This is a song written a couple years ago by Amy-Jayne McCabe
The RockThe Rock
By the dawns early light my baby’s far away
Still the kids and I will start another missing him day
Only destiny knows when he’ll return
We’ll be here for him keeping the fires burning
I am the Rock, a foundation of love
Solid and true with strength from above
I keep this family going, I stand beside my man
I live without knowing
I am the Rock
As my day unfolds, I reach into my soul
Though I’m proud of him
I need some peace of mind to hold
And when I think about the the sacrifices he makes
I’ll do what I can do whatever it takes
I am the Rock, a foundation of love
Solid and true with strength from above
I keep this family going, I stand beside my man
I live without knowing
I am the Rock
It will be ok and I will not stumble,
Our love is so strong Our world will not crumble
I am the Rock, a foundation of love
Solid and true with strength from above
I keep this family going, I stand beside my man
I live without knowing
I am the Rock
Yes, I live without knowing
But I am the Rock
*****************************************************************
The story thus far--
Never Knew Heartbreak Hurt This BadHaze Grey and Underway--Can We TalkAnchors Aweigh Man the Rails and Give no QuarterBetween the Devil and the DeepI Always Admired the Cut of His Jib Why Did She Marry A Sailor Welcome To The GoatLocker How Long Have You Been a Sailor?Street Girls Bringing Sailors Into Hotel--Gee, I Wish I Were A Man, I’d Join The Navy Navy Wife—Toughest Job In The FleetWhen God Created the Navy WifeA Military SpouseA Member of the Silent RanksI AM the Navy WifeA Navy Wife is no Ordinary WomanA Navy Wife’s PrayerWife of A Sailor’s Creed*****************************************************************
I just wanted to get this up, since the lock fairies went crazy last night! My 20th thread. Like others, I never expected to be here this long. I will be here as long as I need it and as long as others need me.
I am getting ready to go to lunch with a group of other spouses from the ship. the kids are staying here. DH is supposed to call, however I emailed him this morning, that I had plans and the kids would be at a sitter's. I did not tell him where I was going or who I would be with. Let him wonder why I needed a babysitter for three hours on a Saturday.
I am off--need to do my makeup and hair. Love and smooches to you all! The bar is open, help yourselves.
SMW
morning sis, love the poem, so glad you are staying with us, you are a rock to many of us here too!!
I hope you enjoy your lunch today, enjoy the time out and childless lol!!
to early for me to hit the bar yet, maybe in a couple hours!
love you
Hi SMW,
Just discovered your new thread. I did post on my thread the other day about your question about my son's Aspergers diagnosis.
Hope you're doing well and that you have a GREAT afternoon! Sounds like fun and a great GAL.
Hey Sis!
I hope your time out was superb!
((Hon)),
you definitely ARE that rock!!!
Have fun today!
xxx
K
That is so beautiful and I wept. Thank you for the poem. I hope you have a good day.
Thanks all for stopping by!
I had fun at lunch. It is hard acting as if when some of the wives are able to talk about a lot more of the port call stuff than I can--since their Hs tell them about things. However, it does help me stay on track for speaking positives to push the enemy out of my marriage and away from my husband. The law of attraction makes complete sense to me. I am working on all of this. I cannot expect positive results if I do not speak positive results.
Now, back to my Domestic Violence final essays on Law Enforcement and Domestic Violence.
SMW
good luck with the homework sis and i so love you!
Hi Hon
Sounds like your day is going well. I sat at a football game for a few hours in the rain. Couldn't find anyone else to use my other ticket so I had to "eat it". The game was just ok. At least my team PSU played decent in the second half after a dreadful first half. I left after three as it takes me a couple hours to drive out there. At least I got out and did something...idk. Still kinda bummed out. The waiting for something to happen for me is getting painful. I started to show some of that frustration with the Lord yesterday in my prayer time. To have lost all contact with my DD15 back in the summer and to have such limited contact w/ my darling (and when I do ..not sure which W will emerge) is pushing me to the brink.
Glad you had a good time out for lunch. You needed that. And yes you are for sure ..the rock. I like that poem. Praying for you and the family. Peace.
your homework sounds like a lot of the same stuff my darling had to study. She got a criminal justice degree and works for the state as a corrections counselor. She counsels the axe murderers and other sickos. Don't know why she would want to be doing that ..but she likes the $ and the benes. I hope she can transfer to a more benign state job after she builds some tenure.
Good luck w/ the studies. You are amazing sis.
{{{SMW}}}} Glad you had a good day...you sound like you are in a fabulous place my friend
Hope your homework gets done easily for ya!
Tawnya
I am reposting this here--I just put this on lovehimso's thread, but it also belongs on mine.
You are worth every bit of support we are giving you. You deserve a marriage wher you are lived and respected for the person you are, not what someone believes you should be.
Remember, too, even if you had never found us, there is still someone who loves you no matter what. Our Lord, Jesus Christ loved us all so much He gave himself as the ultimate sacrifice for us all to achieve eternal life.
You can ALWAYS turn to Him. Call out and our Lord will comfort your heart. I KNOW this absolutely. I need to post this on my thread, but BG has already heard this and I will share it here with you to show you God's amazing love and support.
Today, I went to that lunch for DH's ship. When I got home, I was sad thinking about all that DH does not share with me right now and the more I thought about it, the sadder I got, wondering what Homecoming will be like in the spring. I went to the YouTube video I used for my intro on my new thread. While I was watching it, I looked over in the "related videos" box and saw one labeled "Truman homecoming" with a picture of an aircraft carrier. On our last sea duty assignment, H was assigned to the Truman so I decided to go look at it.
I expanded the description when it came up. The video was actually a montage of pictures taken during the Homecoming of that ship in May of 2005, the last Homecoming H and I had--a joyful one, as I was waiting in the New Mom's tent with our youngest daughter, born just three weeks before the ship pulled in. If that was not a precious reminder of how wonderful Homecomings is, and will be again, I do not know what else will be.
Trust in the Lord, LHS, He CAN and WILL do amazing things for you and your M if you will allow Him to.
God is a God of wonder and joy. Allow him to work His mighty power in your life.
Back to school for me.
SMW
Wow SMW..that IS beautiful
Tawnya
SMW -
I still say God sent you to me as my angel. You have helped me bolster my own faith and return to God. He never left me and now I have both He and you as a sister for life. What could possibly be better?
I hope the homework goes smoothly. Now if I could just get this dumb spreadsheet to balance!
Just stopping in to check on you. Glad you had fun at lunch yesterday.
I have a child for sale. just three weeks shy of his third birthday, this auburn haired, hazel eyed charmer can be yours for the low low price of a 40" flat, widescreen HD TV, to replace the one he knocked off the TV stand late this afternoon.
Any takers?
SMW
i will take the tv and try to fix it if it is broken. I have been lookin for one of those.
i take it he is confined to his rm
hope you got a 2nd one for the skins game in a bit. Or are you still to busy studying ..oh studious one
The internal screen is broken, yes he is confined to his room, grounded from the TV for a week, and I am annoyed, since the only other TV in the house is not in the room where the computer is--making it too hard to work on school and watch the game.
I m still furiously composing bad papers over here.
SMW
bad papers?? probably not.
must be in the get it done no matter what stage. quantity over quality. we, ourselves, are never the best judges of that
sis..where r ya (& your email) to cheer me. the seas are choppy for moi
i am still figuring what my opening bid will be for the .......
(should i go 4 the peewee or the tv)
50 bucks for one of the two ...flip a coin or something. i am sure they would both be amusing. What isn't in my lackluster life.
Oh no {{{{SMW}}}} Did you find a taker for him or did you just decide he was too cute to let go of??
Tawnya
I have a child for sale. just three weeks shy of his third birthday, this auburn haired, hazel eyed charmer can be yours for the low low price of a 40" flat, widescreen HD TV, to replace the one he knocked off the TV stand late this afternoon.
Any takers?
SMW
{{{{{SMW}}}}}}} We could trade straight across. I have a S12 that is blowing off his grades right now ! (be warned, he eats like a swarm of locusts).
How's school work going ? I'm down to about 140 hours before I take my final.
Hugs
hey there jersey school girl
I hope you spent all night working on papers and not popping into the other room to witness the loss. I need prayers. I am extremely low.
A close friend sent this to me. I knew many of you would enjoy it, too.
Christ Bell
THE BELL
I KNOW WHO I AM
I am God's child (John 1:12)
I am Christ's friend (John 15:15 )
I am united with the Lord (1 Cor. 6:17)
I am bought with a price (1 Cor 6:19-20)
I am a saint (set apart for God). (Eph. 1:1)
I am a personal witness of Christ. (Acts 1:8)
I am the salt & light of the earth (Matt 5:13-14)
I am a member of the body of Christ (1 Cor 12:27)
I am free forever from condemnation ( Rom. 8: 1-2)
I am a citizen of Heaven. I am significant (Phil 3:20)
I am free from any charge against me (Rom. 8:31 -34)
I am a minister of reconciliation for God (2 Cor 5:17-21)
I have access to God through the Holy Spirit (Eph. 2:18)
I am seated with Christ in the heavenly realms (Eph. 2:6)
I cannot be separated from the love of God (Rom 8:35-39)
I am established, anointed, sealed by God (2 Cor 1:21-22 )
I am assured all things work together for good (Rom. 8:28 )
I have been chosen and appointed to bear fruit (John 15:16 )
I may approach God with freedom and confidence (Eph. 3: 12 )
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Phil. 4:13)
I am the branch of the true vine, a channel of His life (John 15: 1-5)
I am God's temple (1 Cor. 3: 16). I am complete in Christ (Col. 2: 10)
I am hidden with Christ in God (Col. 3:3). I have been justified (Romans 5:1)
I am God's co-worker (1 Cor. 3:9; 2 Cor 6:1). I am God's workmanship (Eph. 2:10)
I am confident that the good works God has begun in me will be perfected. (Phil. 1: 5)
I have been redeemed and forgiven ( Col 1:14). I have been adopted as God's child (Eph 1:5)
I belong to God
Do you know
Who you are!?
Keep this bell ringing...pass it on
'The LORD bless you and keep you;
The LORD make His face shine upon you
And be gracious to you;
The LORD turn His face toward you
And give you peace..'
Numbers 6:24-26
________________________________________
SMW
hey girlie, i did get your message, gonna be a few more hours til i can call, had to get new batteries for the phones, H checked the vm and told me i need to call you, i was bad last time and didnt let them charge all the way.
i love you sis, and give me the kiddo i told ya last nite i will take him any day, colby says hurry up he has always wanted a little brother lol!
Sorry to hear about the TV! Ouch!
I remember once coming out of the laundry room, through the kitchen, into the living room, and seeing S4 (who was 2 back then) swinging the fireplace poker around! It was literally centimeters away from the big screen! Knowing what my H is like, you could imagine......
(((((((SMW)))))))
just checking in.... and I did hold my breath for my boys to win and lucky they did .... we needed that win...
thanks for the laugh though...
I'll catch up more tomorrow... got to pack business trip tomorrow
I have a child for sale. just three weeks shy of his third birthday, this auburn haired, hazel eyed charmer can be yours for the low low price of a 40" flat, widescreen HD TV, to replace the one he knocked off the TV stand late this afternoon.
Any takers?
SMW
Just a suggestion..next time attach the tv to the wall with cable and the stand tot he wall with cable..as a matter of fact my LCD came with the cable and needed attachments..eye bolt into a wall stud then cable to the tv..
{{{SMW}}}} Good morning..hope you are having a good day
BRR..it's cold around here..how about you?
Tawnya
Auburn hair & hazel eyes -- he could be my son if you're still "getting rid of him."
I already have 3 boys, well 4 if you count H; I'm the only girl in the house!!
Morning everyone.
I ma still here, but scrambling to get caught back up on school. We had a bit of a tragedy here last week and I have been dealing with a lot of stuff from that.
It rained all day Thursday and Friday here and the roads were awful, with flooding in a couple areas, standing water in others. Three of D17's friends were in a car accident Friday, when their car hydroplaned and went into oncoming traffic. All were pronounced dead at the scene of the accident. We had a viewing yesterday, a funeral today, another viewing tomorrow and a viewing and funeral on Thursday. Two of the boys she has known since they were all ten.
Please keep their families and D17 in your prayers. The family of the young man driving are having an especially hard time, as they also are carrying the weight of the thought that two other boys died because of their son's actions. Sometimes I really hate the media--who actually had the nerve to ask that question--how were they coping knowing their son was dead and killed two others! SICK JERKS!
I need to go get changed to pick D17 up from school to go to the viewing. I need to get changed here in a bit to go pick D17 up from school.
SMW
Oh man {{{{SMW}}}} Wow..definitely praying for strength and peace for your family!
Tawnya
((((((((SMW)))))))) That is heartbreaking and is so close to home. I have S17 who is now driving.
Hugs
I'm so sorry to hear that! What a tremendous loss.
Last year at my church (while I was working there) we had a funeral for a 16-year-old; it wasn't an accident, he had an undiagnosed aneurysm in his brain. Helping with that funeral was a life-changing event for me. So profoundly sad, but it was truly a wonderful experience of the community coming together to comfort one another and the family. I hope that your daughter experiences something similar; there's no getting past the sorrow, but the rest of it is where we experience God in the midst of tragedy.
((((HON)))
I am sorry, what a tragedy!! Prayers for the families and everybody touched by this...
K
SMW - That's terrible news. So sorry. Your community and the families of those kids are in my prayers.
God Bless.
{{{Sis}}}...
As a parent of a 17 year old this hits home way to closely. Not a day goes by that there isn't a thought of what could...
I pray to God everyday when D17 gets behind the wheel that she will be safe...
Give your D17 a extra long hug and tell her you love her...
My thoughts & prayers go out to all concerned...
Peace be in all of your hearts...
Bro
hey, just want to give a shout. still in Wichita from my gmas funeral.
I hope things are going well for you since we talked last.
I'll try to catch up soon. I need to be careful how much I get on here now since i'm doing a lot more and I know my H is getting a little frustrated. So I need to put more focus on our R again. Definitely don't want to let another sitch happen!
take care, call me anytime.
morning sis, are you feeling any better? I hope the kids are on better behavior, and if not, for real they can come to aunt T's house for some attitude adjustments lol!!
prayers and love
BG--
I am better now. Amy talked me through a bit of a rough spot this morning.
I mailed DH's anniversary card to him this morning. I still did not know what to write, but went with what was in my heart. Amy thinks i did fine. No expectations, but man, it would be really nice to get a card or some sort of acknowledgement from him.
Back to school--the one prof is NOT working with me and I have a butt ton of work to finish by Sunday. It is so hard to get anything accomplished during the day with the boys here. Hopefully someone in my family will help with the kids this weekend. I am going to try asking them for help this evening.
Later sweets! Thanks for checking in on me.
L
{{{SMW}}}} I hope you get a lot of work done anyway..the boys will like miraculously behave for you
I'm glad you sent the card and hope that you have a good night my friend!!
Tawnya
Still working over here.
Just got this from a friend and wanted to pass it on--
When you want to say thank you:
The Gratitude CampaignSMW
Oh, my! That made me tear up right here at my desk!
That's a really good link..thanks for sharing that
Tawnya
hey girl, hope your having more time to do your school work. yes, definitely ask for that help you need. How about church? do they have any moms day out things or something?
have you heard any more news? sorry I'm not on here as much, I've got to step away as my H is starting to get frustrated with my busy life.
ok sis, i loved this today in my email, and make sure you check my thread for info about todays sermon at church!
love you
Sunday, November 23, 2008
The Angels' Song
Deep inside you, a light shines, the light that was born within you as you entered this life.
This light is the beacon in the darkness, the warmth in the cold, the harbor and the refuge. And this light is yours, always there, underneath the emotions, underneath the fear and doubt, always there, shining brightly.
Take a deep breath, now. And then another and then another. Close your eyes and see within you the light in your center. Watch it expand. Watch it expand and expand until it fills your body completely. And as it expands, feel how it contains love and only love. Feel how that love is stronger than the fear and doubt. Let it expand and fill you completely and then, let it expand even further out, so that you are like a lantern that casts its light far out into the night, glowing and bright, filled with love, filled with light, a bright energetic presence.
And now, see that there is a ring of angels around you. See them shining out in a bright, white light. They sing of love. They sing of light. They sing of the wonder of this life and send you the courage to live it and live it well.
Listen to their song. Listen as they sing of your soul's intention for you, how you yearned for this gift of life and received it, how you were given a spark of life, the same spark that shines in your center now. How you were born and how you have been loved and treasured ever since, how helping hands have been right out before you to encourage you to take those steps toward freedom, how the angels have guarded you and protected you, even as they allowed you to live your own life your own way. And they are there for you now, singing this song, your song, the song of your life, of all the wondrous love that is there for you, now and always, if you will allow it to shine for you, and all the guidance and wisdom that is flowing your way each and every moment of every day.
Listen to this song and choose. Choose certainty and belief over doubt. Choose courageous action over fear. Choose to go deeply into your connection with your soul, with these angels and with God, to find yourself and lift yourself into wisdom and joy.
Choose to shine out with all that you are, in all of your wonder, walking in deep faith like a lantern shining out for yourself and others. Choose to love and embrace this precious life and every blessing that it brings you, every moment.
Give thanks and be glad. You are alive and it is good.
new thread on the 7th level of hell
..want some come get some..
and I know you do
Hey,you!! Get your work finished???
I'm rooting for you!
Love ya!
Amy
No, still working and the prof was so impressed with what I submitted she gave me until tomorrow midnight to submit work! YEAH ME!!!
I have one more paper to knock out for her. Had to take a break, though. My head was pounding from switching between reading reference material and typing on teh computer.
Headache is almost gone and kids are going to bed soon, so then I will get back to it.
SMW
Hi dearest sis in Christ!
I missed my visits here. Things are a little bit settled down for me and I have returned after a nice rejuvenating sabattical (sp?). I will drop by later and hope to .. 'catch up with you'. I hope you and your family are managing very well. Keep bringing honor and glory to our supreme Lord (as you are so good at). Good night for now. May your heart, mind and soul be at peace.
K--
I can finally come up for air.
I got done what I could for Domestic violence. I passed the class and I am happy with it. Ab Psych I have until the 8th to finish a paper that is better than half done. I can get it finished over the weekend this week. So, one last thing tackled for that. New term starts on the 5th.
We have the results from D9's evaluation. It is not pretty but not as bad as it could have been.
The doctor will not completely rule out Asperger's Syndrome. There are a couple of criteria she does not match on, but they also are ones that through conditioning that has been in place, she may have adapted to.
Their is enough evidence to establish that she has frontal lobe developmental delay. D9 was a month premature and a failure to thrive until she was 7 weeks old. All of these factors influence the development of the frontal lobe, where emotional responses and control issues are contained. That explains her outbursts, inappropriate comments, and anger issues.
She also has ADD and anxiety disorder. There is a genetic predisposition to the anxiety disorder and DH suffers from it, too, so I was not surprised by this one. The challenge now is establishing which is the primary--does she suffer from ADD because of the anxiety, or vice versa.
Oh, and as far as her intelligence--well that is now officially confirmed. My little genius is smarter than 92% of 9year olds. Not at all surprised by this, but it also makes dealing with the other issues more challenging. She absorbs information like a sponge, on an adult level, but only has the capabilities of a 9 y/o (and even they are not developed enough) to emotionally process things.
So where do we go from here? Well, we will tackle the ADD first. The medications for that will allow us to better determine the primary faster. We have to slow her emotions down some so that we can begin CBT to teach her how to process things better. We will start the meds over Christmas break, so that she will not have it affecting school.
I emailed DH--I kept it very matter of fact:
DH--
I spoke with D9's doctor. It would be a lot easier to explain this over the phone than it would be to type it all out, and I am still trying to digest it all myself.
Asperger's has not been completely ruled out. The only thing holding them back on an Asperger's diagnosis is her willingness to engage in conversation and make eye contact.
She has a frontal lobe development delay. They think this is tied to her early birth and failure to thrive when she was a baby.
They also believe she has ADD and anxiety disorder, both of which are complicated by the fact that she is incredibly intelligent--she tested in the 92% for 9 year olds. There are other issues that are causing her challenges with the anxiety, too, since she absorbs everything around her like a sponge with an adult intelligence but still only has a child's emotional capacity.
I discussed treatment options and what needs to be done with the school to get her needed accommodations. D9's doctor also asked which parent she was closer to. I told him it was DH. HE said he was afraid of that, as it is going to complicate her therapy. Dr. asked if there was any way to reconcile my marriage. I told him that while I wanted that, the decision was out of my hands and in God's and DH's. Dr stressed that the best environment for D9 was at home, with both parents working together to raise her.
I have not discussed it with D9 yet or what it means, but I will over the weekend. I want to find the right words so that she understands that she is not weird or broken.
It is late and I need to get some sleep. It would be easier to explain everything over the phone. Call when you have the free time to talk. However, it would be easier for me to talk if it was late in the evening our time--after 10--as I do not have to worry about the kids and being distracted.
SMW
I thought I handled it well, keeping things all business right now.
I got the following in return:
SMW,
I’d like to see everyone’s answers to the symptom chart for Asperger’s. She doesn’t even fit most of the criteria. I guess I’ll have to talk to you over the phone about it and see what the deal is. Every child I know has ADD and it was a YES for the medical pre-screen for most every applicant that tried joining the Navy. I’d blame her problems on us before any of that other sh!t. We all scream and yell at her more than anything and I was always too busy doing whatever instead of spending enough time with her. I’ll try calling at around 0900 in the AM which is right after all my morning meetings and cleaning stations.
Oh, when and how much does the rent go up? I need to update the auto payments and I can’t remember what you had told me for a start date on the increase.
DH
I am too frustrated with him to think. He would rather bury his head in the sand than face reality.
I want to ask him how he thought only spending 54 hours a month with them now was going to alleviate the problem of him not spending enough time with them. AARRGGHH
SMW
Hi, {{{{{{SMW}}}}}}.
I so feel for you with your D9. If your H doesn't come to terms with the idea that she has a legitimate mental handicap it can have devastating results as she goes through her teenage years.
My H is very much a black/white person and doesn't deal well with the "grey" areas of humanity, and as our D grew up we always tried to deal with her as if she were "normal". We figured and were told that the world is still the world and she needs to learn to live in it. We struggled constantly with how much is "willful" and how much is "handicap", because these are very intelligent children and they will learn to manipulate! I always thought H was too harsh. He always thought I was too "wishy-washy".
D had terrible problems in school as time went on, not because she couldn't do the work, but because she was bored with the work so refused to do it, and had no friends for a long time because she was "weird". It got so bad with the bullying and "targeting" at school that we home-schooled her for her 8th & 9th grade years. Our D got to the point where they installed a camera on the bus and had her sit right behind the driver so the other kids wouldn't pick on her. The stories I could tell would bring tears to your eyes really.
Our D was a beautiful smiling baby and little girl. In early years, even when kids thought she was weird, she was oblivious and always just kept bouncing back. Of course we worried and always tried to "fix" everything. Then in high school, she got rebelious (as most teenagers will). She hated us for all the therapy and "trying to fix her" (we had a therapy visits with her weekly for 7+ years). She fought with H ALL the time and our house was a battle ground and I was the mediator.
Our S (6 years younger than D) didn't get the attention he needed because our whole family revolved around D's difficulty. D love S at first like he was her own special play toy, but then in her teen years came to resent S because he didn't have the same problems and H loved him and not her (her perception). Then when D was 17, we found out that she molested S. S told a family friend, thankfully, and we got to call the Police on our own D! Today D says that she did it to punish H, and to get thrown out of the house. D went to live with my mom until she was 18 and then moved on.....We couldn't figure out after years of "therapy", and "being involved", how this could happen. Our C at the time was crushed because she even never saw it coming, and she is still in contact with D24 today.
Today, 7 years later, we've all had therapy surrounding this situation, and have dealt with this as best we can. S17 has probably dealt with it better than us adults! D24 has virtually no relationship with H. She hates him, yet craves his attention and approval. H can hardly stand to be in the same room with her (I think because she represents failure to him). Don't get me wrong. I know without doubt that both H and I did our best with the tools we had at the time and tried very hard to do the right thing and be good parents. I believe that without H's high expectations of D, she possible would not be as functional as she is today (she is currently in college and wants to be a nurse).
I don't tell you all of this to scare you, really! I just want to illustrate how important these issues can be. If I had it to do over, I would cherish more the innocence my D had early on and spend more time just loving her and accepting her as she is. And make sure that you make good family time with D9 and your other kids together so they don't develop jealousy. [This is very hard because I know there is only so much time in the day.] And, try to help your H understand that a handicap such as this is real! And burying his head can have dire consequences.
Take care, and Happy Thanksgiving!!
And I'm sorry for the lllloooonnnngggggg post......
((((((((((((((((((((((SMW)))))))))))))))))))
Darling girl! I'm an ear to turn to anytime. I just recently got caught up on your sitch but didn't realize that you were having D9 tested for possible Aspberger's.
My son Marcus has mild Aspberger's & ADHD. It took us nearly 6 years to pinpoint down to this. Various tests, doctors, psychologists, etc could not rule out Aspberger's but also could not confirm it so that he would qualify for additional aid. They had his labeled OHI (Other Health Impaired) for his IEP's. They also labeled him as having PDD (Pervasive Developmental Disorder) just to throw a "title" on him for a while.
I understand your frustration with your H. He is not wanting to face facts. He wants to blame everything on environment vs. brain development. That might indicate something genetic and men don't want to EVER face that possibility.
I am here for you anytime you want to talk sis. I have some great books that I will get the full titles of for you.
I was always too busy doing whatever instead of spending enough time with her.
I read that in a very positive way--as in he recognizes that his behavior (even if he is just limiting it to working, not "extracurricular" activities) has a negative effect on things. I also think it's such a guy thing to discount some of what he hears--hence his reaction to ADD stuff.
Re: talking with your daughter about this. I remember doing this with my D12 when she was 9 or 10 and diagnosed with a learning disability (which has since settled into a much milder form). I think just sticking with what she needs to know--why the meds, that sort of thing. Especially since some things are still up in the air. With D12, I told her not that she had an LD, but that we all learn in different ways, and we're all working on learning how she learns math. With the meds, maybe explain that they're just a tool or a helper so that she can control her emotions (well, as much as anyone can control their emotions!) instead of them controlling her. There are soooooo many kids on ADD meds these days, I don't think the stigma is as great as it once was. And I've certainly seen them do wonders--the kids at my school are a very at-risk population, with parents who are far less involved than you. And they are much better able to focus in class, less anxious because their emotions aren't quite so overwhelming, and generally just happier kids.
I'm sorry that you got this list of diagnoses. But if you're like me, it's helpful to at least have a name for it so that you can attach a solution; it's empowering once you get over the initial shock. But let me also tell you that my D's situation ended up being much less serious than we thought. Their little brains are still growing and rewiring, and God is in those details for sure!
hey sis, thanks for being a rock for me too with all you have going on!! sorry ya'll had to clean up the mess H left, but thanks for getting me thru the explosion.
remember what i said about D's emotions, its not her fault,(ok sometimes it will be lol) and in time, she can make it better.
i love you
Hi ((Hon)),
sorry to hear about your D. I am sure that with your love and attention things will go smoothly.
Your H is far away and that I think makes it more hard for him to understand. He will, he loves your kids, give him some time.
Love
K
TJ--
I was praying and praying you would show up after I posted. God is good!!!
My DH also suffers from anxiety disorder and I know he is probably blaming himself. I do not want to blame anyone or anything. My mom was worried I would blame myself--since D9 being early and a failure to thrive falls on me, right? My mom is furious at the pediatrician I was using that pushed me and pushed me to continue breastfeeding, despite the fact that D9 was not gaining any weight. D9 weighed 6lbs 13oz when she was born, left the hospital at 6lbs 15oz. At 7 weeks old, she weighed 6lbs 2 oz.
I am not looking to place blame, I want to move forward and start getting her the help she needs. The email from DH infuriated me. How dare he trivialize it in order to avoid reality.
Thank you for opening up and telling me all the things that you have. I know it must have been difficult, especially the molestation part. I would love to print some of this stuff off and send it to him, but I do not want him to find out where I have been getting my strength from.
D9 is spending this weekend at home with us and all of Christmas break. We will start meds over Christmas. The goal is to have her back in the house by mid February.
Part of what hurt was the doctor asking me which parent she was closest to and when I said DH, the doctor wanted to know what the chances were of reconciling my marriage. I told him my position and then told him it was in God's and my DH's hands. the doctor said the best person (God) is running the show right now. He also said the best environment for D is with her family, her entire family. I did not bother telling DH that. He is not going to believe it right now.
I cannot worry about him right now. My mom said to me today I need to think about him as that favorite pair of summer shoes. It is winter time and I do not want to get rid of them, but I need to put them in the back of the closet right now. They aren't doing me any good right now. My focus is on the kids and their well-being. H will have to catch up when he gets home.
SMW
Mish--
Thank you for the added support! Please pleas do send me those titles. It will come in so handy. I have more time to read now and I will do it. This is a test I cannot afford to fail.
SMW
HM--
I was dreading the appointment yesterday--fear of the unknown. Now that I have a name to put to the problem, I know where I need to focus my energies.
I know that him making that comment was positive, but the real positive will come when he steps up to the plate and actually commits to being here for her 100%. That is what she really needs, and you and I both know it.
I am going for the simple when talking to her. Ironically, right before we started the evals she was looking things up on the computer and looked up ADHD cause someone at school was teasing her and said she had it. She asked me if she did, since what she read sounded like her. Told you she was too smart!
SMW
hey sis, thanks for being a rock for me too with all you have going on!! sorry ya'll had to clean up the mess H left, but thanks for getting me thru the explosion.
remember what i said about D's emotions, its not her fault,(ok sometimes it will be lol) and in time, she can make it better.
i love you
BG--
Sweetie that is why we are here and God brought us into each others' lives. We are there to support each other through the tough times. We can do this.
Love you too!
SMW
Hi ((Hon)),
sorry to hear about your D. I am sure that with your love and attention things will go smoothly.
Your H is far away and that I think makes it more hard for him to understand. He will, he loves your kids, give him some time.
Love
K
K--
I am hoping and praying for it. He does love his kids, he was an amazing dad. Why can't he see the damage he is doing to them? I know, stupid question with no answer.
He has time--he has at least 4 1/2 more months on that damn boat to pull his head out of his butt. I feel like it is a game show--Can he do it, America???
SMW
SMW,
This is actually the first time that I can say that I've been able to use that experience for some potential good, and I can't tell you how much that means to me!!
A I said in my previous post, it's important I think to make sure there is time to just enjoy D9, and especially with the other kids present. Take care of yourself first (because without that, you can't do anything!).
And the biggie is to read everything you can about the IDEA (Individuals with Disabilities Education Act) and your D9's rights. We went to IEP meetings for years and were at the schools mercy because we didn't know what we could/should ask for, and to give them their due, the educators at school aren't educated on what may be needed even though they mean well! And school districts these days care more about the "business" of schooling than teaching the kids it seems. [I had the district Special Ed director tell me that it wasn't there job to see that my D got the best education possible!]
You can demand accomodations such as:
1. Less homework! (such as do 10 math problems for an assignment instead of 40) {*It should be noted that, especially in elementary and middle schools, studies show that more homework is NOT helpful to learning}
2. Verbal tests for subjects instead of written.
3. Teachers checking and initialling assignment sheets listing work due daily (so you don't reach year end and child has failed because of assignments you didn't know about)
4. Allowing a child to have a headset while working if the noise helps them stay focused (which is sometimes the case with ADHD kids).
5. Using tape recorders in class so they can play it back instead of taking notes.
The list is endless and based on the childs needs and you, the parent, know that best! {For a really long time, we felt we needed to be apologizing to the teachers.}
I did have one Special Ed teacher who we absolutely loved, who once told me "Teachers sending kids home with a ton of homework is like parents sending kids to school with their dirty laundry." I rather liked that one....
(((SMW))))
Hey there sweetie. I have the books in front of me.
Asperger Syndrome and Adolescence - Helping pre-teens and teens get ready for the real world by Teresa Bolick, Ph.D. She also wrote Asperger Syndrom and Young Children. Might be a better fit right now since your daughter is only 9. Couldn't hurt to read both though since she is so advanced in her intellect.
Freaks, Geeks & Aspberger Syndrome - A User Guide to Adolescence by Luke Jackson. This was actually written by a kid with Aspberger's and gives a very unique perspective. It won the TES/NASEN Special Educations Needs Children's book award in 2003.
I hope one of those can help you out.
geez
guess I don't have the right chromosomal makeup to get a response...LOL. Not like you don't have OOoooodles of time on your hands ..double LOL.
Happy Thanksgiving with love from your bro' in Christ! Peace to you and the brood. Oh and btw, sounds like that D9 is just a chip off the ole block in terms of the IQ. A chip off the block from ..take your pick either you or DH. Another btw ..I more than likely have multiple characteristics of Aspergers and I am not a freak. Hold on ..let me get back to you on that....@?! lolLOL
Dearest ((((SMW)))),
it's been a while since I posted... I kept reading though!
Sorry to hear about D9. I don't know much about Aspergers, but one thing I know for sure - she needs her Daddy.
I am too frustrated with him to think. He would rather bury his head in the sand than face reality.
SMW, when he pulls his head out of the sand, he'll be shocked to discover all the damage he's done. I'm observing it in H's day to day life right now - the sand doesn't hide anymore and the pillow doesn't help to keep away the monster. WAS hit with reality is not a pleasant site... One can't help feeling sorry for them.
Oh, and I LOVE what your Mom said about summer shoes.
I wish you and your family a very Happy Thanksgiving!
((((HUGS))))
{{{{{TED}}}}}}
I am so sorry! With all of the excitement over D9's diagnosis, I completely missed your post! Please forgive me, my friend!
I hope you are able to see your darling today and spend some special time with her and the family. I emailed you, did you get it?
Happy Thanksgiving, dear!
SMW
My dear friends--
There are so many of you on here that I am happy to call my friend, that I am afraid to do rounds to everyone's thread. I do not want to miss anyone and hurt their feelings. So, instead, I am going to put my wishes on here and hope that all of you come by and see at some point this weekend.
*****************************************************************
Heavenly Father,
Blessed Redeemer on your throne. We exalt your name for who You are, we give You praise because You are the Great I Am. All praise and honor are Yours, always. I ask you today to smile upon my friends. On this beautiful Thanksgiving Day, let them give You thanks for the many blessings they have in their lives, while praising You in advance for the many blessings yet to come. Father, comfort the hearts of those who are sad and lonely, showing them that in You, they are NEVER alone.
Father we also pray for the many who are far from home this thanksgiving, whether by intent or circumstances. Watch over them, protect them, and let them know that they are always loved, even when they are far from home. Open the hearts and eyes of the many spouses who have strayed, let them see that they need their family as much as their family needs them. Make this holiday season a time of joy and happiness, as many families are restored and the enemy turned away.
Father, also look after the military troops serving around the globe. Protect them as they put their lives on the line to protect us every day. Keep then safe in the shelter of Your arms and return them safely to their families when their service is done.
Thank You Father for all we have in You and all that we are through Your grace and mercy. On this day of giving Thanks we give the most to the Living God who gives us eternal life. Washed and sanctified in the Blood of the Lamb, we praise you and thank you, and seek your continued blessings in the name of your Blessed son, Jesus Christ. Amen
****************************************************************
Happy Thanksgiving, my friends. While we may not have met under the best of circumstances, I cherish every one of you.
Phillipians 4:4--Rejoice in the Lord, always.
SMW
SMV....i haven't posted to you in a long time, but always check on you. i'm so thankful for finding your friendship on here. you helped me during some horrible, frightening times. so ......
((((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))
Happy Thanksgiving, SMW!!!
I am SO thankful for having such wonderful friends like you. You have been such a tremendous help to me. Love you, girl!
(((((SMW)))))
Happy Thanksgiving {{{SMW}}}} I hope your day was great my friend
Tawnya
Hey Sis...
Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours...
May God continue to smile upon us all and wrap us in his arms...
Bro
Hi SMW,
I know we never really kept in touch with each other, and I guess that was my fault...I was just too tied up in my own miserableness. Also, I don't have a family, like you, so I often felt too depressed to read or talk to you. But, I've kept in touch with you through KJ, for she often gave me an update on your sitch. I just want you to know I think you are amazing and it's people like you on this board who I, and many others, are very thankful for.
peace,
poet
(((SMW))))
Hey there sweetie. I have the books in front of me.
(((SMW)))
Hi sis. Long time no speak. I am on the down-low right now.
I just wanted to pipe in here for a book for your daughter called "All Cats Have Asperger's."
My C has this book in her waiting area and it explains it in child's terms and doesn't describe it in negative terms. Might be a good one for your daughter.
hey sis! thank you for early this morning!!! i love you!!!
uh my brain fog has let me lose the paper with the contact info i needed for treese. i know, silly dumb me lol!
Tomato,
I have to ask..are you in Pa? I noticed you are a PSU fan...I can't say that I am. I grew up in HBG. But I am a HUGE ND fan.
Lived around a lot of PSU people my whole life...
Hope all is well for you.
Kristi
Hi Kristi ..guess my timing was good to be dropping in here just as there was a Q for me on my lovely sis' thread. Imagine that.
In answer to your Q -- yes I am in PA. I am a huge PSU fan and I hate ND. Sorry about that last part. As you might imagine, I am loving this season due to our great record and ND's lousy one.
Thanks for your warm wishes. I hope you are learning a great deal about love and R's each day. Stay strong my dear.
Hi 'Hon'
ck your email.
love ya sis and I hope you are doing great.
your silence seems very scholarly ..indeed!
Oh, one other thing to mention is I just set up residence in Piecing. Wish me well and pray often for me please. It doesn't get any easier.
Hope you are real good and are experiencing a oneness with our Lord on His day. I think I will head off and try to achieve some of that for my own self. LOL
{{{SMW}}} You need to stick your nose out of that book long enough to come check in, tell us how you are doing..so we don't have to come getcha..well at least not yet..about 2 weeks from now
Tawnya
whoever put the list for ideas for kids at school was awesome! And it really sounds like d9 is underachieving gifted as well like my own son, and the school environment they are in just makes it worse. So those ideas will be very helpful
also SMW, I noticed that you said you didn't mention that the doc said the whole family needed to be together for d9, but...this is quoted from your email to H.
I discussed treatment options and what needs to be done with the school to get her needed accommodations. D9's doctor also asked which parent she was closer to. I told him it was DH. HE said he was afraid of that, as it is going to complicate her therapy. Dr. asked if there was any way to reconcile my marriage. I told him that while I wanted that, the decision was out of my hands and in God's and DH's. Dr stressed that the best environment for D9 was at home, with both parents working together to raise her.
This really needed to be cut out of the email, I would have stopped at the who is D9 closest to. What was written after that is just blame and pressure. I know you want him to face this, but you can't make him face it. there hasn't been anything yet to show that he is ready to accept these kinds of pressure. And I know that you want him to get it, but if he's not ready, then it won't happen and it'll just push him the other way and I know you don't want that. I know that you think you want your H to stay in the M even if it was just for his D, but in reality that will not work. He needs to be in the M because he wants to be not because he is forced, otherwise that's what creates resentment.
I'm sorry to hear about the report for d9, but I'm glad that you have a diagnoses of some sort, and like you said, it's not as bad as you thought it could be, and I actually agree a bit with your H on the fact that so many children have adhd, especially boys. I believe it's our nutrition/society/environment that has created this along with diabetes. I mean really, think how differently we eat and how different our lives are now, including school.
I think it may be important for you to start being open to what your H is saying, because he does have a point. Now, what he is not doing is taking your opinion or the doctors, into consideration. But, remember, we can't control what they think, we can only control ours. It's easy for us to be so focused when we believe in something we think it right. I know, cause I do it too. But sometimes we can be TOO focused and miss something.
Has d9 tried the stuff I sent? I really hope you can get her too and see if you notice any changes before xmas, there are many testimonies for adhd. you can even freeze it into popsicles if that would help, just mix w/ another juice.
Here are a couple of websites to check out before you try the drugs during xmas. Drugs are always easier and for the most part work much quicker, but there are always side affects that we must take a risk for so if you can be patient and consistent, you can find great results trying natural ways where there are no side affects and it's actually fixing the problem, not simply masking the symptoms. But it does take more work and commitment.
http://www.readersdigest.ca/food/cms/xcms/foods-to-defeat-adhd_681_a.htmlhttp://www.feingold.org/pg-adhd.htmlI was also reading somewhere about making sure the child eats every 2-4 hours as their brain doesn't handle the blood sugar highs and lows as well, especially if they eat sweets, pop, high sugar cereals, those kinds of things. Their body produces a bunch of insulin to combat the high sugar intake so then they have a huge high and low and their body can't handle that, thus irritability, aggression, emotional havoc takes place. I have found this to work for my own child as well and when he starts "freaking out" I'll remind myself, give him some protein!
I hope that you are able to find what works for her and I will pray it is revealed quickly to you.
call me anytime.
oh, and (this might have been from those websites, but if not...)
I also read about how it may be hard to switch a childs diet, like sweetened cereals, but you can throw in some fiber or something to slowly get them used to the more healthier stuff. Also, switching milk out (as 30% of kids are allergic to milk- and allergies can cause behavior problems as well) you can mix it with soy or whatever slowly until they get used to it. soy milk is actually sweeter than milk, but it's definitely different. My kids love it actually.
oh, and I don't mean to be harsh about the email. I know your going thru so much. But, if you are more open to what he is saying, then sometimes that allows the other person to be more open to your opinions. ??? right???
whoever put the list for ideas for kids at school was awesome! And it really sounds like d9 is underachieving gifted as well like my own son, and the school environment they are in just makes it worse. So those ideas will be very helpful
also SMW, I noticed that you said you didn't mention that the doc said the whole family needed to be together for d9, but...this is quoted from your email to H.
I discussed treatment options and what needs to be done with the school to get her needed accommodations. D9's doctor also asked which parent she was closer to. I told him it was DH. HE said he was afraid of that, as it is going to complicate her therapy. Dr. asked if there was any way to reconcile my marriage. I told him that while I wanted that, the decision was out of my hands and in God's and DH's. Dr stressed that the best environment for D9 was at home, with both parents working together to raise her.
This really needed to be cut out of the email, I would have stopped at the who is D9 closest to. What was written after that is just blame and pressure. I know you want him to face this, but you can't make him face it. there hasn't been anything yet to show that he is ready to accept these kinds of pressure. And I know that you want him to get it, but if he's not ready, then it won't happen and it'll just push him the other way and I know you don't want that. I know that you think you want your H to stay in the M even if it was just for his D, but in reality that will not work. He needs to be in the M because he wants to be not because he is forced, otherwise that's what creates resentment.
I'm sorry to hear about the report for d9, but I'm glad that you have a diagnoses of some sort, and like you said, it's not as bad as you thought it could be, and I actually agree a bit with your H on the fact that so many children have adhd, especially boys. I believe it's our nutrition/society/environment that has created this along with diabetes. I mean really, think how differently we eat and how different our lives are now, including school.
I think it may be important for you to start being open to what your H is saying, because he does have a point. Now, what he is not doing is taking your opinion or the doctors, into consideration. But, remember, we can't control what they think, we can only control ours. It's easy for us to be so focused when we believe in something we think it right. I know, cause I do it too. But sometimes we can be TOO focused and miss something.
Has d9 tried the stuff I sent? I really hope you can get her too and see if you notice any changes before xmas, there are many testimonies for adhd. you can even freeze it into popsicles if that would help, just mix w/ another juice.
Here are a couple of websites to check out before you try the drugs during xmas. Drugs are always easier and for the most part work much quicker, but there are always side affects that we must take a risk for so if you can be patient and consistent, you can find great results trying natural ways where there are no side affects and it's actually fixing the problem, not simply masking the symptoms. But it does take more work and commitment.
http://www.readersdigest.ca/food/cms/xcms/foods-to-defeat-adhd_681_a.htmlhttp://www.feingold.org/pg-adhd.htmlI was also reading somewhere about making sure the child eats every 2-4 hours as their brain doesn't handle the blood sugar highs and lows as well, especially if they eat sweets, pop, high sugar cereals, those kinds of things. Their body produces a bunch of insulin to combat the high sugar intake so then they have a huge high and low and their body can't handle that, thus irritability, aggression, emotional havoc takes place. I have found this to work for my own child as well and when he starts "freaking out" I'll remind myself, give him some protein!
I hope that you are able to find what works for her and I will pray it is revealed quickly to you.
call me anytime.
OMG Crissy! I hit panic mode,cause I KNEW I did not send that to DH, and then wondered if I had, since I have been so tired and busy with school.
No, that was NOT in the email I sent DH!!! Here is the email I sent him!
DH--
I spoke with D9's doctor. It would be a lot easier to explain this over the phone than it would be to type it all out, and I am still trying to digest it all myself.
Asperger's has not been completely ruled out. The only thing holding them back on an Asperger's diagnosis is her willingness to engage in conversation and make eye contact.
She has a frontal lobe development delay. They think this is tied to her early birth and failure to thrive when she was a baby.
They also believe she has ADD and anxiety disorder, both of which are complicated by the fact that she is incredibly intelligent--she tested in the 92% for 9 year olds. There are other issues that are causing her challenges with the anxiety, too, since she absorbs everything around her like a sponge with an adult intelligence but still only has a child's emotional capacity.
I discussed treatment options and what needs to be done with the school to get her needed accommodations.
I have not discussed it with D9 yet or what it means, but I will over the weekend. I want to find the right words so that she understands that she is not weird or broken.
It is late and I need to get some sleep. It would be easier to explain everything over the phone. Call when you have the free time to talk. However, it would be easier for me to talk if it was late in the evening our time--after 10--as I do not have to worry about the kids and being distracted.
smw
WHEW! The other was in an email that I had sent to a friend the same night. I copied and pasted the wrong one to the forum. MEA CULPA! I was so scared I screwed that one up!
SMW
Hi L
Hope you are experiencing the fullness of Christ's love on this day.
{{{SMW}}} You need to stick your nose out of that book long enough to come check in, tell us how you are doing..so we don't have to come getcha..well at least not yet..about 2 weeks from now
Tawnya
I had better get the plane all fueled up and ready for the trip down there!
Hi SMW - Was thinking about you.
Giants 23 Skins 7.
Yep Tomato..you better get fueled up and ready to go
Tawnya
yo miss PhD
where ya at? Very in your face that mulesqb is ..huh. LOL
you have not officially made your presence over at my new digs in piecing. take a break already and come out and play with us. I am sure mulesqb is done razzin ya (you are, aren't ya?)
come on out of hiding. Much peace and blessings from our Lord and savior to you my dear sis.
SMW (in case you are reading along)!!! Sending many hugs your way today and prayers up on your behalf!!! I know it will be a tough day, but you can make it through...I know you can!!
Everybody...today is the anniversary of SMW's marriage to her DH! Please send up a few extra prayers for her today. She'll check in when she can...busy, busy, busy!
Love to all!
Amy
hi sweetness & happy anniversary to you. hope you get to talk to DH. Be strong and keep nurturing both of your M's ..to Jesus and to DH.
{{{{SMW}}}}} Hugs to you today my friend!
Tawnya
new one..over there..want some come get some..
The seventh Level of Hell is Offically reopened..
Hey..I sent you my work number..call me if needed
What's up? Why are you sad?
xxx
K
Well, Today marks the thirteenth anniversary of the day my DH and I stood in front of a church full of our friends and family and promised to love each other--for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, til death do us part.
Well, I am not dead and neither is he.
We had already been married eleven months when we had our church service. We got married in January that same year, while he was home on leave. Matter of fact, DH called me about a month before he came home and suggested we get married quietly, by the JOP. D17 and I had no medical insurance and had both been sick, he wanted to make sure we were taken care of, and he wanted me to be his wife sooner, rather than later. Deposits had been made already on some of the wedding preparations, so we decided to go ahead and still do the church service, too. We did not make the January wedding common knowledge There are members of our family who still do not know that we were married before December 2nd.
This anniversary was always the one we really celebrated. After the January wedding, H left 4 days later to go back to Iceland for 9 more months. We were married without all the perks
so this one always seemed more like the real deal.
I sent him a card for our anniversary. I do not know if he got it. All I do know is that where he is, it is now almost 8pm and he has not acknowledged our anniversary at all.
So, I am sad. I miss him horribly and the littles have been really acting out because they miss him, too.
I did talk to him about D9, finally, VERY EARLY Saturday morning-- like quarter after midnight. We talked for 45 minutes. It was a good conversation and had some future musings about his plans in the Navy. Do the plans include me? Who knows.
Two songs for me today. This one is how I will make it through--
While I'm WaitingThis one will be played at our vow renewal ceremony.
After All These YearsI believe in the promise God gave me last summer of our beautiful beachside service. I need to get serious about losing some more weight, cause I was thinner in that dream.
Do not be sad for me, but be sad for my DH--he is missing out on so much because he is gone and because of the choices he has made. Pray for him and our family.
SMW
hey SMV...you're gonna be ok. you already know that. just keep focusing on the positives......stay strong girlie....
see you sound better..
must have been my southern charm, wit and candor..
and I'm assuming the twang and drawl helped out too
Hey sis, happy anniversary, I am sure you are feeling today just as I do with it being my bday, soooooooo see god does do things, he knew we were both gonna be sad today, and he brought us together so we wouldnt be alone!
i love you!!!
hmmmmmmmmm M southern charm eh? hehehe
Okay, thanks for telling us what made you sad today...
Hugs and Kisses and wishes for you to really celebrate next year your anniversary with your H, happy and in love and consider all this as a bad dream...
xxx
K
see you sound better..
must have been my southern charm, wit and candor..
and I'm assuming the twang and drawl helped out too
I AM better and thank you for being there Mike.
A friend of DH's and mine is furious and she wants to explode at him via email. I think I have her under control for right now.
Having all the support here is really helping me a lot and I am thankful for all of you.
Need to feed the boys lunch, will be back later.
SMW
{{{SMW}}} You know what..I had to think "wow" when I read your note, my hub and I did that too..as far as having 2 weddings, we got married a few months before our "church wedding" for similar reasons, he was in the Marine Corps and would have been leaving in January and didn't want to have the paperwork taking too long for me to be covered while he was gone, so we, like you, had a "secret" service and a for real service
Another similiarity is that I totally want a vow renewal service beachside too..I can totally see that happening and I just want it small and beautiful..
Also, that While I'm Waiting song has gotten me thru more days than I could EVER explain or tell anyone!
So hugs to you today, I just had to comment on how similar things were in those regards..YOU are wonderful and BEAUTIFUL and are strong and a blessing
Tawnya
SMW, I'm praying for both of you today.
For better or worse, until death. Such a big promise, when we fall victim to Free Will again and again.
You are a good wife. God has, and will continue to bless you abundantly. Peace.
SMW you are in my prayers as well. Try and keep your head up and stay strong.
(((((Laura)))))))
Sweetie, I'm sending HUGE cyber hugs and prayers out to you today. I wanted to share my morning devotion with you in the hopes that it would keep you grounded in the Lord and in the direction you are headed. Always remember who you truly belong to.
Wait for God's Justice
from Starting Your Day Right by Joyce Meyer
Know that it is from the Lord that you will receive the inheritance which is your reward. The One whom you are actually serving is the Lord Christ. Colossians 3:24
God has brought a great reward in my life in recompense for the abuse that I suffered in my earlier days. Now I have a wonderful life. God blesses me. He does things for me. He opens doors of opportunity for me. He makes me happy. He gives me joy.
When you really trust God, He will bring justice into your life. In Isaiah 61:7 the Lord says, "For your former shame I will give you a double reward" (paraphrased). If someone has mistreated you, rejected you, abused you, or abandoned you, hold on to that promise. You have many blessings ahead of you. Trust God with your future, and enjoy your day as you wait for God's justice.
Do not be sad for me, but be sad for my DH--he is missing out on so much because he is gone and because of the choices he has made. Pray for him and our family.
i will comply.. afterall you are the female
. i am learning aren't I
i just grabbed your post on mine and gave you a sweet reply. Cuz your sweet & DH absolutely knows it. stop reading too much into actions and inactions. Seek peace and love from the originator of those very things. Drink of the living H2O. You will never thirst again.
Amy, T, Tawnya, Mike, Neil, BG, Kalni, Goldey, Sugar, Mish--
Thank you, all of you. My family completely ignored today. My mom just told me that she saw no point in wishing me a happy anniversary, since it isn't. I told her that for me, it is, as I am still married, will always be married, to my DH.
Mish, the devotional was wonderful and Joyce is a site that I keep meaning to subscribe to, but I have not yet. I am heading over there in a bit to do so.
I am seriously considering a name change. It has to be something that still works with my same initials--I have gotten so used to typing it that i catch myself almost doing it on my school site, too. I want to get the "sad" out of there. I know what Neil,Coach, and G will suggest, but it is too many letters. Maybe a variation of it, though. I will think about it.
Thank you all again. I can never repay the support and love I have found here from you all. I am so excited about meeting some of you over the next month and others when we can arrange it.
Love and such,
SMW
hmmmm.....how many letters can you have?
sweet, sexy, sultry, super....I'll keep thinking
Mish--
We are only allowed 16 characters. I don't know though, Jeff has several more than that! Course, that is when SG was still a moderator and he was sweet talking her.
SexyMilitaryWife is exactly 16 and almost hits what Coach and Neil have jokingly called me---SexyMiltaryVixen.
Will think on it some more.
SMW
Hey, {{SMW}}.
I'm sorry today was difficult for you because of your anniversary. I know we're supposed to have no expectations and the reality is he is probably thinking about it, but doesn't know what to say given the sitch, so he does nothing. But, that doesn't make it hurt any less! I know you are a good christian woman and will forgive him, but I hope you don't mind too much if I just get a little mad on your behalf!
OK, having that out of the way, in your conversation with H, did he seem to come to a better acceptance that your D9 is dealing with an actual handicap and did he offer any support of your efforts? I was thinking that perhaps you can give him the info on the IDEA and he can do some looking and learning since he has access to the internet on the ship and he's not on watch ALL the time. Maybe this could give him a better understanding and appreciation for what you are dealing with all by yourself? [I know, and maybe pigs will fly, but what can I say? I'm an optimist!
] Anyway, it was a thought I had and I figured I'd mention it....
Also, if you get a chance, could you take a look at my thread over on MLC? I could use all the support I can get. And I don't get much traffic on my thread.......I think it's because people think I am a lost cause!! [And I often fear they are right!
]
Thanks!
i was actually someone who was in favor of a name change a while back in the interest of removing the sad part, but i think i have had a change of heart on it. we all know you are in fact not perpetually sad as your bond w/ Jesus will not allow for that. but there is a corner of your your that is i am sure sad for your DH and sometimes sad at the overall sitch. there is just something about this society that feels that there should be no place for sadness. i don't happen to agree with that at all. sadness is an emotion just as vital and necesary as any of the other one's. God made us that way as a part of His perfect plan for us.
oh well, my 2 cents. See ya in less than two weeks
Good night and keep nurturing that love that Jesus teaches us and showers us with through His wonderful grace and compassion.
I'm so waiting for Tomato to show up in his Mrs Doubtfire outfit
I was thinking Super or Sweet or Saved or Still hmm..I'm not helping LOL!
Hugs {{{SMW}}}
Tawnya
if it is going to be changed .. i like those suggestions Tawnya.
A change that is more Godly than earthly just as you are SMW.
Gotta head home and ready the Mrs Doubtfire get up
'night all. prayers 4 you all. peace
hey girl...just MHO..and I know I may be met with 2x4's from other posters...
you really need to drop the rope..detach in a major way..and let him flounder..
go no contact..it sounds like you have very little anyway..and it's all one sided.
let's see if he reaches out..let's see if he misses you guys
wonder what it would be like on a big old ship somewhere on Xmas and all the guys around you happy that their wives/ladies/families sent them stuff and you didn't get jack??
I would say that would suck..
as I told BBJ..
that first step is the longest stride..
if ya need me call, send an email, drop by the 7th circle, send smoke signals or run up a flag..I hate to say it..but I'm always around here..
on a side note.. 3 doors down this next Tuesday..me and MHS38..lol
((((SMW)))))
Mike has a good point. No 2x4 from me. I know you don't want to lose contact because of the kids but unless you have an emergency, is it really necessary to speak to or email him? He needs to really feel the loss if he's going to come to any real decisions.
It's a risk, but IMO one worth taking.
You know where to find me on the alt univ too. If you want to talk let me know.
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((SMW))))))))))))))))))))))))
Mike and Mish--
I have pretty much done that. Other than responses to his emails, I have only initiated one email--the one with D9's diagnosis in it--in the past three weeks. I only answer exactly what he asks me in the emails and if there are no questions, I don't respond at all. The only real mail I have sent was the anniversary card.
I have gone back and forth on sending him anything for Christmas. I have packages sitting here and I am thinking about sending them, but with no notes, cards, nothing inside, and having the kids write the box labels up and decorate the box. He will know I bought the stuff, but I will not acknowledge it in any way.
I am thinking that any cookies I would send would be better served in being sent to Tennessee and Nebraska this holiday season. Besides, there have been problems with them still being edible when they get to the ship.
As far as the phone calls--he initiates those and I rarely know when he is going to call. He lets me know when he is going to try to call so I can have the kids home in case he can get a line off the ship. For the kids' sake, I would not deliberately avoid those.
I don't know Mike, I think I would enjoy that 3 Doors Down concert more than MHS38. Besides, I was obviously on your mind last night--you posted to me first thing this morning! LOL
Mish, I will catch you in the alt and exchange pertinents. I like having all these new friends to talk to! I will have to have another DB PJ party in a couple of months. We can start planning it after Christmas. It is not that far from GA to VA. Of course, depending on how close you are to Savannah, I might just come to you!
SMW