A marriage shot full of arrows - 10/03/11 06:18 AM
When I think of my marriage I get the mental image of a buffalo laying on the plains shot full of arrows. So many complicated intertwining issues, I don't know where to start.
I chased a girl I thought was my soulmate for 15+ years. Never turned out. I left her sleeping on her apartment floor finally realizing she didn't love me. Drove back to my home state and started dating my wife. Got married a year later. I was very inexperienced sexually since I was a virgin. Wedding night discovered I had some sort of Erectile dysfunction. So from the get go there was major problems. I also discovered she had a real awesome way of dealing with problems. Being extremely rude, then when she was done going to the bedroom and falling asleep without resolving anything. I was frustrated with this type of fighting from the beginning and I remember thinking (somewhat apprehensively) that things are only going to get worse. I finally lost my temper and yelled back 6 months into the marriage and her being 3 months pregnant. So having a kid right away I didn't feel like we had a chance to really get to know each other.
After our child was born it took her 3 months to have sexual relations with me. During this time I was so pissed off I took to calling the girl I chased for three months. Eventually that didn't pan out, but I'm really not the cheating kind. So my wife has held on to that brief "emotional affair" for the entire 7 years of our marriage. Not that I blame her or think she doesn't have a right.
It isn't that she is all to blame though. I have ADHD, prettily badly. I am a terrible help around the house. I can't keep a steady job, and I come with a grab bag of impatient, emotional problems. Sometimes I can be cold. My problem is, I am extremely honest with her (or anyone else for that matter) I get real annoyed when she questions what I tell her. I feel like I have established a pattern of honesty and it's insulting to be questioned. I simply do not lie to her. If I was prone to hiding things she would of never known about my ex in any way shape or form.
I didn't use to cuss, but now my speech has become rather abusive when she resorts to her familiar social tactics. I often times try to set up my conversations with her so she doesn't get the wrong idea. For example, "Now, listen through this entire point so you don't get the wrong idea, please honey" She never fails to latch on to the first sentence and goes off on me, which in turns makes me angry. Its like we are just set to fail.
I try real hard to have open communication with her. She constantly acts like I am blaming everything on her. Maybe I am in her mind. I try to tell her there is a million things wrong with me I need to fix, and I name them off. I try to maintain a even playing field. She just seems emotionally selfish. I don't know what to do anymore. If she doesn't change I don't know how to stay with her. We have two wonderful children but she honestly seems to act so ignorant about how to have good communication. on top of the adhd, and the sexual problems it just seems like we have to much working against us.
I chased a girl I thought was my soulmate for 15+ years. Never turned out. I left her sleeping on her apartment floor finally realizing she didn't love me. Drove back to my home state and started dating my wife. Got married a year later. I was very inexperienced sexually since I was a virgin. Wedding night discovered I had some sort of Erectile dysfunction. So from the get go there was major problems. I also discovered she had a real awesome way of dealing with problems. Being extremely rude, then when she was done going to the bedroom and falling asleep without resolving anything. I was frustrated with this type of fighting from the beginning and I remember thinking (somewhat apprehensively) that things are only going to get worse. I finally lost my temper and yelled back 6 months into the marriage and her being 3 months pregnant. So having a kid right away I didn't feel like we had a chance to really get to know each other.
After our child was born it took her 3 months to have sexual relations with me. During this time I was so pissed off I took to calling the girl I chased for three months. Eventually that didn't pan out, but I'm really not the cheating kind. So my wife has held on to that brief "emotional affair" for the entire 7 years of our marriage. Not that I blame her or think she doesn't have a right.
It isn't that she is all to blame though. I have ADHD, prettily badly. I am a terrible help around the house. I can't keep a steady job, and I come with a grab bag of impatient, emotional problems. Sometimes I can be cold. My problem is, I am extremely honest with her (or anyone else for that matter) I get real annoyed when she questions what I tell her. I feel like I have established a pattern of honesty and it's insulting to be questioned. I simply do not lie to her. If I was prone to hiding things she would of never known about my ex in any way shape or form.
I didn't use to cuss, but now my speech has become rather abusive when she resorts to her familiar social tactics. I often times try to set up my conversations with her so she doesn't get the wrong idea. For example, "Now, listen through this entire point so you don't get the wrong idea, please honey" She never fails to latch on to the first sentence and goes off on me, which in turns makes me angry. Its like we are just set to fail.
I try real hard to have open communication with her. She constantly acts like I am blaming everything on her. Maybe I am in her mind. I try to tell her there is a million things wrong with me I need to fix, and I name them off. I try to maintain a even playing field. She just seems emotionally selfish. I don't know what to do anymore. If she doesn't change I don't know how to stay with her. We have two wonderful children but she honestly seems to act so ignorant about how to have good communication. on top of the adhd, and the sexual problems it just seems like we have to much working against us.