I am a working mother of two adorable children. I am as well educated as my husband and we are on equal salaries. Yet I take care of the kids and do most of the work. Clean, cook, paint the house, garden work, fix the car, pay the bills, find people to do work for us etc. I am fed up. Talking doesn't help nor nagging. Husband refuses family counselling. He is manipulative, controlling and generally unsociable. He is rude to my parents who babysit a lot for us and the neighbours as well as our friends. I t We can barely stand seeing each other on weekends. It's not good for the kids, they're clever and has probably long figured out we hate each other. Problem is my husband doesn't want to separate. He refuses to sell the house and threatens with a legal battle around the custody of the kids and our property. I think we'd lose money on selling our property. I cant afford that and pay for lawyers But I can by my husband's share of the house. If he lets me. (We dont have shared finances). I think I want to leave but dont know how. I mainly want to keep.the kids happy and safe. As it is now I plan and do outings with them without their father. I have booked for me and the kids to go.away over Xmas as I cant imagine pestering Xmas with our hatred of each other
Welcome to the board.
Get out and GAL.
DETACH.
Believe none of what he says and half of what he does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
You are on moderation right now on the forum.
SO post in small frequent posts until you get off of it.
Your H is giving you a GIFT.
THE GIFT OF TIME.
USE it wisely.
Knowledge is Power - Francis Bacon
drm,
Do you have any interest in saving your marriage if things were different?
DRM,
Wow, things have gotten really bad before getting to this point. When marriages go bad, the participants can develop "negative sentiment override". What that means is that even things that a third party would judge to be neutral are heard as negative / criticism / complaints, and it sounds like your relationship is so poisoned that you have come to that place. I'm sorry to hear it, that must be very painful for you. I was talking to a marriage counselor who told me that most people don't consider counseling until it's three years too late.
So now you want out and you want to know how? I think your first step is to meet with a lawyer to get some advice. Most will offer a free consultation. You should at least do that and use that as a starting point.
Since you have posted on a site called "Divorce Busting" I also have to say that it bears looking at your own behavior and seeing if there are things about you that have contributed to what's happened in your marriage. It's possible that you're just married to an insensitive, cold, selfish monster, but what seems to happen more often is that people start to develop self-perpetuating negative cycles between them that leave both of them hurt. If you were fueling that fire, it does help to understand that such that you can avoid it in future relationships, otherwise history tends to repeat itself.
My father went to a "recently divorced support group" back in the pre-Internet days, and commented afterwards that there must have been a separate meeting for all the bad spouses, because everyone who attended his meeting claimed to be the "good" spouse.
Acc