I don't even know how to describe the pain, and it won't go away. No matter what I do not one single hour goes by that ex-OW isn't in my head. He did this for her, he did that for her........... blah, blah, blah...
I can't look at him without seeing her and thinking about how loving, caring and passionate he was with her. It makes me physically ill.
Even though he is living with me he isn't putting forth the effort into our marriage that he gave their relationship.
It hurts so badly to end this marriage as I feel like I am starting from square one but I know that's what I have to do. He doesn't love me and deep down I know I deserve someone who does.
So here I am, court date on October 14th and scared, nervous and even though this is my decision completely 100% devastated.
twinmom,
Hang in there. I believe there are better days coming for you and your sitch.
You’re not alone, as other members feel similar and have a race of thoughts ongoing through their sitch. Nothing has been set in motion for the legalities of my sitch, but I can relate with the constant thoughts of OW/OM. I too constantly think of my W and OM. I don’t know if its still and EA or has become a PA as slightly by having kissed. I get angry at her, at him (since he was someone I initially welcomed in my house), angry at her b/c I wonder how can you think this is right to do to our family, angry at her for not having a little more strength to possibly work this out, angry at her b/c I sense she wants to be “friends” and us happy go lucky throughout this all, and the list goes on.
I can’t say that I have set any boundaries, but last week I started my own account.
On a side note, its funny how when we first married that W and I having separate accounts wouldn’t work for a marriage or didn’t fit the overall marriage stereotype. And here we are now, and eventually this joint account will become a hot topic and she’s the WAW.
This week I plan to start a small allotment to my account prior my check being direct deposited into the joint account. I plan to notify her I want the house bills which are in her name only, in mine only. Take her off my life insurance and get my own phone plan so I’m not checking phone logs. All of the above is to hopefully detach.
I’d like to relate to what you said,
“No matter what I do not one single hour goes by that ex-OW isn’t in my head.”
Am I right to say its hard to detach from the whole sitch? That has been an issue of mine since my sitch started. As I see it my last step aside from anything dealing with finances, is to stop touching W. This has proved to be so difficult. Yesterday, was supposed to mark Day 1 of no touching. The day went well, but at night laying in the same bed, king size at that, and not touching proved so difficult. It took me 2 hours to fall asleep. Within that two hours I had a weird nightmare about violence in church, asked her was she sleep twice she moved and made a moaning sound, and got out of bed to get on computer for 15 minutes and eat a snack.
Twinmom, I hope this doesn’t come off as hijacking or 1 upping you, but I wanted to post. All in all, I wish you the best throughout your sitch and that the days become minimal of your mind being overwhelmed with the thoughts of your sitch.
Thank you everyone, 25yrs he isn't ugly but isn't anywhere near a 10..... he has a decent job but doesn't make 6 figures yet....
So why the f**** am I attracted to him? Why are other women? SERIOUSLY, is it something wrong with me?
Everyone here has been wonderful and I am so grateful. Words can't even express how I feel.
So I received flowers today, with a card that said
"to the best thing that has come into my life, I hope these flowers make you smile and remind you of how great of a woman you are"
No name on the card, so I sent my H a text asking if I owed him a "thank you" he replied "no, not from me but they look nice :-)" (I had posted a pic on fb)
Found out they came from a guy I went out with once :-( ugh..... totally wasn't into him
The worst part..... as soon as they were delivered I hoped they were from my H. And when I found out they weren't I was sad.
Court was yesterday.... H did not show up, he told me he wasn't, the judge granted all my requests. It was just a hearing for preliminary orders. So now my plan is to sit back and do nothing...
I want the legal benefits of staying married like health insurance.
Glad to hear your doing well, tw. You went through so much. Glad to see you on the other side. Take care
Unbidden, I wouldn't say I was doing well. More like the divorce is happening and because we "tried" to make it work I am starting from square one in the detachment area and I had never really made that much progress to begin with.
He is such a cold/distant/detached person.
Sorry to hear that. I hope things get better soon
twinmom,
I have read many of your recent posts on others' threads.
You have come a long way and sound so strong. Once you finally decided that you were worth more than H could give, you are simply shining.
I just wanted to stop by and tell you how impressive the transformation has been. I'm sure things are difficult now, but you certainly appear to be looking out for yourself.
-Zew
Thanks, it is tough. The holidays are emotionally draining but I will make it :-) hope your holidays are wonderful!
Dear TwinMom
You are an inspiration to me. You deserve nothing but the very best. I wish I could give it to you.
Kudos on your strength and grace.
JAN
Dear TwinMom
You are an inspiration to me. You deserve nothing but the very best. I wish I could give it to you.
Kudos on your strength and grace.
JAN
Thanks! It's a bumpy road full of twists and turns.