I am going to get a new thread started, as I know it is only a matter of time before the mods shut down the old one.
Here are all my threads:
Never Knew Heartbreak Hurt This BadHaze Grey and Underway--Can We TalkAnchors AweighMan the Rails and Give no QuarterBetween the Devil and the DeepI will post the email I am planning to send to H this evening. Comments and criticisms are always welcome.
SMW
Thanks!!
Got to get my Navy references in.
You were first, the bar is open, what would you like to drink?
SMW
a pitcher of margaritas LOL! Bad day.
How goes it?
Ahhh a woman after my own heart! I love a good margarita!
Why a bad day?
Doing well enough, I suppose. I am keeping busy and that is a good thing. OF course, with four kisds and a great nephew that I babysit, how could I not be busy, even without a project?? LOL
Just going to post this email for board approval before I send it this evening.
SMW
Alright, here is the email that I want to send H this evening. Tell me what is good or bad and what I might need to add or delete.
Hi Hon—
We got your email last night. I read it to the kids right before bed time and they all have little notes for you that I am including at the bottom. I know it usually takes you a while to adjust to a different time schedule, and this is DRASTICALLY different than what you were doing before ya’ll pulled out. Since you are not working as LPO, are you getting to spend more time working on the gear? Is it freeing up your time to get the quals done that you need? I do remember you being attached to a repair locker on the Truman, but do not recall exactly what that means.
The girls are excited about the United through Reading program. I am sure S2 will be, too, when that first video shows up and he is watching Daddy on the TV! We did not get much off the tropical storm, but we did get a couple nice storms this week. It rained almost all afternoon on Wednesday. D5 and I barely made it in the house from the preschool when the skies opened up. I am sure you have heard about Hurricane Dolly sneaking up on Texas. That was a wild storm! It developed so quickly, but at least they still had time to take precautions. My dad is on the other side of the state, so I am sure they weathered it well.
Not too much going on here, just all marking time until you get home and keeping busy so that the time will move faster. The notes from the kids are below. We miss you and love you. Stay safe. We are praying for you.
SMW
Hi SMW
I don't exactly know what the heck that title means but it sounds interesting. Obviously, I know that it pertains in some ways to nautical stuff. But beyond that you would have to educate me on the specifics. Do you sail at all?
At first glance, the planned email to H looks fine. I can't think of any revisions to be made. I will continue to look it over. I hope you are having a sunshiney Friday as it is here in PA.
I pass along the peace and love of Christ.
Help me - the EA/PA - was him?
the bad day is due to sharing a D with my X. His vacay is next week so he'll have her for 9 days/nights.
He normally doesn't have her more than 2 nights in a row and I hate those weekends. This week....might just suck.
T
I wish I sailed and I would absolutely love to. When I was a kid, my grandfather had a motorboat and we would spend almost every weekend on it in the summer time. It is also something that H and i had talked about in the past--buying a boat.
The jib is a sail on a ship. The jib could be cut short, on point, to make a ship move faster. A captain could often determine a friend or foe by the cut of the jib. Over time, the term began to be used to refer to a person's appearance. It can be used both negatively and positively.
It is sunshiney and humid here, due to all the rain we have had the past couple of days.
Thanks for the input on the email. I am feeling like I handled caring, but detached. I am hoping I can get ST in before the middle of the night to check it out, too.
--Standing to return a stray to the Master's flock.--
SMW
Help me - the EA/PA - was him?
the bad day is due to sharing a D with my X. His vacay is next week so he'll have her for 9 days/nights.
He normally doesn't have her more than 2 nights in a row and I hate those weekends. This week....might just suck.
Yes, he is having the A. My first thread has all the gory details from discovery until I first posted.
I am sorry that you will have this separation from D. I know it must behard. My H lives on the ship he is stationed on can not take the kids overnight. This, along with the fact that he cannot seem to stay off the phone with the OW for any length of time. H spent over 3300 minutes on the phone with her last month.
What can you do for you during these 9 days? Anything fun that you cannot enjoy when D is there? How about a small trip for you? Visit a winery or a few museums. Enjoy yourself and keep your PMA up. I know your sitch is D'd but you can still GAL.
SMW
does he live with the OW?
(((((((SMW)))))))),
I loved the e-mail, wouldn't change a thing. You've done a great job. As usual :).
No, he is active duty Navy and is living on his ship. The OW lives almost 800 miles away. I am fairly sure she has made at least one trip here, but H has not brought her around friends or family.
No one that he works with, barring two friends, know that he does not live at home by choice. His direct supervisor is an online friend of mine from a military forum and he has no idea that there are problems, or at least not that he has let on to me.
My H made a comment, the day he said he wanted to D, that maybe his deployment and our being separated would help our sitch. I am hopeful. My faith keeps me going, as well as the many friends I have made here.
SMW
{{{{{Stella}}}}}
Thanks!! Just enough love without being pushy?
Sorry for the 2x4, but you DID ask for them!
SMW
(((SMW))) Definitely a good email. Nothing pushy there.
Would it hurt to say miss you, though? Its not pushy, just a fact. No need to go on and on, but would that hurt?
I don't know - I'm still too new.
Wifey--
I did say I missed him, right in the last couple of sentences. I have to rein that in, as I could go on and on for half a page about all the reasons why I miss him!
SMW
Well, the notes from the kids are attached and the email is sent. I wanted to wait a bit longer, but they were driving me crazy, wanting to know if I emailed their dad yet. At least I made it more than 24 hours before I responded. I was going to sit on it until tomorrow or Sunday, but I know I would have strangled some children by then!
I think I am done in here for tonight. I have a new smutty romance novel to read, D16 is at a concert, and all the heathens are in bed. I might even treat myself to a glass of wine! If I get tired of reading the book, I may pop back in later.
Night all!
SMW
awe, I really appreciate you thinking so much of me to try and wait till I posted! I feel so important!
I think it was a nice email. I also think it was good that you waited. Although I was in agreement that you could have sent an email w/o him sending one first, I think it was best that you waited, so it wasn't like you were just waiting and waiting on his first email.
The only thing I would have said was about calling him 'hon'. Is that something you both do right now normally? Most the time, during the sitch, we all refrain from all the nicknames/ILYs and stuff so it keeps the WAS from any more guilt or pressure. But if this is something you guys have been doing, then it's probably not a big deal.
hey, and don't hesitate to act excited in your emails about how things are at home and what your doing. Make your life sound fun and interesting, like it is!
You know, I truly believe God is bringing you guys back together, and I do know that even though your D has a lot of built up anger, she is going to see you, and see how you are dealing with this and when you guys are back together, it's going to take time, but your attitude and choices are going to make your D build her R with her dad much easier and she's going to take away a good lesson from this.
have a wonderful night, and I'm glad you finally got your email! He's probably feeling apprehensive about contact you anyways. He's still messed up in the head right now...obviously from the amount of calls he makes to the OW...but that will end. It will take a long time, unfortunately, but it will end. and you WILL learn patience.
I'm still learning though!
OH,
what is up with this present?????!!!!
you haven't opened it yet?? If your H put in a lot of thought, I would think he would have felt pretty bad about you not opening it. Why not open it sometime while he is gone? or what are you thinking on that?
Also, I was thinking on your comment on the 5LLs about what he does for you. Mine is Words of Aff.. but I don't do that. I do more touching, or service. I'm not sure why this is, but I really yearn for my H to say nice things about me, but I don't get that. He does more service I think, and I don't really care about that so much. Perhaps it's the things I DON'T get, that I want, and what I DO get, I'm taking for granted? Just a thought. What do you do for your H as love, but what do you like to receive? is it the same? I know the book said that you usually give what you want to receive, but I think I'm backwards.
oh, and I remember my H wanting us to buy a fish tank (and we did) and a shed, and I think some other big item when he was in the PA. and I remember saying to him, why on earth would you want to buy this fish tank and stuff when your wanting a D?
So I really think the farther into the A they get, the more they feel that their R with us is broken and irreparable. I think it's almost like they try to live the 2 lives because they don't want to lose either one, because they have to make sure of what they're doing, and they really don't know what they're doing anyways, and it's almost as if they have split personalities or something.
awe, I really appreciate you thinking so much of me to try and wait till I posted! I feel so important!
ST, I REALLY value your input, so I was hoping for it before it was sent. You are importatn, to me and many others on this forum--not counting how valuable you are to yur family. Do not ever doubt that!
I think it was a nice email. I also think it was good that you waited. Although I was in agreement that you could have sent an email w/o him sending one first, I think it was best that you waited, so it wasn't like you were just waiting and waiting on his first email.
I had prayed with a friend about the email earlier in the afternoon--about my timing for sending one, if he did not, and what to say when I did email him.
The only thing I would have said was about calling him 'hon'. Is that something you both do right now normally? Most the time, during the sitch, we all refrain from all the nicknames/ILYs and stuff so it keeps the WAS from any more guilt or pressure. But if this is something you guys have been doing, then it's probably not a big deal.
Saying "Hon" is an endearment that I have not been able to break out of. When I say it around the house when he is here, though, he does not seem to be bothered by it and responds to it as soon as I say it.
hey, and don't hesitate to act excited in your emails about how things are at home and what your doing. Make your life sound fun and interesting, like it is!
I wanted to ask you about this. I know I am "acting as if", so should I be chit chatty about the things I am doing around the house? Should I tell him about the sewing, the yard work, etc, or should I just let him see it when he gets home? I guess it does show him that we are keeping busy while he is gone, but then again, might he take that as we can live without him? That has me a little confused as to how I should handle that stuff.
You know, I truly believe God is bringing you guys back together,
Hope this is going from your mouth to God's ear to my husband's heart!!
I do know that even though your D has a lot of built up anger, she is going to see you, and see how you are dealing with this and when you guys are back together, it's going to take time, but your attitude and choices are going to make your D build her R with her dad much easier and she's going to take away a good lesson from this.
I am hoping all of my children will learn the value of honoring a commitment. I am also hoping that the girls see me as acting with dignity and self-respect, even in the face of a crisis. S2 is little and I am hopeful that he and D5 will have few memories of this time, remembering only that Daddy has to be at work and gone.
have a wonderful night, and I'm glad you finally got your email! He's probably feeling apprehensive about contact you anyways. He's still messed up in the head right now...obviously from the amount of calls he makes to the OW...but that will end. It will take a long time, unfortunately, but it will end. and you WILL learn patience.
I'm still learning though!
I was sooo excited when I opened that email. I cannot even begin to explain how excited I was. I am no longer praying for patience, I am instead thanking God for the patience I am developing every day with his guidance. Hopefully, he will stop sending me so many tests!!! As for the OW, I pray nightly for the Lord to build a Hedge of Thorns between them, for her to find the self-respect and self-esteem to realize that there is someone out there who is free to give her the love she deserves in life, not to continue to pursue a married man that she can never really have.
SMW
OH,
what is up with this present?????!!!!
you haven't opened it yet?? If your H put in a lot of thought, I would think he would have felt pretty bad about you not opening it. Why not open it sometime while he is gone? or what are you thinking on that?
I don't know what it is, but I guess I am wondering why he went through the trouble, if supposedly he does not love me. I know it is heavy--and D16 knows what it is, as she had to put it all back in the gift bag when S2 ripped it apart. She stapled the top shut after that to keep the little kids out.
I guess I am looking for a glimmer of hope here. It was New Year's Day when he bought it. He really had to go looking to find Valentine's Day things. Did he put a lot of thought into it? He did make a comment, that day, when he was telling me not to peek before Valentine's Day, about how hard it was to find things. I guess I want that gift to be some kind of confirmation taht yes, he DOES love me, even though he does not realize it right now. I also guess I am hinging an awful lot on a gift bag. SIGH I do not know what to do about it.
Also, I was thinking on your comment on the 5LLs about what he does for you. Mine is Words of Aff.. but I don't do that. I do more touching, or service. I'm not sure why this is, but I really yearn for my H to say nice things about me, but I don't get that. He does more service I think, and I don't really care about that so much. Perhaps it's the things I DON'T get, that I want, and what I DO get, I'm taking for granted? Just a thought. What do you do for your H as love, but what do you like to receive? is it the same? I know the book said that you usually give what you want to receive, but I think I'm backwards.
Well, I FINALLY bothered to do the 5LL quiz. One question I could not honestly pick between the two choices, so opted for a half point for each one. My totals were:
Words of Affirmation: 8.5
Quality Time: 7
Receiving Gifts: 3
Acts of Service: 3
Physical Touch: 8.5
So, for all intents and purposes, I am bi-lingual and speaking a third pretty fluently, LOL.
Now, what do (or did) I typically do to show H that I love him--
Praise him and speak positively about all that he does and has accomplished and I have always loved to leave him cheery messages on his phone, as well as send cards that reflected how I feel; buy him little things to show him I am thinking about him when we are apart (he used to say I sent the BEST care packages during deployments); and, finally, we would exchange kisses and hugs freely whenever we were together, as well as just those little strokes across the arm or shoulder when sitting together, holding hands in the car, etc.
SO, I guess I was giving my love languages to him, but I have to be honest, he was always very receptive to them so I do not know if these are his LL or if I have been missing something. Obviously, right now, he is not going to take the quiz for me, either. I am thinking I could start back doing all the things I used to do before we moved to MI, when things were still really good between us. What do you think?
SMW
oh, and I remember my H wanting us to buy a fish tank (and we did) and a shed, and I think some other big item when he was in the PA. and I remember saying to him, why on earth would you want to buy this fish tank and stuff when your wanting a D?
So I really think the farther into the A they get, the more they feel that their R with us is broken and irreparable. I think it's almost like they try to live the 2 lives because they don't want to lose either one, because they have to make sure of what they're doing, and they really don't know what they're doing anyways, and it's almost as if they have split personalities or something.
I do know that H has not said anything further about a D since shortly after he left. I do not think he has said anything to his parents, either, otherwise, why would my FIL feel like the deployment will pull H back to being himself, and to me and our family.
Because of residency requirements and the restrictions on legal actions by military members prior to and immediately after deployment, H cannot really start anything before next summer. Added to that, he has flat out said in MC that he realizes that a D would be a long, drawn out, complicated process--taking at least two to three years and made more complicated by the financial issues involved--we have a lot of debt that would have to be resolved to free up the money to pursue a D. Time IS on my side, and I do realize that. I think that is why I was able to progress out of panic mode so easily.
I have also got to see how Satan will start to mess with you when things are showing positives. I had posted this on one of Neil's threads last week--tell me what you think, okay?
I havea theory, if you do not have a problem with religious references. The devil ALWAYS steps up his efforts when he sees signs of progress in the right direction. The mind meanies kick in, the negative actions become harder to fight, and the urge to confront and attack is harder to tamp down.
Let me give you an example. While there has not been major progress in my sitch, their have been a few positives lately. In addition, my personal life--GAL, detachment, and unconditional love have REALLY stepped up and over the plate. Well, out of the blue, with no outside input, I got hit with a major negative thought yesterday. I was driving to the store, listening to praise music, when the thought came into my mind that if my H proceeds with a divorce, my D16 would be left without medical insurance. She is his stepdaughter and in the instance of a divorce, the military would not allow her to remain on his insurance. I hit a major panic and started to get tight feelings in my chest. I knew to pull it in and not go down that cheeseless tunnel, as it would get me nowhere. Instead, I started praying for my H's salvation, his return to God, and restoration of my family. It is hard to not let the bad thoughts to take over--it is another challenge we have to face on top of the spew we are getting from our spouses.
I want some ice cream. I will be back later.
SMW
what kind of ice cream did oyu get?
Neapolitan, with Dark fudge on top!
SMW
LOl. i had peanut butter cup
OOOHHHH I like those, too. I am trying to stay away from candy right now. I can get a little carried away. Ice cream I can control, as I am lactose intolerant and if I eat more than a scoop, I will totally regret it later. I will definitely need to walk after the past couple of days. I have been snacking indiscriminately.
SMW
I wanted ice cream too....and my D said no because I didn't work out today. But tomorrow...DEFINITELY...because it's run and yoga...so that means ice cream.
Just received email number two from H. I guess he is really going for the "lets be friends" concept. It is again chatty about work and what his day to day is like. He answered each one of the kids individually, too. I am tempted to post the email here, to get ya'll's opinion of how to respond. I am thinking that I can get into a little more detail about what I am doing, though. Should I post it?
SMW
Hi Sad,
First, I wanted to thank you for you comments on my thread. I was pretty bad off last night. I'm glad you're doing better with you H. An email is a good sign, especially if he says he wants to be friends. Watch his actions and go with your gut.
As far as posting the email, I'm not one to give you that advice, but I know I probably would. That's just me tho. Go with your gut!
hugs,
s
Go for it.
Post it....I'll help. Then I'm running/yoga and going for ice cream. At this point, I may try a few flavors.
Here is the newest email I received from H:
Hey all,
Things are going smoothly out here. I’ve never been this relaxed at sea before. The optempo is a little slower than what I was used to on the Truman. It’s either that or recruiting duty set the bar for staying busy. Chief results should be out NLT Thursday from what I’m hearing. Chief came in to work the other morning and said he had a dream that all of us first classes in the shop made chief and we were at his beckoning call, making his coffee and the whole nine yards. There really isn’t much gear to run for a change. Like I said the optempo is a lot slower and CASS pretty much does all the work for you. It has you move cables around while it tests the gear itself. Then it tells you what’s bad and then you need to decide if the bench is right or if it’s something else. Not much fun in my book. If I don’t make Chief, I’ll probably take over Shop 3, that’s w/c 610/660 or, shop 9 on the Truman. I’d probably enjoy that more because you have to actually troubleshoot the gear down there. I wouldn’t have as much free time as I do now but, I’d have ownership of a shop at least.
D5– I can’t wait to see your bedroom. I’m sure you did a good job rearranging your stuff. Are you playing Candy Land today?
S2– I love you too bud. I’m on the big grey boat that launches airplanes. I’m busy shining my shoes.
D8– Yes, I will come play Candy Land with you when I get back. A board game? How about a game of Tivitz?
D16– I know you didn’t take the Corona from the frig. I spoke with BF's dad the other day and he said it was Friend A. You’re off the hook. Good luck with that job interview! Wish you the best. You did better than I could at a Geometry test, congrats!
Love,
DAD
The notes to the kids are in answer to what they had added to the last email. D8 asked her dad to go to church with us to play Human CandyLand, so I am guessing, if he does not have duty, that he is going to join us for that.
I find it interesting that he is talking about making Chief so much now. His making Chief was a dream and goal that I always thought that we shared. One of the things that he kept saying when he first got here was that he didn't really want to make it. I do know, like he mentioned, that he likes to stay busy, and would rather work hands on than push papers across a desk.
So, how to respind. Obviously, I will comment on the work stuff that he talks about and there will be notes from the kids again. But, what do I tell him about me and what I am doing? Do I tell him that at all? I am anxiously awaiting some input.
SG I will hit notify for you and hiopefully ST will drop in, too. I will not be answering this before tomorrow.
SMW
Ok...just respond to show you listened well, keep it light.
Talk about the kids be upbeat...if you want....post what you want to write and I'll read it and offer suggestions. You're not going to tell him much about you in this letter.
We're going to start storytelling, though...I mean painting apicture, not lying.
I liked the last email you sent.
What are you doing for yourself?
What motivates your H (in the past as well as now)?
What do you think attracts him to the OW?
Alright, SG. I am taking the kids to the boardwalk to see some chalk artists, so I will write it later tonight and post it.
I know what you mean about storytelling. The beginning of our relationship was based on lots and lots of letterwriting, so I just need to remember what I did then. Might need to pull out the box with his responses to my letters to refresh my memory.
SMW
I have taken the summer off from school to spend time with the kids. I go swimming, take the kids places, I started attending Church again and have become active in a prayer group, as well. I like to just sit and read, nothing in particular, as I will read anything that has words on it. I am busy doing things around the hosue and in the yard.
My D16 has lots of friends over and they love to just hang out and play board games with me. I visit with friends.
I have lost a lot of weight (about 75lbs) since the beginning of the year. I will be starting to work out to keep tat going in a positive direction.
What motivates my H??? You know, I am still not sure. My cousin insists that I motivate him. That he worked to be a better person for me. I never saw it that way, I jsut saw it as him thriving with encouragement. He has told me, in the past, that knowing that I was holding things together for him while he was gone gave him the strength to keep going.
What attracts him to the OW?? I do not know the OW. I have only seen a picture of her and only know what friends have told me about her. They were co-workers in MI. I do not know what is attractive about her. H has said that she lets him be himself. I am not sure what the heck he meant by that. I do know, thoguh, that there were NO responsibilities with her. No kids, nothing. Her kids are older than ours--late teens. I know he spent a lot of time playing video games over at her place
.
Honestly, since she is a bit older than H (15 years), I think he is looking for the nurturing that was missing from his mother, and was lost from me when I went through my depression and we were separated by the military and family obligations last year. A lot of stuff happened all at once during that time. I think he was overwhelmed and looked to her to escape from reality. I found a copy of his cell phone bill while visiting my inlaws. He spent over 3300 minutes on the phone with her last month.
SMW
Do you have places for him to escape at your house....places to play computer games, video games.
Can YOU get into online gaming and 'hook up' with him online? Maybe even at first without him knowing who yo are?
" The beginning of our relationship was based on lots and lots of letterwriting, so I just need to remember what I did then. Might need to pull out the box with his responses to my letters to refresh my memory."
great idea
Hi {{{{{SC}}}}}
Can I tell you again, how very much I admire you???
How do YOU think I am doing? YOu, SG, Phoenix, and ST are the ones who have jumped in right from the beginning to help and I value your opinions so much.
SMW
Do you have places for him to escape at your house....places to play computer games, video games.
The downstairs of our house has a big family room where the TV and video systems are. When he was still living at home, he kept his laptop in the living room upstairs and would lik into the internet from there. I know that there were times in the past when I would complain about the video games--mostly because I just do not get it. Ironic, when you think about it, because I am the one that bought the game systems for the house.
When he first came home from MI, I would sit and watch him play the one online game he does play and he would willingly explain how things worked on it. I was honestly trying to understand the concepts of the games, but I am thinking that he figured it was just me trying to manipulate him, as it was a sore spot in the past.
Can YOU get into online gaming and 'hook up' with him online? Maybe even at first without him knowing who yo are?
I had actually considered doing this at one point in time. Now, since he is living on the ship, he is not able to access the internet to play anymore.
I have the kids napping right now, so I do not throw them into the ocean and leave them there when we go to the beach. I will pull out the letters and look at them. They are difficult to read, as there is a lot of emotion from our new love there, but they make me feel good inside, too, as I know that, no matter how much he says he never loved me, I have proof otherwise.
SMW
Here is the next email I am planning to send tomorrow.
Hon—
I am glad that work is not too crazy for you right now. I am sure you are right, recruiting duty, and the pace you guys had to work at, is definitely going to set you at a difference urgency level.
No, I am sure having the machine do all the troubleshooting that you are used to doing yourself would not be much fun. I remember you telling me that it was like babysitting the CASS, not really working. If chief does not happen, I am glad you will have the opportunity to move to a shop that will give you more control and hands on. I know you have never minded getting in the trenches to get things done. Would moving to another shop then make you an LPO?
The same rumors are floating around the military forums on the release date for Chief results. Of course, I have my fingers crossed for you. I have always thought you deserved Chief, and certainly more than some we have seen make it over the years. You are a great leader and go out of your way to get the job done right and early. That is something I have always admired about you.
Not too much exciting going on around here. The kids and I were going to go down to the boardwalk to see a chalk art exhibit and watch fireworks on Sunday, but it started thundering and lightning right before we were due to leave and then the downpours started about an hour before the fireworks were supposed to go off. I will probably take the kids to see a movie this week. Columbus is doing free movies on Tuesdays and Wednesdays. This week choices are Mr. Bean’s Vacation and Happy Feet.
If you see BF, tell him I have been calling to check on BF's W and the baby. I am going to go over and see her tomorrow and bring her some dinner. I am sure, with no one to cook for but herself, that she is not being too good about making herself dinner every night. Also, SIL wanted to remind you that Niece’s first birthday party is on the 9th. The Human CandyLand that the kids were talking about is on the 8th, at the church.
I am adding notes from the kids at the bottom. We are praying for you—stay safe. We love you and miss you.
All our love,
SMW
Alright, submitted for approval and revisions.
SMW
H has said that she lets him be himself.
This is exactly what my H said. I believe part of this is due to our criticisms and either disappointment, or annoyance that we put off. I can't think of things off hand, but I know one thing my H meant was my desire for him to go to church, and I would be sad that he wouldn't go, and I subconsciously let myself be bitter about it, and therefore our Sundays would not be good days.
And of course the OW always lets them be themselves. that's how all R's are in the beggning... where the little cute things are cute in the beginning, but then after getting M and being together those cute things are now the annoying things.
I agree with SG that this email is not going to be a lot of telling about you. If he had asked a question about you, then I would say give more info. Otherwise, I would perhaps choose one thing to mention, a quick sentence like... The kids and I went to the park and we saw the most beautiful "??", it was remarkable!
IDK, just one little thing that is exciting to make him think you are enjoying life, not just living because your alive, but living because your blessed. and I know exactly what you mean by not wanting him to think you can live wonderfully without him. The thing to realize is, if we portray our lives in a fun and exciting way, it is luring to them and makes them want to have that in their life too. If we do the opposite, well, that's obvious, why would they want to be with someone who's dull. And if we act needy, well, that usually is taken as pressure and they will withdraw more. Of course you have to choose actions and then look to see if those actions are causing harm, or doing good. If they cause harm, well, then you obviously want to try something different. I believe in most every case, the LBS should act like they love their life and be excited and show the WAS they are enjoying their life to the fullest. It will help pull them away from the hole they have dug themselves into. Because even though they are having these "fantasy" lives, they are very much in pain as well because of the sin they are living in, and they are looking for happiness, but this happiness is false, but what the LBS has, is true happiness and this will draw the WAS to them. IMHO
On your email... I still feel that you should think about the term "hon". And perhaps rethinking the we love you-miss you's at the end. One of the things that I realized, or read, was that as LBSers, we can sometimes want our spouse to know they are loved, and we want to show our love and so we will act on that, or say ILYs or say endearments, but this is a selfish love because they are not wanting this right now, and sometimes this can cause guilt for them. Now, your term Hon, I don't know that it would cause guilt, but perhaps he may feel some kind of pressure from it. I know you said he doesn't act like it's a problem. But I'm curious as to what he would do if you stopped doing it. I wonder what he would be thinking. just a thought. I don't know why it's bothering me so much, but it just seems weird to me. And I know you've included the kids with the ILYs, but again, if your H is not saying he loves you, then you telling him you love him can make him feel guilty because he does not feel the same way (right now).
Of course, I have my fingers crossed for you. I have always thought you deserved Chief, and certainly more than some we have seen make it over the years. You are a great leader and go out of your way to get the job done right and early. That is something I have always admired about you.
Okay, I'm trying to remember. I know we talked about your encouragement to your H about a promotion that he's never gotten. Is that right???? I hope I'm not mixing you with someone else.
Well, I think that perhaps (unless you think he appreciates these things) that you could say the encouraging promo things in a diff way and simple. Like, "I think you would make a great chief! "I know many people have a great admiration for you, including myself". I'm just feeling that if your H has felt like he may have let you down, or isn't worthy of you, that he could feel like your either patronizing him or something. It could seem as though your trying to overcompensate? OR, he may take it as a good compliment, as it was meant to be.
IDK....I wouldn't have brought it up had it not been for me remembering these past convos. Was it your H that I was thinking about? I know I'm being a little nit-picky...I do that sometimes. It's a good email though.
I like the letter. Especially the part where you say that you admire a quality in him. It sounds very genuine to me.
SMV-
i think it looks good, but i agree with STImadeit about the "hon" does your sitch call for it? I mean, is he still having the EA? IDK....that's just my 2 cents. Other than that, it's good.
I will post to all of you in a bit. I need to get D5 ready for camp and feed my great-nephew.
I made fresh coffee and a blueberry coffee cake from the ones I picked two weeks ago. Enjoy and I will be back soon!
SMW
It's very good. I want some coffee and coffee cake.
NOW!
Yes, call him hon.
That's something that 'worked' for me. And it reminds you to keep your tone sweet, and endearing. Keep it up.
If it turned sarcastic, no...but you would never.
Good job.
(((((smw)))))
I like it. I think you doi a good job at finding the balance you are looking for.
ST-
I have a hard time pinpointing what he means by "being himself." I am the one that has trailed all over the place after him while he pursued his career. Church was never something I pressured him about--we joined the choir together and he wanted to attend Bible study becasue he knew so little about religion, having been raised in a house where none was practiced.
Yes, I kept the email simple, sticking to the basics and letting him know what the kids and I are doing. However,I am starting to do more things with the kids, so there will be a lot more of that. I am going to see Batman this week,(I will go by myself if I have to) and I will mention that. He knows I do not like to go to the movies by myself, so he will wonder who I went with.
When I stopped all endearments and ILYs, H seemed confused, but not overly so. I would say probably becasue he is sure that I love him. After a few weeks, he would slip the occasional "Honey" into conversations, like when he and I were cooking togehter and he was looking for something. I do not think he even realizes he says it. To actually type it,I am thinking he would see it and edit it out, before sending the email. I am thinking I am going to leave it in, but I will take out the "we love you". I will leave the "We miss you", though.
SMW
Yes, it was my H that we talked about the promotions situation. I do think he likes Words of Affirmation,as his motehr is not one to dole out complimentsand encouragement He tends to be insecure about the things he does in his life. That is something I observed and also that our MC brought up, the day he walked out of counseling.
I do think I will slip in something refering to others that also think H deserves this promotion. Maybe like this--
Of course, I have my fingers crossed for you. I have always thought you deserved Chief, and certainly more than some we have seen make it over the years. You are a great leader and go out of your way to get the job done right and early. That is something I have always admired about you. Of course, I am not alone in this. BF, F, and F also feel the same way. Everyone will be stoked to see you in Khakis, as we all know how much you have earned it.
Is that a little better?
SMW
I know I am late, but the mail was great for me too. Not TOO much, balanced, perfect... I didn't mind the "we love you either..."
Love
K
I like the letter. Especially the part where you say that you admire a quality in him. It sounds very genuine to me.
Thanks Sara. Glad to see you pop in, I do not see you very often!
SMW
SMV-
i think it looks good, but i agree with STImadeit about the "hon" does your sitch call for it? I mean, is he still having the EA? IDK....that's just my 2 cents. Other than that, it's good.
Yes, as far as I know--or at least as of three weeks ago, he was still spending large chunks of time on the phone with her. See what I posted to ST about the "hon". I think it will be okay, but I do appreciate the feedback.
SMW
It's very good. I want some coffee and coffee cake.
NOW!
Yes, call him hon.
That's something that 'worked' for me. And it reminds you to keep your tone sweet, and endearing. Keep it up.
If it turned sarcastic, no...but you would never.
Good job.
Thanks SG, I think we are good to go, then after everyone's feedback. I am going to attach the kids' notes and send it off here in a bit.
SMW
(((((smw)))))
I like it. I think you doi a good job at finding the balance you are looking for.
Thanks for dropping in and giving me your opinion Jeff. The ladies are all so helpful, but it is nice to get some testosterone-based feedback. I appreciate you and Neiltaking the time.
SMW
I know I am late, but the mail was great for me too. Not TOO much, balanced, perfect... I didn't mind the "we love you either..."
Love
K
Hey Hon!! I know, now that you know I call my H that, it does not seem as special, huh? It is, honest! I do not call everyone that, just those who mean a lot to me.
Alright, so now that I have a good round of approvals, I am going to finish it up and send it. H starts his shift at 7pm and I want to make sure it is in his inbox, just to see how fast he responds.
SMW
Hi SMW...
Just my 2 cents I like the letter, good amount of PMA for him with you reaffirming he is deservant of the promotion, I also like the part of 'we love you' test the waters that is the only way you will find direction. I wouldn't change a thing, stay your course darlin you are doing great!!!
Brian
Hi SMW...
Just my 2 cents I like the letter, good amount of PMA for him with you reaffirming he is deservant of the promotion, I also like the part of 'we love you' test the waters that is the only way you will find direction. I wouldn't change a thing, stay your course darlin you are doing great!!!
Brian
Thanks Brian!
Well, it is sent, and I HONESTLY forgot to take the "we love you" before I sent it. UGH! Well, I got support for it and against it, so we will play it out and see what happens.
I need to go finish dinner. I will be in tonight!
SMW
Hi SMW...
Just my 2 cents I like the letter, good amount of PMA for him with you reaffirming he is deservant of the promotion, I also like the part of 'we love you' test the waters that is the only way you will find direction. I wouldn't change a thing, stay your course darlin you are doing great!!!
Brian
Thanks Brian!
Well, it is sent, and I HONESTLY forgot to take the "we love you" before I sent it. UGH! Well, I got support for it and against it, so we will play it out and see what happens.
I need to go finish dinner. I will be in tonight!
SMW
SMW...
I don't think it will cause any damage, kinda like me telling the W ILY the other night it may do damage it may not. Take a step back and observe see what his response is and then you will have the 'direction' as to how to proceed. You're doing okay!!
Brian
Hi SMW
I like the addition to your sig line.
I will be praying for the promotion for your H.
I will have to look back at my posts from you to see if you ever used the special term of endearment, "hon", LOL.
Hi (((SMW)))
I think you're doing great. The e-mail was really nice & supportive.
I do relate to the comment about OW "letting him be himself". I always felt that OM let me be myself. Whatever I wanted to feel was okay, & he'd agree with me. If I said H was a jerk, OM agreed. If I was sad, OM would validate that sadness. When I talked to OM about my childhood, he would remind me it wasn't my fault, that it wasn't my garbage, that I didn't have to carry it around anymore.
In comparison, when I had tried to talk to H about my childhood, he had always responded "get over it". At first, I thought this meant that OM cared more. Looking at it now, I realize it was too painful for H to listen to.
New relationships are always fun & exciting & easy because people are on their "best behavior". Besides, how hard is it to be nice for an hour or two a day ?
hugs
Hey SMW, I know you're a fan..3 Doors Down will be in Virgina Beach, Raleigh and Charlotte in Sept..
I KNOW!! Sept 14th at the Amphitheater for me. I have to wait to see what happens with H's promotion. That is also the last weekend he will be home before deployment. I had considered tickets for him for his birthday, but I do not think we are there yet.
I will be back in a bit. I had an interesting morning and really want to put it out for everyone here, especially those standing for their marraige from a position of faith that God keeps his promises. God is good, ALL the time.
SMW
You do that a lot. Give a little tease then go dark. Grrrr...
I had an interesting morning and really want to put it out for everyone here, especially those standing for their marraige from a position of faith that God keeps his promises.
Did I hear someone talking about me??
God truly is great!
Alright, alright.
D16 needed the computer to look some geometry stuff up.
This morning, I was looking for the enrollment stuff for D5 fro kindergarten. It had somehow gotten mixed in with all of the pre-deployment stuff from H's ship. It hit me, all of the sudden, that I only have 7 weeks until H deploys. there is still so much that is left in the air---and I am not even talking about between us. I am still not sure how my having money is going to be handled, I do not have a POA, etc. I started gettig a really panicked feeling in my stomach and was getting more and more frantic about it by the minute. This all occured as I was walking out the door to go see my IC.
I attend IC at my church, which is located in the middle of a big neighborhood--full of houses and apartment complexes. As I turned onto the road where the church is, a car turned in front of mine. Its license plate read "PS91 5". the car turned the opposite direction from the church as I pulled into the church parking lot. I stopped the car and quickly grabbed by Bible, KNOWING that I NEEDED to look up the scripture.
Psalms 91:5 reads--
You will not fear the terror of the night, nor the arrow that flies by day.
I was so moved by this scripture and obvious sign from our Father that I burst into tears in my car. I thanked Him and pulled myself together. My IC knew I was upset the minute she saw me. I told her I was not upset, but overwhelmed at the grace and mercy of God. I recounted everything to her and she agreed.
So, there is my testimony for today.
Sorry you all ahd to wait for it.
SMW
SMW
Don't you just love those moments?
thx for sharing that one. He is amazing. I hope your IC session went well.
Bring glory to His name in all you do. This has been kind of a tough one for me as of late. Please pray for me and for the family.
Ted--
I am still in awe at the wonder of Him. My prayer friend told me that God had been trying to get my attention all weekend with little things and I was not paying attention. She called the license plate the Biblical equivalent of Him standing in front of me and jumping up and down for my attention.
IC was wonderful and my counselor is amazed at my strength in all of this. I told her it is not my strength, but His grace that has me standing firm in my belief in restoration.
Ted, you are always in my prayers, as are all my friends here. Stand strong my friend, and KNOW that HE is with you.
SMW
SMV-
wow.....that was awesome....it really was. I'm so happy for you!!! ^5^5 (that means hi 5)
reading that little story has made me feel better about my sitch than i have all day. That plus a little springsteen always helps!!!!!!
Thanks Neil!
I am glad that you feel better about your sitch today, too. I totally got the high 5, but we have got to get you off the Springsteen
.
SMW
You do that a lot. Give a little tease then go dark. Grrrr...
Must work, LOL!! you keep coming around!
SMW
but we have got to get you off the Springsteen
.
that's not gonna happen. he's half the reason i survive!!
I am still in awe at the wonder of Him. My prayer friend told me that God had been trying to get my attention all weekend with little things and I was not paying attention. She called the license plate the Biblical equivalent of Him standing in front of me and jumping up and down for my attention.
Hi SMW- Glad to hear that things are going well for you. I wish I could say the same for me. The Lord certainly has managed to get my attn now. Some very stupid things that I have done are coming back to bite me in the rear. When I called my DD15 tonight I received some pretty awful news. I have only myself to thank for the news I am now dealing with. My visits with her are not going to be allowed anymore. I am rather ashamed and embarrassed as to the reasons why this is happening. There certainly was not any kind of sexual misconduct or wrongdoing involved in it. But as a result of not complying with the rules which were established for the visits that I had with her, I apparently will not be allowed to see her anymore. Suffice it to say, I am disgusted with myself. I feel like an idiot. My half-baked experiment of being a dad has failed miserably because I do not follow rules. More than likely, if I ever see her again, it won't be for another 3 years when she turns 18. I got what I deserved. The Lord has got my attention. I'll pray on it and I will be asking for forgiveness.
Ted, you are always in my prayers, as are all my friends here. Stand strong my friend, and KNOW that HE is with you.
Thanks, I sure do need them.
Ted--
I am so sorry for what has happened with your DD. you did what most any parent would have done. you have become comfortable in the relationship that the two of you have established and simply forgot the ground rules. It is unfortunate that things have playyed out the way they have. Turn it over to Him, wo has all the power to work things out for good. Prayers and {{{{{hugs}}}}.
SMW
I have a dilemma and need some help/advice.
Just got the careline update for H's ship. They will pull in tomorrow around 10am and pull back out on Saturday morning. H has to be at work all day on Friday. He has yet to address this or respond to my last email.
I am wondering if I should email him, telling him that I got the update, and would he like for me to come get him so he can spend the day with the kids. What do ya'll think?
WE are still waiting on advancement results. I have nerves so bad I cannot explain it. C and I talked about it yesterday. I told her it is a diffent kind of nerves than it has been in the past. If I were a betting woman, I would be willing to put money on H making it this year. I am more nervous about how he will andle the 6 week induction period. During this time, the selectees are literally torn down and built back up again. The core values of the Navy--Honor, Courage, and Commitment are beat into their heads incessantly. How is he going to respond to this pressure and the inevitable conflict with his actions that will result from it?
I know that I can not do anything to help him, all I can do is be here to support him. How do I let him know that I AM here to support him? I know that this musing is preeemptive, as the results are not out yet, but it is still meandering through my mind. I have prayed on it and do not know what God wants me to do.
SMW
Hi Hon!!
I would send the email. After all the kids will really want to spend some time with him, right? Just be flexible with suggesting you picking him up so he doesn't feel you are trying to "control" him...
About his job, hmmmm, I have no f@cking clue what it is they do to them but I trust your judgement that it will be difficult. Well, "Honor and Committement" don't sound bad to me. Maybe he will learn something...
Hon, he is not your fifth child, he is a big boy, if he gets it, he should be able to make it...
Love
K
Hi Hon!!
I would send the email. After all the kids will really want to spend some time with him, right? Just be flexible with suggesting you picking him up so he doesn't feel you are trying to "control" him...
Nope, just going to send something simple--
Dear H--
I heard the schedule update on the careline today. Since you will be in a day earlier, with early liberty, would you like for me to come pick you up? I thought you might like to get off the boat, spend the day with the kids, and eat a home-cooked meal. I can run you back out to the boat later on that evening, since you have duty on Friday.
About his job, hmmmm, I have no f@cking clue what it is they do to them but I trust your judgement that it will be difficult. Well, "Honor and Committement" don't sound bad to me. Maybe he will learn something...
I really do not know exactly what goes on during induction, either. All we know is what gets whispered about over the years. My FIL is retired two rates above the one H is shooting for and says that it is a life-changing experience.
Hon, he is not your fifth child, he is a big boy, if he gets it, he should be able to make it...
I know, it is just my nature to worry about him. Can't help it.
Thanks for the thoughts, hon. I am trying to stay busy and not think about things too much right now. I know that God will point me in the right direction when it comes time for me to need to know. It is that patience thing rearing its ugly head.
SMW
So, here is a little fun for everyone. this is what we do on the military forums when we are waiting for the results.
http://flightsimx.archive.amnesia.com.au/SO, what is your best? My personal best was 112.987m last year. this year it is 94.746m.
Wanna play? careful, it is addictive!
SMW
SMW...
Things sound good at the moment. I like your idea of the email something short and sweet and simple, just throughing out the offer and leave it in H hands to do what he will with it.
You seem in a peaceful path right now I am very happy for you...
Keep on keeping on with yourself...
HUGS
Brian
Bri--
That is what I did. Now, we will see what he does. I have no expectations either way. If he says no thanks, I have back-up plans. It is becoming easier to stay calm, as long as I keep praying and remembering who is REALLY running this coaster. Gods is amazing and I give all glory and honor to him.
SMW
SMV-
Just wanted to say hi...seems like you got a good plan...keep it up!
Alright--here is the email I sent last night, around 10pm.
H--
I got a support group email to check the careline. Since you will be in a day earlier, with early liberty, do you want me to come pick you up? I thought you might like to get off the boat, spend the day with the kids, and eat a home-cooked meal. I can run you back out to the boat later on that evening, since you have duty on Friday. If so, just let me know where and what time and we will be there. Talk to you soon!
SMW
This is the response I recieved at 1:18 am
I don't know if I have duty or not. They nevertold us if we switched over to four section duty or not. I guess what I'll do is give yo ua call when I'm ready to go. Okay, talk to you soon.
So, it looks like H will be home this evening for a few hours. NOW, I have got to go finish picking up my house and get a shower!!!!
SMW
Thanks Neil! Keep your fingers crossed that today goes well!
SMW
that's great!!! Remember, use what you've been learning when you interact with him....if you slip, pick yourself back up immediately....if you're not sure about if you can, look back to what i did on sunday!! i slipped and picked myself up immediately.....it makes a big difference!
Thanks Coach! LOL! Off to sweep and vaccuum! I figure I may have three hours, tops before he calls.
SMW
SMW...
No need to wish you luck, you got everything covered, just be yourself and go with the flow...
You are doing awesome stay your path...
P.S. Okay maybe a little luck :-)
HUGS
Brian
I have a few minutes. H and the little kids are laying down. He has had 4 hours sleep in the last 40 hours. He is exhausted.
I got a half hug in the car when I picked him up and we chatted all the way back about what is going on at work. I was affirming and validated him all the way home. For my efforts, he turned sideways in the seat toward me (I was driving) and made eye contact with me several times. He talked TO me not AT me. D5 asked him several times if he was going to stay tonight with us. He does not have to be back to the ship until Saturday at 1:30pm. I think he is planning to drive to his parents' house tonight after he puts the kids to bed and come back here tomorrow evening. He is so tired, I almost wish he would wait, get a good night's sleep, and head down in the early morning. Before anyone asks, YES, if he asks to stay here, I will let him. He can even sleep in my bed
Right now, he is curled up in S2's racecar toddler bed!
We still do not know if he got his promotion. Rumor mill has it as anywhere between today and next Friday! It is so frustrating to not know anything. it is like this every year.
D16 threw chicken strips and tater tots in the oven so that they would be ready when we got back. We all sat down and ate lunch together as a family. It was nice, really nice.
On a more personal note, today D5 told her preschool teacher that her mommy is happier since we have been going to church all the time. Also said her Daddy will come home, since God answers prayers. Teacher asked her did she know when her Daddy will come home and she said "When God says Daddy is ready." I love her innocence! She and S2 went with me to the pier.
Alright, I will be in later on this evening,maybe, depending on H's plans. Since my computer is in the middle of the family room, I will not be able to play here if he stays.
Later! Smooches!!
SMW
Thinking about you. Hope everything goes well. It will if H knows what's good for him!
Thanks G! My fingers are crossed for a comfortable family-oriented couple of days. The kids mentioned wanting to go to the street festival down at the Oceanfront and H seemed amenable to it. We will see.
Then, the ship pulls back out on Saturday and will be back about 6 days later, God willing and the Chief of Naval Operations does not change his mind.
SMW
(((((SWM)))))
I hope you have a great couple of days!
SMV-
my fingers are crossed for you too! Just remember....NO expectations...go with the flow...Difficult, i know..but doable.....enjoy the time!!!!!!!
SMW,
I am sure things will go well! Keep those expectations under control though.
I am rooting for you guys every step of the way.
J210
Hey SMW...
Glad to see your email was received well. I really couldn't tell by his response that he would for SURE let you pick him up, but obviously it worked.
I would be careful next time though, that email could have been taken as pressure and if he really didn't want to come home for some reason, he would have felt guilty.
To me, the email was great for someone who is in a M that is not having problems. However, it was a tad on the desperate side since you guys ARE having problems. HOWEVER, if he seemed to have a good time, and him turning towards you in the car was really really good, so perhaps he did not take the email in the way I mentioned.
oh, the license plate story is wonderful! I'm so glad you were able to "see" God's message for you! Sometimes I need to just slow down and wait for his message to me too.
I'm also rooting for you and will be anxious to hear how things go. I know that if anyone can do/say the right things, it's you. Your faith has already been an inspiration to me in the short time I've been around!
Amy M
(((((((Wishing you well, SMW)))))))
Thanks again for all your support!
Thanks for all the well-wishes everyone!
H left here around 10pm to drive to his mom and dad's. He was still tired, it is late, and the route is a lot of curvy backroads, so I asked him to please call me when he gets in, so I know he made it alright. He said not a problem, he would call me so I did not worry, that he was sure he would crash once he got there.
After dinner tonight, he asked me if he could stay here at the house on Friday night, so he can get up with the kids on Saturday and spend as much time with them as possible. I told him it was not a problem, he was welcome to stay. He will probably sleep in D8's room in the spare bed. I do not think I will offer to let him sleep in mine. I would not be responsible for my actions if he accepted!!
Everything has been very comfortable and light. We got a confirmed reliable rumor that results for his advancement will be released tomorrow afternoon. H said if I hear about them being out, to call him and he will look it up on the computer right away, so we will know--and yes, he said we. He seems excited about it all the sudden, which is a good thing. His shop chief, the one I knew prior to H going to the ship, gave H a Chief's anchor to wear pinned inside his shirt pocket for luck.
We did not go to the street festival--it started raining around 3 and did not let up until well after 8, too late by the time we would have gotten the kids organized and out the door. So, instead, we spent a nice quiet evening at home. Well, as quiet as you can get with three kids under 10!!
I had gotten a couple of small projects done around the house this week and H noticed them. I recovered a bench in our living room and he asked if my mom came over and did it, as I always got her to help in the past. I was proud to tell him that no, I had managed it all on my own.
I also finally unpacked and set up my display cases. I collect Seraphim Angels and since we moved in the boxes have been sitting on the shelves. He complimented me on how pretty the display looks--I added flowers, ribbons, shells, and other little doodads. It really does look nice and it was good to know he noticed.
OOOHHH
He just called that he was at his parents. Took a little longer than usually does and I asked was he doing okay. He said yeah, he got sleepy and stopped to get a drink and walk around for a minute or two. Told me he would call when he is heading back tomorrow. Also said he would be checking on the advancement results through out the day and reminded me to call if I hear anything about them being posted. Told me he will call me as soon as he knows something if he has not heard from me yet.
I told him to try to get some sleep and get his schedule back on track. I wished him a good night, he said good night to me and told me to sleep well.
I think I did a really good job of keeping things light and not having any expectations of what might or might not happen helped make me calmer and more at ease with him. He sought me out where ever I was sitting to sit and talk to me. He really wanted to talk about what work is like and what all is going on. I do not mind listening, as I have always been interested in what he does, anyway. Now, though, I am better about validating without interjecting my two cents.
I cannot wait to see him again tomorrow night. I may have a movie playing when he gets here--Oh I just started it, want to join me? No chick flick, but something I know he would want to see. Will depend on what time he heads back.
Wow this is long! Let me close it up and I will catch ya'll later! I definitely have some thanks to be offering to God at bedtime tonight. I am humbled by the blessings I am receiving from Him.
Smooches!
SMW
Hey SMW...
Glad to see your email was received well. I really couldn't tell by his response that he would for SURE let you pick him up, but obviously it worked.
I would be careful next time though, that email could have been taken as pressure and if he really didn't want to come home for some reason, he would have felt guilty.
To me, the email was great for someone who is in a M that is not having problems. However, it was a tad on the desperate side since you guys ARE having problems. HOWEVER, if he seemed to have a good time, and him turning towards you in the car was really really good, so perhaps he did not take the email in the way I mentioned.
That was why I kept my email to him as light as I did. He could have told me he had to work and I would have no way of knowing if he told the truth. He looked genuinely pleased to see us there, which was nice. I think him asking to stay here, resulting in him spending as much time with me as he is going to is a good step.
oh, the license plate story is wonderful! I'm so glad you were able to "see" God's message for you! Sometimes I need to just slow down and wait for his message to me too.
Yes, the licensse plate was a major deal and I am still excited about the magnitude of God's grace. He truly is an Awesome God.
SMW
I'm also rooting for you and will be anxious to hear how things go. I know that if anyone can do/say the right things, it's you. Your faith has already been an inspiration to me in the short time I've been around!
Amy M
What a sweet thing to say! Thank you!
SMW
(((((((Wishing you well, SMW)))))))
Thanks again for all your support!
{{{{{GF}}}}}
Not a problem. I need to go read the latest on your sitch, but I am hoping that something has been resolved.
SMW
SMW...
HOOORRRAAAYYY, for you. Good job on keeping it light and easy. Listening to H and validating his work is a good thing on you making ones work feel important is a good PMA for them.
I am so happy that he sought you out and would converse with you, good job on making it comfy for him to do that.
I find it interesting that H kept emphasizing the promotion and that if you hear first to let him know, it shows he knows you stand behind him with what he is doing...
H listening to you about contacting when he gets to the parents house is really cool showed he respected your concern for him...
All in all sounds like a nice family night good on you for being you and allowing H to get into that comfort zone without pressure...
I am proud of your accomplishments for the day, good things to go to sleep on...
Stay your course and let the almighty show you the path...
HUGS
Brian
(((SMW)))
So happy for you!!
Sounding good.
Maybe time to change out the "S" in SMW eh?
Nik--
I am thinking about taking the sad out, if only for the fact that I am making my own happiness. It does nto rely on my H and his actions, although I am HAPPIER when we are tegether. Since I am happy most days, I am firing on all cylinders when we are interacting well. We will see, but maybe soon.
SMW
Sounds good SMW. 6 out of 8 is still good..
(or in military terms it's probably like 100 out of 120 cylinders or something right??)
Make your own happiness, that's THE most important.
(((SMW)))
She can keep the "S", just change what it stands for....
I can thing of a few!
You're doing great, and it sounds like things are going well. Keep it up!
Alright, while I am sitting here waiting for the selection board results to post, playing cards, and doing laundry, I am opening the floor to suggestions for what to change my "S" to.
Keep it clean!
SMW
OMG OMG OMG!!!!!
H made Chief! He called to tell me and was joking and kidding with me on the phone, then told me "Thank you, you never stopped believing in me." Told me he will be HOME this evening and would not be really late.
Now, opinions--I want to run out to the base and pick up his PT gear for him as a surprise for when he gets here. Just to show that I am behind him 100% through this period. My friend's husband is telling me to do it, it will make a huge statement to H. Friend's H is on the ship with my H. Should I do it?
I am so excited, I cannot even explain it.
I will be back later, the kids are dancing around me they are so excited, too.
SMW
yay! i heard there was a party here
sounds like he really loves you
yay! i heard there was a party here
sounds like he really loves you
Pisces--
you know, he funny thing is, I hae only ever doubted that once or twice during all of this. Friend's H told me some interesting things this afternoon, too. Said that when he and H were talking on the ship while it was out, that H always had nice things to say about me, what a great relationship we have, how we know each other's thoughts and how we can even finish each other's sentences. Why can't he say these things to me??? FH said I am doing great and that H knows where he belongs, just needs to find his way back. He offered to draw him a map, too.
LOL
Alright, I am off to do laundry and eat something--if I can. My stomach is still all nerves from finding out the news.
Smooches!
SMW
Hurray, Hurray!!!
Now, opinions--I want to run out to the base and pick up his PT gear for him as a surprise for when he gets here. Just to show that I am behind him 100% through this period. My friend's husband is telling me to do it, it will make a huge statement to H. Friend's H is on the ship with my H. Should I do it?
YES! (IMHO)
(((((SMW)))))
Yes, do it!!! It will mean a lot to him. Go girl!!!
I am happy for you, very happy...
K
Sexy
Strong
Smart
Smooth
Soft
Silly
Got it! His PT gear for Selectees and an extra T-Shirt that says Navy Chiefs-Welcome to the GoatLocker. He had admired one similar to it last year.
Also got a cute card from me and the kids. It has a cat hauling a cooler on the front, and says congratulations. On the inside it says Now stand still so I can dump this Gatorade over your head!
Back to picking up the house and grabbing a shower.
SMW
I have so many things to post about the past day that I almost do not know where to start.
I guess I will start with the fact that after H called to tell me that he made chief, he followed it up with one other phone call, to tell me about other friends of ours who also were selected for chief. It was a chatty, comfortable conversation--much like we would have shared before the pod people moved in. He finished that off by telling me that he would call me when he left his parents' and was on his way home. And yes, he again referred to the house as home.
Betweeen that call and his next one, a F called to talk to me about H making Chief. This F I have mentioned before. He was a groomsman in our wedding. He is also attached to the squadron that will be on cruise with H's ship. Anyway, he wanted to give me an overview of what to expect, as a spouse, over the next six weeks while H is going through initiation for his advancement. While we were talking, he also mentioned that he ran into H during the deployment last week. H mentioned to him that he had not received any emails while they were gone. F said H seemed really bothered about it. F asked H if he had sent any and when H said no, asked why? H said he was busy and did not think too much about it, he was used to just answering mine when I would email. F told me it took all he had to ask H what he expected from me, under the circumstances. I am surprised he didn't, as this friend can be very blunt when needs must. F told me to hang in there and keep up the good work, that H is going to need my strength to lean on the next few weeks. Said he knows H is thinking, that there is plenty of time to do that when you are surrounded by 5000 people and no family in sight. Also told me that I am one of the strongest, most competent Navy wifes he has ever met. Said he told H that, too. He had not called H to congratulate him yet, so told me he was calling him next, but was not going to tell him he talked to me first.
H called to let me know he was heading home and asked if the kids could stay up til he got here. I told him that was not a problem. D8 was supposed to clean her room, it is currently operating as a runner-up pig sty, so that all the little kids and H could sleep in there. She never cleaned it. After H got here, he made several comments about where was he going to sleep. He never said where are WE going to sleep, referring to him and the kids. Every time he asked it, he kept looking at me. After he left today, D16 said to me, you realize Dad was trying to get you to let him sleep with you, right? I looked at her and said I did not think so, why not just come out and ask. She just rolled her eyes and walked out of the room.
We gave H his gifts and he really appreciated them, thanking me for taking the time to go pick them up, that he had not even thought about the fact that he would need the PT gear. He smiled at me and said, "But then again, you have always been so good about making sure I have what I need, when I need it." I kind of blushed and thanked him for the compliment and told him again how proud of him we all were.
D8 cleared a path and they all went and crashed in her room. that was around 11. I have not been able to get to sleep before 2 or 3am for longer than I care to think about, so I was still on the computer. H woke up around 12:30 and came out to see what time it was. I told him and he said it seemed later. He stood in the hall for a minute or two, then headed back to bed.
I finally headed up to bed around 2:15. By the time I read my devotionals, said prayers, and turned out the light, it was 3:30. I was having a hard time falling asleep and was pretty sure I heard the TV cut on. I finally fell asleep close to 5am.
When I woke up this morning, I got dressed and headed downstairs for a cigarette. D8 and D5 were awake, but H and S2 were still sleeping. I told the girls not to wake them up and asked D8 if she had been up watching TV early in the morning, as this has ben an issue all summer with her. She said no, but she thinks Daddy was, snce there was a coffee cup on the end table.
I went upstairs to cook breakfast and H came up shortly afterwards. I asked did he sleep well, he said no, that he woke up around 4 and did not fall go back to bed until almost 7:30. I told him if that was the case, he could have come upstairs and talked to me, since I did not go to sleep until almost 5. He asked where I had been, I said in our room. He said, "HHHMMM maybe I should have." The way he said it, it seemed like he wanted to say something else, but the kids came in the kitchen and he never did.
While I was cooking, he ironed his uniform. We had talked about the hair on the back of his neck being a little too long last night, and I had offered to clean it up for him. He came and asked me if the offer still stood and he also said he would trim S2's hair for me. He said if we could do that and he shaved at the house we would not have to leave as early to get him out to the ship. So we planned to take care of it after breakfast.
It was decided that we would have a water balloon fight after breakfast, too, so I told the girls to go fill ballons while we cut their brother and dad's hair. While I was shaving H's neck, I have to admit that I leaned a little close on purpose to see if he would pull away. He didn't and at one point leaned back into me. While he shaved, I got mt swimsuit on for the water ballon fight. H gave me a couple admiring looks--my suit cuts really low in the front and you cannot help but notice it!
We had a blast!! H and I were on opposite teams and split the kids between us. It was just fun and family, exactly what I was hoping for for the weekend.
I drove H out to the ship. We jsut chatted about everything and nothing on the way out. When we got to the pier, he gave me another hug, and a tighter one that lasted a little longer than the one I got two weeks ago. I told him to stay safe, that we would miss him, and he said he would email if he got a chance--does not know what his schedule will look like with the initiation process. As I was getting in the car, he told me to take care and he would see me in a few days. AS he rounded the corner to go through the gate, he turned and waved to me.
So, I am still floating on cloud nine. There are things I wish I had done or said, jsut because they were how I would have acted or responded before the bomb, but I am afraid of opening up too much right now. I may be strong, but it is a fragile strong right now and I am not willing to test it too much right now. I got the feeling that we are both tiptoeing around certain topics right now.
SMW
(((((SMW))))) I am so happy for you guys !!!!!! Floating is a great thing.
Hugs
SC--
I know that the tiptoeing is going to take time to get around. I am just glad that we have come this far already. I am thinking that my prayers and changes are making him really think and that is why he was having a hard time sleeping. I wanted to give him a kiss on the pier, but was too afraid to initiate it, even though it felt right. I hate second guessing myself all the time!
SMW
SMW...
WOW!!! Um how wonderful for you. Congrats on H getting the promotion that's awesome. You have him really thinkin about things, his reference to HOME is great. You did so good on just making it comfortable for him to be there.
It's so nice when it can just be what it is just 'life' no pressure no expectations just calm. There will always be the shoulda woulda moments don't fret they will work out. One day at a time is all anybody can do.
I am just warm and fuzzie after reading your post.
Stay your path...
Brian
Bri---
UUUHHMMMM I have been "warm and fuzzy" since I got hugged on Thursday! SIGH!!!!
Thanks for the kudos! One day at a time is right and I will be honest, I have stepped up the prayers, too. I know God is working and I need to do all I can, too, to ensure that my changes are sticking, for me as well as my M.
SMW
SMW
Congratulations to both you and your H! I'm so happy to hear all your good news. I know that your supportive email made a big difference to your H. He heard you loud and clear, and he sees how a supportive wife helps his career. Things are definitely looking up!
(((((SMW))))),
what a great day you've had with H!!!
Happy for you!
((((HUG))))
SMV-
I so very happy for you!!! Look at how quickly things have changed, since your attitude has changed. You are a great example of what it means to detach!!!! I'm so proud of you!
Now remember.............don't force it or rush it. Give him the loving space to figure his stuff out. Do NOT get impatient.... you are doing great! Keep it up....
Way to go SMW!!!
You are so strong and positive and a wife anyone/everyone would love to have... I am happy for you,
Keep it up and stay strong..
Love
K
(I think I may be taking your H off of my list soon)
I'm so happy for you that the weekend went so well! You did great! Congrats. on the promotion...you deserve it (worked as hard for it) as much as he does!
{{{{{Stella, Neil, K-Hon, and Amy}}}}}
Thanks guys! I am still floating a bit. Had a friend at church come up to me today. He was in choir with H and I when we lived here before and is a retired Chief. Said he saw H made Chief and told me to have H bring him his Charge book and he will sign it. I have not made our sitch common knowledge, but H is, obviously, never in church with the kids and I. H and F got along well and I will pass on the message.
Stella--It was a great couple of days and I am glad to have had them right now. I see it as one more blessing from God and I can never thank him enough. I must simply spread the word of His grace and glory.
Neil-- No expectations and way more patience than I thought I was capable of! Since I did not even hope to be this far by now, I know I am truly blessed. I am continuing to pray for myself to grow past my many faults as well as praying for H to find his way back to our Holy Father. I know that these combined will bring about restoration in my marriage.
Kalni-- Thank you for this:
You are so strong and positive and a wife anyone/everyone would love to have... I am happy for you,
Keep it up and stay strong..
and what do you mean by this:
(I think I may be taking your H off of my list soon)
?????????????????
Amy--H did the work, I was just the support system that held up the fort while he fought the battles. They do say beig a Navy Wife is the toughest job in the Navy. I have a little sign hanging by my desk that I will start my next thread with.
Thanks again everyone!
SMW
New thread started:
Why Did She Marry a SailorSG--go ahead and lock this one up!
SMW