Ok, JJ... you've hooked me again... 3rd time tonight... can we tell BK has nothing better to do tonight?
It's wrong simply because we're individuals with differing needs, thought patterns, and desires. Simply put. To state that we each must have the same idea of loving is to give up who we are intrinsically as individuals... we're selling our souls to be accepted. Blunt, aren't I?
What's "real giving?" Good question. Can you hear me stutter in front of the class unable to remember my lesson? LOL... Ok, here's my shot. Real giving doesn't necessarily have to be precipated by neediness or a desire to be wanted or loved. You give because you honor your relationship and you respect the individual you are giving to. I think the best example I can give of this came from a very painful conversation I had recently with the STBX's GF. She stated she "gave" him things (money, clothes, etc.) to make him happy. I was stunned... how could he rely on someone for his personal happiness? That to me signifies a deep insecurity on the STBX's part, and her desire for love at any cost. I would help anyone important to me in time of need... that is without question... with money if I could, with my own two hands if I could, with anything possible legal and ethical. However, I would NOT do it as a means to increase MY personal happiness... my personal happiness and self-esteem is based on how I view myself. Confusing, eh?
How would my partner view this? Don't go there, JJ...
obviously, I have no partner now because I guess I expected each of us to be responsible for our own happiness. I truly don't believe any M can survive if we were totally responsible for the other's happiness.
Giving to me is not a gift exchange or a competition. Sure, I give gifts at Christmas, for birthdays, and so forth. I enjoy doing so... the surprise to the other warms my heart. But, real giving is a giving of your spirit. If you have a sick or negative spirit, the giving is false.
BK's bluntness is done for the night!