Time Is Slipping Away - 10/06/11 06:24 AM
My Brief Story:
My wife and I are LDR with about a month left until we have to go to court for dissolution of marriage. The thing is I can tell she is really second-guessing, and tells me how much she wants me to come meet her just days before divorce, but still thinks divorce is the answer. Whenever I talk to her she always brings up good times we had together and fun things we've done, recently she started complimenting me for no reason, I even catch her using pet names once a while.
Analyze This:
Before she wanted a divorce I now know the reason why was because I was so uncontrollable and didn't know that I had a problem with bipolar disorder. I had PTSD after leaving the navy of every argument I had in cheif's quarters, usually about them pressuring me to get divorced to fit their image. I had jealousy issues over a way-to-close friend of hers, which nothing happened. I was oversexed and insecure, which was why she refiled about 3 weeks after we cancelled the first time.
How I Changed For The Better:
When I received the second papers,I was dissapointed in her for a while, then I completely fell apart for a month after. Then I got mad, I researched everything I get my hands on. E-books, paperbacks, probably hundreds of articles, even a few forums, but I grew tired of not receiving any help. It wasn't until I found the "180/last chance technique" articles that I can hear
I picked back up bodybuilding, and lost about 15 pounds since, more now that I've switched to a vegetarian diet just for a few months. I went to the VA and got help for my depression. I even registered at started on a college.
Analyze That:
The thing is I know where she's coming from, because her parents had a divorce. Although her father stuck around and sleeps on the couch while supporting the family,even though he's got a family and a severe alcohol problem. And her mom is severly depressed by this. Pretty much all of her brothers and sisterd do to. So I could understand why she thinks life will get better after a divorce.
What I have Done So Far...
I have implimented so many ebooks and information. I already had a good grasp of things from the start because I used to read psychology and dating books like crazy. I tried NC three times before we started talking regularly. Even though I managed to make so much progress there is still some friction when it comes to our relationship. So I started using the last resort technique with only about a month left, right after we had an awesome convorsation and I got her laughing so hard and feeling so good.
And Now
Everything has not been all sunshine and roses. I have sunken into a deep dark depression from all the stresses in my life and had to quit school for this semester to give me more time to myself. Twenty-three year olds should not have to deal with adapting to civilian life, managing bipolar before it turns into a suical attempt, college studies, and divorce all in a few months. But lately I have enjoyed my free time a lot more. I was calling her once or twice every weekend but have decided to stop so she can start to get the feeling of what life will be like without me. I started a hardcore pulling back from giving her value and changed my old dating profile she always uses to spy on me to read "Just here to move on". I just got a call from her a while ago but wasn't in the mood to talk to her.
I do have a general plan of how to act now that I have platonically dated about 15 girls. So I know how to flow without pressuring or being awkward in a bad way. When I see her I will be sleeping in a hotel so I can retreat from her after spending enough time together. every meal we eat at a restaurant will be dutch, and I will not give first hugs, or massages, or anything like that. Until she gives me the sign I also have a romantic last chance gift to give her,without request for praise in return. In our storage is a diary she used to keep of every text message and every IM before we married. At one time she begged me to complete it for her but I was pushing away from everyone I was so depressed. I am considering filling it out and leaving it behind with a sweet letter to her wishing her a happy life. I have done too much to let go of her but at the same time I can't let her keep me around as a friend until she feels better. As far as I see it...She was there for me when I was suicidal and going through a younglife crisis, now it's my turn to be there for her.
Am I going about this in the right way?
My wife and I are LDR with about a month left until we have to go to court for dissolution of marriage. The thing is I can tell she is really second-guessing, and tells me how much she wants me to come meet her just days before divorce, but still thinks divorce is the answer. Whenever I talk to her she always brings up good times we had together and fun things we've done, recently she started complimenting me for no reason, I even catch her using pet names once a while.
Analyze This:
Before she wanted a divorce I now know the reason why was because I was so uncontrollable and didn't know that I had a problem with bipolar disorder. I had PTSD after leaving the navy of every argument I had in cheif's quarters, usually about them pressuring me to get divorced to fit their image. I had jealousy issues over a way-to-close friend of hers, which nothing happened. I was oversexed and insecure, which was why she refiled about 3 weeks after we cancelled the first time.
How I Changed For The Better:
When I received the second papers,I was dissapointed in her for a while, then I completely fell apart for a month after. Then I got mad, I researched everything I get my hands on. E-books, paperbacks, probably hundreds of articles, even a few forums, but I grew tired of not receiving any help. It wasn't until I found the "180/last chance technique" articles that I can hear
I picked back up bodybuilding, and lost about 15 pounds since, more now that I've switched to a vegetarian diet just for a few months. I went to the VA and got help for my depression. I even registered at started on a college.
Analyze That:
The thing is I know where she's coming from, because her parents had a divorce. Although her father stuck around and sleeps on the couch while supporting the family,even though he's got a family and a severe alcohol problem. And her mom is severly depressed by this. Pretty much all of her brothers and sisterd do to. So I could understand why she thinks life will get better after a divorce.
What I have Done So Far...
I have implimented so many ebooks and information. I already had a good grasp of things from the start because I used to read psychology and dating books like crazy. I tried NC three times before we started talking regularly. Even though I managed to make so much progress there is still some friction when it comes to our relationship. So I started using the last resort technique with only about a month left, right after we had an awesome convorsation and I got her laughing so hard and feeling so good.
And Now
Everything has not been all sunshine and roses. I have sunken into a deep dark depression from all the stresses in my life and had to quit school for this semester to give me more time to myself. Twenty-three year olds should not have to deal with adapting to civilian life, managing bipolar before it turns into a suical attempt, college studies, and divorce all in a few months. But lately I have enjoyed my free time a lot more. I was calling her once or twice every weekend but have decided to stop so she can start to get the feeling of what life will be like without me. I started a hardcore pulling back from giving her value and changed my old dating profile she always uses to spy on me to read "Just here to move on". I just got a call from her a while ago but wasn't in the mood to talk to her.
I do have a general plan of how to act now that I have platonically dated about 15 girls. So I know how to flow without pressuring or being awkward in a bad way. When I see her I will be sleeping in a hotel so I can retreat from her after spending enough time together. every meal we eat at a restaurant will be dutch, and I will not give first hugs, or massages, or anything like that. Until she gives me the sign I also have a romantic last chance gift to give her,without request for praise in return. In our storage is a diary she used to keep of every text message and every IM before we married. At one time she begged me to complete it for her but I was pushing away from everyone I was so depressed. I am considering filling it out and leaving it behind with a sweet letter to her wishing her a happy life. I have done too much to let go of her but at the same time I can't let her keep me around as a friend until she feels better. As far as I see it...She was there for me when I was suicidal and going through a younglife crisis, now it's my turn to be there for her.
Am I going about this in the right way?