Still feels like I'm in Limbo - 04/10/19 06:49 PM
I decided to post this new thread on this forum due to my circumstances but if it's in the wrong place I will move it.
I don't really write much but I always come here to find comfort or to read similar situations (which have been hard to find) but I really need to journal right now and have people listen to me that understand and can give me words of wisdom.
Long story short. I've been separated for six years, divorcing soon (we agreed to wait until daughter turned 18 which will be in a few months). He has been in and out of my life these past six years, cake-eating as I have learned. I always wanted my marriage to be restored but honestly, I didn't do much to restore it besides being there for him whenever he chose me to be with. He has had many relationships over these six years and I've been on a total of four dates, I just haven't been ready to meet someone new.
I read divorce remedy and did the LRT which worked every time. He always sought me out and worked his way back into my life. BUT he never stopped dating others and I allowed myself to remain his friend. He has always maintained that he loved me but doesn't want to be in a marriage with me. He still would buy me presents, take care of the outside of the home, buy things for the home and always made me feel like he wanted to take care of me but his actions showed me he didn't want to be my husband. He doesn't want to get a divorce, he says its because I will lose his insurance and other benefits of being married. Well, I can afford my own insurance so that's not really a good reason. He drives me crazy.
What has brought me back to the boards is this situation:
He met a woman a year ago and throughout their dating he tried to keep in contact with me, which I limited. He would break up with her when he saw how deeply affected I was about him moving on but would start the relationship again. He moved her into his apartment and told me. I told him that we needed to go ahead and file the divorce. He went ballistic and said no, that she meant nothing to him and that I was his world and blah blah blah. Two weeks later she had moved out BUT they were still dating. Fast forward a few months and he said he was moving out of state and was beginning a new life. I asked if he was going alone and he said yes. He asked me if he could live at my home for three weeks until he moved because his apartment sold quickly. I agreed, secretly hoping that he would love being there and realize how much he missed me. He did a lot of updates around the house and always stayed busy. He was home every night and never went out except for a couple of times which he would actually call me when out. I believed that he was not with the OW any longer because there were no signs of it. I followed all the suggestions in DR and really really thought that he was heading in the direction of a restored marriage. When he was leaving he made me promise that I would always be in touch and that he could stay with me when he came down to visit. He made me promise that he would be the first to be contacted if anything were to happen to me. He said he would be with me if I ever needed him for anything and that I always come first. Well....two weeks later he sent me an email telling me that he was moving back to our home state and that him and OW were moving in together. BOMB drop AGAIN. I was devastated. In his email he said he hopes this doesn't change what we mean to each other and that he is always there for me if I need him. I don't know if I fooled myself into thinking he was showing signs of reconciliation or if he is just so passed thinking of us together that he was just being a roommate and nothing else and using the house as a pit stop. Which now I know is the case.
The day I read the email is the day I blocked all contact with him. Which has been a week ago, the longest I have gone without talking to him. I didn't respond to the email, I just blocked contact. We have three children together all grown accept for one which will be 18 soon. He has been calling them non-stop telling them to ask me why I won't answer his calls. I told them all what happen (which I have never done before) and told them that I needed time to heal and move on. My oldest told him that and he just said "ok".
I can go on and on about this situation but I know I am lucky if anyone has read this far already!!!
I appreciate any words of wisdom or any comforting words. I know I need to just keep moving forward and be thankful of what I do have in my life now. I'm just so angry at myself for wasting six years of hope.
I don't really write much but I always come here to find comfort or to read similar situations (which have been hard to find) but I really need to journal right now and have people listen to me that understand and can give me words of wisdom.
Long story short. I've been separated for six years, divorcing soon (we agreed to wait until daughter turned 18 which will be in a few months). He has been in and out of my life these past six years, cake-eating as I have learned. I always wanted my marriage to be restored but honestly, I didn't do much to restore it besides being there for him whenever he chose me to be with. He has had many relationships over these six years and I've been on a total of four dates, I just haven't been ready to meet someone new.
I read divorce remedy and did the LRT which worked every time. He always sought me out and worked his way back into my life. BUT he never stopped dating others and I allowed myself to remain his friend. He has always maintained that he loved me but doesn't want to be in a marriage with me. He still would buy me presents, take care of the outside of the home, buy things for the home and always made me feel like he wanted to take care of me but his actions showed me he didn't want to be my husband. He doesn't want to get a divorce, he says its because I will lose his insurance and other benefits of being married. Well, I can afford my own insurance so that's not really a good reason. He drives me crazy.
What has brought me back to the boards is this situation:
He met a woman a year ago and throughout their dating he tried to keep in contact with me, which I limited. He would break up with her when he saw how deeply affected I was about him moving on but would start the relationship again. He moved her into his apartment and told me. I told him that we needed to go ahead and file the divorce. He went ballistic and said no, that she meant nothing to him and that I was his world and blah blah blah. Two weeks later she had moved out BUT they were still dating. Fast forward a few months and he said he was moving out of state and was beginning a new life. I asked if he was going alone and he said yes. He asked me if he could live at my home for three weeks until he moved because his apartment sold quickly. I agreed, secretly hoping that he would love being there and realize how much he missed me. He did a lot of updates around the house and always stayed busy. He was home every night and never went out except for a couple of times which he would actually call me when out. I believed that he was not with the OW any longer because there were no signs of it. I followed all the suggestions in DR and really really thought that he was heading in the direction of a restored marriage. When he was leaving he made me promise that I would always be in touch and that he could stay with me when he came down to visit. He made me promise that he would be the first to be contacted if anything were to happen to me. He said he would be with me if I ever needed him for anything and that I always come first. Well....two weeks later he sent me an email telling me that he was moving back to our home state and that him and OW were moving in together. BOMB drop AGAIN. I was devastated. In his email he said he hopes this doesn't change what we mean to each other and that he is always there for me if I need him. I don't know if I fooled myself into thinking he was showing signs of reconciliation or if he is just so passed thinking of us together that he was just being a roommate and nothing else and using the house as a pit stop. Which now I know is the case.
The day I read the email is the day I blocked all contact with him. Which has been a week ago, the longest I have gone without talking to him. I didn't respond to the email, I just blocked contact. We have three children together all grown accept for one which will be 18 soon. He has been calling them non-stop telling them to ask me why I won't answer his calls. I told them all what happen (which I have never done before) and told them that I needed time to heal and move on. My oldest told him that and he just said "ok".
I can go on and on about this situation but I know I am lucky if anyone has read this far already!!!
I appreciate any words of wisdom or any comforting words. I know I need to just keep moving forward and be thankful of what I do have in my life now. I'm just so angry at myself for wasting six years of hope.