouldn't have gotten what you need to get.
get it!? ha ha
Hi P
I've read great things about Verneta so I expect it'll go well.
I'm so looking forward to the session tomorrow.
holy sh*t Jen I leave for two hours and now look at you!
Now do it.
I'm feeling the push to do something for me and I think I've come so far since Thursday. I guess sometimes it takes a backslide to kick me into 1st gear agian.
Always leave 'em wanting more!!! And sometimes, less is more...(Lola)
Hey Jen,
Another tidbit out of that book;
"You never want to be like a dog that waits at the door. An animal will wait for you because it makes its day. If you become like that, you'll become disinteresting. But if you always explore new things, and he can see you are growing independently, he will respect you. There's nothing more attractive than a woman who is passionate about her own life and discovers new things. He'll work to be part of that, and he'll work to keep himself just as interesting."
I think I've come so far since Thursday
It looks like you have!
The coaching sessions are a great idea, it's a good addition to all the other work you're doing.
Love & Luck,
Sunny
Hi Sunny! Thanks for the post! I need to see if I can find the book or at least some exerpts on the internet
So I was cleaning the bathroom tonight (lucky me!) and I took down a towel to clean the tiles. Underneath the towel was this black creature. When I looked closer it ran down the wall, under the door, and out into the hallway. When I realized it was a small black lizard maybe 4 cm long!!! Big problem is now I don't know where it went! So tonight we have a house guest.
I spoke to XH about D for tomorrow and told him about the lizard...he thought it was funny I did not
I asked him how to catch it and he said I needed to clean.
Anyone out there know how to trap a lizard?
The lizard was in the bathroomand is was black?
Yes it was a black lizard on the bathroom wall
Coach I'm serious!!!
OK hold on, I know what to do.
First take the stopper out of the sink in the bathroom where he was. Get a lighter or some matches. Got get it Ill keep typing
Take some toilet paper about 1 foot and wad it up. Put the toilet paper in the hole where the stopper was.
Light the toilet paper on fire. The lizard will be attracted to the burnt TP. When it comes back. Push it in the ash hole.
funny and somewhat gross!!
Now how do I catch a real lizard?
he probably wont be back, keep the light on in the bathroom, they like the cool, dark and damp of the bathroom, no towels on the floor
Do you have a cat?
He was under Ds damp towel that was hanging on the wall. Thing is we live on the 4th floor so I guess he came in through one of the windows so unless he goes out one of the the windows or the front door he's here for a while.
Nope no cat...too bad eh?
You mean keep the light off?
He won't like the light. Keep the light on.
ah ok I thought you wanted me to trap him in the bathroom
he's gone just don't make it inviting for him to come back
I could DB him
1. go about my own thing
2. pay no attention to him
3. don't chase
4. act as if it doesn't matter that he's here
That might work
Coach - Do you work for the ASPCA?? A Coach & a Trained Animal Catcher!! hhhmmm
yeah but I don't know that he's "gone" he could have went into one of the bedrooms
Ok you make me laugh then you go back to worrying. he wont be back I promise
I just don't want a nip on my toe tonight!
Where could he have gone though???
MsMels in the house! How are ya? You really liked the joke didn't ya?
Where could he have gone though???
I think I need to have a counseling session with you about worrying.
sh!t it's the 1st lizard I've had in the apartment in 10 years! I don't like creatures in my home
Does he have a brittish accent?
Yeah right, that little dude has been there before you moved plus all his cousins. He saw you and said sh*t there is this crazy woman in my bathroom. Now he's hiding from you.
I think Floyd might be right, did he say something like one call does it all?
lol Coach...I think lizards are pretty cute actually.......in the wild!!!
I'm lost on the british accent relating to a lizard??????????
You probably don't have the GEICO lizard commercials down there?
he's got a British accent, cute little green guy.
You'll be fine, the lizard is gone, no worries. I know you can take him if need be.
Ah ok I've seen him on MSN ads but never listened to them so I didn't know he had a british accent...I know the little guy you're talking about though.
He was so tiny and I know he was more scared of me anyways.
yes, no worries. Do you know the song "Three Little Birds" by Bob Marley?
yes, no worries. Do you know the song "Three Little Birds" by Bob Marley?
I don't "know" it but yes I've heard it before...why?
Dont worry about a thing,
cause every little thing gonna be all right.
Singin: dont worry about a thing,
cause every little thing gonna be all right!
Rise up this mornin,
Smiled with the risin sun,
Three little birds
Pitch by my doorstep
Singin sweet songs
Of melodies pure and true,
Sayin, (this is my message to you-ou-ou:)
Singin: dont worry bout a thing,
cause every little thing gonna be all right.
Singin: dont worry (dont worry) bout a thing,
cause every little thing gonna be all right!
Rise up this mornin,
Smiled with the risin sun,
Three little birds
Pitch by my doorstep
Singin sweet songs
Of melodies pure and true,
Sayin, this is my message to you-ou-ou:
Singin: dont worry about a thing, worry about a thing, oh!
Every little thing gonna be all right. dont worry!
Singin: dont worry about a thing - I wont worry!
cause every little thing gonna be all right.
Singin: dont worry about a thing,
cause every little thing gonna be all right - I wont worry!
Singin: dont worry about a thing,
cause every little thing gonna be all right.
Singin: dont worry about a thing, oh no!
cause every little thing gonna be all right
You need to sing the song to your self. Great bouncing rhythm, melody and it feels good to sing. It will make you feel better. Look up the lyrics.
Beat u to it
Now I'm listening to Bob
yes you did, hope it makes you smile
That lizard sees you dancing! good night Jen
Good night! Here's hoping the little bugger is gone
So I went to brush my teeth for bed and low and behold the lizard is in the bathroom again. I got a plastic glass and a piece of paper and I trapped him. He's tiny and is only about 5cm long. Since I live in a 4th floor apt. I couldn't figure out where to put him.I put him a glass pasta container and topped it with gauze so he can breathe. D is going to be so surprised tomorrow!
Ok really, how bad did you jump and scream when you saw him? There is no way you were cool when you saw that little bugger. is he still there or did his mates help spring him?
You made my day!
Thanks Jeff and Coach....I'll post the pics to FB!
I didn't jump and scream either time. The first time I couldn't figure out what it was so I was a little scared. But I figured he'd go back to the bathroom like you said. So when he was there I casually turned off the light again and got a glass. He's going to the club with D in a few minutes so she can release him into the great wild of Caracas
Awwww little lizard!!! We see them a lot in the desert but ours are like little chameleons. I don't get scared, I think they are really cute. I love watching the babies...they are so small!!!
I hate lizards, reptiles of all sorts really. I'm not much of an outdoor girl so they just make my skin crawl.
I just think they are cute. I don't like snakes or anything like that, or the big lizards. The little ones are cute. But I don't fear anything like I do scorpions, which is kind of wierd for a scorpio eh?
I think they're cute too. I think its a baby and D is in love. I think she may have a hard time letting it go today. A friend told me it's good luck to find one in your house.
We saw a really cool Iguana at the beach one day and I even thought he was cute
YIKE! Iguana! Ok, if I saw one of those on the beach I'd completely freak.
You are seriously one brave chica Jen!
What freaks me out are cockroaches....yuck can't stand them
Oh Lordie, being out here we get those really huge Palmetto bugs that are flying cockroaches, and the big black ones that are outdoors. I am sure you have them down in Ven too. They give me the heebie jeebies
You know what freaks me out? brown chickens and brown cows
ROFLMAO!!! Now I want to find a link to that just so I can post it!!!!
I have my telephone session today at 2:30pm and this is my horoscope...
Information could come your way today, which starts you thinking about new and revolutionary ideas. Perhaps they involve modern technology, or perhaps social and political issues. Opportunities to meet new friends who share your interests could come through group activities. You should be feeling especially curious and optimistic about the future, Jennifer, and whatever exchanges with others you have is likely to set your mind buzzing. Make the most of it!
We get the household variety roaches and the garden variety. eeeew I hate'm
I went to the laundry room one day and when I was coming out I noticed a spot on my shirt....it was a roach....I freaked!
clicky clacky is the sound their feet make on ceramic floors..........
EWWWWWWW...Good luck w/ the coaching!!! I hope it goes well. Let us know what they say!
Why is it my XH finds such petty things to complain about?
1) Today I told him I had to go out at around 10:45 (had a IC but he thought I had a class) so he said he'd pick D up. He called around 10:30 to say he was on his way then at about 10:40 my C called to reschedule the session but I didn't call XH to let him know because he would have already been on his way. I spoke to him about 10:55 to see where he was and then told him it was ok because my "class" was cancelled. He got upset that I didn't tell him because as he said "I could have had breakfast". Now how in the heck did I know he didn't have Bfast so I told him just that. A tad pissed over me NOT being able to read his bloody mind! He picked her up and off they went!
2) So he calls again about 30 minutes later with this for openers..."you have got to be the weirdest woman" I'm thinking WTH is it now! Turns out I didn't pack the right bathing suit for D. She has swimming lessons today and I packed a bikini instead of her Speedo. I told him she can still swim with the bikini on but from now on I'd pack the Speedo. He said "it'll have to do because I'm not coming back!"
And then I check my tarot reading for the day and this is what I read...
There's a great deal of aggression on the horizon in your personal life today, Jennifer! Under the auspices of the Tower, people are arguing and tearing each other apart on all sides... Your partner is troubled, your friends aggressive, and your family members unpleasant.
I'll start a new thread when I have my coaching session.
Good luck with your session!
He had to cancel his class because he didn't have time to get there...aparently if he had known mine was cancelled he would have left D with me and picked her up after his class. He calmly forgot that he couldn't find the remote control for the car alarm this morning and THAT'S what made him late for classs.....a bit of a pissy mood I guess
Good luck with your coaching session Jen! I have a feeling you will be enlightened.
Don't let his pissy mood get to you. He's obviously stressed.
Hey Floyd. Thanks! He sometimes get like this when I pull back
I need to remember his moods are not a reflection on me but on how he's feeling at the moment. (The Four Agreements once again)
I DBed him...told him on chat "Just wasn't a good day today for getting to where you needed for various reasons. Now we know so lets learn from it ok?"
hehe...he changed the topic immediately!
LMAO!!! See, the positives you can get from the DBing!!!
We've got lots of lizards! I've never seen one in the house, though I have seen them in the garage. We've had a gila monster in out yard from time to time, but I haven't seen it in a while. We do have a black widow living in the garage! And we see tarantulas pretty regularly. We also have a huge frog that lives on our porch this time of year. And, as W's foot found out a few weeks ago, we do have scorpions around! We just don't see them very often.
Good luck with the coaching!
(((((((Jen)))))))
Before H and I were S, we had a desert tortoise that used to swim in the pool
H nicknamed him Tortellini lol
That's good!
We called "our" gila monster Fred!
i hope the little tortellini is still alive- i love lizards and all animals!
jen- your post is now called "reptile hunter".
Being in the city I don't see much cool stuff. I'm jealous
That's one thing I like about living out of the city! I got buzzed by hummingbirds the other day! And there must have been another hatching of baby quails recently!
There was a big snake in the road the other day, too!
You know, we saw Tortellini twice, and then we think Leah scared him off. But he sure did like that pool...and when he got in he couldn't get out, so H went to get him, and the tortoise tried to bite him LOL!!!
Help me! I'm so nervous! I got my notebook and pen ready and I bought a phone card to ensure the call is more economic but now the worrying begins!!!!!
Hmmmmm......
Did you get some ice cream for after?
Might need something stronger....My nerves!
(((Jen)))- you will be great! this is for YOU! it is calming and calrifying- like a nice brain massage~~~~~ smooches
Thanks P
After your 1st session how did you feel? Did you notice much change in your R after that 1st one?
the first one i got a lot of clarity- and i felt so calm bc it gave me guidelines as to what to expect in stage one. i had no idea what to expect before that so that calmed me down.
also it gave me ideas of what to do and how to BE. it reinforced the positives. just6 be 100% honest. dont hide anything. This is for you. tell her where you F'd up. but mostly it is positive and forward thinking.
i really felt 100% calmer and clearer after my session- and that feeling played into how my H felt from me- I was more relaxed...way less pushy (even if in my own mind)..
when is the call?