7yr Success Story back? Not supposed to happen. - 06/28/07 03:52 PM
Hi all. Originally came here in 1999, after my w dropped the usual "bomb", after 23 years of marriage. After our divorce was final and after that when her EA/A blew up, I moved back in, and we tried to work things out for a few months, but she moved out.
I thought I was ready to move on with my life in a different direction, and found someone new, but, boy what a mistake that was!!! Shortly after that one left, my ex and I were more or less "thrown together" by the impending death of her stepfather from leukemia, due to the fact that I was wanting to visit him (he was a GREAT father-in-law for 23 years), and she was there all the time.
One thing led to another, and we were able to find our way back to each other, in every sense of the word. 4 years after our divorce, we bought our dream house together and got re-married on our original anniversary date. Even got the judge who divorced us to re-marry us, and joked with her (the judge) that unlike most people she sees who say the "marriage didn't take", with us, it was the divorce that didn't take.
Things were fine for a couple years, but pressures due to my working time, and our lousy financial situation (like we're any different than most?) have not been beneficial. Couple that with the fact that my wife has never really forgiven me for the other woman (whom I did not meet until after our divorce was long final, and after our 1st reconciliation did not work out, and in fact, months after she had moved out), and that she is still lying to me about things in her first EA/A, and there have been occasional blow-ups. But, usually kiss and makeup took care of it, after talking about it.
However, in the last few months, the "signs" have been showing up, and since the one unfortunate thing I learned from the divorce is to not be blind, I've done some investigating.
And she is now in another EA. Emails, chats, wearing clothes "for him", asking him if he "liked what he saw", telling him that she'll miss him "very much" if he and his wife are going on a trip and they can't email or chat, telling him she figured out how to erase the Caller ID on the phone so he can call her, etc. And, it's a "friend" of ours in one of our social organizations that we belong to. She has picked the same type of person once again - this guy is in an outspokenly unhappy marriage and has no female companionship, since he doesn't want his wife's (her first EA guy, 7 yrs ago, had no female companionship and was unhappy because he had a wife that was dying), so I guess she's volunteered herself. And, of course, this guy is just what she professes so stongly to not like (15 years older than her, lifestyle habits she abhors, big fat belly, verbally abusive to his wife to all in hearing range, etc, etc). The age difference itself is one thing that she has railed on for years, because that was the situation her mother was in. Kind of makes you wonder what's ticking inside her head.
So, after 7 years, I'm back here. Wondering if I should bother to come back here, or just become the WAH this time. I'm not sure if I have the strenghth or gumption to be able go through this once again, not to mention not sure if I even want to.
I'd appreciate comments, but probably won't be back for about a week, as I cannot get to a computer to check this site unless she is gone (she spends 2-3 days a week looking after our infant grandson). Oh, yeah, last I knew, she was trying to figure out how to erase the Caller ID at our son's house, so he could call her there, too...
Thanks.
Dan
I thought I was ready to move on with my life in a different direction, and found someone new, but, boy what a mistake that was!!! Shortly after that one left, my ex and I were more or less "thrown together" by the impending death of her stepfather from leukemia, due to the fact that I was wanting to visit him (he was a GREAT father-in-law for 23 years), and she was there all the time.
One thing led to another, and we were able to find our way back to each other, in every sense of the word. 4 years after our divorce, we bought our dream house together and got re-married on our original anniversary date. Even got the judge who divorced us to re-marry us, and joked with her (the judge) that unlike most people she sees who say the "marriage didn't take", with us, it was the divorce that didn't take.
Things were fine for a couple years, but pressures due to my working time, and our lousy financial situation (like we're any different than most?) have not been beneficial. Couple that with the fact that my wife has never really forgiven me for the other woman (whom I did not meet until after our divorce was long final, and after our 1st reconciliation did not work out, and in fact, months after she had moved out), and that she is still lying to me about things in her first EA/A, and there have been occasional blow-ups. But, usually kiss and makeup took care of it, after talking about it.
However, in the last few months, the "signs" have been showing up, and since the one unfortunate thing I learned from the divorce is to not be blind, I've done some investigating.
And she is now in another EA. Emails, chats, wearing clothes "for him", asking him if he "liked what he saw", telling him that she'll miss him "very much" if he and his wife are going on a trip and they can't email or chat, telling him she figured out how to erase the Caller ID on the phone so he can call her, etc. And, it's a "friend" of ours in one of our social organizations that we belong to. She has picked the same type of person once again - this guy is in an outspokenly unhappy marriage and has no female companionship, since he doesn't want his wife's (her first EA guy, 7 yrs ago, had no female companionship and was unhappy because he had a wife that was dying), so I guess she's volunteered herself. And, of course, this guy is just what she professes so stongly to not like (15 years older than her, lifestyle habits she abhors, big fat belly, verbally abusive to his wife to all in hearing range, etc, etc). The age difference itself is one thing that she has railed on for years, because that was the situation her mother was in. Kind of makes you wonder what's ticking inside her head.
So, after 7 years, I'm back here. Wondering if I should bother to come back here, or just become the WAH this time. I'm not sure if I have the strenghth or gumption to be able go through this once again, not to mention not sure if I even want to.
I'd appreciate comments, but probably won't be back for about a week, as I cannot get to a computer to check this site unless she is gone (she spends 2-3 days a week looking after our infant grandson). Oh, yeah, last I knew, she was trying to figure out how to erase the Caller ID at our son's house, so he could call her there, too...
Thanks.
Dan