Update...
W just called abit ago, new drama on top of old. Seems W and D11 stopped at the Ice Cream store and D11 said there's Grandpa's car (my dad). W said I doubt it there are alot of those cars around. W sends D11 into the Ice Cream store so she could get a cone, well low and behold it was my dad and he totally ignored W when he came out.
D11 comes out about in tears, W asked what was wrong? D11 said I told you it was Grandpa and he didn't even talk to me and I was lookin right at him. D11 says it felt like I was invisible.
W starts gettin loud saying I don't care how they treat me, but their own Granddaughter WTF is up with that? I said I don't know. W & my rents have had their ups & downs in the past. I have always backed my W when it came to these kinda things. Now it's one thing to snub my W but to ignore your Ganddaughter is just wrong. So I got pissed and said that is BS. W says what have you told them about the sitch. I said all I told them was that you were moving out and that we both had done somethings to get it to this point period.
W said this on top of everything else it's not worth it. I went outside of the box and said wait a minute, this is not about our R, my parents have nothing to do with us, and I will be damned if I allow my Daughter to get disrespected like that let alone my W. She said I didn't call to get you upset I just wanted you to know what happened, I said I appreciate that but this goes beyond acceptableness it's 1 thing if it were you I know you can handle yourself and will speak your mind but I don't give a damn who it is noone will do that to my daughter.
I said I will handle this, W said maybe it would be best just to let it lie all your dad will do is deny it anyway.
I am torn on this, if I do something about it then I disrespect W's wishes if I don't then I feel like I didn't stand up for my Daughter...
Brian
Racefan
I think you just need to take it up in prayer. Whatever is on your heart will be what will compel you to act. I'll Pray, brother
Brian, IMHO, you defend your daughter. I would ask your dad what that was about and let him know that it is unacceptable for him to treat his granddaughter that way. Your wife is a big girl and can defend herself, but your daughter is your responsibility.
You handled it well my friend.......With the wife.....
Ian
I agree with SFA, you need to stand up for your D and make it known that this is total BS to ignore her. Tell them she has nothing to do with the sitch and that she is their granddaughter!
You did well eith the W tho gj on that!!
Take care Brian and stay strong my friend!!
Ted
Yeah, agree again. You are not really going against your W's wishes to say something to your dad. He was out of line IMO and I've personally told all my family to treat my W and my boys as they would without all this, it's not worth the knock on affect like you have experienced here.
Your W was venting, you listened, empaphised and agreed with her which maybe shocked her into backing down and telling you to let it lie. You can address this in a non confrontational way anyway and hear your dads side, but you must stick up for D11 IMO.
Brian, IMHO, you defend your daughter. I would ask your dad what that was about and let him know that it is unacceptable for him to treat his granddaughter that way. Your wife is a big girl and can defend herself, but your daughter is your responsibility.
You handled it well my friend.......With the wife.....
hey Brian, think you can DB your Dad and do this with no Emotion?? I think you should say something but say it in a non confrontational way and you should wait a day or two before talking to him.
My reasoning for waiting and doing it in a non confrontatinal manner?? This could be a trigger...you're worked up a bit. W is worked up a bit, D is worked up a bit..hell grandpa may be worked up too. Think about how you want to approach the talk before acting..
I still think you're doing good.
I hope you are taking care of "business". Steer away from any R talk at the moment.
Emotions are at an all time high all around.
Hey Brian..
Here's a concept.
Listen to your wife.
Call HER in a few days and see how she's doing. Listen. Share how much this bothered you, but that you respected what she was saying. Talk about what the appropriate JOINT response would be. That way you are working together as a couple, which is your goal.
Your dad's actions (or her perception of them) is a perfectly WRONG way to allow anger and frustration out.
Just listen to her.
It's not the time for the nifty spandex super hero costume.
*hugs*
It's not the time for the nifty spandex super hero costume
and he shall be named....
Super Knothead Man.
or
Black and Bruised Boy..
I think we should start a new thread..
If Brian Were a SuperHero His Name Would Be??LOL
what do you think Ian..have a name for our brother from the midwest??
Hi Ted...
Thanks for the insight kind of a sticky sitch.
Brian
Ian...
That was my take on it also, W is a big girl and has handled things with my parents before, but a defenseless 11 yr old I just can't believe my dad would do that.
Maybe after that it sunk in that I am always there for my kids, and not the bad father she has made me out to be in the past.
Thanks Ian
Brian
jonzy...
That's the strange part, it's like my parents never listened to what I said that 'we' both did things, I could understand them being upset with W for leaving but to dis you GD like that is unexcuseable. But W is right my dad will just deny it and say he didn't see her.
Thanks for stoppin
Brian
Hey A...
I agree he was out of line, I don't think my D would make it up, kids just don't do that IMO. Will give it a few days and then decide how best to handle dad. Thanks!
Brian
Mike...
I'm not sure that I can be calm, I know I can be level headed about it. I am really upset with the way my parents have treated W over the years, they judged her incorrectly and she has done nothing but helped them out when it came to getting them the right help in the medical field, they have never thanked her once for what she has done. W says that it hurt her feelings in the beginning, but got over it and does it cause she can and is a giver for the most part. I just realized that this sitch goes much deeper then the incident and I will have to be prepared to handle it accordingly with my parents.
Taking care of 'business' W seems to have backed off abit, so I will tread lightly for the next few days, and hopefully Ian was right in that her threat was just that.
Yes emotions are very high!!!
Brian
Gypsy...
I understand what you are saying and will listen to her
I agree it is no time for super hero.
Brian
Brian - If there is more to it than we thought, maybe even more reason to discuss it with your W more first and let her lead how you address it. Just a thought, but she might take kindly to that if there is history behind it
Update...
W decided to go ahead and begin her day out with coming down on me about the financial situation that 'we' are going through. What started it all off was she printed out a copy of our credit report and saw obviously not a very pretty picture. She starts yellin you haven't paid on a thing since the end of last year WTF were you thinking? I said I had no choice but to prioritize what was important at the point of when you decided what was yours and what was mine and wanted nothing to do with things.
Then she proceeded to say that I never informed her about anything about the finances, I said that is not true but given everything else you might have forgotten. What would I have to gain by not making you aware of our finances? She says this is BS and you never did and I don't believe you. I said look you are angry and pissed she says you bet I am I'm angry at myself for being so stupid, and angry at you for gettin us here, I said you aren't stupid, and I didn't do this on my own, she said well I must be cause I didn't pay attention or something.
She said she has an appointment with her L on Monday and wants all financial info, I said I thought we were in this together, she said oh won't that be fun both of us at my Divorce lawyer. I said you know what I can't talk to you when your like this and I won't either, I hope one day you will realize that maybe you might just be wrong.(yep backslide)
I think you guys have gotten a pretty good handle on what kind of guy I am, certainly not perfect as the lumps on my head can attest to, I have done things wrong in my R I have admitted them here and to W, but I never kept our finances from her it was an open book, I would ask her to help me with it and she would say no its okay I trust you (there is the kicker) her attitude was always one of well if there is money in the account I can spend it. Oh how so untrue.
Brian
Brian, be still..
OK??
She's upset and filled with emotion right now..
It's time to be still for a bit.
I think I need to follow that advice for my sitch as well.
Brian, be still..
OK??
She's upset and filled with emotion right now..
It's time to be still for a bit.
Brother...
I hear ya as you have said emotions are VERY high right now, she is angry at herself and at me...
I have to be still cause I am wanting to defend myself and I am not in a place to do it constructively...
I won't let myself or you guys down...
Brian
Just wanted to let you know Brian that I'm reading along but Ian, Mike and Gypsy at the very least appear to have a balanced enough view that hopefully you can sit back and ruminate on a little (not too much! that's bad for the head).
I like Gypsy's suggestion very much of the linking up with W on how to approach your dad. United front to your parents can't help but show you still consider the two of you to be a team, *particularly* where d11 is involved. Ditto to 'it ain't superman time'.
Just wanted to let you know Brian that I'm reading along but Ian, Mike and Gypsy at the very least appear to have a balanced enough view that hopefully you can sit back and ruminate on a little (not too much! that's bad for the head).
I like Gypsy's suggestion very much of the linking up with W on how to approach your dad. United front to your parents can't help but show you still consider the two of you to be a team, *particularly* where d11 is involved. Ditto to 'it ain't superman time'.
Under normal circumstances I would completely agree about the united front with your dad. Roght now however is not the time to approach her with a teamwork style of doing this given her current opinions on your marriage.
Brian, do not defend. I understand how you feel and that you tried to prioritize, take care of things, and be in charge. It is the nurturer and provider in you. Have you taken the Briggs Meyer personality profile, if not, do so. I imagine you will come out as a Provider. I am one myself. Your finances are tracking right along with how mine went with my wife. You believe you are doing what needs to be done, and they just don't agree because they weren't involved.
Acknowledge to her that you should have kept her more informed (you should have). Let her know that you understand that while you were simply trying to do what was best, you may not have gone about it the best way possible. Let her see that you understand that your tendancies as a provider are to take charge and sometimes that leads you to not communicate as well as you should have.
I know you see this as something you felt you did right, and your heart was in the right place. However you need to get your involved in the financial aspects of your marriage. It is importnat and she needs to see that you understand that she fealt uninformed.
Hang in there Brian, and yes....be still.....
Ian
Hi Brian,
I can totally relate to you in this. I handle all the finances and half the time i end up juggling things in order to pay bills. H doesn't want to know about it cause he says it stresses him out. He just asks if we are ok.
I know that we are in to very different sitch's but when my H got really really mad cause i mixed something up and he didn't know about it until after the fact, it helped to just agree with what i could... For instance in your case, you don't have to agree that she is stupid or that it's all your fault, but you could say "you are right, i should have made sure that you knew exactly what our finances looked like" You are validating her feelings without agreeing to the BS... It's amazing what hearing "you are right" can do.
My dad pretty much ignores my whole family (me, H and Ds), it used to make me feel better to yell at him about it, but i've realized that it's just the way he's going to be. Is it possible that he didn't see her? I can't imagine not acknowleging an aquaintence, much less family.
Keep going...
ann
Hey Brian..
Sometimes this is a rollercoaster.. other times a storm at sea, a wildfire, whatever type of conflict comes to mind.
Emotional impulses are your enemy. Remove the wick from the candle.
As far as the finances go, get everything in order and show your thought process. A timeline and orderly paperwork takes the steam out of most situations. It is what it is. Work from the present.
Don't get yer pistons in a jam.
*hugs*
Just wanted to let you know Brian that I'm reading along but Ian, Mike and Gypsy at the very least appear to have a balanced enough view that hopefully you can sit back and ruminate on a little (not too much! that's bad for the head).
I like Gypsy's suggestion very much of the linking up with W on how to approach your dad. United front to your parents can't help but show you still consider the two of you to be a team, *particularly* where d11 is involved. Ditto to 'it ain't superman time'.
Under normal circumstances I would completely agree about the united front with your dad. Roght now however is not the time to approach her with a teamwork style of doing this given her current opinions on your marriage.
Brian, do not defend. I understand how you feel and that you tried to prioritize, take care of things, and be in charge. It is the nurturer and provider in you. Have you taken the Briggs Meyer personality profile, if not, do so. I imagine you will come out as a Provider. I am one myself. Your finances are tracking right along with how mine went with my wife. You believe you are doing what needs to be done, and they just don't agree because they weren't involved.
Acknowledge to her that you should have kept her more informed (you should have). Let her know that you understand that while you were simply trying to do what was best, you may not have gone about it the best way possible. Let her see that you understand that your tendancies as a provider are to take charge and sometimes that leads you to not communicate as well as you should have.
I know you see this as something you felt you did right, and your heart was in the right place. However you need to get your involved in the financial aspects of your marriage. It is importnat and she needs to see that you understand that she fealt uninformed.
Hang in there Brian, and yes....be still.....
Ian
Ian...
I totally agree the last thing she wants at this point is to 'united' with me on any front.
Yes I have taken the test, turns out I am ESTJ (supervisor/provider), I figured out with the latest convo it doesn't do any good to defend, cause right now she is not at any point to admit whether she was involved or knew about them at all right now it's just all my fault okay that's fine. Even though she had always said she wanted nothing to do with the finances as long as there was money she didn't care but I hear you, I should have still made a better point more often of talking about it.
It's weird she has gotten to the point where if I validate her she tells me to knock it and quit validating.
Hangin in there the ball is in her court as to what amount of importance she puts on this if it is enough to put her over the top or not, her comment about finding a lawyer that would give us a 2 for 1 deal (bankruptcy & divorce) kinda stung abit but didn't react to it.
Thanks Ian
Brian
Hi Brian,
I can totally relate to you in this. I handle all the finances and half the time i end up juggling things in order to pay bills. H doesn't want to know about it cause he says it stresses him out. He just asks if we are ok.
I know that we are in to very different sitch's but when my H got really really mad cause i mixed something up and he didn't know about it until after the fact, it helped to just agree with what i could... For instance in your case, you don't have to agree that she is stupid or that it's all your fault, but you could say "you are right, i should have made sure that you knew exactly what our finances looked like" You are validating her feelings without agreeing to the BS... It's amazing what hearing "you are right" can do.
My dad pretty much ignores my whole family (me, H and Ds), it used to make me feel better to yell at him about it, but i've realized that it's just the way he's going to be. Is it possible that he didn't see her? I can't imagine not acknowleging an aquaintence, much less family.
Keep going...
ann
Hi ann...
Oh how I know the juggling all to well. Lik I said W was like as long as there is money in the checking account I don't care.
I should have not tried defending my position kinda gets to a point where you get abit tired of being the punchin bag for everything, so I backslid abit hopefully not too bad only time will tell if this was/is the deciding factor. Just abit confused as to why she is going to her D L with the financial info that could kinda go against me, I think she made the comment I am going to him cause I him leaving all my options open in this matter as to making a decision. She says she gets tired of hearing me validate her feelings and tells me to stop.
I'm pretty sure he saw her from what they said. The front door has one of those chimes on it when it opens and I think pretty much anybody always looks to the doot when they hear that. My parents are pretty petty people so unfortunately it doesn't surprise me in the least.
Am keep on keeping on till she says it's over...
Brian
Hey Brian..
Sometimes this is a rollercoaster.. other times a storm at sea, a wildfire, whatever type of conflict comes to mind.
Emotional impulses are your enemy. Remove the wick from the candle.
As far as the finances go, get everything in order and show your thought process. A timeline and orderly paperwork takes the steam out of most situations. It is what it is. Work from the present.
Don't get yer pistons in a jam.
*hugs*
Hey Gypsy...
How right you are it's whatever conflict you can think of all rolled into one.
Interesting analogy, but I get it no wick/fuse nothing to light...
Funny thing is that I can tell her almost to the penny where it all went, but she isn't at a point to listen so I'm not gonna push it.
I won't can't afford to buy another motor LOL...
Brian
Just wanted to let you know Brian that I'm reading along but Ian, Mike and Gypsy at the very least appear to have a balanced enough view that hopefully you can sit back and ruminate on a little (not too much! that's bad for the head).
I like Gypsy's suggestion very much of the linking up with W on how to approach your dad. United front to your parents can't help but show you still consider the two of you to be a team, *particularly* where d11 is involved. Ditto to 'it ain't superman time'.
Purple...
Right now all I can do is wait and be still, she is bouncing the ball in her court. Just waiting for the whistle to blow...
Brian
On a different note...
Both D's are going to be going out of town with my Inlaws for the next 10 days and W is NOT looking forward to being alone. She has voiced to me that she is not happy about it, this will be the first time since they moved out she will truly be by herself. I am curious if she will reach out to me in this time frame. Had the financial sitch not reared its ugly head I had planned on asking her out but I don't think that would be a good idea in the scheme of things at this point.
Hopefully W will take the time to really do some sole searching as to what she wants her/our direction to be. She hates to be alone so don't know how she will fare, they have been her crutches so to speak in all of this, she will now be on her own to deal with it as I have been for the last 3 months...
Brian
Hopefully W will take the time to really do some sole searching
I didn't know she liked to fish, hopefully while she is out doing that she can do some
soul searching as well. .....
Wait and see what happens dude, if she is lonely and reaches out, be there. Not one of those times you want to go dark.
Ian
Hey Brian
Just breezing through. Keep your chin up man. We have a pact, if either one of us starts to have a chin that begins to slump, then the other one must raise it and prop it up with a stick or something. Kind of a funny thought. Stay positive brother. I believe in you and so does the Lord, of course.
Hopefully W will take the time to really do some sole searching
I didn't know she liked to fish, hopefully while she is out doing that she can do some
soul searching as well. .....
Wait and see what happens dude, if she is lonely and reaches out, be there. Not one of those times you want to go dark.
Ian
God I love typos hahah on me!! Good eye Ian...
Yep just being still if she reach's I will be there, not going dark just not putting myself out there
Brian
Hey Brian
Just breezing through. Keep your chin up man. We have a pact, if either one of us starts to have a chin that begins to slump, then the other one must raise it and prop it up with a stick or something. Kind of a funny thought. Stay positive brother. I believe in you and so does the Lord, of course.
Ted...
Hey you got a deal...
I'm glad I have all of you guys to believe in me helps the ole' bucket...
Brian
I should have not tried defending my position kinda gets to a point where you get abit tired of being the punchin bag for everything
i know that feeling all too well. i'm a firm believer in the idea that backsliding/mistakes are the only way we learn to do it right...
Tough about your parents. I'd at least ask your dad about it. Just remind him that she's a little girl and none of this is her fault. He should know that, but you obviously need to tell him.
You are doing good...
Take Care
ann
[quote=sofaraway]
Hopefully W will take the time to really do some sole searching
I didn't know she liked to fish, hopefully while she is out doing that she can do some
soul searching as well. .....
Nice one Ian, I picked up on that earlier as well but you sure had the witty reply that I couldn't come up with. You had me ROTFLOL. We sure do like to pick on our brother Bri & give him a sore forehead.
Brian--sounds like you're being still..
Good on you. Keep Quiet unless she reaches out.
When do the kids leave?
Both D's are going to be going out of town with my Inlaws for the next 10 days and W is NOT looking forward to being alone. She has voiced to me that she is not happy about it, this will be the first time since they moved out she will truly be by herself. I am curious if she will reach out to me in this time frame. Had the financial sitch not reared its ugly head I had planned on asking her out but I don't think that would be a good idea in the scheme of things at this point.
Hopefully W will take the time to really do some sole searching as to what she wants her/our direction to be. She hates to be alone so don't know how she will fare, they have been her crutches so to speak in all of this, she will now be on her own to deal with it as I have been for the last 3 months...
I read this and I think the same in my sitch, but only the S is going away for the week, next week with MIL. Was going to take him early on my Sun, but now (I think since I put my foot down) isnt going until Mon. Last week he went to Vegas with me, and towards the end got the "i miss you guys" text but dont think I acted on it right, like it seems I never do with W.
But you cant have expectations of your W or its going to tear you up when she doesnt meet them. I know you probably already know this, and I do the same cause its really hard not to trying to get something we cant have.
Its sounds positive though, dont get me wrong. But like everyone says, we havent a clue what is going through their minds, let alone themselves.
Hey Brian..
Too tired to add much but leaving hugs for when you need them
Your wife having time alone is a good thing. Maybe she'll have time to look in a mirror and process what is going on.
You do your family proud.
*hugs*
well, Did I lose the bet or did you?? I don't see you bragging so I think I may Have won. Do you need the address so you can send me the moolahh??
So how were the races Brian?????
What races was he going to? That DAM Nascar race really sucked today, there is going to be a lot of bashing about it all over real soon about the DAM tires. Kinda curious how things have been going with you Brian.
Checking in, thinking of you Brian...
Mike...
Neither one of us lost the bet, the only one that lost was my W.
I kinda figured it would go that way.
Brian
Ian...
I didn't go after our talk I decided to do some soul searching.
Brian
jandn...
IMO it wasn't Goodyears fault. They brought the best tires they could, it just had to do with the way they prep the track, the concrete is just too aggressive, they did a good job with the competition yellows if they hadn't done that they was going to be alot of wrecked cars for sure.
Brian
BBJ...
Thanks for stopping by I appreciate your thoughts.
Brian
Ian...
I didn't go after our talk I decided to do some soul searching.
Brian
And may I ask what you found??????
Update...
Had some computer issues this weekend so wasn't able to post anything.
Was a pretty quiet week up until Friday...
Since the kids are out of town I thought I would jump out of the box and decided to send W an email simply saying with the kids being gone would you like to get together sometime? Her answer was given the financial mess not sure that would be a good idea but I will let you know. I said I accept your answer and left it at that. Needless to say we did not do anything together, but hey at least I tried something different.
Saturday, W sends me a text in the morning saying that I need to sign something from our cell carrier so that she can get off of the plan. I said I don't understand why but if it will make you happy then I will do whatever I can. So about an hour later she comes over with the paperwork for me to sign to let her off of the plan. I said I still don't understand but I will sign it. She said it's no big deal, it's not like I have anything to hide, that's not why I am doing it, I said I believe you it's fine. So we talk abit about nothing and then she says well I gotta get going and she gave me a hug and left I didn't stand at the door to watch her leave I just shut it.
Saturday night she starts texting me saying she hadn't heard from the kids and wanted to know if I had I said no I haven't either and then it took a turn from there I had text back an answer to something she asked and she never reponded to. About an hour later she sends a text I and decided to sit on it for awhile so waited about 25 minutes and then responded then her reply was...
W: Gee it took you that long to reply this late at night sorry for bothering you
M: When I was waiting for you to reply to my last message I decided to brush the dog
W: Oh
W: Well what you do with your time is your business anyway
M: My time is your time I am an open book for you to read
W: What?
M: I am an open book I have nothing to hide
W: Well I get the feeling you think I do
M: 12 yrs. ago I gave you something that I had locked away. Trust
W: But we still ended up here
M: Yes but we are lucky, cause we are taking the time to see what is wrong and are working to change it to become better
W: I don't really consider it lucky. My hair is falling out for pete's sake the stress is huge. I won't ever do this again regardless of what happens. Too much
M: Nor will I. You are my wife and I love you. Sleep well and pleasant dreams
W: Oh gee, that threw me off big time. Um good night
That was the first time in 9 months I told her I loved her, maybe right maybe wrong, just felt like saying it. I know she is nowhere near being able to say it and maybe never will again don't know it is up to her.
Sunday she text me in the afternoon telling me she hadn't heard from the kids yet, I said well they are probably having fun nothing to worry about the will call when they have time. I told her that I had the financial paperwork ready if she wanted to stop by a get it, she said she would. She showed up about 20 minutes later and came inside and played abit with the dog and we talked about what we were going to do with the house and stuff and then she said she better get going, so this time instead of waiting to see if she hugged me, I hugged her first. I think it stunned her abit, so I walked her out to the car and we were talking and she said it really freaked me out last night when you told me you loved me, I said well I do she said I know but you haven't said it in such a long time I said I know didn't want to pressure you, but you haven't either she said I know I just don't know I said it's okay. She said I thought you said it cause I was going to my atty. tomorrow I said well that's for the finances, and if its for a divorce I can't stop that. She said I'm not saying I'm going for that. I said there is a song by Blake Shelton it's called "Austin", and you should listen to it. She said there is a song in the movie "broken bridges" that explains how she feels so I am going to listen to that might give me some more insight on her. So I decided since I inititated the hug I took a bolder step and kissed her goodbye, and told her to have a nice evening.
I think this is long enough for now...
Brian
Ian...
I found in myself that I still love my wife and am going to keep fighting until she divorces me if it comes to that. I found that she truly is lost in all of this and really has no clue. I have done alot IMO to give her what she is asking for with space and time and will continue doing that there will be times I slip but can only pick myself backup and keep going...
You can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink...
Brian
observe now.
Is that all?? you said the post was long enough, does that mean that's all there is??
the only 2x4 I have for you today is..you type too slow.
Mike...
There was a round of texting last night just thought it would be too much to read at once, but will post that shortly.
Real funny typing as fast as I can for being at work, boy you will just find anything to swing at won't you haha!!!
Brian
nah..love ya man mean it.
Hey Brian, overall pretty good. I am going to say this, I think it was okay to tell her you love her. You haven't said it in a very long time and you tested the water with it. Given the conversation and the fact that you basically told her you were still in it for saving your family, I feel it was more than appropriate....Now don't do it again for a bit.
I am an open book I have nothing to hide
Barf... that's like throwing a right hook while your left hand is down at your waste. You knew she was gonna counter that...... Stop with all the bs about what you are and what you are doing. Remember, your actions define you not your words. You are standing very strong for your marriage, no defending is necessary dude.
Try and remember what you and I talked about the other day, compassion, understanding, focus on the positive direction. That's all you have to do.
She said there is a song in the movie "broken bridges" that explains how she feels so I am going to listen to that might give me some more insight on her.
Might.... are you fricken kidding me... she just gave you a golden compass dude..... read the lyrics, figure out what she is saying to you.
So I decided since I inititated the hug I took a bolder step and kissed her goodbye
So I felt like I was left hanging here???? Did she respond, kiss back, slap your face, what?????
Ian
Hey Brian, overall pretty good. I am going to say this, I think it was okay to tell her you love her. You haven't said it in a very long time and you tested the water with it. Given the conversation and the fact that you basically told her you were still in it for saving your family, I feel it was more than appropriate....Now don't do it again for a bit.
I am an open book I have nothing to hide
Barf... that's like throwing a right hook while your left hand is down at your waste. You knew she was gonna counter that...... Stop with all the bs about what you are and what you are doing. Remember, your actions define you not your words. You are standing very strong for your marriage, no defending is necessary dude.
Try and remember what you and I talked about the other day, compassion, understanding, focus on the positive direction. That's all you have to do.
She said there is a song in the movie "broken bridges" that explains how she feels so I am going to listen to that might give me some more insight on her.
Might.... are you fricken kidding me... she just gave you a golden compass dude..... read the lyrics, figure out what she is saying to you.
So I decided since I inititated the hug I took a bolder step and kissed her goodbye
So I felt like I was left hanging here???? Did she respond, kiss back, slap your face, what?????
Ian
Ian...
Makes sense I didn't stop to think before saying it and now that I read it in quote, it was putting me out in front of her and countering her statement of nothing to hide from earlier.
Okay it 'will' give me insight, am trying to find the song so as to read the lyrics...
Sorry guess it was abit of a cliff hanger LOL. She didn't pull away she kissed me back and then just looked at me not in a bad more a surprised look I think or a look of WTF maybe...
Brian
Brian--
Have you ever noticed that it seems people join here in cycles? Arthur and Mike came on around the same time, you and I did. I registered a week or so before you, but did not post for the first time until right before Mother's Day.
I am thinking you and I are in the same place with regards to our WAS, after reading your musings. I will stay the course until my H is home.
You have been doing a great job and the conversations and texting went well. Keep up the good work my friend.
SMW
Okay it 'will' give me insight, am trying to find the song so as to read the lyrics...
Not sure which song it is, but that's definately the way to go... I remember telling my H about 2 years ago that he should listen to the song "buy me a rose" cause that's how i felt. He just laughed and said he wasn't going to listen to my country music... that's a shame...
Sorry guess it was abit of a cliff hanger LOL. She didn't pull away she kissed me back and then just looked at me not in a bad more a surprised look I think or a look of WTF maybe...
at least you didn't get hit... hehe. I think you really shocked her with the ILY then a kiss. Neither one of them made her pull back, so that's awesome! I do agree with Ian though now to maybe wait a little bit before it happens again!!
ann
Brian--
Have you ever noticed that it seems people join here in cycles? Arthur and Mike came on around the same time, you and I did. I registered a week or so before you, but did not post for the first time until right before Mother's Day.
I am thinking you and I are in the same place with regards to our WAS, after reading your musings. I will stay the course until my H is home.
You have been doing a great job and the conversations and texting went well. Keep up the good work my friend.
SMW
SMW...
Have noticed it also, I see more and more everyday there is a couple more new ones, it makes my heart heavy to see so much pain and anguish
I have kept up on your sitch and feel you are going in a good direction and kinda like Mike said on his post only 'you' know how long to stay in it, I would agree we are pretty much in step with each other and good on you for staying your course. Though there are days where I just say why, I find it in myself to go on.
We are both doing pretty good, you also keep up with the good work
Brian
Okay it 'will' give me insight, am trying to find the song so as to read the lyrics...
Not sure which song it is, but that's definately the way to go... I remember telling my H about 2 years ago that he should listen to the song "buy me a rose" cause that's how i felt. He just laughed and said he wasn't going to listen to my country music... that's a shame...
Sorry guess it was abit of a cliff hanger LOL. She didn't pull away she kissed me back and then just looked at me not in a bad more a surprised look I think or a look of WTF maybe...
at least you didn't get hit... hehe. I think you really shocked her with the ILY then a kiss. Neither one of them made her pull back, so that's awesome! I do agree with Ian though now to maybe wait a little bit before it happens again!!
ann
ann...
I found the song and will post it here in a sec.
No I was thankful I didn't get hit hehe, but agree with both of you, I tested the waters it didn't seem to do any bad, but maybe got her to thinkin I am not going to do it again for awhile will just wait and see.
Brian
Okay so this is the song my W was talking about I am not sure as what to do. If this is truly the way she feels it makes my heart ache for her pain. Any thoughts on this guy's....
Wake up to a sunny day, not a cloud up in the sky
Then it starts to rain, my defenses hit the ground
And they shatter all around, so open and exposed
I found strength in the struggle
Face to face with my trouble
When you're broken in a million little pieces
And you're trying but you can't hold on anymore
Every tear falls down for a reason
Don't you stop believing in yourself
When you're broken
Little girl don't be so blue
I know what you're going through
Don't let it beat you up
Hitting walls and getting scars
Only makes you who you are
Only makes you who you are
No matter how much your heart is aching
There is beauty in the breaking
Yeah
When you're broken in a million little pieces
And you're trying but you can't hold on anymore
Every tear falls down for a reason
Don't you stop believing in yourself
When you're broken
Better days are gonna find you once again
Every piece will find its place
When you're broken, when you're broken
When you're broken in a million little pieces
And you're trying but you can't hold on anymore
Every tear falls down for a reason
Don't you stop believing in yourself
When you're broken
Oh, when you're broken
When you're broken
When you're broken
Brian
Oh wow Brian!
Okay so, did you ever figure out what your W's LL was? Is it words of affirmation? Those lyrics just seem like she has no confidence in herself. What can you do to encourage her to pursue something that she may have set aside when she became a wife and mother? Has she ever mentioned something she enjoyed, but gave up?
Oh, and the kiss?? Glad you did not get smacked, glad it got her a little confused, and good on you for sitting on the next on for a while. Let her think about it and maybe she will initiate it next time.
SMW
When you're broken in a million little pieces
And you're trying but you can't hold on anymore
Every tear falls down for a reason
Don't you stop believing in yourself
When you're broken
Brian, my dear friend. Your wife is lost. Meaning she feels lost and she feels like she is broken. She has to find herself, that doesn't mean without you eventually. It means she has to find herself again and figure out how to keep that and her marriage at the same time.
A lot of women who have been through all the things that your wife has eventually have to stop and find out who the hell they are. She has been living in a shadow world where she had to play certain roles and maybe allowed herself to not follow who she wants to be. This is not necessarily a bad thing.
You must be her rock right now Brian. Before you even think it, do not say a word to her about this Brian. You show her with your actions. You support her in what she is doing. You encourage her to find what makes her happy. You enthusiastically listen when she tells you about new things she tries to do. You show her with your actions that you are supportive of her figuring out what makes her a happy woman. After all, the bottom line is you want a happy woman raising your children whether it be with you or without you.
One last thing Brian and I will leave you be. I want to make sure you clearly see how huge it is for her to tell you about this song, do you see it? There is no way to confuse what this song is about. She is telling you about her, about her pain, about her sorrow, and about what she is feeling about herself and trying to do. That my friend is a gift, that is her subtle way of allowing you some vision into her head and telling you that she can trust you with these words. Now how do you respond?
Ian
hi brian,
I want to make sure you clearly see how huge it is for her to tell you about this song, do you see it? There is no way to confuse what this song is about. She is telling you about her, about her pain, about her sorrow, and about what she is feeling about herself and trying to do. That my friend is a gift, that is her subtle way of allowing you some vision into her head and telling you that she can trust you with these words.
This could not be more true... she may be confused and trying to find herself, but she trusts you with her most important and fragile part... her heart. She couldn't have told you (or at least i couldn't have) without trusting that you'd be able to help her through this and let her do this.
This is probably some of the most valuable info you ever could have gotten... Ian is right on...
take care
ann
Race fan, first time i have posted on your situation. been here since oct 2007 . just wanted to say hi. glad to see you are a nascar fan. who is your fav driver. don't hate me, mine is jeff gordon. your wife sounds as lost as mine. i have read some of your situation, you are handling it pretty well. i agree about being her rock. she needs stability, i am being my wifes rock. she seems to be all alone in this, very hard to watch.
My God Craig, you just admitted to being a rainbow warrior....
When you're broken in a million little pieces
And you're trying but you can't hold on anymore
Every tear falls down for a reason
Don't you stop believing in yourself
When you're broken
Brian, my dear friend. Your wife is lost. Meaning she feels lost and she feels like she is broken. She has to find herself, that doesn't mean without you eventually. It means she has to find herself again and figure out how to keep that and her marriage at the same time.
A lot of women who have been through all the things that your wife has eventually have to stop and find out who the hell they are. She has been living in a shadow world where she had to play certain roles and maybe allowed herself to not follow who she wants to be. This is not necessarily a bad thing.
You must be her rock right now Brian. Before you even think it, do not say a word to her about this Brian. You show her with your actions. You support her in what she is doing. You encourage her to find what makes her happy. You enthusiastically listen when she tells you about new things she tries to do. You show her with your actions that you are supportive of her figuring out what makes her a happy woman. After all, the bottom line is you want a happy woman raising your children whether it be with you or without you.
One last thing Brian and I will leave you be. I want to make sure you clearly see how huge it is for her to tell you about this song, do you see it? There is no way to confuse what this song is about. She is telling you about her, about her pain, about her sorrow, and about what she is feeling about herself and trying to do. That my friend is a gift, that is her subtle way of allowing you some vision into her head and telling you that she can trust you with these words. Now how do you respond?
Ian
Ian...
OMG you have no idea how spot on you are with this, night before she left she told me she just didn't know how to be everything to everybody wife, mother, friend, lover, daughter, employee, and worst yet I don't even know me anymore. She said unfortunately it was me she chose to neglect or take for granted. Yes I would agree she has been living in the shadows for a long time.
Actions speak louder than words I agree. Yes I want her happy and I am coming to grips that it might be without me. It's not hard to listen I enjoy it now.
I would agree that if this is how she is feeling it gives me a better understanding of where she might be, and that there are years of hurt before me that are on top of things that went wrong in our M. I really wish she would get some IC to help her in her direction but I know she won't.
How do I respond? I will keep being there for her be it good or bad be her friend and be honest when she asks for that from me.
I can finally quit blamin myself for everything and just accept that which was mine and by doing this I think I can be stronger for her if that makes sense.
Brian
Race fan, first time i have posted on your situation. been here since oct 2007 . just wanted to say hi. glad to see you are a nascar fan. who is your fav driver. don't hate me, mine is jeff gordon. your wife sounds as lost as mine. i have read some of your situation, you are handling it pretty well. i agree about being her rock. she needs stability, i am being my wifes rock. she seems to be all alone in this, very hard to watch.
Hey craig...
I appreciate you stoppin by, I have read and kept up on your sitch and totally understand what you are saying about them being alone and lost it saddens me to see anybody in that much fog let alone my W. Well I tell ya trying to stay a rock at least I have a better understanding.
I am a Tony Stewart fan, I won't hold it against you for Gordon, you can't take away from him that he is a good driver, but get a new nickname 'rainbow warriors' is a little scary.
Thanks again for your advice
Brian
well Brian..my my my..looks like she threw you a bone brother. Thank god for heart wrenching country songs right??
She told you whats wrong. She drew you a map. I agree with SMW and Ian. It's time for Brian to be all in. It's time to put in 100% max effort now.
Our phone conversation earlier may have been a little off. She's lost Brian. She needs to find herself. You can help her find herself by supporting her when you feel like there's no more reason to support her. Be her rock through this mess. I can't tell you how to go about being that rock but you can start by being a really good friend to her..
Hang in there man..hang in there..
Hey Bri, I just listened to the song on you tube, & I need some time. Ian's pretty much right on.
If I don't respond tomorrow, remind me. okay.
hugs
Brian, you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink. ic would be great idea, same with my wife, months ago, she said she was thinking about it , but never followed through.actually she hardly ever follows things through. this is so no like her. that is how i know she is lost and feels alone. even though she has me right here, waiting to help any way i can. your wife also.they just need to reach out.
Journal...
In my mind if I take the lyrics of that song and break it down this is what I come up with:
The song 'Broken'
It's telling me that there are years of pain and hurt piled on top of everything else that she and I call our M. It is telling me that she is 'Broken' from just not me but the past and she needs time to figure out how to separate all of it. It is saying she needs my help and understanding, but not to fix it for her.
It's saying don't leave me I do care and need you, but just to let go. Don't go far and don't be hurt this is not about you it is about me. I realize I may lose you I hope I don't, but please just let go.
It's telling me that she is tired of hurting and crying and being lost. It's telling me she know's it is hurting all of us but this has to happen to go on that she needs to grow to be able to be what she feels she has lost and not done well.
I don't think I should not tell her about reading the lyrics, it might be best to not only show her but tell her also I do understand and that I am there.
Just my thoughts...
Brian
Brian, let me make a suggestion and do with it as you wish.
Get your wife a card, something simple with no love quotes in it. More along the lines of a friendship card. Inside write her a note, something along the lines of:
XXX, I read the lyrics to the song you told me about and I think I understand. I just want you to find yourself again and be happy. I will support you in whatever way you need me to in order to help you find your way. Part of who we are, our core is caring about each others well being and it is important to me that you find your happiness.
Simple, to the point, shows you listened, and takes the pressure off of her about you. This is the part of your marriage where you get to sacrifice what you think you need and what you think you want and show your wife just how much love you have in your heart for her. The day you know you love your wife, is the day that you recognize that her happiness, even if it is without you, is the most important thing in the world to you.
Ian
Brian, i think your translation is right on. I think that probably holds true for a lot of WAWs or almost WAWs.
I agree with Ian on telling her though. She told you specifically about that song because she wanted you to know. I think if you don't let her know you figured it out, that she'll wonder if you really got it. She didn't just toss it out there lightly, it was her way of finding the words she obviously couldn't say to you. Sending her a card or writing a note will let her know that you understand and will be there when she needs you.
you are doing good!!
ann
Brian, let me make a suggestion and do with it as you wish.
Get your wife a card, something simple with no love quotes in it. More along the lines of a friendship card. Inside write her a note, something along the lines of:
XXX, I read the lyrics to the song you told me about and I think I understand. I just want you to find yourself again and be happy. I will support you in whatever way you need me to in order to help you find your way. Part of who we are, our core is caring about each others well being and it is important to me that you find your happiness.
Simple, to the point, shows you listened, and takes the pressure off of her about you. This is the part of your marriage where you get to sacrifice what you think you need and what you think you want and show your wife just how much love you have in your heart for her. The day you know you love your wife, is the day that you recognize that her happiness, even if it is without you, is the most important thing in the world to you.
Ian
Brian,
Old thread locker
has given you a good suggestion.
Take him up on it.
****hijack****
Ian. Lodo stole the first drink because you weren't ready. Brian, I only gave you "squirt" because you type too slow, if you had gotten the "jack" your reaction time would have been even slower..so I was just lookin out for you..
Brian, let me make a suggestion and do with it as you wish.
Get your wife a card, something simple with no love quotes in it. More along the lines of a friendship card. Inside write her a note, something along the lines of:
XXX, I read the lyrics to the song you told me about and I think I understand. I just want you to find yourself again and be happy. I will support you in whatever way you need me to in order to help you find your way. Part of who we are, our core is caring about each others well being and it is important to me that you find your happiness.
Simple, to the point, shows you listened, and takes the pressure off of her about you. This is the part of your marriage where you get to sacrifice what you think you need and what you think you want and show your wife just how much love you have in your heart for her. The day you know you love your wife, is the day that you recognize that her happiness, even if it is without you, is the most important thing in the world to you.
Ian
Ian...
I think you pretty much hit the nail on the head with what I was thinking of saying, I like the card idea sounds like the way to go instead of getting into a actual conversation 1 to 1.
Thanks
Brian
ann..
I appreciate the insight of a female and I'm glad I could of my
DAM glasses and break it down pretty close to it's meaning.
Obviously she felt it was the closest thing to the way she is feeling and let me know that, she has never said anything similar to comparing a song to her feelings so I think she was reaching out with it. I hear you I think I have to reach out back to her and let her know.
Brian
Brian
just wanted to say that you are doing great!!
I hope one of these days my H will take off his glasses and figure it out too.
ann
Brian..
What a gift.
You're making it safe enough for her to keep revealing what scares her the most about herself.
It's that trust thing.
You're wonderful.
*hugs*
Brian, did she see the L about the financial stuff?
Hey Mike...
No she postponed it till Thursday. She is kinda gettin all caught up in it and turnin abit cold. She goes from tellin me today that at least we can just start over to only referring to the future with just D's. She has alot of different things going on in her mind right now I think. Mad at me, mad at herself, wanting to run further away from it all so confused right now I feel sad for her.
Brian
Brian
Thanks for checking on me. I am pretty sore from all this. I am a real dummy.
Gypsy...
Sweet Butterfly...
I agree some get no direction at all from their WAS she is trying...
I wish the financial side wasn't screwing things up so much it is not helping her to be able to concentrate on herself all it is doing is fueling her anger at the moment and clouding her thoughts...
It means alot you think I am wonderful it would mean more if W thought so also...
Brian
got your reply in the prayer circle. Thanks. It means a lot to me. I appreciate the prayers.
Hey Bri, today's not over where I'm living.
Okay, the song hit me hard. It wiped me out. I had just read another sitch that was so similar to where I was a year ago, then the song, & whammo. I just checked out (dissociate) & couldn't think straight.
So you realize W is in a lot of pain. If her "stuff" is surfacing, she may go back to her old coping techniques. Mine were drinking, sexual attention, & dissociating from current emotional pain.
When she does that, tell yourself, she's not trying to hurt you. She's trying to numb her emotional pain. When the pain gets bad enough, she'll get help. She won't go to C yet, because of the shame & guilt of talking about it. You just keep telling her she did nothing wrong, & it wasn't her fault. Think of her like a child. At times, she will be. Her mind is going through a huge tornado of emotions & it's a journey I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. But....the view from where I'm standing today is beautiful.
her anger...it's from feeling trapped, helpless, & confused about what to do. She's really not mad at you. She'll take it out on you, because that keeps her distant & safe. Did I tell you about the book "I Hate You, Don't Leave Me" ?? Right now she's torn, hurting, confused. Just be the rock. You're doing awesome. Your compassion & empathy is impressive, & you should be proud of yourself.
Take care, & know I'd never forget you. Hugs.
Hey Brian..
How are the pistons firing?
I read about your wife and what cookie writes.
As much as her actions hurt you, she keeps turning to you. Old coping methods like defensiveness, insecurity, protectiveness surface. She goes to you, with flashes of what she is feeling.. sharing her fears; that she's to blame, that you should hate her, that she's unworthy. You are becoming her safe harbor, her emotional confidant. A beautiful gift.
Who knows where all this goes.. but what a joy it is to watch how you two interact.. where you give love, where she shows trust. As painful as this is.. it's a gift to both of you.
I always felt without trust, there could be no love.
*hugs*
Hey Gypsy...
Only firing on about 4 pistons outta 8 at the moment...
I fear for my W she is close to rock bottom...
They don't hurt as much as they use to kinda becomin numb
frustration level is becomin higher though, I'm abit torn on
the safe harbor some days I agree some days ya never know...
I wish I could say interactions went well last night but they were a bit strained to say the least...
100% agree w/o trust there is no love...
Thanks Gypsy...
Brian
Update...
Not gonna make this a long drawn out post will just give the highlights.
Obviously we are experiencing financial difficulties, due to some bad choices on both of our parts, most recently W moving out. Anyway, she decide that she was going to go and see her L about this stuff, I humbly said why go to a DL we should be going to a BL. Well given the sitch she trusts her L over me, okay fine whatever. So she goes yesterday and sees him well he didn't let ME down in what he told her to do. Basically said 'I' should worry about me and she should worry about 'her' cause he didn't want to see her credit go bad.
Okay that's all fine and dandy, but as I told her your credit is going to be just as bad as mine when this is done cause the house will more than likely go into foreclosure, so your L wanting to make arrangements with the CC comp. that we have jointly ain't gonna make a damn difference when the mortgage co. comes and takes the house, so we might as well do this together. Yes I made it about me I admit that and my tone changed in my voice, and told her I felt like I was gettin thrown under the bus & she didn't give 2 hoots about it. I also said this isn't fun for me you know she said I haven't heard that tone in your voice in a long time, and I know it isn't fun for you, and then she broke down and started bawlin she hit pretty close to rock bottom, saying all kinds of things, like I am not a robot I have feelings I do think about this it is driving me crazy, I know it's not fun for you, me, the kids but the best thing I heard her say during all of that was that she can't & won't do this again, she can't handle the stress anymore she needs to go to C'ing HOORAY!!! for that statement, I said good for you & if you would like I will go also she said NO I need to do this for myself, there is a god above YES!!!
She says I don't know what you want me to say, I can't say what you want me to right now. I said I don't want you to say anything, I expected your L to tell you what to do, he did you trust him at the moment, so we will do what he suggested, you call this other L and I will call L and then we will compare notes as to what they say. She still crying I say please don't cry it hurts me, she says no I NEED TO CRY I haven't through any of this, (there is a god again). I know what this is doing to you, the kids, me it's killing me. So I got her calmed down and said you just do what your L told you to do and I will do the same and then we will compare and go from there.
I know how I should have handled it could have done it better, but it is what it is. She made the comment that she was happy when she got my voice mail cause she didn't want to talk to me about it, and hoped that I wouldn't call her back, which I know I shouldn't have can't change that now...
Brian
hang in there brother...
she's bottoming out now. you can't run in and catch her. let her fall.
It's all going to be OK..
Chin up. Handle the businees end of this.
Brian..
Crying is a good thing. It releases hurt thats held in. It helps people (or at least me) think clearer afterwards.
You don't need to be a hero, you don't need to save her. You just need to be there.
It must hurt that she seems to trust her lawyer over you... but that is the message you get. My lawyer reminds me that spouse is my adversary. Her job is to make sure I'm taken care of. The lawyer can give advice, that's it.
You gave her a dose of reality, in a voice that scared her. You're human. This is a scary situation for all of you. Reacting with old behaviors is normal. Following it up with an explanation will help calm her down. After all, you'd do that with a business associate, wouldn't you?
Listen to what she says. She's telling you what SHE needs. Do that. It always works in your favor.
*hugs*
Mike...
Thanks bro for all you do...
I'm hangin, I have my fingers dug into the dirt at the edge of the cliff and she is hanging onto my shoe strings I won't let go!!!
You are right tough love hurts everyone...
Must move on and stay focused...
Brian
Gypsy...
Crying is good, she doesn't do that and she needs to you are right it does help heal and releases the fear...
Tough love hurts as much as I want to catch her I know I can't damn I hate this...
Yes it does hurt, but at the moment that is all she has to draw from, cause she doesn't trust me and I do respect that I haven't earned that trust back yet...
Once I took the focus off of me and put it back on her she did calm down, I am happy she actually said she needs to see a C.
The other good thing is she mentioned NOTHING about divorce in all of that so at this point will keep hanging on...
Thanks Gypsy
Brian
Been away, just back and checking in. I will read and post to you later. Thinking of you buddy.
Brian, she is right. She need sto see a counselor without you. Read the words to the song again Brian. She knows in her heart that she needs to fix her if there is ever going to be an US again for you two. That is a huge step for her and you should be very proud of her for recognizing that.
She "knows" what this is doing, she is trying in her own way to fix it. Be patient brian, be compassionate, and be lovingly detached.
In teh long run, your integrity and loving way that you are helping her through this is going to pay huge dividends for you. When she comes back, y'all are going to be so much better prepared to be in a marriage because of all that you are learning.
Stay strong Brian, I know you are having a hard time seeing the calm waters beyond the crashing waves, you just have to have faith in God to see you through the storm.
Ian
Hey Brian,
Yeah, you probably could have handled some of that a bit differently, but look what came of it... She said she needs counseling.
Now actually going might take some work, but she at least said it!
She needs to bottom out. I've got a few friends that are recovering alcoholics/adicts and the one thing that is a recurring thing in AA/NA is that most people have to hit rock bottom before they are really willing to make changes. For many people here, it took their S walking out or cheating. For her, it just might need to be everything falling apart around her. As much as it pains you to see her hurting, it's a necessary step.
Hang in there, you are doing good!
ann
Ian...
I do understand and you are right, there may be time later for the other.
I know that tough love is just that 'tough' for everyone involved if she does go I respect that and am more proud than I can put into words for her courage to attempt this.
It's what we all hope and pray for and if in the end it does not include me I will find a way through the pain knowing that she is better.
I pray every night and I wonder if he hears me, I have doubts and that weakens my faith I have to work on shoring up the walls I must learn how to ask for help and be willing to accept the answer...
Thanks Ian
Brian, she is right. She need sto see a counselor without you. Read the words to the song again Brian. She knows in her heart that she needs to fix her if there is ever going to be an US again for you two. That is a huge step for her and you should be very proud of her for recognizing that.
She "knows" what this is doing, she is trying in her own way to fix it. Be patient brian, be compassionate, and be lovingly detached.
In teh long run, your integrity and loving way that you are helping her through this is going to pay huge dividends for you. When she comes back, y'all are going to be so much better prepared to be in a marriage because of all that you are learning.
Stay strong Brian, I know you are having a hard time seeing the calm waters beyond the crashing waves, you just have to have faith in God to see you through the storm.
Ian
Brian, You read this post and you keep it close.
For now, you be still. YOU be as still as a church mouse. I know you want to run in. You don't do it. You let her crash.
She is coming to you time after time. It's now time to get your head together.
Do you know how big her saying she is seeing a C is?? THAT"S SO HUGE.
You be humble. You do not let old Brian back out in any way.
You hang in there. You pick up the phone and dial either one of those 2 numbers you have if you need to vent.
I'm with ya brother. God's with you Brian. Stay your course. I know your tired, you stay on the track.
ann...
Yes I know coulda woulda shoulda, but I hope she does go.
I feel she is pretty close to rock bottom now. Tough love says they must fall before they can get up...hurts
I am hanging my grip is strong, it is there for her and my family
Thanks
Brian
Mike...
Yes be still, I am no hero I am in a world that I have no control over and am learning to respect it as much as it hurts...
My head is not as tight as it should be, I can do better...
I had a feeling this could happen, with the kids being gone, her being alone, and the financial sitch it was going to bring her crashing down, but there was nothing I could to to stop it...
I have nothing but humility this is a place I have never been too and am seeing a side of me that I didn't really know existed...
I appreciate that thank you
No more tired than the rest of you I/we must keep going until the last whistle blows...
Brian
but there was nothing I could to to stop it...
there was nothing you should have been doing to try and stop it.
we talked about this before, W likes the control..She will be alright.
You will be alright.
I believe eventually, you both will be alright..along with those D's.
I need to cut through the last remaining strings I am working towards having the strength to do this.
Yes she likes control and that is what she has total control
somehow I think she is tired of it. She has said in the past the only way I can survive is if I have control, I said to her total control isn't always a good thing.
In the end we all hope so...
Brian
Update...
W sent me an email a little bit ago, she has made a appt. with a C and goes on Tuesday, she has hit bottom. I replied I'm glad you made that decision it means alot. She sent back I am going for me I am doing this for nobody else but me. I said good for you that's the way it should be.
I had a feeling she was crashing just by a comment that she made the other day, she said that maybe she ought to just go fishin and if there was any luck at all she would wind up at the bottom of the lake, now she said she was just joking, but I don't think so it was more of a cry for help I think.
Guys you have no idea how low she is to do this and what a BIG step it is, when we had D17 in therapy W wouldn't even do family C to help in that sitch, so this is HUGE.
W sent another email to me, asking if it would be alright if she didn't come over to the house this weekend to see the dog or me for personal reasons, she said she would text me about the kids if they called cause the are still away til monday. I replied back and said tell you what the kids are in good hands with the IL's if I need to talk to them I can call lets just not worry about that and you take all the time you need I respect that and appreciate you being honest and up front with me on it. She replied okay and thank you.
Now I have no idea if this is a shrink, C, therapist or what and whether or not they are pro marriage I have no idea, I don't think I have the right to ask so I won't. I will just leave her be...
Brian
I replied back and said tell you what the kids are in good hands with the IL's if I need to talk to them I can call lets just not worry about that and you take all the time you need I respect that and appreciate you being honest and up front with me on it. She replied okay and thank you.I think this is so perfect.
You are doing really great!
ann
Update...
Okay this is all interesting to me. For someone who wanted to have no contact with me for 'personal reasons' sure seems talkative.
Friday night not even 6 hours after she told me 'no contact' she text and had to tell me about the card she got in the mail from the D's, then later texts again to tell me about her bike ride. This makes no sense, but okay.
Saturday morning she is texting me telling me how she hooked up the VCR on her own. Of course I validate her and tell her how proud I am for accomplishing it.
Saturday night she text me for over 2 hours and says she has been watching home movies and how she has cried and laughed and how different we look compared to 10 yrs. ago and how cute the girls are and how good looking I am. So we are going back and forth giving compliments and she asked what attracted me to her so I told her it was her hair. She said is that ALL? I said no of course not, I told her it was her eyes and her smile her ears were cute but most of all it was her intelligence and in your face honesty, but that her innocence was intoxicating, I figured she was asking so I would be honest. She thanked me for that but then the tone changed.
I expected it to change cause it was gettin to close for comfort, her next reply was "hard to believe we are where we are now but that it is what it is." I changed the subject which she didn't like and she said so. I said "we are just in a period of questioning things right now and that's okay all we can do is take 1 day at a time." She calmed down and seemed to accept that.
She said that it was time for her to get to bed, so I said okay to sleep well and thanks for sharing. She replied back with "sharin what?" I said "sharing with me that you had watched home movies and how it made you feel", which I think took her off guard abit cause she replied with "oh I see good night." Told her pleasant dreams and goodbye.
IMHO she should be a acrobat, with the fence she is walking on she could transverse a tight rope with no problem. How it must suck to be in a cloud of unease when the answer is just within reach...
Brian
IMHO she should be a acrobat, with the fence she is walking on she could transverse a tight rope with no problem. How it must suck to be in a cloud of unease when the answer is just within reach...
Brian
Brian--
I know EXACTLY what you mean by this. Just last week, H told a F that we have a great relationship, we can talk about anything, we are clued into each other to the point that we can finish each other's sentences. H also talked about the kids and how much he loves them and how excited they always are to see him, that he knows I am still building him up to them. F thought it was interesting that none of this was said in the past tense! F wanted to ask him--"Then why the h*ll are you living on the ship and not at home?"
It is sooo frustrating, knowing that we could be getting on with the business of life and love and rebuilding if they would just let us.
SMW
SMW...
OMG...I thought we were the only ones that did that, is it to the point where you can just look at each other and not even speak and know what to do??? Maybe I am a hopeless romantic but to be that in sync how can it be wrong???
She keeps saying I can't say what you want me to, even though I know in my heart and mind she wants to, I feel like saying well look in the damn mirror and stick your tongue out it's right there on the tip of it URGH!!!
Frustration how spot on you are.
Brian
SMW...
OMG...I thought we were the only ones that did that, is it to the point where you can just look at each other and not even speak and know what to do??? Maybe I am a hopeless romantic but to be that in sync how can it be wrong???
That's it exactly! I had a close friend tell me that she knew H and I were meant for each other the night we first met. Dhe said you could literally feel the connection when it happened. All of our friends were betting on how long it would take for us to figure it out. After this weekend, I just wish he would get his head out of his butt!! We could ahve had a really memorable weekend!
SMW
Hey Brian, great with all the contact. I think it is her further reaching out to you.
However, I will also say that the validating is good. The over emphasizing that she is sharing with you, forget it.
I think it is more important that you simply listen. I would stop thanking her and maybe just start acting like it is normal. She wants to have a comfortable convo with you and not have it always have to mean so much.
Try and remember to act like she is your best friend right now. Just talk to her,just listen, journal how happy it makes you rather than telling her that so much. She is opening up to test the communication and comfort levels. Just be her friend buddy, that friendship will lead her back home.
Ian
Ian...
Okay I see your point don't make it so sickly sticky take it for what it is worth and be thankful, good point.
It's a fine line we all walk...
Brian
Update...
Been a strange weekend in that W said she wanted NO CONTACT and yet has text me all weekend.
W again text me tonight, but in a different tone.
W: Hi. Iam sorry I did the exact opposite of what I said I was going to do this weekend. I know I am confusing to you.
M: Hey it's okay.
W: Part of me wants to file for divorce so you can be at peace and off of this ride I have you on. You deserve to not be put through this. Just my opinion. Not wanting a deep conversation just my thought right now.
W: I am not freakin out. I am totally calm. I read a book this weekend watched the race washed the car and started taking vitamins. I am good.
M: Good for you. Vitamins are good for you. Iam okay. Worry about you.
W: Don't.
M: Of course I worry about you. I meant you need to be concerned about yourself not me at this point.
W: Well I had one major melt down. Now climbing up. There was only one way to go and I am doing it.
M: Yes you are. Good on you. I'm proud of you punk.
W: Ah you have not called me that in like forever.
Now there was a few different ways I could have responded to her divorce comment, for some reason I just felt she was searching for just how much I am going to take, and not really wanting out so I thought it was best not to validate it and just be honest and tell her that I am fine. IMO what I said must have been what she wanted to hear, cause then there was some texting after that it consisted of some flirting from both sides started by her so I followed her lead and it ended on a good note.
Well I have no idea where this path is going but it's nice to see her finding herself again in all of this they may not be actions in relation to the M but it does show me that she is trying to change things about her that will in the end work towards the M only time will tell...one day at a time...
Brian
All of the communication sounds really positive right now. I am glad she still is reaching out to you.
There is a song that goes with what you are feeling.
Realize
Take time to realize,
That your warmth is
Crashing down on in.
Take time to realize,
That I am on your side
Didn't I, didn't I tell you.
But I can't spell it out for you,
You know it's never gonna be that simple
No I can't spell it out for you
[Chorus:]
If you just realize what I just realized,
Then we'd be perfect for each other
And we'll never find another
Just realized what I just realized
We'd never have to wonder if
We missed out on each other now.
[Verse 2:]
Take time to realize
Oh-oh I'm on your side
Didn't I, didn't I tell you.
Take time to realize
This all can pass you by
Didn't I tell you
[Refrain:]
But I can't spell it out for you,
You know it's never gonna be that simple
No I can't spell it out for you.
[Chorus:]
If you just realized what I just realized
Then we'd be perfect for each other
Then we'd never find another
Just realized what I just realized
We'd never have to wonder if
We missed out on each other but.
[Verse 3:]
It's not all the same
No it's never the same
If you don't feel it too.
If you meet me half way
If you would meet me half way.
It could be the same for you.
[Chorus:]
If you just realize what I just realized
Then we'd be perfect for each other
And we'd never find another
Just realize what I just realized
We'd never have to wonder
Just realize what I just realized
If you just realize what I just realized
BobbiJo--
I love this song and it means so much to me. I heard it for the first time the day after my H moved out.
Brian--you are doing good my friend and I agree with Ian--just listen and let her know you are listening. Do not kiss her butt all the time, even if it is genuine. Sometimes, we just want to KNOW we are being heard.
SMW
Your texting tonight sounds encouraging....good deal!
That's the way old buddy...
BBJ...
Um I think that song really does explain where I am and others are at right now thank-you...
Brian
SMW...
Sometimes I get stuck and not sure if I should say something or just say ahha...
Have gotten good at listening but there is always room for improvement thank you for the encouragement...
Brian
BBJ...
God how I hate texting so hard to read when you can't hear the voice inflection hard to know how to respond sometimes, guess I just put my faith in knowing her & god...
It was positive just for that fact she is thinking...
Brian
Mike...
Just following my Sensi's teachings...
Thanks my friend...
Brian
(((Bri))), Wow. Just Wow ! I'm so thrilled to hear that she is going to C. You are doing totally awesome. When you said you just followed her lead....I got the biggest smile on my face. That's sooooooooooo GREAT !!!
You're right on about so many things. Her needing control, really isn't about now, it's about the past. She's still testing you on things too. Her comment where she says something about divorce (I tried to find it, but couldn't, & it's late)...she wants to know you're not going anywhere.
...where you saw it getting too close for comfort, & knew she'd back up...Wow !
Take a deep breath. I want you to brace yourself & not be caught off guard.
She may get worse before she gets better. The only way through it is through it. There ain't no short cuts. She may stop C several times, & start again. It's okay. The goal is her getting better, right ?
When her stuff starts surfacing, she may go back to old coping techniques. Be ready for it, so it doesn't freak you out. She may act like a zombie for a few days after each C appointment. That's normal.
You're right about the fishing/lake comment being a cry for help. As gently, subtly, tactfully, as you can, after C ask if she mentioned that to the C. She probably wont until a level of trust has been established.
It's normal for her to want the pain to go away, it's normal to have those kind of fleeting thoughts. It's a warning sign if she starts making plans or giving stuff away. If her mood elevates drastically, & she seems happier than she's been in a long time, or she seems very relieved & calm, all the sudden, stay very close by, okay ? Even if it pisses her off.
I hope I'm saying this right, I don't want to scare you. I don't think she's thinking this way, I just feel obligated to mention this. It's my police department training, I feel like I have to say something, even though I don't suspect she's thinking that way. Clear as mud ? Ugh ! I wish they'd allow PM's.
You should be really proud of how far you've grown in a very short time. You're really doing amazing !!
Bobbi jo, I cannot believe you pulled ou the bubble gum music on Brian...... wow....
Bobbi jo, I cannot believe you pulled ou the bubble gum music on Brian...... wow....
LMAO Ian!!!
That is a really good song, though! Look, I can do one better--this is the one that I want my H to listen to--
Til We Ain't Strangers Anymore80's based bubble gum!
SMW
Well, Ian, it's time I admitted the truth.
Not only do I share bubble gum songs.....
I
LOVE
JEFF
GORDON!
And I taught my son to "Boo!" at Tony Stewart's car on the track.........
Truth be told I only loathe Stewart b/c he can beat my guy...
wow BBJ, I was so impressed now you have let me down so much. LOL
another Rainbow Warrior...blech
Bobbi jo, I cannot believe you pulled ou the bubble gum music on Brian...... wow....
LMAO Ian!!!
That is a really good song, though! Look, I can do one better--this is the one that I want my H to listen to--
Til We Ain't Strangers Anymore80's based bubble gum!
SMW
Well Crud, it put up the wrong link!!!
Here is the right one--
Til We Ain't Strangers AnymoreSIGH! That will teach me not to proofread!
SMW
UUUHHHMMM I don't like Nascar--but I would have to go with Tony Stewart, just because a good friend is a Tony Stewart fan.
I will take a good old football game any day of the week, and my boys ROCKED last night!!
SMW
Brian--
Watch out, Mike is reserving timber just for you!
SMW
Brian--
Watch out, Mike is reserving timber just for you!
SMW
now look what you did..no fair warning him..now I'll have to sneak up on his assss when he ain't looking.
BBJ...
Now why did you have to go there...
Now it's one thing to like Jeff Gordon (belch) and it's another to slam MY BOY TONY
Tony Stewart is the MAN!!!
It's okay I still like you hehe!!!
Brian
Mike...
See what you get for posting your plans on others threads???
They can't help lookin out for me HAHA!!!
Thanks SMW you are a good soldier watchin out for your fellow man in the trenches...
Brian
SMW...
Thanks for the heads up sweetie
SMW...
You aren't only a good Navy Wife, but you have great taste in drivers Tony is the best....
Love football also it's gettin to be that time of the year, nothing like a good Saturday of college football...
Brian
Hi Bri
You have sentries on the look out for you, huh?
I am very happy to hear that W is scheduled to go to C tomorrow.
You are doing so well. My darling is very near rock bottom herself. I am hoping and praying that a resumption of C will happen for her as well.
Just keep turning it all over to God.
I got your back Brian, for what its worth!
I do not know a lot about Nascar, so rooting for a driver becomes a case of the evil you know over the evil you don't know.
College ball is another thing I never get much into until the Bowl games. But, NFL---AHHH I breathe football from draft to Super Bowl. Unfortunately, my husband does not appreciate this, as he is not much of a football fan--and his family is from New England, making them--GASP--Pats fans.
SMW
Hey Brian..
Your wife's comment reminded me of how I would phrase things.
W: Part of me wants to file for divorce so you can be at peace and off of this ride I have you on. You deserve to not be put through this. Just my opinion. Not wanting a deep conversation just my thought right now.
When I would say something like that, I had multiple realized and subconscious meanings.
I'm not worth your time and effort.
I'm sacrificing what's important to me without knowing it.
It's easier to let go than fight for what scares me.
Please read my mind and help me.
The only one who can fix her is her. I'm changing positively as I'm being forced to learn basic truths. No one can do that for me except.. me!
You're a great source of emotional support and consistency. Be the anchor as she finds her way. Learning you have two feet and can stand on them takes time. Building confidence is what gives her strength to grow.
It's great she's seeing a counselor.
What are you doing for yourself, big guy?
*hugs*
Hey Ted...
Well Mike needs to be more careful if he is posting that he is gonna wack me never give the other side a heads up...hehe!!
I am also very happy for her I hope it goes well, as I said have no idea if whoever she is going to is pro marriage or not but hey at least after hittin rock bottom she made a tough decision and chose to go when she said she never would. Hope it helps all I can do is keep my fingers crossed for her.
It's like they say in tough love, nothing can be done until they get to the bottom and admit they are powerless and ask for the help, that is when they truly desire it my friend hang tough...
We all have a choice stay in it for them or get out for ourselves at this point I am still in it love her too much too let go...
I keep praying it's all I can do besides working on myself...
Thanks Ted
Brian
SMW...
It's worth everything to me for all that watch out for my head when you have 2 guys from Tenn. who just love to swing big objects...wonder if that means they are makin up for a loss somewhere else HAHA!!!
Never really got into Pro ball I like the innocence of the college level where it is still pure & honest and you battle on Saturday for pride of your school...
Thanks SMW
Brian
Sweet Gypsy...
This is exactly where I am at, you are spot on I feel those thoughts also and until she can put a finger on which one is most important to her there is nothing for me to do but wait and be there for her. I know in my heart she feels me walking beside her, I will catch her if she needs that.
I also am glad she is going to C'ing I hope it will help her on her path to find some direction...
I am in a good place right now, I have gotten back into workingout and lifting, I walk our dog and try to stay as light hearted about all of this as everyone else does...
Thanks Beautiful Butterfly
Brian
SMW...
It's worth everything to me for all that watch out for my head when you have 2 guys from Tenn. who just love to swing big objects...wonder if that means they are makin up for a loss somewhere else HAHA!!!
Never really got into Pro ball I like the innocence of the college level where it is still pure & honest and you battle on Saturday for pride of your school...
Thanks SMW
Brian
you ain't even gonna see me coming. Wait till Ian sees this..Oh son...
somebody fire up the saw mill..I see a beatin coming on..
Hey SMW, better go ahead and get one of those Navy Medical Corpsman for this boy..
he may need sutures.
SMW...
It's worth everything to me for all that watch out for my head when you have 2 guys from Tenn. who just love to swing big objects...wonder if that means they are makin up for a loss somewhere else HAHA!!!
Never really got into Pro ball I like the innocence of the college level where it is still pure & honest and you battle on Saturday for pride of your school...
Thanks SMW
Brian
you ain't even gonna see me coming. Wait till Ian sees this..Oh son...
somebody fire up the saw mill..I see a beatin coming on..
Hey SMW, better go ahead and get one of those Navy Medical Corpsman for this boy..
he may need sutures.
Me thinks I struck a sore spot ROFLMAO!!!
LMAO!!!
Don't know any corpsmen, but H is an Avionics Tech--he knows how to do wire reapirs and make connectors. May know a parachute rigger--they sew!
SMW
I personally refuse to follow a sport where they have no fricken clue how to turn Right. Any old joe schmoe can make a left turn for pities sake. Turn right guys, turn right........
Jeff Gordon, Tony Stewart, Dale Jr..... they're all the same. It's driving a car gang you can do it legally at 14 in Kansas for pities sake and they let girls do it......
SMW...
Guess then between the 2 of them maybe they can put me back together, the only thing we would need is some light bulbs and I could be a walking neon bill board with all of the wood in my head...LOL
Brian
I personally refuse to follow a sport where they have no fricken clue how to turn Right. Any old joe schmoe can make a left turn for pities sake. Turn right guys, turn right........
Jeff Gordon, Tony Stewart, Dale Jr..... they're all the same. It's driving a car gang you can do it legally at 14 in Kansas for pities sake and they let girls do it......
I hear they let Dorks be crew chiefs too!!!!
Where'd you go Bri??
Just dropping by to wish you a good morning and realized you have not been here since yesterday afternoon. Did Mike and Ian get to you? Hope all is well and you are busy GAL.
SMW
Journal/update...
So yesterday started out to be a good day lots of good back n forth bantering here on the board. PMA was at a good level no imparticular reason just a good general mood.
After lunch W emailed me to let me know where the kiddo's were in relation to when they would be home from their vacation. Been 10 long days since seeing them. Well I then am reminded of just real this journey is and how long there is too go. The emails turned very one sided she basically telling me how much she has missed them, never once stopping to think of me & my feelings, I put a few things out there but they paled in the comparison to W. I chose not to continue down 'her' road and let her rant on.
She informed me that she was living work at 3:30 to I guess go home and clean-up I didn't ask she didn't offer the info just figured. Well about 4:45 she sent a text saying where they were and that she just got outta the shower and was so excited to see them and that she was going to take them to dinner. I throughout this was being a good boy validating & told her the dinner was a good idea.
So I am reminded how long this journey is, by the happenings of yesterday. I too have missed my kids deeply, but because they live with her I lose out she gets to hear all the exciting news while it's still fresh, she got the oh so precious 'we just got home' hugs, she got all of the fresh 'I love you's'. By the time I get to see my kids it will be like reheating left-overs never tastes the same.
So I am reminded how long this journey is and just how selfish W is still, I thought we were a bit closer in that she might have invited me to at least go to dinner with them. I knew in the back of my mind though that was too much to hope for. So I settled for the good ole' phone call and told them we would get together sometime later and they could fill me in with the reheated left-overs.(I didn't say that to them).
So as I was workingout I tried to put my finger on just how I was feeling about it. Wasn't angry. Wasn't happy that they were home cause they weren't at their real home. I finally decided that I was jealous not to the extreme of green with envy just jealous. I finished a good hard workout and decided it was okay to feel that way I have never let myself be jealous of anything kind of a different feeling...
Brian
Good mornin bro
These feelings of the moment to shall pass. Don't dwell with the jealous type feelings. They are only ok if they are short-lived.
Do the act-as-if thing when it comes to the interactions with the W and your D's. Be upbeat and sociable (sp?) even if you are fighting against the current that seems to want to pull you in a different and worse direction. If you make yourself appealing and attractive tot he rest of your family, they will really want to be including you as they should be. Sometimes we aren't even aware of the negative energies that we are putting out there. I don't know if this applies to you now or not. But, food for thought anyway.
Take care ..... of all those splinter wounds to the head. Fight on Christian soldier.
{{{{{Bri}}}}}
You are not leftovers and you are not getting leftovers! I am sorry that you did not have a good evening. Sounds like you tackled it and are moving forward, though. Good for you!!
You know, I see the difference in attitudes between WAS and LBS clearer everyday. For example, our youngest daughter will be starting school this year. I am sad about the fact that H will not be here to see her leave for school or put her to bed the night before. However, unlike a WAS, I will open the door for him to be here if he wants to be.
You guys have still madea lot of steps in the right direction, do not beat yourself up. She is still in a selfish phase. With how bad she was spinning while they were gone, I guess it is to be expected that she was desperate for their undivided attention.
Brush it off and get your PMA back. You have been doing great there and I do not want you to lose it.
SMW
Hey Ted...
Thanks for stopping, not dwelling no time for that was just an interesting feeling to experience. I will admit probably came across a bit negative at times conversing with W yesterday, it wasn't intentionally, just have been validating & helping her through this with them being gone.
Brian
SMW...
That was the only analogy I could think of at that moment. Honestly there will be that certain 'snap' to their trip when they & I get together in about a week that will be gone, and with kids their excitement level will only stay peaked so long before it becomes just a memory. A good friend suggested to me last night to ask the W if I could just have a day out of the rotation, this is a great idea and will pose it to her.
It's like some people were talking on Mike's post about the things that will be missed the 'firsts', to really experience that feeling first hand yesterday well it sucked. School good point, that is something that is a 'first' never to happen again, like my D11 it's her 'first' year in middle school, so I can totally understand where you are at with your D just starting that is so cool I remember both of my girls 'firsts' days of school...this is exactly my point, this is what is forgotten about oh the selfishness of it all...
I agree have made some good steps forward, and it will be about her for awhile longer I had told you guys this would be difficult on her as with most mom's so that is why I made a choice to make it all about her and her feelings so I enabled her abit and not to think of my feelings by helping her through this so kinda responsible for my own position and feeling the way I do.
I was good by the time I went to bed, was tired had a quick chat with the man upstairs and then tossed & turned most of the night, but I had it too hot in the house so my bad on that but all is good today so far.
Brian
Hey Mike...
Hangin in there like a monkey in a tree, it's all good today so far anyway...
Brian
Hangin in there like a monkey in a tree, it's all good today so far anyway...
well that's about all we can hope for at the moment..
Hey Brian, just so you'll know and it might make you feel a little better my old buddy Ian he tends to lay em' out everywhere. You're not the only Nebraskan he's hammering. Here's a quote from him on another thread over in my new place.
You can tell your from Nebraska, class there means you wear your good overalls and actually wear socks when you pick the corn.
LMAO the he-man routine between you bunch totally cracks me up!
The worst is, I know it is not an act! LOL
SMW
Hey Brian, just so you'll know and it might make you feel a little better my old buddy Ian he tends to lay em' out everywhere. You're not the only Nebraskan he's hammering. Here's a quote from him on another thread over in my new place.
You can tell your from Nebraska, class there means you wear your good overalls and actually wear socks when you pick the corn.
Thanks a lot Mike, now you didn't have to go cut and paste that particular quote..... Jeesh
Hey Brian, just so you'll know and it might make you feel a little better my old buddy Ian he tends to lay em' out everywhere. You're not the only Nebraskan he's hammering. Here's a quote from him on another thread over in my new place.
You can tell your from Nebraska, class there means you wear your good overalls and actually wear socks when you pick the corn.
Thanks a lot Mike, now you didn't have to go cut and paste that particular quote..... Jeesh
easy Ian..I'll put you on my list...LOL
Mike, i could use a 2x4 if you get a chance. thanks
Hey Ian & Mike...
We may live in a place where they let Dorks be crew chiefs, and where we wear our socks to pick corn, but I don't think I have ever rolled over in bed to tell my sister good night. LOL LMAO!!
Brian
Hey Ian & Mike...
We may live in a place where they let Dorks be crew chiefs, and where we wear our socks to pick corn, but I don't think I have ever rolled over in bed to tell my sister good night. LOL LMAO!!
Brian
Dude, I am from jersey, only Mike is a true TN man.
My comment on NE was retaliatory by the way, Mike failed to mention that......
Ian
Ian...
I know you are a transplant, just playing abit it's all good, I certainly wouldn't say something to jeopordize all that you guys have done for me...
It's all in fun...
Brian
know you are a transplant, just playing abit it's all good, I certainly wouldn't say something to jeopordize all that you guys have done for me...
He!! Brian don't let him off that easy!! Even though a transplant he's still picked up that Tennessee southern drawl and he's a Volunteer fan to boot, transplant or not.
and tonight I'll tell my sister good night for you..
and tonight I'll tell my sister good night for you..
I will tell Mike's sister goodnight for you as well
No offense taken Brian, it is all good.... I was just warming up anyway, I hadn't even called you cornfed yet......
Ian
Yeah I figured as much, that's why I just told Mike in an email that I wasn't done, just gettin warmed up...hehe
Brian
Okay have a question...
Today was W's first C session do I ask how it went or even acknowledge it???
Pretty sure I know the answer but would appreciate input...
Thanks
Brian
UUUHHHMMm that would be a negative, Ghost Rider!
Now, if she wants to talk to you about it you know the drill--do not get sucked into the drama and validate.
And you knew tha this is exactly what we would say, right? Do I need to go to the lumber yard?
SMW
Okay have a question...
Today was W's first C session do I ask how it went or even acknowledge it???
Pretty sure I know the answer but would appreciate input...
Thanks
Brian
DUH, see this is exactly why I make fun of people from Nebraska........
Ian
And you knew tha this is exactly what we would say, right? Do I need to go to the lumber yard?
SMW..just go ahead..it will give Ian and I time to rest.
and this never ending thread..you are now considered PC old buddy.
Hey SMW & Ian
Look I just got my new socks on to go out and do the corn so give a ex Dork crew chief a little room to just run something up the flag pole. Yeah I knew the answer but alittle reaffirmation never hurts...GOD I love you guys hehe!!!
Brian
And you knew tha this is exactly what we would say, right? Do I need to go to the lumber yard?
SMW..just go ahead..it will give Ian and I time to rest.
and this never ending thread..you are now considered PC old buddy.
Oh gee look who else showed up, now if I didn't ask 1 stupid question a week you guys would get stiff arms from not swingin... LOL
Brian
You guys are like a bunch of Great White sharks swimmin around Seal Island...you know you're out there swimmin around in the deep just lurking planning your attacks and then all of a sudden BAM the jaws open wide the eyes roll back in their sockets and you sink your teeth in....LOL LMAO
Brian