RECIPE FOR A MILITARY WIFE1 1/2c. Patience
1c. Courage
3/4c. Tolerance
Dash of Adventure
1lb. of Ability
To the above ingredients add:
2T. Elbow Grease
Let stand alone for one year.
Marinate frequently with salty tears.
Pour off excess fat.
Sprinkle ever so lightly with money.
Knead dough until payday.
Season with international spices.
Bake 20 years or so until done.
Serve with Pride.
*****************************************************************
Wow! For a change, my thread actually took a while to lock. I don't know if that is good or bad!
Here is all of my mess from beginning to now:
Never Knew Heartbreak Hurt This BadHaze Grey and Underway--Can We TalkAnchors Aweigh Man the Rails and Give no QuarterBetween the Devil and the DeepI Always Admired the Cut of His Jib Why Did She Marry A Sailor Welcome To The GoatLocker How Long Have You Been a Sailor?Street Girls Bringing Sailors Into Hotel--Gee, I Wish I Were A Man, I’d Join The Navy Navy Wife—Toughest Job In The FleetWhen God Created the Navy WifeA Military SpouseA Member of the Silent RanksI AM the Navy WifeA Navy Wife is no Ordinary WomanA Navy Wife’s PrayerWife of A Sailor’s CreedI AM the Rock*****************************************************************
Bar's open--help yourself!
SMW
Hi sweetie,
I have been using almost the same recipe! I like adding 2 cups forgiveness.....
*hugs*
Gime me a... cappuccino? Please!! I know it's not a drink but you are at newcomers...
Hugs and xxxx
(((Hon)))
K
Hi sweetie,
I have been using almost the same recipe! I like adding 2 cups forgiveness.....
*hugs*
Good point, Ready! Need to amend that recipe.
SMW
Gime me a... cappuccino? Please!! I know it's not a drink but you are at newcomers...
Hugs and xxxx
(((Hon)))
K
PSHAW!! I have been in newcomers so long, I serve whatever on my thread and it is happy hour for you!
Cappuccino for now, want some Bailey's in it?
SMW
Sometimes a pinch of hope and faith help too.....
Look at you with all the add-ins!
Wow! I would almost believe you have done this before.
As for faith, Well, I got my mustard seed and it is standing me in good stead. Still yelling at that mountain.
SMW
So, I last heard from DH on Saturday. He called at 12:15am (after (am his time) and we finally talked about D9. I told him what the doc proposed for treatment options and when we would be starting them, etc, etc.
He asked questions about family, we discussed some things about his 4-wheeler, and I am thinking I shocked him with some of the stuff I told him. I am a collector. I do not like to get rid of things. I know it is tied to being a military brat and moving every 2-3 years. My mom and dad never let us hold onto a bunch of stuff.
Well, in the past couple of weeks, I have decided that the clutter HAS TO GO!! I started with the kids' voluminous pile of toys that were overwhelming me. they would pull everything out and it would take me forever to clean it up and put it all back away. They did not help and I would get frustrated and start yelling. Last week, I stopped yelling and started grabbing boxes and trash bags instead. The end result was that the back of my Durango, with the 3rd seat down, was filled with donations to my church. I mentioned this to H and I could literally hear the shock in his voice. He asked why I was doing it. Told him I was scaling down and simplifying my life, so I could have the time to do the things I want to do.
Well, the call was about 45 minutes and I went to sleep right after. When I woke up later Sat. morning, I had two emails from him. The first asked about the new payment amount for the car insurance, the second said he found it. I figured that neither needed to be addressed, then.
That was the last I heard from him until this morning.
I got this email:
SMW,
I signed up for another United Through Reading session for the kids, on the 11th. I’m hoping they’ll have it in time for the holidays. How’s everyone doing? When is D9 starting her medication and treatment? I’ll talk to you later.
DH
I already told him when her treatment is to start. If there was a problem with the kids--a major one--I would let him know that, too.
So, do I stay with no response, or answer it? If I answer it, what should I write?
SMW
YEAH!!!! They approved my new name!
SMW
SMW,
LOVE the new name!!! More people on the boards should do this. Too many usernames are sad, weak, pathetic, and don't reflect the resolve and self-growth I'm seeing from so many folks.
Let's hear it for the STRONG military wife!!! 
Puppy
Ok..since he is a DAM and can't remember chitt then I think you should answer..straight up and to the point..
Answer the questions he ask. Do not add anything. Do not mention the missed anniversary..do not ask him how he is or any of that..Let him wonder..
Let him wonder what is up with you..that's MHO..
WHOOP WHOOP!! Love the name change SMW!
As far as what to do about H's email, he is asking about your D9 so I would answer him. I know you already told him, but do you really expect that he truly listened? Maybe seeing it in writing will help him to remember.
How about something along the lines of "I appreciate you taking the initiative to sign the kids up for the reading program. That was very thoughtful.
D9's treatment begins on xxxx with xxxx(whatever treatment she begins first).
Everyone is doing fine thank you.
SMW"
Add your personality and be brief. Answers his questions, validates his effort, gives him the information he apparently missed. To the point.
Be GREAT today. God will move that mountain sweetie, you know that.
I can tell you from experience as a DAM; that sometimes, in my mind I am wandering to the next thought; so I might miss some details in what is being told to me. It's not done on purpose; but it happens. I would give him the benefit of the doubt on forgetting what you told him about D9 treatment. Like the others have said, just respond with that info again.
Like your new name..
SMW,
I think given how long this has been going on, with the present status quo that you can't just suddenly stop writing e-mails and expect him to "get it". He might not perceive you as upset or that he's losing you.
My opinion is, that if you have not expressed it before, that you tell him, in no uncertain terms, that your patience isn't limitless, you are not just going to be the woman that sends him goody baskets, and that you are planning to get your life in order in anticipation of moving on without him.
I would send this message, and then I wouldn't return any more e-mails unless it was ONLY about the kids. I would not talk on the phone with him AT ALL, unless it's about the kids. I would only answer questions that related to the kids. And I would make myself as dark as possible. It wouldn't hurt to have him call and have a babysitter tell him that you are out. What military guy doesn't fear that his wife will get a wandering eye while he's away. He doesn't know he wants you right now....but he will when he perceives you as gone.
It's time for hardball. Put away the girly softball mitt and make it clear that you will be fine without him.
hey sis, love the new name!! it fits you perfect. love the recipes and all the add in extra ingredients.
love you
SMW - I have to agree with Phoenix. Setting deadlines is part of getting him to react. He'll leave you hanging forever.
I love the name change too!!!! I had already changed my name for you a while back...glad to see you made it official!!!
Love you!
Amy
Okay--
I have not answered the email yet--I will later.
Instead, while cleaning the older girls' bathroom (yuck! I never knew girls could be so gross!) I have been mulling over how to word the letter to H that Phoenix is suggesting.
Is it okay to mention in the letter that "In spending time with some new friends, I have discovered that I am more than just a Navy wife, more than a mom. I am a strong, confident beautiful woman who deserves to be treated with love and respect. I am making changes in my life and the house that are allowing me the time to better explore who Laura is, outside of the roles I have lived in for the past 17 years."
SMW
(Let's hear it for the STRONG military wife!!!)
You go Strong... The name is perfect.. No matter what, strength is what you have.
hey...SMV....glad to see you changed your name....about time... :-)
i'll throw my agreement behind phoenix with the email. perhaps even a short, to the point note would work.......
time to play hardball, as phoenix said....
(The end result was that the back of my Durango, with the 3rd seat down, was filled with donations to my church. I mentioned this to H and I could literally hear the shock in his voice. He asked why I was doing it. Told him I was scaling down and simplifying my life, so I could have the time to do the things I want to do.)
Strong, as one who has been the criminal in all this, these are the types of things that brought me around. I must say watching her move on and become stronger drew me closer to my conclusion I wanted to be wit hher. She was starting to get rid of me, not depending on me. She was erasing me. I collect Sports stuff. I came in one day and a bunch was boxed up. She called me and told me to come and finally get everything out of the closet. Looking at some of my clothes was not healthy for her. It got me to look at things.
I am also not going to email him the letter.
I am going to handwrite it and stick it in one of the boxes i have to send him for the holidays. Them, I will not send anymore boxes, etc. I am not telling him that, but it will become obvious very quickly.
I feel almost bad about it--kind of like sending a Dear John letter, but this limbo is ridiculous.
You guys no me and my convictions well enough to know that I am not going anywhere any time soon. But, it is time, as Phoenix said, for DH to begin to think that the door is starting to swing closed.
SMW
(The end result was that the back of my Durango, with the 3rd seat down, was filled with donations to my church. I mentioned this to H and I could literally hear the shock in his voice. He asked why I was doing it. Told him I was scaling down and simplifying my life, so I could have the time to do the things I want to do.)
Strong, as one who has been the criminal in all this, these are the types of things that brought me around. I must say watching her move on and become stronger drew me closer to my conclusion I wanted to be wit hher. She was starting to get rid of me, not depending on me. She was erasing me. I collect Sports stuff. I came in one day and a bunch was boxed up. She called me and told me to come and finally get everything out of the closet. Looking at some of my clothes was not healthy for her. It got me to look at things.
Mac--
Well, I am hoping that DH comes to his senses before I get to the point that your W is. Honestly though, my religious convictions, coupled with the deep love i have for my husband, will not allow me to walk away without giving him a second chance when he finally asks for it.
SMW
After eight months that is what my wife did to me and I could not handle it and look at me today. I am begging her to allow me another chance. the grass is not greener on the other side. Sometimes it takes a lot to come to that conclusion but it isnt. I watched the young familes in the mall and in retauraunts. The Father with his kids, holding their wifes hand, tending the children while Mom shopped or finished her meal. Light kisses on the check before sperating into two directions each with a child in tow. It broke my heart to think I had ruined this.
Box up more of his stuff I would say. Drop a hint that it is being stored in the garage or something. In the end I think that it can't hurt. I mean it can only do two things. Either spark him back to reality or allow you to move forward. For sure my wife she had t oget memories of me out of her view.
I am very appreciative of the people on this site and the advice I am getting. I am so glad that I chose to come here. I have been very weak and I know I have been approaching my situation all wrong.
(Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through
every circumstance.
I Corinthians 13:7)
I love this.. I just copied it to save it as Ihave not bought a bible yet.
(((SMW))) Good for you. I had to do this very thing last night/this morning for myself and its going to be so hard. Limbo sucks as a dance but not nearly as much as a lifestyle.
Stay strong. ((hugs))
{{{SMW}}} LOVE the name change..I told you so on another thread..but woot woot..it rocks and so do you!! You go "strong woman"!
Hey SouthSide..you can go to a site called biblegateway and you can read like 50,000 versions of the Bible (well there are a LOT of versions anyway LOL)
Tawnya
Hey, [[[[SMW]]]].
I think I know how you feel. I too feel like I am coming to a point where I can really "detach". It's scary and I too feel a little guilty (go figure) but we have to! I know I will never feel for anyone like I do for my H, but I almost look at the alien that comes out of him as a demon that has overtaken him. I find myself crying less and just walking away from his BS. I don't want to "engage" anymore.
We deserve better!
Okay--
I have not answered the email yet--I will later.
Instead, while cleaning the older girls' bathroom (yuck! I never knew girls could be so gross!) I have been mulling over how to word the letter to H that Phoenix is suggesting.
Is it okay to mention in the letter that "In spending time with some new friends, I have discovered that I am more than just a Navy wife, more than a mom. I am a strong, confident beautiful woman who deserves to be treated with love and respect. I am making changes in my life and the house that are allowing me the time to better explore who Laura is, outside of the roles I have lived in for the past 17 years."
SMW
Hiya lovely, strong sis
Outstanding on the short simple letter I think. I almost don't feel as though I could have done better myself
Keep journeying with Christ our Lord and Savior. Oh the scenery ...
Well, here was my response to H's email. Sent it first thing this morning. Let's see if he even bothers to respond to it. I have gotten to the point, if he emails great if he doesn't. that is fine, too. I used to tell my cousin all the time about her ex--"you can't make him be a better parent". Truer words were never spoken.
DH--
I am sure the kids will love to get another "Daddy movie", no matter when it comes in. D9 starts her meds and treatment the weekend of the 19th. We are all fine and the kids and I are very busy over the net few weeks, what with all the holiday stuff going on.
SMW
Off to grab some coffee. I will check in with ya'll later.
SMW
enjoy the java Sis. much love directed your way. Keep surrendering to Him.
HHHHMMMMM
And it only took an hour and a half to get a response today.
SMW,
Okay, I’ll get it out in the mail as soon as it’s recorded. What are you guys going to do for S2’s B-day on Tuesday? I’ll try sending him an e-card. Hopefully the internet cooperates with me on that one. Is he going to have a themed party? Tell him I said Happy Birthday for me. Alright, I’ll keep in touch to see how D9 is doing.
DH
I guess it is more of the same. So, I will write him later--give him bare facts on S2's birthday and close it up.
SMW
Hi, SMW! I just wanted to pop in, say hello, and say how much you've truly inspired me. I'm new here, and when I got to this community, one of the first threads I found was yours. Over the past few days, I've read through your many threads, and I just wanted to say that you truly are an inspiration. There are some similarities in our sitchs, and I can honestly say that reading about your journey has helped me to be stronger and more objective.
Your story has taught me a lot about resilience and fortitude.
Your story has also helped to reinforce a lesson that I only recently learned. I am very ashamed to admit that I spent much of my life living in fear of being a military wife (my husband was a MArine before we married) because I had some really pathetic prejudices in my mind. I am not proud to admit that, but I have to be honest with myself. I have alot of childhood issues that make me fear being a mother, a caregiver, and a true wife. I've had lots of preconceived negative perceptions of military wives because of my own unfair negativity towards my mom (not a military wife, but a SAHM and a really wonderful, giving woman that has sacrificed alot - including her self-esteem - for me), and my unfounded fears of finding myself in a situation similar to hers. As I've grown older, I've shed a lot of those misconceptions, and reading about your journey removed the final remaining scale from my eyes.
You are a woman to be respected, and you have taught me that a strong, driven, intelligent woman can also be kind and giving and supportive without diminishing herself in any way.
You're an amazing lady, and you are really doing a great job. I hope everything works our for you.
Scratch that. I know that everything will work out for you, and that God has great plans for you.
Thank you for removing my last eye-scale.
Take care,
~Nas
Nas, that was really a beautiful post.
Puppy
Thanks, Puppy!
I meant every word. It's hard to confront my prejudices, but it's part of growing and becoming a better person. In some ways, I couldn't be happier that my life fell apart and I came here.
Stay strong, everyone, and *hugs*!
~Nas
Glad you got your name changed as it really fits for you. I like the course you are taking.
One question though: Did you ever talk about what would happen at the end of this deployment with your H?
Blessings
{{{SMW}}} Sounds like you are handling things well and I hope you are doing WONDERFULLY great today
Tawnya
Hi sweet Sis
your sure quiet. Be your lovely self whether quiet or not Sis. Steering some of Christ's love your way in the form of prayers.
Hey there SMW! Just popping by to wish you a happy Saturday! Hope you are having a wonderful time with your kids instead of studying too hard!
Today has been busy busy busy!
Kids had breakfast with Santa at the Elementary school this morning, from 9-11. We left there at 10:15, to run the little girls to church for choir practice. While they were in choir practice, I selfishly bought myself 3 new pairs f shoes, bought S2 a new pair of dress shoes, and then took him for a haircut. We picked the girls back up at noon, drove the half hour trip to the base for the Christmas party that the ship had for the kids. DH signed them up for it an it was really nice. The kids got gifts, ate lunch, made crafts, and made Christmas and Valentine Day cards for DH.
Ran from there to Hallmark to grab the ornaments for our collections. Back home now, finishing some cleaning and then we are pulling in the decorations to start getting some holiday cheer in the house. May be ordering pizza or something for dinner, just so I do not have to cook.
Check in with all later!!
SMW
Mish
got your message in the alt and I will send you mine later. Need to log in over there, but I really want to get busy right now.
SMW
OOOHHHHH---
I may not watch college football, as a rule, but I do know what the important games are to watch!
NAVY SHUT OUT ARMY!!! 34-0!
Loving both teams' new uniforms, too!
SMW
hey SMV...could use a prayer....check me out please...
Hi! found your new thread, if you can call it that being on page 5. GEEZ! I have so many pages to read from everyone.
Haven't read anything yet, but wanted to let you know I'm still thinking about ya! Still praying for you too.
oh and I forgot! I LOVE your new name!!!
I'm glad that you chose to reply to his email.. It definitely should have been responded to especially since he asked questions. He's either asking the same questions because he's still in lala land so he'll probably be very forgetful, and or he's still fishing for reasons to talk to you.
That is great that he did that party thing for the kids, I know he hasn't been being the dad that he should be lately, but that is a really cool thing and I think thanking him for these good things that he IS doing will be helpful for him to continue doing more good things.
how are things going? how is d9 and have you talked to her yet?
have a great weekend!!!
fyi, posted a good email message on my thread...
{{{SMW}}} Wow..can you say busy?? Sounds like a fun day and GOOD FOR YOU to buy some shoes..you totally deserve it my friend
Tawnya
Hi Sis ..love ya.
Still working on my military clearances to be able to swoop on in.
I have not answered the email about S2's birthday. Honestly, with all I had going on this weekend, I forgot.
I did send DH an email on Saturday evening, from the kids.
Dear Daddy--
Thank you so much for sending our names in for the Christmas party. We had a lot of fun!
D5 got two Bratz dolls. S2 got Hot Wheels cars and a little Black and Decker tool set. D9 got a $15 Wal-Mart gift card, a large velvet Pooh coloring set, and a foil art.
We made crafts, made cards, ate hotdogs, macroni and cheese, and lots of cookies.
We miss you, come home soon!
Love D5, D9, and S2
First thing Sunday morning, I got the following:
Hey guys!!
I just saw an email with a link to some of the pictures!! I think I saw you in one of them D5. It’s very hard to make out but it looked like you were wearing a burgundy&white dress with black dress shoes!! Was that you? I’m glad you had a good time and each of you got a gift while you were there.
It sounds like you had a good time though and the food must have been good. Daddy has eaten too many cookies since he’s been on the ship. I’m going to look like Santa Claus soon if I don’t stop eating them!!
Have you told Santa what you want for Christmas yet? Are you guys going to have any snow? ARE YOU EXCITED!?
HO HO HO!!!
Deck the halls with sounds of S2
Fa la la la la..la la…la…..la
D9 plays with silly puddy
Fa la la la la..la la…la…..la
D5’s acting really nutty
Fa la la..la la la…la …la….la
D17 locks up everybody
Fa la la la la… la….la…..la……la
That was fun. I love you guys and I’ll call you soon.
Love,
Daddy
SIGH
So, to be nice, I sent pictures from the party of the kids with Santa. No letter, just the pictures.
I then get the following this morning:
Thank you for the pictures!! They look great. Talk about sprouting over the past few months. It’s either a photographic illusion or they’ve grown, a lot! Take care.
Whatever. I am not going to answer it. It does not require one.
Church was wonderful yesterday--I wish they videoed the sermons, cause the skit was a riot! My house is almost completely cleaned, most of the decorations are out, I pick up the tree tonight, and we will decorate it on Wednesday. Some baking tonight and tomorrow, as I have some rednecks and cornhuskers desperate for decent cookies!
Have a blessed day and believe in the power of the Lord to sustain and comfort you when you feel like you can't go on. It is then that he will carry you.
SMW
Hi, SMW! I just wanted to say that I thought of you this weekend while praying. Maybe the Lord bless you and keep your family. You're doing great, and you and the kids will be more than ok in the end. God is with you.
Take care and have a wonderful week,
~Nas
Wow, You've exhausted me just looking at your weekend! I think you really are doing well. Stay the course. You never answered my question though. Have you and H ever talked about the end of this deployment?
Sometimes when I would want to ask my H about something without seeming confrontational and I used it to test the waters during our seperation I would use the phrase "what does that look like to you". Like if I wanted to know how he felt about getting a D, I would say..... "If we D, what does that look like to you?"
Everytime I have used that he would always respond, "What?" LOL
I would just respond back, "Well, usually when people talk about te future you kind of have an idea of what it looks like, could you please explain to me what this looks like to you?"
It asks their opinion and makes them really think about. By the way, listen and validate during those question times because if you get defensive and try to argue why they shouldn't "look at it that way" it shuts down communication really fast.
I had forgotten about that line until my friend used it on me the other day but what a handy one if you don't over use it.
Blessings to your family today SMW!
Sandy--
No, we never did talk about the end of deployment. I was discussing this with someone this morning. When he comes back, his ship will be going in the yards for 4 years. He will have to move off the ship and temporary barracks are ONLY for single sailors. Wonder what his plans are for that??
The MC asked him what the future looked like to him, post D--he thinks it will be all roses and light, with everyone still friends--once I get past the pain.
I may ask him that the next time he calls--or I may just wait until we get closer to crunch time--like maybe February or so. It would be interesting to hear his response--especially since he never really plans for much of anything.
SMW
another new one..over there..I'm reading along with yours..stay your path..
Nas--
Thank you for all the nice things you said last week, as well as the prayers. Some days suck more than others, but they are getting better and the sucky days come less and less.
SMW
You're very welcome, honey. I totally meant them. You're doing great, and I know that the dark times hurt but they are there to strengthen you.
*hugs*
Take care,
~Nas
Sis
I have got to wonder if you are giving DH a slight bit too much of a "play-by-play" connection with the home life and the kids via EM's. I seemed to recall that you were going to reel in the emails a little and make them more terse and without hardly any emotion. The major determinant to this is if this most recent back and forth EM was entirely initiated by the kiddos and you were just the "secretary" for them. If this is not the case (and I am not a fly on the wall ..so wouldn't know). Just be careful to not be 'spoon-feeding' DH. He is a grown man who needs to stay in the grown up arena in which the atmoshere is dictated by his own actions or lack therof as the case may be.
In a nutshell.. don't make yourself busier than you already are for cryin out loud. A good marinating and slow roasting is in order for this fine chap ..I think.
What say you Sis. A little horseradish in that recipe of yours?? To kind of act like smelling salts for the sailing lad.
Strong, As an update for myself, my wife has allowed me to move back in while we reconcile. I can not tell you how happy that made me.
I think I agree with the poster that said maybe too much play by play with the family encounters. In the end with me it was the lack of information that kept me wondering. It was her independence that drew me back to her in part. Like I said before, she boxed up my things and put them in the garage. She began to wipe my memory from her daily routine and it enlightened me. There were other reasons also as I never stopped loving her but those drove me to my senses. Also as an ex-navy guy I know how important information form the home front is. Right now he does not have to wonder what is going on.
On your sitch does he have an OW?
T--
I was merely the secretary on the email. D9 asked if we could send it so I made it from all of them. I have not initiated any other email other than one concerning some bills in about 3 weeks.
SMW
the kids are innocent victims that is for sure. My heart just crumbles thinking of what I did to them.
I also took your quote from I Corithians and posted it on our bedroom mirror. I went to church again this Sunday and was able to sit down with one of the elders and talk. It felt so good.
Just trying to give you insight into my sitch and what "brought me around". Everyone is different. When is he due back home?
Mac--
Unfortunately, yes he does, or at least did as recent as the week before deployment. During his two weeks of POM leave, he spent the first week with her in MI--the last week of vacation for the kids before the new school year started. Then, the week he was supposed to be "home" with them, he had to spend two days on the ship due to a pending hurricane, a day in the house because of a tropical storm, and the kids were at school during the day the days he was home.
I do not know if he is still communicating with her or not. The OW is 15 years older than my DH, 10 years older than me. Her kids are 19 and 17. Much more attractive than a houseful of small kids, huh, especially when one has an emotional disorder.
Mac, I am thrilled for your news! Take things slow and give her space and time to get used to the repentant you. If possible, get connected to a counselor through church. They will be decidedly pro-marriage. Also, check into Retrouvaille classes in your area. There are many in piecing who have been and swear by what they learned from them--Some posters I can think of right away are Dr. Love, whatdidido, Sara, BobbiJo, and recently, techguy went this weekend.
Stick around and let us help you rebuild and restore your marriage. We all support you in this new step.
SMW
Deployment ends in the spring. For obvious OPSEC reasons, I can not post dates.
My poor kids are really struggling. D5 is perpetually sick to her stomach, S2 is openly and blatantly defiant, and D9 has all of the sudden developed anxiety and panic disorders when in new social situations. D17 ran away from home, was gone for four days before contacting anyone, and refuses to come back--she is living at my mom's. I wish DH had a clue as to what he is doing to our babies, all in the name of "making himself happy".
SMW
T--
I was merely the secretary on the email. D9 asked if we could send it so I made it from all of them. I have not initiated any other email other than one concerning some bills in about 3 weeks.
SMW
glad to hear you are 'sticking to your guns' Sis.
Hope your days is pleasant as you mingle in Christ's love and peacably yield to His plan.
I saw much of this happening with my children. D-13 told W she was happy another woman stole her husband in an act of defiance. S-3 told me this weekend that he was happy I was home because it would make his Mommy happy again. D-10 tried to play matchmaker the whole time but refused to even talk about or see the OW. I finally forced her one time to come over with me and she poured Pepsi on her white carpet. Played it as an accident but told W she did it on purpose. I realized they are the true innocent victims in this.
D-13 needs lots of work and individual attention from me. Her and Mom clash often and I have always been the one to calm her down or think things out before acting. the house was not in full blown caos but real close. I am having to work my way back into it but already there is a level of calm.
The wife has agreed to counseling after the first of the year. I am looking forward to it. I have not asked her to join me in church yet. I am trying to find my nitch first and then bring her along with me.
One draw for sure with me was OW had young son 10. one is easier than 3 and no toddler. A little more freedom sure seems inticing. I used the same termonology. I needed to make "myself" happy. Unfortunately it took time to see that my happiness caused everyone else to be unhappy.
Funny thing is that OW just started dating one of my friends I think. Same guy that was showing interest in my W. Not sure about this guy as a "friend". She was 12 yrs younger than me and he is 3 yrs older than me.
Mac--
I really appreciate you giving us your perspective. It helps more than you can ever know!
I am guessing you think I am on the right track, too? Do you also agree with Phoenix and the other guys that I need to write DH and let him believe that the door is starting to close?
SMW
Mac--
I really appreciate you giving us your perspective. It helps more than you can ever know!
I am guessing you think I am on the right track, too? Do you also agree with Phoenix and the other guys that I need to write DH and let him believe that the door is starting to close?
SMW
Absoloutely SMW. It is truly one of the reasons I opened my eyes. I had many reasons but that was the one that finally got me. Like I said, I would box some of his stuff up and move it to the garage and let him know. It was advice from this board of that to my wife that made her do it. Along with my Mother urging her. Reality sets in that she is not going to pain over me forever. You sart to see the strength and independence emerging. Up to that point she was begging and crying for me to come home. I always had the feeling that I could walk back at any moment. I think the closer he gets to coming home knowing that he has no cohesive family to go back to he will start to see the light. At least I pray he does. He has no clue at this point of what he is doing or what effect it is having on the kids. Or at least he is failing to see it, pushing it out of his head. If he knows you are a stronger person and that you really dont "need" him in that sense it will drive different thoughts into his head.
It is funny cause i nthe e-mails he sends he does not mention much or ask how you are. As like me it is because he knows your hurting over him and feels you will be there no matter what. As long as my wife cried and begged me I had the upper hand. Once that was removed I am the one that felt vulnerable and weak. I all of a sudden felt lonely.
Thanks SG! I have missed you.
SMW
we have all missed her
Hi SG
and of course Hi to my sweet Sis
SMW -
I have only posted twice on the forums, but have spent the last few weeks reading your "story." I'm so inspired by your efforts, faith, and growth. I have silently encouraged you along the way, even though I was reading what happened months ago... I know you're standing strong for your marriage and family. I really admire your faith that God is working on your H right now. I just wish it wouldn't take so long!
I'm at the point where I've had great success in gaining back my "friend." I love my friend, but I really/want desire my husband. Pray for me, as I have for you...
Mindblank
PS - I have a D17, as well. God help us! (As well as two boys, 11 and 9, but they're nice right now!)
PSS - Just bought "The Love Dare" today! Love it!
PSSS - Every bible verse I've found on these forums I've saved in my Blackberry. I pray over them anytime I'm sitting and waiting for kids to finish with activities, etc... LOVE THEM!
thank you!
I miss you both
and the board .... I just can't resist
She sure does have plentiful faith mindblank. That's my Sis in Christ. I am not sure what she has more of .. the energy component or the faith component. If she would just pass along to me her secret on the energy thing that she has no limits to then I would be set
When you gonna clue me in Sis? If it has to be kept on the sly, you can always email me..lol
Oh, and mindblank I have a whole mess of prayers to get to very shortly. You will now be in them.
Good night. Sleep tight. Live hard, play harder and above all pray hardest. Christ is on the way! (that forces an instant massive smile)
yeah.. there is something special about this place and the work and kindness and growth that occurs here. Does make it extremely hard to resist.
Never would have guessed that I would be here and never would have thought I would get hooked as I have
same here...after 8 years !
hope you are doing great in whatever pursuits you have going on SG. I will pray that it is the case. Be good ..good night. gotta break loose of here for vital stuff like walking the dog and sleep. Or attempts at those things. Peace.
Mind--
I have often wondered if I needed to be somewhere else on the forums, but you are the second newcomer in a week to have posted to me that you found my journey inspiring and encouraging. Obviously, I am where God needs me to be at this moment. If my mess can inspire one person not to give up, to hold strong for the sanctity of their marriage and the covenant vow made before God, than I feel like I have in some small way served His kingdom, as I can never repay the blessings He has given me in my life.
D17s are so much fun--NOT! Mine is actually almost talking to me again, so that is a plus.
Enjoy the love dare. I hit a point in the book where logistically it was truly impossible for me to continue, due to DH's deployment. Did you see Fireproof? It is still at a couple of theaters and comes out on DVD in January. Check a local Christian bookstore--they will have it on presale.
Getting into the Word will help to transform you into the person God wants you to be. The neat thing is, when we change, those around us will change in response to our changes. In many instances, that turns into a win-win situation.
I'd like to recommend another website to you--for spiritual strength. It is Rejoice Marriage Ministries. Its founders were divorced after 19 years of marriage, then remarried each other 2 years later. Listen to the radio station that live feeds through the website. Both Bob and Charlyne, the founders, have kind, gentle voices that sooth a weary heart and mind.
I will keep you and yours in my prayers, may I do so now?
****************************************************************
Heavenly Father--I exalt Your name and give thanks for the many blessings You bestow daily on my life. This new friend you have guided to me is just one more example of a blessing bestowed. Through her kind words, You have once again reaffirmed my calling to stand for the restoration of my marriage, as well as to offer support, prayers, and guidance to those in similar circumstances.
Lift up my sister is Christ as she faces the days and months ahead. While the struggle seems hard and uphill, give her the strength to stay her course. Wrap her children in your sheltering arms, protecting them for the storms that are tossing around them. Build a hedge of thorns between her husband and whatever temptations he is facing that are plaguing their marriage. Tear down every stronghold by the power of the Promise contained in Your Word, the conviction of the Holy Spirit, and the shed blood of your Son, Jesus Christ, in whose name we pray. Amen
SMW
Good Morning everyone!
S2 is now S3! Happy Birthday to my little man!
Say a special prayer for God's Grace to continue to smile upon him and for God to restore our family before he celebrates another birthday.
SMW
Yeah you were meant to be in N/C for a bit longer ..you newcomer you. Plus that is the proverbial leper colony for Redskins fans .. i think ...LMAO.
Oh you are immensely good at the spreading of the good news my dear L. While they have ears they often are not listening. So shout on my dear Sis. I am not averse to joining in on the giving Him the glory at every turn ..as you know. So I will ready my pipes as well for when you might tire ......yeah right ... L, the energizer bunny. I hear the cymbals crashing this far away from VA beach.
Happy birthday to the little kazzooo. Has he ever played a kazzoo. I can remember when I was super young getting a hold of one of them from when an aunt had died and we found it in her house I believe. Was pretty cool find as a kid .. plus I probably liked driving the adults bonkers .
Restoration of your M is at hand ..I have gotta believe and you have gotta believe L. I don't even think he will be S3.5.
Hey, girl, just checking in on you. I am again w/ a TDY H, but he comes home Friday, so I can handle that! The 2 younger ones are doing strange stuff in the middle of the night & I'm not getting much sleep, but that's about the only down side so far.
Hope you are having a good day today!
aww SMW 3 years old! I love that age!
Look girly, at this point there's no right or wrong answer in your actions. Your doing a good job with what you got. You know my H OW was 10-11 years younger than both of us and never had any kids. She didn't have stretch marks, baby nursed boobies, nor birthing hips nothing. She had no responsability and was making probably about $10,000 per month at her job. She traveled globally, was foreign, you get my drift.... heck I wonder why he came home it sounds like so much fun! I'm just a simple girl from Arkansas with two kids, a belly pooch from babies,the girls certainly aren't nearly at attention like they used to be before kids, not working (going back to school)...hhmm now if your looking on the surface who seems like the better deal?
She was offering him a little house in Greece, a little fishing boat, everything she knew that could hook him. She even told him she was going to have her eggs frozen so when things settled between us they could have a baby together. H had a vas when daughter was 6 months old. He never wanted anymore kids, but he told her he would do it. He now says he wouldnt' have done it.
Heck, I never understood what or where she thought his other kids where going to disappear to. I guess she just thought he would abandon them like her dad did to her. She appeared to show great interest in my daughters relationship with my H though (in a creepy way) she talked a lot about her in their communications while barely mentioning the boy.
Sorry, got side tracked again in the pyschology of it all. LOL
What I am saying it really doesn't matter what the other package looks like because it's not about them it's about your H.
May God bless you and yours on this special day and just so you know SMW, I prayed hardest for the OW and still add her in every now and then....(she's a lost soul and I always pray that she has her own restoration with her own covenant husband and of course, her salvation).
Blesssings
Take things slow and give her space and time to get used to the repentant you. If possible, get connected to a counselor through church. They will be decidedly pro-marriage.
while this is probably mostly true, even at my church my pastor (he was young though) said that it takes both of us to save the marriage. Now, to me, that is a wordly view as we know that we can save our M's single-handedly! well, okay, it does take two, but our spouse is not one of them! lol
SMW,
I would suggest not holding back more emails/contact than you are. I believe you are being dark as much as you should be.
The other reason is that I believe you still need to be that wife that God has called you to be. It doesn't mean to go overboard, but I believe you still need to be present.
I believe that because of my attitude, not ignoring or going completely dark, but instead having an attitude of fun, carefree, not acting like anything he did bothered me (unless it was a boundary) and treating him as a friend that knew he wanted a D and I didn't pressure him to do otherwise, was the reason for my success. Of course I want to give God all the credit, not me, I was just following what I believed God was telling me.
SMW, I know this is going on for a long time, and I know it's really hard, just try not to let his ignorance cause bitterness for you, because I am sensing that. Try to really see the small positives as positives, for ex. the email to the kids, which was really really good. IMHO, I would be careful of your lack of responses so it doesn't seem as though your angry or don't care. But ultimately, do what works for your H, as every person takes things differently.
(((SMW)))
{{{SMW}}} Thank you so much for posting that prayer, I just prayed it out loud for myself and for all of us here as well..I needed that so THANK YOU
I know you are having a wonderful day today with your S3..aww HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!! So what are you guys doing for his special day??
I can't wait to meet the kids in person
Tawnya
((((SMW)))) - following up on you and keeping you and your family in my prayers.
S4H
Hey all!
Thanks for the Birthday wishes for S3! He has been a booger all day today. We are having a party for him on Saturday.
Sandy and Crissy, I will answer ya'll later in depth, but wanted you to both know I got the messages.
I wanted to share something with you guys that a friend just emailed me. It is funny and thought provoking. Make sure your volume is on and watch all the way to the end.
the MessageSMW
I can't wait to meet the kids in person
I echo that refrain ...
kids ..i love kids.
but come to think of it, your's are probably Redskins fans ...
I will have to bring them all Eagles jersey when I arrive w/ my propeller driven sleigh
((((SMW)))))
Just dropping by to say hi and wish you a happy Wednesday. Hope the studying isn't keeping you too crazed!
Now Tomato if you don't show up..think how disappointed we will all be..so you better be ready
Tawnya
aww SMW 3 years old! I love that age!
Look girly, at this point there's no right or wrong answer in your actions. Your doing a good job with what you got. You know my H OW was 10-11 years younger than both of us and never had any kids. She didn't have stretch marks, baby nursed boobies, nor birthing hips nothing. She had no responsability and was making probably about $10,000 per month at her job. She traveled globally, was foreign, you get my drift.... heck I wonder why he came home it sounds like so much fun! I'm just a simple girl from Arkansas with two kids, a belly pooch from babies,the girls certainly aren't nearly at attention like they used to be before kids, not working (going back to school)...hhmm now if your looking on the surface who seems like the better deal?
She was offering him a little house in Greece, a little fishing boat, everything she knew that could hook him. She even told him she was going to have her eggs frozen so when things settled between us they could have a baby together. H had a vas when daughter was 6 months old. He never wanted anymore kids, but he told her he would do it. He now says he wouldnt' have done it.
Heck, I never understood what or where she thought his other kids where going to disappear to. I guess she just thought he would abandon them like her dad did to her. She appeared to show great interest in my daughters relationship with my H though (in a creepy way) she talked a lot about her in their communications while barely mentioning the boy.
Sorry, got side tracked again in the pyschology of it all. LOL
What I am saying it really doesn't matter what the other package looks like because it's not about them it's about your H.
May God bless you and yours on this special day and just so you know SMW, I prayed hardest for the OW and still add her in every now and then....(she's a lost soul and I always pray that she has her own restoration with her own covenant husband and of course, her salvation).
Blesssings
Sandy--
I still struggle with praying for the OW in a positive way,. Most times, I just pray for God and the Holy Spirit to convict her of her destructive actions so that she will turn away from my DH. If that hedge of thorns grows every time I pray it, it has got to be HUGE right now.
I guess with the OW in my sitch being so much older than DH, the only positive I see to her is the empty house--since her kids are older than ours. She is sagging more, she has no goals or ambitions in life, and she is pathetic enough to find joy in a lifestyle that is destroying the lives of innocent children. Not much of a bargain there, huh? He will get it eventually. I just pray I have not grown so much out of this that I struggle to accept him back.
SMW
Take things slow and give her space and time to get used to the repentant you. If possible, get connected to a counselor through church. They will be decidedly pro-marriage.
while this is probably mostly true, even at my church my pastor (he was young though) said that it takes both of us to save the marriage. Now, to me, that is a wordly view as we know that we can save our M's single-handedly! well, okay, it does take two, but our spouse is not one of them! lol
SMW,
I would suggest not holding back more emails/contact than you are. I believe you are being dark as much as you should be.
The other reason is that I believe you still need to be that wife that God has called you to be. It doesn't mean to go overboard, but I believe you still need to be present.
I believe that because of my attitude, not ignoring or going completely dark, but instead having an attitude of fun, carefree, not acting like anything he did bothered me (unless it was a boundary) and treating him as a friend that knew he wanted a D and I didn't pressure him to do otherwise, was the reason for my success. Of course I want to give God all the credit, not me, I was just following what I believed God was telling me.
SMW, I know this is going on for a long time, and I know it's really hard, just try not to let his ignorance cause bitterness for you, because I am sensing that. Try to really see the small positives as positives, for ex. the email to the kids, which was really really good. IMHO, I would be careful of your lack of responses so it doesn't seem as though your angry or don't care. But ultimately, do what works for your H, as every person takes things differently.
(((SMW)))
Crissy--
I am not bitter. I really searched my heart over your post last night. What I am is incredibly tired. Not just physically, but also in my mind, my heart, and my spirit. While the Lord is sustaining me, the holidays are still wearing on me. This is not a new feeling for me during the holidays when H is deployed. Adding the sitch on top of it has just made it more intense this time.
I gave up all relationship talk to him directly back in June, when he walked out of MC. That night was the last time I ever discussed it with him. Other than the letter I gave him on the pier in September, I did not mention it again. I then let sleeping dogs lie until I sent the card for our Anniversary. Even then, I acknowledged that the old was gone and we needed to build new on the foundation that we had started with years ago.
I am done with that now until probably around my birthday or so, in March. At that point, things will have to be discussed, as I cannot have things like they were back in August, before he left for deployment. I am beyond that and will not drag myself back down again, living a pretend life and him sleeping in D9's room.
I have some emails to post in a bit for feedback. Right now, though, a baby needs my attention.
SMW
Now Tomato if you don't show up..think how disappointed we will all be..so you better be ready
Tawnya
very flattering I must say.
Where the heck is the hostess? Page 6 ....come on already. Got a little holiday overload going on.
So glad to have you as a friend my dear ...to razz mightily and all, lol.
T
Tomato..well you certainly will have some disappointed women for sure LOL
Tawnya
T
You will have to connect me to the goings on there in VA Beach at the estro-fest via the DB-feed. Occasional posts to let me know how much fun I let you gals have by my not showing up and ruining it.
Or how we are sitting around crying that you are not there?!
We will definitely have to check in at least once! Why's it gotta be an estro-fest? LOL
Tawnya
Journaling and questioning:
DH sent an email to S3 for his birthday. Initially I was annoyed by it, as he never acknowledged D9 and D17's birthdays right after the ship left.
However, I read the email to S2 and then typed whet he wanted to tell Daddy--here are those emails:
S3,
Daddy will give you a call this weekend. When are you having a party? I love you buddy and I wish I could be there with you for your birthday. You have a good day and tell your sisters they should be extra nice to you today!! I can’t be there to share a cake with you, so I’ve sent a picture of one. Have a great day S3.
Love,
Daddy
*****************************************************************
Daddy-
My party is Saturday. G and G are coming.(inlaws) Baby cousin is coming. Aunt S is coming. Uncle R is coming. D5 is mean and sick. We are going to have cake.
I miss you come home.
S3
I also received an email asking about a payment amount for a bill--one that is set up for online access, so he could have looked it up himself. He also mentioned that there was a problem with his uniform allowance and he needs to come up with $800+ When I responded, I gave him the bill information he was looking for, I validated his misunderstanding over the uniform bill and signed off saying I hope that everything else was going okay.
So, Wednesday, I received a response to S3's email and emails for both of the little girls, too. I asked D17 if she had heard from him lately and she said no, that he is probably still to mad at her for the other emails and running way, but whatever, she is okay with it (BTW--NO she isn't).
Email to S3:
S3,
Awesome!!! Sounds like you’ll have a good party then. I’m going to call you on Saturday to wish you a Happy Birthday! What time is your party at? D5 is mean and sick?LOL. What did she do that makes her mean?
I miss you too buddy.
Love,
Daddy
Email to D5:
D5,
S3 tells me that you’re being mean to him. I think you bake his birthday cake and clean his room for him. What do you think about that? Is that a good idea? I have a better one. You should give him a hug and tell him Happy Birthday. How are you doing? S3 said you are sick. Daddy has a sinus problem again and my head is all stuffy. I’ll talk to you on the phone real soon okay? You have a good day.
Love
Daddy
and finally, the one to D9:
D9,
How are you? Did you do anything special for S3 on his birthday? How’s school going for you? Did I ever tell you about all the dolphins I saw back at the beginning on November? Man! I was watching off the side of the ship and they were really close to us! There were tons of them and they were just jumping up out of the water everywhere. Sometimes they’d do flips and land on their backs! It was pretty cool, but it made me think of you also because I know how much you would have liked to see that. Anyways, I’ll be calling you soon and I forgot to tell D5 that I’m making another video for you guys. I’ll be making it tomorrow night so I’ll put it right in the mail on Friday. I’ll talk to you later.
Love,
Dad
What the heck???? This is the same man that has not gone out of his way to send them much of anything up to this point. The kids did not want to answer them Wednesday, so I saved them and will ask them again tomorrow. Is he now going to manipulate the kids?? Who knows.
I have been praying about writing the letter to DH. I know in my mind that I have to drop the rope more than I have, but I am not sure that the letter is what God wants me to do. I will keep praying until I feel like I am doing God's will.
Blessings and love for all my friends!
SMW
sit back and watch how this plays out..I would like to see if he developes a pattern witht he kids emails..
Mike--
It is just weird that he started to email the kids like this. I knew the holidays would start to hit him, though. In the 13 years since we got married, he has not missed a single Christmas. For military, especially Navy, that is huge.
What is worse (or maybe not) since we started putting up the decorations, the kids are so excited that they did not want to take the time to respond to him.
As for a pattern--hhmmm-- I don't know, but why would you tell a 5 y/o you have a sinus infection?--she ain't gonna get what that is.
SMW
oh geez L
Mike and I are gonna have to edumacate ya on the nuances of generalized patterns of male behavior that are more than likely showing up with the responses from DH.
Perhaps I will expound more explicitly later on today.
But suffice it to say ....and here is the key, that when placed in a situation that involves any amount of emotional stimuli (listen to the prof here ..LOL .. I am cracking myself up)
how a female responds, reacts, acts, speaks, expresses,
types is going to be MARKEDLY and MAJORLY different than how a male does when faced with the same stimuli.
Not that this should be unfamiliar news to you. But I thought it was worth mentioning :).
I particularly was fascinated on what sorta heads or tales you tried to make of DH's interaction or lack thereof in a couple of instances. .....
1) the mention of the disposition of R things between
DH & D17 was one that drew my attn pertaining to the
male vs female "take" on what is transpiring there
2) and then just your general apparent demeanor
regarding DH's current level of interest in kid's
b-days, events and such. Keep in mind, this all
involves an emotional element (the expression of
love (a rather big 1 actually)).
Guy's ..when trapsing around in emotional element kinda stuff often times don't know what way to turn. And if it confounds a guy enough he will more than likely choose to do zero.
Clearly this is not the case for women.
Lastly.. you are placing glass half empty mentality to all of this it sure seems. This seems plenty positive to me. Stop trying to telegraph where he's coming from. We (guys)will by and large be able to be "unreadable" to you. And if there was an instance when you thought you had the code cracked (even when armed with this info fm me and any others), we surely posess the ability to smoke-screen ya in a flash and have you back to confounded status just like that.
And it is only fair that this is the case because you girls are equally (and I am being rather nice here ..LOL) conversant in your own ....#$@& ...emotional dialect and responsiveness.
Here is the thing. I believe it was used in a Michelob Dry ad.
......"Why ask Why!"
(I try my best to pattern my thoughts around that one in terms of the male female understanding of stuff ...mach less hair pulling that way ...pure resignation to "I don't have a clear understanding & that;s fine with me"
I am running to bed for a lengthy hibernation. I hope there was something to gain from the gibberish. LOL
remember glass half full :). Peace & prayers as always.
t
actually T, you made a lot of sense, and you beat me to the punch.
What the heck???? This is the same man that has not gone out of his way to send them much of anything up to this point. The kids did not want to answer them Wednesday, so I saved them and will ask them again tomorrow. Is he now going to manipulate the kids?? Who knows.
this is what I'm talking about. I know your confused, and this probably even angers your some because he has waited until now to do it. Your thinking, all this time he's been avoiding them, why now. Well, you've got to stop this type of thinking because you know it's not from God. You need to look at this for what it is. A POSITIVE. The only thing that I was thinking when I read each email, was that his R with d5 (just from these emails only as I have nothing else to base this on) seems much more distant then the others. I can obviously see that he feels much more connected with d9 as you've stated before. But his email to d5 was not very personable, but it might be because s3 said she was being mean.
But anyways, that wasn't my point. I want you to start seeing these positives as positives. If you start questioning why, your going to find yourself getting more angry, and that's not what you want. You will start leading yourself down that path that may not want him to come back.
I understand your tired. Who wouldn't be tired being in your shoes. You are carrying so much. You've got to continue letting go. And on your letter, why does it need to be now? He is gone anyways, and won't be back until spring, so IMHO if you feel inclined to write the letter to let him know your not just going to pretend anymore, then i would do that closer to his arrival.. like a month or two. But that's just me.
What are you looking for him to do in response to the letter? Are you just needing to let these feelings out and let him know for your own sanity? I can understand that.
I'm truly sorry that you are going thru this limbo. I sometimes, not often mind you, have wished that my sitch could have lasted longer so that I could have experienced the worst of it and yet still stand up successfully, and really have a great understanding of what many on here have/are going thru. I can't say that I understand your pain, as I'm not in your shoes, but I know it's hard, and I also know that God will get you thru it if you let him. Try not to take the lead, and I know that is the hardest thing to do.
love ya. make this a good weekend.
actually T, you made a lot of sense, and you beat me to the punch.
who ..me?
what is the "actually ...." . I believe that preface to your remark was far from necessary.
Turn about is fair play. I know how to dish the stuff out so ...
Although I will always put a .."Ha HA ha" or "LOL" in their to be clear and you did not. Hhhmmmmmm?!.:
I bruise like a peach you know ...lol
Time to go lick my wounds. (Actually time to go sleep walk and try to finish out the week strong by getting a few things done, other than feeding myaddiction to this wonderful place.)
T
SMW - Things aren't great here, but I am stronger. If that actually makes any sense - he went to the lawyer on Monday and now I am moving out. WTF, doesn't he email and ask me to wait until after Christmas to move.
UGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! Talk to you soon.
Jeesh SMW, I tried to find my post to you from a month before he left out. I think you forgot what we discussed in those back and forth posts.
I apologize in advance for this, but I just have to ask. Why do you even wonder why he is emailing the kids all of a sudden? Why are you thinking about him and what he is feeling or thinking at all right now?
I thought you were pretty clear on what YOU needed to do for yourself while he was away. I thought you recognized that this was an opportunity for you to simply let go and focus on yourself and your kids and not worry about your R at all.
I know your tired, I get that this is hard on you, and I understand that you just want everything to be ok. It's not though, your allowing someone who is 1000's of miles away to interfere with your golden opportunity to figure out how to make your life work.
I still firmly believe that if you take this time to build your life without him while he is gone and make your world livable for you and your kids while he is gone, then when he comes back you will be in a much stronger position to deal with all of the aspects of your marriage. In other words, it is to hard to deal with all of the what if's of not knowing what will happen in your marriage when you are scared about how you will get along without him. So reverse fields, figure out how to get along without him and then you can look at your marriage openly and honestly without all of the fears and concerns that you currently allow to play a roll in how you look at things.
I hope you understand what I am getting at here? I just do not want to see you blow a golden opportunity to finally give yourself the upper hand and take back control of your own life.
Ian
a day without SMW....kinda like a day with out a Santa CLaus ...pout ..pout
Hope you are feeling the Lord's warm embrace as He strengthens you as only He can. Be Holy Spirit powered.
Have a great w/e.
mine is pretty well sucking ..btw.
Hope that means that you got the nice w/e
hey smv....what's going on? hope all is well...
just a fly by hug...
Jeesh SMW, I tried to find my post to you from a month before he left out. I think you forgot what we discussed in those back and forth posts.
I apologize in advance for this, but I just have to ask. Why do you even wonder why he is emailing the kids all of a sudden? Why are you thinking about him and what he is feeling or thinking at all right now?
I thought you were pretty clear on what YOU needed to do for yourself while he was away. I thought you recognized that this was an opportunity for you to simply let go and focus on yourself and your kids and not worry about your R at all.
I know your tired, I get that this is hard on you, and I understand that you just want everything to be ok. It's not though, your allowing someone who is 1000's of miles away to interfere with your golden opportunity to figure out how to make your life work.
I still firmly believe that if you take this time to build your life without him while he is gone and make your world livable for you and your kids while he is gone, then when he comes back you will be in a much stronger position to deal with all of the aspects of your marriage. In other words, it is to hard to deal with all of the what if's of not knowing what will happen in your marriage when you are scared about how you will get along without him. So reverse fields, figure out how to get along without him and then you can look at your marriage openly and honestly without all of the fears and concerns that you currently allow to play a roll in how you look at things.
I hope you understand what I am getting at here? I just do not want to see you blow a golden opportunity to finally give yourself the upper hand and take back control of your own life.
Ian
this was pretty tame from Ian..but I thought I would offer you a bandaid..
and an alcohol swab.
estro-fest next w/e!
You sure are a glutton for punishment or somethin'. Right in the thick of the holidays. Quite the hospitable gal.
Well I will be kind and not trash the place. Lets see, need to pick up my drag attire from cleaners & ..just gotta plug in them GPS coordinates .... LOL
Oh btw sorry about them Skins lousing it up against the Bungles
22 men that infuriated me! The Bengals?!?! The Bengals!?!? You have got to be kidding me!
And then, Mules darn Giants blew it with Dallas. SHEESH!
I miss Joe Gibbs.
SMW
Hi SMW! I was just able to get back here...
Thank you so much for the prayer(s)! And the words!
Love "The Love Dare!" Wish I could cheat on a few! LOL
22 men that infuriated me! The Bengals?!?! The Bengals!?!? You have got to be kidding me!
And then, Mules darn Giants blew it with Dallas. SHEESH!
I miss Joe Gibbs.
SMW
I hear ya SMW... I needed the Giants to win to help my Bears chances to get in the playoffs. I also do fantasy football and housmenjahda didnt do squat for me.
Been following along silently and something tells me the H is feeling the lonliness of the holidays. Keep your head up girl.
(((SMW))))
I hear ya on the skins girl! I seriously needed the Giants to win last night and was hopeful with the TO sitch going on again but alas.....the Falcons are going to have to win out and keep every appendage crossed!
What else is going on up there? Are you baking up a storm?
I have no idea about what you guys are talking about except for some "movie" names...
I hope you are feeling strong (as always),
love
K
22 men that infuriated me! The Bengals?!?! The Bengals!?!? You have got to be kidding me!
And then, Mules darn Giants blew it with Dallas. SHEESH!
I miss Joe Gibbs.
SMW
We dislike the Skins enough to throw in Dallas- LOL! I lost a bet last night to Coach and Mrs Coach - now Mules has to bake cookies and send them. When they eat them they may not feel like they won anything!
K - sorry, we've been talking around you. You have your football and we have ours. American football. Smashmouth, crazy, bloodsport! LOVE IT WITH A PASSION! Sorry you felt out of the loop.
WOW mish, a very empassioned declaration. LOL
can you throw a nice tight spiral, Bart Starr - like?
Do you go for them (not sure if they are still referred to this way) "dirty birds" down in your home state? Or do you root for someone else?
T
Hi Sis
We haven't been crossing paths much on here too recently. Miss ya and hope you are experiencing a whole lotta goodness.
Doing much baking? Didja get them young ... buckaroos to help get the place spotless for the w/e. Who my kidding, you would have to ship them out to accomplish ..spotless.
Peace to you from Christ our Lord, Sis.
Be prayerful.
hugs
T
Hey Tomato! Funny you mention it...I'm a HUGE Packers fan. Have been all my life. I root for the hometown boys (those dirty birds) when I can but will bleed Green and Gold all my life.
Hey Tomato! Funny you mention it...I'm a HUGE Packers fan. Have been all my life. I root for the hometown boys (those dirty birds) when I can but will bleed Green and Gold all my life.
No mention as to whether or not you can chuck the pigskin ..ala Bart Starr. So I guess that is a negative??
That's cool though ..a Packers fan.
Better than being a Skins fan. I'll bet she is missing her Joe Gibbs. Zorn-ie doesn't seem to be working out? Though he hasn't been given much time.
where's my sis??
