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Moving on onto the bright side part 18Thanks G.....I am looking forward to it. It’s funny when you go like 6 days or so without seeing the other person you kind of forget about the fun you have when your together. The connection. Even though we live less than 3 miles from each other it would be hard to see each other any more due to our children. Even though she is starting to reach out more she is still not calling me yet and suggesting things for us to do. I guess it is still too early for that. I don’t feel the need to have long drawn out daily interaction but I do think it is important to connect on some level daily or at minimum every other day.
Joseph,
If you prefer not having your threads linked, please let me know and I will quit reminding you to link them up and I'll stop linking them up as well.
Joseph I think that's in some ways the premise behind television reality shows like "Married at First Sight". They are figuring that the more time you spend with someone that attraction and interest will grow - of course if there is some sort of connection in the first place. But then also, at least for me, when that happens there is this "pull" or draw that wants me to reach out to the other person or her to me. With many of the women I've dated, that pull is just not there. Might it be if we spent more time together? For sure. But like with Swedish Goddess, I really think if we spent time together we might have a connection, but neither of us seems to have that pull or draw or attraction to make it happen. I remember after one of our weekend hang outs (we'd been together for like 40 hours or something) and a couple hours after she left Wild Girl called me. Her first words were "I'm not even sure why I'm calling you but I am." That's what I'm talking about. She had the urge to reach out and almost could not stop herself. Of course when new guy entered the picture that urge went away or was diverted.
I can't help but wonder if that's not the same with you. You enjoy her but it's not like you just have to talk to her or her you. It may be due to the somewhat clinical nature at least I feel is at play - by that I mean this love by the numbers or by the steps, step one, step two, step three, etc. You've not fallen for her - nor her you - and I really believe that's partly why the connection has not grown. And I also very much agree that with a week in between that connection has not grown. Perhaps it just may not? Or it may. Time will tell.
My other thought, however, if you want it to grow and it's not, you need to do something different. What you've been doing has not yet worked. Perhaps that means contacting her more like she's kinda told you she likes. Clearly it seems like when the two of you are together you have a great time. It's the in between that has not took off yet. You've also clearly not put any effort into dating anyone else. Not sure why or what that means. You say you will but you've not even talked to anyone have you? Maybe you are more a one woman at a time guy - certainly nothing wrong with that. However, if this once a week thing keeps going the way it is, and you want more, you'll need to do something to try to make that happen. Otherwise if you're happy with the status quo, keep doing what you're doing.
I have a feeling date 6 was the one where J got lucky!!
Bahaaa....J got lucky times 2.
Lol....yeah it was fun. She has already reached out to me this morning. I don’t see any red flags at this point as she seems normal. I just hope she continues to open up so we can work on the connection.
Yeah buddy sounds like things are going well.
G,
Again there is way more to the book then picking up a dating women. The book is more about how to become an alpha male and in doing so you attract higher quality women. Again most of the things that you girls don't like are things you take out of context from Js threads.
I mean in the book he says you should love and adore your woman and treat her like a queen. Open doors for her always thank her for reaching out to you. Never ever stop courting her, take her out once a week to some place different and take care of all the details including the sitter. Surprise her, be the leader of the family. What woman wouldn't want her man to be that way?
I stumbled onto to his book and DB at the same time when I at a loss on how to stop my pending divorce. Since I've read his book about ten times my life has gotten tremendously better.
Just so you know I don't read other "attraction" " pick up" books. Most of them to me are garbage.
I think the connection will grow as she opens up more. IMO she is still being pretty guarded with her feelings. I do think though she is slowly starting to loosen up.
I never did get the impression the coaches book was about pick up. His book is all about R’s and how to get, keep and maintain the attraction level with the woman of your dreams. Things like working out, eating healthy, spending time with your buddies, being present, listening, validating, courting her, making dates, planning dates, leading in the bedroom, giving her space, letting her come and goes as she pleases, etc. The importance of constantly learning, growing, and developing as a man. How you shouldn’t get stagnant in life. if I did half of what he talked about I probably wouldn’t be divorced.
As far as dating goes it is more of the same with his thoughts and strategies on how to build attraction and how to not come off needy and desperate. How often to call, when to text, how often to see each other, what to talk about on dates, how to go for the kiss on dates, how to read her attraction levels, displaying confidence, etc.
It was funny when I was out last night the dr and I were people watching and I could totally tell who was on a date and I found myself observing the body language of both the man and woman. The dr and I were the only couple sitting next to each other, touching, kissing, hand holding, etc. She has no problems with pda.
Agree or disagree with the coaches thoughts or ideas about woman but it is not about pick up, having sex, and then moving on to the next woman. Sure if that is someone’s intent then that can’t be helped but that is not how he intends his information to be used.
I don't think we are ever going to agree on this coach guy just like some will never agree on trump or other things. I do agree I don't think he's like many of these pickup artist dudes. I also still really should give my review but it's been so long I should really read it again before I do in order to be fair.
However I really have to take issue with this getting the woman of your dreams. Seriously did we read the same book? Then again the misquotes have come rapid fire in the past but just no way in heII does he even suggest getting the woman of your dreams unless said woman is into you. If she's not he says don't even try!!! This is one of my complaints as he's very much about gauging any woman's interest in you and saying straight up if it's not at least moderate don't bother - find someone with higher interest in you. It's way easier to see success with soneone into you. He says it's far less work for you. I think you're seeing this first hand Joseph.
But again for some reason you guys are convinced he walks on water. I think he can but only if it's a puddle. Yet there are some good points to be had. He's just not nearly as amazing as you seem to think he is, with much of his points being somewhat common sense.- but again that's how I se it. Others may not agree with me.
However I really have to take issue with this getting the woman of your dreams. Seriously did we read the same book? Then again the misquotes have come rapid fire in the past but just no way in heII does he even suggest getting the woman of your dreams unless said woman is into you. If she's not he says don't even try!!! This is one of my complaints as he's very much about gauging any woman's interest in you and saying straight up if it's not at least moderate don't bother - find someone with higher interest in you. It's way easier to see success with someone into you.
Well Don you are correct that even if you followed everything to the T you are not going to steal Gisele Bundchen from Tom Brady. It's a lot easier to say he doesn't know what hes talking about and keep doing the same thing you've been doing for 14 years and bitch that all the good ones are taken.
Let's do fun facts:
Fact: Newly separated poster in the newbie section is interested in a girl he is setup with and it's a long distance relationship. They haven't met but they text and facetime almost everyday. In the beginning she has high interest but one night he sends 10 texts and call once before he receives a response. She becomes overwhelmed by this and it's basically game over. One mistake and game over. How could he avoided this you ask? If he read the book. He was being himself and he didn't know any better. He didn't think he did anything wrong. Again, high attraction one mistake and game over.
Fact: G hates the term hangout, have fun and hook up. Why because she takes it out of context and assumes it means pick up a girl hang out, have fun and hook up and then move on to the next girl. Now can you do that? Absolutely But what he is really teaching is doing it with the same girl. Rinse, recycle and repeat. What does G do with M every week? Hangout, have fun and hookup. What happen? She fell in love with him. Just like he teaches.
Fact: J9 hooks up with STD test girl and things are going well. He throw the fundamentals out the window and becomes to available and goes out with her like three days in a row with her taking the lead. What happens? He get's the dreaded phone call "I not sure what it is but's something's missing" and ends it.
Fact: Dr. says "out of all the guys you text me the least". J pretty much holds his ground sets one date per week and now he is hanging out, having fun and hooking up.
Fact: Don has a great summer with WG. He gets lazy stops setting dates and instead just talks to her on the phone. She looses interest and finds another guy. Don goes on cruise and starts being Donny Juanny again and he and WG hangout, have fun and hook up.
Again, for many of us new into the dating world with texting and facebook it is all new for us. What is so wrong from learning from someone who admits to making many mistakes and in the process is trying to help people not lose potential loves of their lives because they don't understand what to do in certain situations?
Oh yeah I forgot I said I was going to stop defending the coach lol!
Lastly, if you want to watch something that is real garbage and demeaning to women? Watch J's other guy on youtube. Search: Alpha Male Strategies (AMS).
Right on L....yes AMS is pretty demeaning.
Again DH I ask you this. You play an instrument in a band so I assume you are pretty dam good at it right??? I also assume you didn't hone your craft by not practicing. I assume you have put in a zillion hours to be as good as you are. Learning how to date and build attraction is no different. L and I want to be good at it so we read and practice by going on dates so when we meet the right woman we are prepared. You practice your instrument and have become really good at it so one day you can be in a band, make money, travel, and I assume you are successful.
The Dr initiated with me yesterday morning so we chatted back and forth for a bit. I hit her up this morning and she told me it would be good day for us to spend in bed. I was like heck yeah!
On a side note I will admit I am having some performance anxiety issues so I got a prescription to Viagra. I have never had any issues in my life but when I am getting ready to be with a new woman it takes me a bit to get comfortable and when the moment is starting to happen I get stressed out and I can't relax. I have never been this Don Juan sort of guy with 100 notches on my bedpost but it is starting to get to me....hence the prescription. I also never had any issues with my XW. I have read that many guys that have went through D have this problem. I will say it is frustrating.
Anyway I came prepared on Saturday night with a pill in my pocket. The problem was that it was in my front pocket on the side of my pants where the Dr was sitting and when she started rubbing my leg she felt it and asked what that was. I was like holy fuch......In a moment of panic I stood up put my hands in my pocket and said I don't feel anything, and she dropped it. If she flat out asked me I would tell her but I didn't know what to say. So after I said I couldn't feel anything, I excused myself to the bathroom and I relocated it to my back pocket. She never brought it up the rest of the night and obviously when the moment was right I was ready to go. I know she knows, obviously she doesn't have a problem with it but I will say there would have been no way I could have had round two without it. I have found that it is very hard to keep up with women in their 40's.
Also....my XW is acting weird. Her and her BF broke up. I knew something was up by the way she was acting. When I dropped the girls off yesterday I also noticed that the little food bowls for the dog were also gone from the spot they were usually in. She also sent me a picture of the girls eating dinner and told me where she took them. I can tell her attitude has changed some.
Lh I agree with much of that. It's not like I think this coach is FOS - it's just that I don't think he walks on water and needs to be defended like you do. I also can tell you while you are oart right about WG you are missing a whole bunch more. This dude was in the picture when I sensed her lose interest. It's hard to get soneone on a date when you can't get them in the phone. We were not talking on the phone versus going out - we were barely communicating at all! You made the other part up or assumed it. She didn't want to lose the cruise so she went dark. I did not want the hassle of finding soneone else and then upsetting the promoters by needing to change the tickets so I went dark. The thing is I'm 13 years older, he's 1 year younger. I do not want to have kids or get married. He's never married with no kids he lives 5 minutes from her I live an hour and five minutes. He's very much in love or at least thinks he is after weeks out of a 14 year R. I thought she was a lot of fun to,play with but was never going to fall in love with her. Do the math. I don't think I coukd have changed what happened and bet I would have gotten hurt if I tried. As for what's happened lately, who knows? For sure in person dating builds attraction. That seems kinda obvious. Clearly the coach didn't invent that. I didn't ever say that I have not learned some things from the book and never said I don't agree with much of it. I just say it's not chalked full of amazing wisdom. And it's not written well at all from a writing stand point. Honestly that's my biggest complaint. But if I ever write a review you'll see that's my biggest complaint.
Joseph as for your assumptions at least with me you are wrong. I have natural talent with music. Genes? It may be. I have relative pitch (a step down from perfect pitch). Yes I practiced but not near as much as you might think and rarely in the last 30 years. I practice on stage 8 to 20 hours a week. That's enough. Thing is, I DO NOT HAVE natural game with women. So like you I do need practice there. I got better - much better - then got married and never really got it back Sadly I don't care enough most times to try. My biggest lacking is a lack of attraction to most women or at least many. But then I had more fun than in a long time just summer - oddly enough because I had attraction perhaps with the wrong person but the difference was that I tried. And trying netted results. The coach is not wrong there. I encountered a 40 year old getting D this weekend. She's not phisical lay my type but I coukd not push myself to try. I half ass flirted with her but coukd not out myself fully into it. Whatever - not the point of this post.
As for the ED it could be age. I've been lucky to not really have had these issues but I can totally tell you until I get comfortable with someone the sex is not nearly as good. That has long been the case. Your little blue pill may be helping you as much psychologically as anything else. As for the pill in the pocket problem try Cialis. It lasts over 24 hours - might be 36? Rather than 4. You can and I think perhaps are supposed to take it hours before. So you don't need to time it or put it in your pocket. I'm guessing the doctor figured it out. It's odd how many women I've had mention it - like they almost expect it at this age?
Just remember though that if you get an erection that last over 4 hours to call your Doctor immediately.
Well at least you still practice and outside of having natural talent/game if you want to be good at something you need to practice. I am in the dating mode right now and I needed help getting started so I needed to learn and practice.
I am not ashamed about taking the pill. In fact if anything I would hope it would enhance my sexual performance because I am conscience in regards to satisfying my partner, wanting to be all that I can be.. I just know there would not have been round two without and she had no problems going for round two. I also believe it is more popular than what people think.
My original prescription was for Cialis however it is not covered by my insurance so it was going to cost me $850 to get it filled. The Viagra only cost me $20. Honestly I wish I could use Cialis as I have heard much better things about it.
Sounds like things are going well. Good for you!
So a woman's purpose in life is to chase call and pursue while the man is busy fulfilling his purpose in life? WTF? This is the douchiest statement I have ever seen! The man sits back taking care of himself while a woman chases him?! Now I really really dislike coach. I have a feeling the only women he attracts are Barbie type ditzes who need a man. A smart, independent educated woman? Most likely not.
Isnt this what women want men to do, yet they dont call it a douche statement? I am all for equality of gender in all aspects of life, not just in some. You cant have your cake and eat it too. Women say they want equality, yet they want the man to lead, thats not equality. Then you have the women who say i am an old fashion lady and the man should chase, yet if a guy acted old fashion they would most likely call him sexist.
The fact of the matter is women control when and who they have sex with. There is never equality. the whole yes means yes movement, its mainly about asking the women for her permission for sex, yet you never really hear what about asking the man for is, its just a given that he will say yes. Now the movement is really gender neutral, but thats not what is mainly talked about.
Also, Im all for giving a lady compliments but they just dont mean the same anymore. Women online get complimented hundreds of times a day, from all kinds of men. Its like they are becoming immune to them. True women here on this site are not like this, but i dont feel women here are a true representation of women in the world.
And as for Corey Wayne, AMS, Rollo Tomassi, Tony Robbins, David Deida, and Allen Roger Currie, you take what you can apply to your life and your situation and discard the rest.
Rex
Women online get complimented hundreds of times a day, from all kinds of men. Its like they are becoming immune to them. True women here on this site are not like this, but i dont feel women here are a true representation of women in the world.
Ummmm....I guess I missed that memo where women online get complimented hundreds of times a day. When I was OLD I RARELY received messages or got compliments other than from those skeevy weirdos that started their messages with crap like "hey beautiful" (which is about the cheesiest thing on the planet, especially when you look like me). It's a good thing I don't have low self-esteem or all these things that you all are always posting about how women get tons of messages and compliments and get their pick of the litter, so to speak, would really be weighing on me about now. None of those things were my experience in OLD.
And as for Corey Wayne, AMS, Rollo Tomassi, Tony Robbins, David Deida, and Allen Roger Currie, you take what you can apply to your life and your situation and discard the rest.
Rex
THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SO much this! Exactly what I keep saying. If something works for you, use it. If it doesn't, don't.
To Ginger's point, though, (and before LH even says it, I will say maybe this is taken out of context), the line about a woman's purpose being to chase, call and pursue while the man is busy fulfilling his life's purpose DOES come across as a douche statement. I can't speak for everyone but I don't expect a man to do all the calling, chasing, pursuing. I do consider myself old-fashioned to a point so I do expect the man to reach out initially, but once I get the feeling that he has an interest, I'm ok with reaching out too and calling, making dates and paying for them, doing some pursuing. I'm not in Ginger's head so I can't tell you her reasoning but it just seems like he's almost saying to act disinterested, like you have better things to do while the woman runs panting after you.
Again, I don't want to speak for all the women here because it isn't my place to do so, but I know FOR ME, I don't think the coach's advice works for me is that I'm not his target audience. He's clearly writing it for men and that is how his advice is given, which is a good thing since he IS a man. LH and I had an interesting discussion Friday and I see all his points and don't even necessarily disagree with them, but I do think that there aren't many women, even if we read the book cover to cover who would agree with much of it. We simply are not the ones he's giving the advice for. It's ok for people to disagree. And, I would imagine that there are some dating books written from a female perspective that a lot of men on the board would disagree with as many of us women have disagreed with the coach. One that comes to my mind was quite popular several years ago called "The Rules" (the subtitle was something about catching Mr. Right or something to that effect). Now, I have to say, I read part of that book because everyone I know seemed to be reading it and it was everywhere and though women were the target audience (obviously), I thought it was a big load of crap. It was pretty much the opposite of the coach's book, now that I think about it...how to get the man to pursue you while you sit back and wait. But, there again, just like you said, Rex....take what you can apply and discard the rest. GREAT advice!!!!!!
Ok well I think the dr is officially into J9. She invited me over wed night after her kid goes to bed for some u know what, she started sexting me this am, and invited me out to her land in the country either Friday or Saturday night. Me seeing her this weekend was my idea coming over wed was hers. The funny thing is as soon as I told her i wanted to see her again she bombarded me with text messages. Now that she has got more engaged i have noticed my own engagement levels increasing as well.
To Ginger's point, though, (and before LH even says it, I will say maybe this is taken out of context), the line about a woman's purpose being to chase, call and pursue while the man is busy fulfilling his life's purpose DOES come across as a douche statement. I can't speak for everyone but I don't expect a man to do all the calling, chasing, pursuing. I do consider myself old-fashioned to a point so I do expect the man to reach out initially, but once I get the feeling that he has an interest, I'm ok with reaching out too and calling, making dates and paying for them, doing some pursuing. I'm not in Ginger's head so I can't tell you her reasoning but it just seems like he's almost saying to act disinterested, like you have better things to do while the woman runs panting after you.
Well here I go again. Again, lets like at everything that is taken out of context.
Here is the paragraph from the book.
"The wonderful truth is that if you treat a woman properly and allow her to come to you at her own pace with minimal and simple actions on your part, she will do most of the chasing, calling, texting and pursuing! That allows you to focus on what’s most important in any man’s life, your mission and purpose!"
Let's just start of with the first sentence. If you treat a woman properly meaning you court her and set one date per week. You take her out and act like a gentlemen, ask good quality questions and show her a good time. Let's remember in the beginning consists of 6 to 8 weeks of the man doing the majority of the courting and pursuing. Minimal actions means setting one day per week, not sending 100 text messages during the week etc. Letting the woman come to the man at her own pace. As the woman feels comfortable she starts to reach out to the man more. "hey how's your day going?" hence she starts to do more of the pursuing. Would you rather have a man focusing on his mission and purpose or sitting home all day playing video games and texting you every 5 minutes where are you?
NO WHERE in the two sentences does it say the woman's purpose is to chase the man so that's a false statement.
The best part of all is what he says will happen is exactly what Dawn says" I can't speak for everyone but I don't expect a man to do all the calling, chasing, pursuing. I do consider myself old-fashioned to a point so I do expect the man to reach out initially, but once I get the feeling that he has an interest, I'm ok with reaching out too and calling, making dates and paying for them, doing some pursuing."
Ok another false statement:
I'm not in Ginger's head so I can't tell you her reasoning but it just seems like he's almost saying to act disinterested, like you have better things to do while the woman runs panting after you.
He would never advise you to be disinterested. He does expect you to be busy pursuing your purpose so you are not available to chit chat all day but he wouldn't tell you to act disinterested.
The funny thing is most of what he teaches is based on the fact that most guys are clueless and these strategies are so you don't do stupid things like over pursue a girl and turn her off.
Lastly, this is not for Ditzes, it is for woman with options because a woman with options is not going to put up with a guy texting her 10 times without a response. A guy who is not direct and won't make a date. A guy that has nothing going on his life but to sit around and chit chat on the phone for hours on end.
Seems to be working on the Dr. I am guessing she is not a ditz.
I am not saying you need to agree with everything in the book. I do have a problem with all the false statements and things being taken out of context.
The dr flat out told me she likes that I am direct and to the point when making dates. When we are on our dates she also defers to me every time from where we sit to what bottle of wine we order. She says....whatever you want baby. She allows me to take the lead.
Should I send the dr flowers for valentines day???
Should I send the dr flowers for valentines day???
Do bears get lucky in the woods?
Heck yeah. And your time is running out.
[quote=Dawn70]
Ummmm....I guess I missed that memo where women online get complimented hundreds of times a day. When I was OLD I RARELY received messages or got compliments other than from those skeevy weirdos that started their messages with crap like "hey beautiful" (which is about the cheesiest thing on the planet, especially when you look like me).
When i mean getting complimented online I am not talking about OLD, I mean they get compliments and validation from Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, Twitter, and the such.
Rex
I am going to say no. You are not exclusive.
Should I send the dr flowers for valentines day???
Interesting question.... don’t have any advice and not sure what I would do but I am interested to hear what you choose to do.
I’m on my phone getting my hair done, so I can’t reply as I would like right now. Because I of course have a reply to the coach thing.
J- do something, anything, flowers, card, bottle of wine. You can’t possibly lose doing this, but you can lose not doing it.
LH. It is universal common sense to treat a woman with respect and date her . He is no guru to write that.
Hook up hang out and have fun I guess you can say is another way of saying “dating” . No new revelation here. Just another wording.
So, if a man could take up the time fulfilling his purpose which he is apparently meant to do, how is the woman supposed to be able to while she is chasing the guy as the man is fulfilling his purpose. He certainly implies a guy has better things to do while a woman does the changing so he doesn’t have to.
His book seems pretty basic. Treat a woman with respect. Don’t blow up her phone. Take some initiative and set dates. Don’t monopolize her time, but spend some time with her.
I honestly thought that was all kind of obvious??
When I use to have hair. Getting it cut was very relaxing to me.
J- do something, anything, flowers, card, bottle of wine. You can’t possibly lose doing this, but you can lose not doing it.
IMO sending her flowers in too much for not being exclusive. The others sound fine to me.
. It is universal common sense to treat a woman with respect and date her . He is no guru to write that.
Agreed. The book is obviously way more then that.
Hook up hang out and have fun I guess you can say is another way of saying “dating” . No new revelation here. Just another wording.
Agreed. Why do you hate the term then? Just so you know it is Hang out, have fun and hook up in that order lol.
So, if a man could take up the time fulfilling his purpose which he is apparently meant to do, how is the woman supposed to be able to while she is chasing the guy as the man is fulfilling his purpose. He certainly implies a guy has better things to do while a woman does the changing so he doesn’t have to.
Where do you get that the woman is spending all her time chasing the guy? The only thing he implies is that the man does the majority of the pursuing in the beginning and the woman does more after they are in a relationship.
His book seems pretty basic. Treat a woman with respect. Don’t blow up her phone. Take some initiative and set dates. Don’t monopolize her time, but spend some time with her.
Then why do you hate the book and him so much?
I honestly thought that was all kind of obvious??
Is it? I know you commented on Ballast's thread. You give men too much credit. lol
True story. In November I set a date with a woman from OLD and picked a place that served the beer she said she liked. Her response "thank you for picking a place that is so rare".
I am really just trying to prove a point that when you take things out of context, make assumptions the information that you are trying to portray is usually false.
Putting on my practical romantic guy hat for a moment. And yes - I do have some experience here at least with flowers.
Card only if you are seeing each other the day of or the day before.
Flowers to home if you have that info and want to keep things quiet but delivery could be problematic.
Flowers to work if you are willing to announce to the world - I've got the hots for you. Could be awkward.
Not overtly sexual - stay classy
If you send a bouquet, have it done with a vase. Don't add on extras like balloons or stuffed animals because the shop will often mess that up. Sending it with a vase ensures that everything is arranged and sized properly. Don't pick up something from the bucket at the entrance to Trader Joes.
Use a florist in her general geography. Otherwise they'll sub-contract it to another florist and quality may vary.
If you send an arrangement it is longer lasting but less romantic. Also significantly more expensive
A combination of flowers works best. When I was first dating it was 3 red roses with 3 white carnations. A simple combination that FSL agrees looks lovely when she prepared that for me just after bomb-day when I was in hot pursuit. Being in Texas perhaps yellow in there too. And if you are Sparky and she is Dawn - absolutely include yellow
Try to organize the delivery so that it is at a time convenient. There is a shop in LA that I used to use that generally hit the mark but would sometimes just leave the delivery at the door. Others won't deliver without a confirmation call to the recipient's cell. Better for getting a delivery but less of a surprise.
If you wanted to be creative, package up (nice wrapping) some sweets and a card and use a regular courier to send it to her office. Still discrete.
But most of all - be you recognizing the special in her.
PS - setting up an account and profile with a florist is a good idea. I know that after 2 or 3 deliveries they remember you and will often give fantastic service.
And once again Ginger and I are back in sync. This ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ is among the things I've been tryig to say! Average to below average writing ability, keeps saying the same things over and over yet rather than tell you what he should tell you keeps making you Google his obnoxious videos rather than give you the info in the video - too lazy to write it out and don't say he's saving space as if he would not write the same things four and five times he'd have the space. But yes there are decent, basic concepts in there, but it's not like he invented them. And at the end of the day he's still SINGLE. that's the part that kills me. He talks about all these women he's dated but no longer does?
But still, there is good info in there. I'd even suggest people read it. It's worth the $8 or $9 bucks. It's just not in the same league as Divorce Remedy and others that have had way bigger impact on me. Yet clearly LH love him to the point of totally having his back. Although LH has this worked for you even? You seem to have had about the same level of success I've had - by that I mean date enough but can't find a quality woman. Then again you don't tel us much about all that. Were you not going to start your own thread at the start of this year? What happened buddy?
Anyhow Joseph, you are really going to be tested now and I dont mean the doctor will test you, you will test yourself! The dr, clearly seems interested. Now the challange is to keep that going. If you change who she has started falling for you could turn her off quickly. So be careful there. As for Thursday I agree you need to do something. Not sure sending flowers is it. I'd bring her some form of gift on Wednesday. The question is, will she get YOU something. Clearly this whole thing with the doctor has gone much better than some of the earlier ones. Can you now see the difference between her and the kitchen girl or the diseases girl or the liar who said one thing but did another - perhaps liar is a strong word but she clearly said one thing and did another. We all saw the flaws. We are not seeing them with Doctor - at least based on what you've told us.
Congrats though. You are very clearly doing better than you were - much better you should feel good about yourself for that!
I have not seen any red flags yet unless you count her recent sexting
I think I will take her a nice bottle of wine tomorrow and get her a valentines day card vs sending her flowers on the day. She really likes wine and I think that would be much more appreciated and useful. I will save the flowers if we are still together for another time.
I will say I found myself being more drawn to her as she started opening up more to me today. She was actually showing some excitement and was very eager to make plans with me as soon as I brought it up. It is that level of interest, excitement, and communication I need to get me more invested.
Although LH has this worked for you even? You seem to have had about the same level of success I've had - by that I mean date enough but can't find a quality woman. Then again you don't tel us much about all that. Were you not going to start your own thread at the start of this year? What happened buddy?
Well Don if you must know I am having a problem finding a quality woman right now, though I have only been at if for 5-6 months. I'm not sure I would consider it on the same level as you because if I am still single, bitter and jaded 14 years from now I probably will have joined a monastery. I really don't have time to start my own thread because I spend too much time hijacking Js thread defending the All Mighty One lol. I do have a date with a new girl on Saturday so we shall see.
I have not seen any red flags yet unless you count her recent sexting
I think I will take her a nice bottle of wine tomorrow and get her a valentines day card vs sending her flowers on the day. She really likes wine and I think that would be much more appreciated and useful. I will save the flowers if we are still together for another time.
I like that idea. And, I like how things are going for you and her. Good for you.
[quote=Dawn70]
Ummmm....I guess I missed that memo where women online get complimented hundreds of times a day. When I was OLD I RARELY received messages or got compliments other than from those skeevy weirdos that started their messages with crap like "hey beautiful" (which is about the cheesiest thing on the planet, especially when you look like me).
When i mean getting complimented online I am not talking about OLD, I mean they get compliments and validation from Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, Twitter, and the such.
Rex
Got it. I misunderstood. I'm too old for snapchat and I don't do Twitter, so those are out for me. I do have Instagram and facebook, though, so I'm going to start looking for those compliments! My friends are still behind as I'm not getting NEARLY as many as you said.
Putting on my practical romantic guy hat for a moment. And yes - I do have some experience here at least with flowers.
Card only if you are seeing each other the day of or the day before.
Flowers to home if you have that info and want to keep things quiet but delivery could be problematic.
Flowers to work if you are willing to announce to the world - I've got the hots for you. Could be awkward.
Not overtly sexual - stay classy
If you send a bouquet, have it done with a vase. Don't add on extras like balloons or stuffed animals because the shop will often mess that up. Sending it with a vase ensures that everything is arranged and sized properly. Don't pick up something from the bucket at the entrance to Trader Joes.
Use a florist in her general geography. Otherwise they'll sub-contract it to another florist and quality may vary.
If you send an arrangement it is longer lasting but less romantic. Also significantly more expensive
A combination of flowers works best. When I was first dating it was 3 red roses with 3 white carnations. A simple combination that FSL agrees looks lovely when she prepared that for me just after bomb-day when I was in hot pursuit. Being in Texas perhaps yellow in there too. And if you are Sparky and she is Dawn - absolutely include yellow
Try to organize the delivery so that it is at a time convenient. There is a shop in LA that I used to use that generally hit the mark but would sometimes just leave the delivery at the door. Others won't deliver without a confirmation call to the recipient's cell. Better for getting a delivery but less of a surprise.
If you wanted to be creative, package up (nice wrapping) some sweets and a card and use a regular courier to send it to her office. Still discrete.
But most of all - be you recognizing the special in her.
PS - setting up an account and profile with a florist is a good idea. I know that after 2 or 3 deliveries they remember you and will often give fantastic service.
All of this, Andrew, is why I love you. And, nice job on remembering the yellow roses.
To Ginger's point, though, (and before LH even says it, I will say maybe this is taken out of context), the line about a woman's purpose being to chase, call and pursue while the man is busy fulfilling his life's purpose DOES come across as a douche statement. I can't speak for everyone but I don't expect a man to do all the calling, chasing, pursuing. I do consider myself old-fashioned to a point so I do expect the man to reach out initially, but once I get the feeling that he has an interest, I'm ok with reaching out too and calling, making dates and paying for them, doing some pursuing. I'm not in Ginger's head so I can't tell you her reasoning but it just seems like he's almost saying to act disinterested, like you have better things to do while the woman runs panting after you.
Well here I go again. Again, lets like at everything that is taken out of context.
Here is the paragraph from the book.
"The wonderful truth is that if you treat a woman properly and allow her to come to you at her own pace with minimal and simple actions on your part, she will do most of the chasing, calling, texting and pursuing! That allows you to focus on what’s most important in any man’s life, your mission and purpose!"
Let's just start of with the first sentence. If you treat a woman properly meaning you court her and set one date per week. You take her out and act like a gentlemen, ask good quality questions and show her a good time. Let's remember in the beginning consists of 6 to 8 weeks of the man doing the majority of the courting and pursuing. Minimal actions means setting one day per week, not sending 100 text messages during the week etc. Letting the woman come to the man at her own pace. As the woman feels comfortable she starts to reach out to the man more. "hey how's your day going?" hence she starts to do more of the pursuing. Would you rather have a man focusing on his mission and purpose or sitting home all day playing video games and texting you every 5 minutes where are you?
NO WHERE in the two sentences does it say the woman's purpose is to chase the man so that's a false statement.
The best part of all is what he says will happen is exactly what Dawn says" I can't speak for everyone but I don't expect a man to do all the calling, chasing, pursuing. I do consider myself old-fashioned to a point so I do expect the man to reach out initially, but once I get the feeling that he has an interest, I'm ok with reaching out too and calling, making dates and paying for them, doing some pursuing."
Ok another false statement:
I'm not in Ginger's head so I can't tell you her reasoning but it just seems like he's almost saying to act disinterested, like you have better things to do while the woman runs panting after you.
He would never advise you to be disinterested. He does expect you to be busy pursuing your purpose so you are not available to chit chat all day but he wouldn't tell you to act disinterested.
The funny thing is most of what he teaches is based on the fact that most guys are clueless and these strategies are so you don't do stupid things like over pursue a girl and turn her off.
Lastly, this is not for Ditzes, it is for woman with options because a woman with options is not going to put up with a guy texting her 10 times without a response. A guy who is not direct and won't make a date. A guy that has nothing going on his life but to sit around and chit chat on the phone for hours on end.
Seems to be working on the Dr. I am guessing she is not a ditz.
I am not saying you need to agree with everything in the book. I do have a problem with all the false statements and things being taken out of context.
LH,
I'm not going to go through and respond to everything you said. We could go back and forth forever about this and I'm just going to say this: MY opinion is my opinion and as you already well know because I admitted it, it is based on my own experiences as a woman, excerpts from the book, and things that you all post (which are ALL taken out of context because you all are not posting the whole book, but just picking and choosing parts to illustrate your points and drive them home). I have appreciated your candor in your responses, even though I don't always agree with what you say. Out of respect for that appreciation for the open discussion and out of respect for J9 (and because I feel guilty for continuing to hijack his thread about this book), I'm just going to let it go. But again, LH, I do sincerely thank you for the discussions. It has been very enlightening. And, J9, I do sincerely apologize for continuing to hijack.
Dawn,
It's all good. I am not even sure why I get so defensive. I guess the book made me see what I did wrong in my marriage and I learned from it and am h$ll bent to make sure if I am ever in a LTR to never get complacent again.
J,
To change the subject. Your ex breaks up with her boyfriend calls you tomorrow and says she made a big mistake. What is your response? It's been about a year and a half, that is when I read they start to turn around and take a look.
I couldn't do it at this time. I know I would want to for my girls but it wouldnt be right for me. At this juncture our timing is off and now that I am free I would want to continue to explore my options with other women . She can be my plan B
Holy $hit that is exactly how I feel right now. I actually love living alone 50% of the time, meeting new people and doing what I want whenever I want.
I hate paying child support but I should get some more relief next year that will help my post D finances. Other than that there is really not much I miss about the X. But yes I agree....funny how it works.
1. J I noticed you mentioned wine for Wednesday. Ever consider a bottle of bubbly? It doesn't have to be French there are some great domestic producers.
2. Its not directed at me, but I selfishly want to respond to LH question. I would say yes mistakes were made. We can try dating if you want to start from zero, but what we had is gone. I like being alone although I do often wish I had the kids FT.
2. Its not directed at me, but I selfishly want to respond to LH question. I would say yes mistakes were made. We can try dating if you want to start from zero, but what we had is gone. I like being alone although I do often wish I had the kids FT.
I think like DB and Athol Kay talk about it's all script because TF I probably would have said the exact same thing on your timeline. Wait another year it gets way better.
Child support is the only thing that [censored] for me right now
My kids have enough activities during the week that I see them several times even on my off weeks. It is nice see them and leave them with no responsibility
I will check out the champaign
I hear you like tonight my son has a game and it's the ex's night so I watch the game go home and make myself dinner while she has to make sure they are fed, HW done, showers etc.
A nice bouquet of flowers and a good box of chocoates. Generosity is sexy. Cheapness not so much.
A bottle of wine is more for a hostess when you go there for dinner. Jewelry is for when your exclusive.
You slept with her and your contacting each other every day, so if the intent is to pursue..do it right. Im surprised at the response to not send anything. I cant imagine any guy having luck with that.
Im surprised at the response to not send anything. I cant imagine any guy having luck with that.
Here we go, if this is in response to my comment (which I think it is) I said no to sending flowers. I didn't say don't send anything. sheesh.
Juju,
I like wine or bubbly because it's something to be shared. It can mark the special occasion without being too special, but it can be very personal depending on how much someone is an an enthusiast. I dislike V day personally, it's just a hallmark holiday. Shouldn't every day with a partner be a V day at some level?
Your ex breaks up with her boyfriend calls you tomorrow and says she made a big mistake. What is your response? It's been about a year and a half, that is when I read they start to turn around and take a look.
It's been a bit over 3 years for me and I've seen no indication that my ex has looked back. She did have a hard time letting me out of her claws too. I was "her property".
Perhaps she thinks I'm still pining for the fjords.
More commonly what I've seen by reading other people's stories is that when they notice that we've moved on that it makes them nervous. But even though many stories are similar, they aren't the same. And it's pretty rare that they will admit to making a mistake much less put in the effort to make things right. I don't think that my own ex has the courage.
YMMV
PS - J9 - card and wine gets a thumbs up from here. No 2 Buck Chuck though - eh?
SO, J- why do you "hate" paying child support? I get hate paying alimony, but child support, I don't really get. With the calculation done, it's an amount to ensure your children are living the same life in either home. Not that mom makes a lot less money so we have to eat ramen at mom's house and have filet mignon at dad's sort of thing (as an example to make). Making sure your exW lives the same life I totally understand hating. Just not making sure your kids don't feel the financial burden in either house, ya know?
LH, exactly what Don said which is why I have a dislike for the coach. He says things that are universal common sense and makes money off of it? He is touted as a man who knows everything about women and dating when any joe schmo or an actual conversation with you mom will tell you. ANd he is kind of off base on the other things. But as Dawn said, to each his own and I won't hijack J's thread anymore with this.
ANd I really never met a woman who didn't appreciate getting flowers. unless she said she doesn't like them. But if she loves her wine like I do, it will be a win for sure.
Oh I get the concept G......but there is no way my two girls cost what I am paying. Remember I have 50/50 so I am still on the hook for 1/2 of everything else including the CS. Especially when she gets her new boobs, shows up with her MK purse, coat, etc.
Oh I get the concept G......but there is no way my two girls cost what I am paying. Remember I have 50/50 so I am still on the hook for 1/2 of everything else including the CS. Especially when she gets her new boobs, shows up with her MK purse, coat, etc.
Might as well stop here J, they will never understand.
Lol....essentially I am paying her to watch my girls during the weeks I dont have them. It comes out to roughly $60/day I am paying. I also have to buy them clothes for my house, food at my house, pay half of after school care, half of summer camps, half of their extracurricular activities. No 1 is giving me any money to do these things. I am doing these things plus paying CS. Just because of the income difference. Oh I get it but smh.
Juju,
I like wine or bubbly because it's something to be shared. It can mark the special occasion without being too special, but it can be very personal depending on how much someone is an an enthusiast. I dislike V day personally, it's just a hallmark holiday. Shouldn't every day with a partner be a V day at some level?
I get that V Day is a hallmark holiday. I was never big into it myself back when I was married. But I would consider my way of dating and acting similar to the Dr's way of dating so as a female, knowing that V Day is a hallmark holiday, it still feels great to receive something nice... I think Andrews way of thinking is more in line. As she has straight up told Joseph she is old fashioned (AKA - Man pays majority of dates - every 4 to 6 usually, and plans majority of activities, gifts etc as a way of courting) . So maybe chocolate or flowers AND a bottle of wine (only if shes an enthusiast).
Wine or bubbly should be a given any way.
Consider that the Dr. has come from a marriage in which her ex was a jobless disappointment. She's looking for a guy that's opposite. Flowers or chocolate are not a huge cost or investment. They don't indicate exclusivity. More of a nice thought and courtship.
Oh I get the concept G......but there is no way my two girls cost what I am paying. Remember I have 50/50 so I am still on the hook for 1/2 of everything else including the CS. Especially when she gets her new boobs, shows up with her MK purse, coat, etc.
Might as well stop here J, they will never understand.
What the F does that mean??
As long as your kids are living well at her house, her boobs and her bags aren't really of your concern. It becomes your concern when your kids have old clothes, clothes that don't fit, aren't getting their needs met, are being told they can't do basic things because of money.
I hate when people think mothers who receive child support should have nothing nice of their own and should be living bare minimum. What is important is that the kids aren't living bare minimum while the mom is living the good life.
ANd all those things you mention J, clothes at both houses, food, ect, is figured into the figure you pay. You pay to make sure your kids are living good 100% of the time. I have my daughter most of the time receive a little bit of child support and pay for a whole lot more than he does. Having the kid more equals putting out more money for things that are't even figured into the child support. ANd I have nice things because I earn them. My daughter has very nice things in both homes. Child support is what it is. I don't hate that I don't get more because I am the bigger breadwinner. It just is what it is. The day he continues to take his nice vacations and my daughter is deprived of something pretty basic or even nice that she deserves, is the day I will be upset about it.
I can get a couple dozen for 60 bucks delivered on Thursday?????
It does feel kind of relationshipy though......idk
Im surprised at the response to not send anything. I cant imagine any guy having luck with that.
Here we go, if this is in response to my comment (which I think it is) I said no to sending flowers. I didn't say don't send anything. sheesh.
LH19
Sorry, I kind of consider a card equivalent to nothing. I know it sounds materialistic. But I am being honest about how a lot (not all ) women tend to think at this age.... When your younger - no one has money. So its not as much of a factor. But when your older a lot of women think this way (but might not admit it).
I have a funny feeling, that the Dr. secretly thinks this way. She would never actually come out and say this though. Not that she needs a tennis bracelet or anything. More of the romantic gesture behind it. If she is sleeping with him (she waited 6 dates I believe) She is taking him seriously. Just my 2 cents.
Oh I get the concept G......but there is no way my two girls cost what I am paying. Remember I have 50/50 so I am still on the hook for 1/2 of everything else including the CS. Especially when she gets her new boobs, shows up with her MK purse, coat, etc.
Might as well stop here J, they will never understand.
I'm not sure who "they" is, but I totally get where J is coming from because I have lived his side of it. My XH was in J's situation with his first XW and it used to burn my biscuits that we were paying so much toward the girls' care on top of child support. They ate supper at our house every night because they came to our house every single night after school, whether it was their night to sleep at our house or not. (My XH and the girls' mom also had 50/50 custody, though it was arranged a little differently from J9's). And, because their mother was a lazy, good for nothing, POS, she never kept food in the house so we fed them every single day to make sure that they got a hot meal for dinner before they went to her house. In addition, we paid child support, my X provided all medical insurance and we had to pay 1/2 of all bills not covered under insurance. We bought clothes, school supplies, gave them money for field trips, paid for school activities and all that sort of thing (that were supposed to be split 50/50, but that mom never seemed to have money for). I didn't begrudge spending a dime on the girls. That isn't the point. What I did begrudge was spending all the "regular" money on them in addition to paying nearly $800 a month in child support while their mother ran the roads, going to spend the weekends with her boyfriend (who was married to another woman, so see....she is a real peach) wherever he was working and spending that $800 that should have been spent toward the girls on herself and her skeezy boyfriend. She would drive all over the d@mn country to see him, using the money we were paying in child support and leaving the girls with us to take care of because she "couldn't afford to take them". And, when she started doing that, of course, the time they were spending with us increased because she would leave on Thursday and stay gone until Tuesday and even if she was supposed to have the girls that weekend, she would just go off and leave them with us. Again, I don't begrudge the time with the girls. We enjoyed the extra time with them. What I do begrudge is how she spent child support money on herself. When she decided to marry Mr. Skeez, she basically told the girls they were going to have to move in with us full time because he lived in an RV and there wouldn't be room for them (he travelled a lot for work....long story) and then she had the gall to tell us that we should keep paying her child support even though the girls were going to come stay with us because they never went to court to change the agreement that he was the primary parent instead of her. Bull sh!t!!!!!! I tried to let him take the lead on these matters, but I had to take it on this one. I told her we would love to have the girls live with us, but she was crazier than a bag of hammers if she thought we were going to pay child support to her when the girls lived with us. I told her I would sit my happy a$$ in the child support office until someone changed the paperwork to reflect that the girls lived with us and XH was now the primary parent and if she didn't want to sign off on that, I would take her to court myself to get it straightened out. It was beyond ridiculous. But sadly, I think there are a lot more women out there like that. I make pretty decent money but I can't afford a boob job and MK purses....not that I want those things, but if I did, I would have to scrimp and save for them while women like J9's wife see child support as income enhancer for themselves and it is just sad. Not saying all women are like that because I know plenty of women who have used child support as it was intended....to support the child and I salute those women. So, yes, LH (and J9) some of us DO understand.
I honestly think the whole system is broken. I know I just wrote a lot but I could write pages more on the crap we dealt with and it was just one big cluster f#ck after the other. The system, at least in Arkansas, is definitely set up to favor the mom, whether the mom deserves said favor or not and it is really sad. Y'all know how I feel about my XH....I wouldn't pee on him to put out the fire if he was aflame, but he was/is a GREAT dad and he went way above and beyond what he had to in order to take care of his girls. His witchy XW took advantage every chance she got. Not saying J9's is doing that, just saying I can totally understand where J9's attitude is coming from.
LOL. Thank God Rex took the pressure off me with that statement.
You send your wife/girlfriend roses no doubt but not someone you have been on six dates and are not exclusive with.
Oh I get the concept G......but there is no way my two girls cost what I am paying. Remember I have 50/50 so I am still on the hook for 1/2 of everything else including the CS. Especially when she gets her new boobs, shows up with her MK purse, coat, etc.
Might as well stop here J, they will never understand.
What the F does that mean??
As long as your kids are living well at her house, her boobs and her bags aren't really of your concern. It becomes your concern when your kids have old clothes, clothes that don't fit, aren't getting their needs met, are being told they can't do basic things because of money.
I hate when people think mothers who receive child support should have nothing nice of their own and should be living bare minimum. What is important is that the kids aren't living bare minimum while the mom is living the good life.
ANd all those things you mention J, clothes at both houses, food, ect, is figured into the figure you pay. You pay to make sure your kids are living good 100% of the time. I have my daughter most of the time receive a little bit of child support and pay for a whole lot more than he does. Having the kid more equals putting out more money for things that are't even figured into the child support. ANd I have nice things because I earn them. My daughter has very nice things in both homes. Child support is what it is. I don't hate that I don't get more because I am the bigger breadwinner. It just is what it is. The day he continues to take his nice vacations and my daughter is deprived of something pretty basic or even nice that she deserves, is the day I will be upset about it.
What about the spouses that live the bare minimum because of paying child support. There are examples in both directions. Which is why they will never understand. Each case is different because there are spouses that pay and there are spouses that dont pay. This is one reason why I will never get married again until the marriage law in the US changes. It just isnt worth it anymore. And they wonder why kids are like they are. Unless one makes really good money, both parents are required to work just to make it now a days and the kids are the ones that suffer. I cant teach my daughter to be a woman just like a woman can teach a son how to be a man. I understand people are not going to like that comment but that is my opinion.
[Not saying all women are like that because I know plenty of women who have used child support as it was intended....to support the child and I salute those women. So, yes, LH (and J9) some of us DO understand.
WTF I didn't say anything???? I get into enough of my own trouble lol!
What about a nice mix.....not roses???
I agree Dawn, there are people who really abuse it. Like I said if the one receiving the support is living the good life while their kids aren't and you are generally doing everything not on your time, it's total abuse. But it doesn't seems as if J's ex is abusing it. Seems like she is a decent mother to her girls, she is fully engaged on her time and they don't seem like kids who go without unless there is something I don't know. Hey, I also live with the fact that 2 incomes are pouring into my ex's home, only one in mine, and CS is figured only on his. But it is what it is until my daughter suffers. But she's been on some pretty nice vacations, he does buy her nice clothes, and she has everything she needs there and it is generally nice stuff.
I also understand a blatant misuse of the child support money and if I saw that, I would absolutely hate paying it too! I get that!
And God no, flowers aren't too relationshipy You've been on 6 dates, you have had sex, you are celebrating the day, you are sexting, flowers ar appropriate. My dad used to send me flowers at work. It was a gesture to know you are considered and thought of. ANd Juju is so right. She's looking to see how you handle this.
It's just all common consideration with someone you are romatincally interested in. If she is worth her weight, it doesn't mean she is going to see it as pressure or as you are completely commited. She will just think it's nice.
LOL. Thank God Rex took the pressure off me with that statement.
thats what im here for, because franky i dont give a darn... hehehe
[Not saying all women are like that because I know plenty of women who have used child support as it was intended....to support the child and I salute those women. So, yes, LH (and J9) some of us DO understand.
WTF I didn't say anything???? I get into enough of my own trouble lol!
and you still find the time to get blamed lol.
What about a nice mix.....not roses???
I would send a card, maybe chocolates, but no flowers. She hasnt brought up any relationship talk, so no need to send flowers.
Question is will she send you anything?
Rex
I can understand Js feeling as well. Wife hooks up with other men while hes working, takes his kids away from him 50 percent of the time plus he has to pay her? WTF.
But its ultimately set in place because of a$$holes like my ex that told me "You don't need money. Your parents can help you" ( He earns over 6 figures and I had to take him to court) and left me with about 90% of child care. Before we knew about secret habits, my lawyer told me all we could do is try to get him to take more time. (1.5 hours on Wednesday nights and 2 weeks in summer and every other weekend - overnights only spent when his mom is there) so I could work more.
BTW his 17 percent child support would not even cover an illegal basement apartment in the area I am forced to live in without leaving the 30 mile radius that his lawyer put in our decree, so he doesnt actually look like an a$$hole to others. I also am not able to build a 403 llke my ex can and lost my pension because I cannot work enough hours due to child care.
Point being - the system does not really work perfectly for either people. But its easily exploited
LOL. Thank God Rex took the pressure off me with that statement.
You send your wife/girlfriend roses no doubt but not someone you have been on six dates and are not exclusive with.
Listen, I'm telling you how to succeed with women. You don't have to follow my advise. But I guarantee that you just give the woman that waited 6 dates to sleep with you a card, and she will find another guy. A lot of guys at this age are willing to go that extra mile. So you put yourself out of the competition by looking cheap.
Ok what about lillies????? In a nice vase??????
[Not saying all women are like that because I know plenty of women who have used child support as it was intended....to support the child and I salute those women. So, yes, LH (and J9) some of us DO understand.
WTF I didn't say anything???? I get into enough of my own trouble lol!
So sorry....wasn't wearing my glasses. I should learn not to try to type or read without them. Totally not you. I should've said yes Rex some of us DO understand.
I just can't embrace this whole getting old and having to wear readers thing, but denial is becoming futile with these mistakes.
What about a nice mix.....not roses???
Thats perfect. In a Vase though like Andrew said.
LOL. Thank God Rex took the pressure off me with that statement.
You send your wife/girlfriend roses no doubt but not someone you have been on six dates and are not exclusive with.
Listen, I'm telling you how to succeed with women. You don't have to follow my advise. But I guarantee that you just give the woman that waited 6 dates to sleep with you a card, and she will find another guy. A lot of guys at this age are willing to go that extra mile. So you put yourself out of the competition by looking cheap.
I will tell you that if a woman leaves you because of this, because of a card instead of roses then she was not for you and you should move on. She has no true value of your worth.
Rex
So sorry....wasn't wearing my glasses. I should learn not to try to type or read without them. Totally not you. I should've said yes Rex some of us DO understand.
I just can't embrace this whole getting old and having to wear readers thing, but denial is becoming futile with these mistakes.
Lol. I need them too. I just don't need Rex getting me in trouble. I get in enough of my own lol.
I just don't need Rex getting me in trouble. I get in enough of my own lol.
I would concur
For the love of God.
Most men want inside a woman's head to know what to do, and here are a bunch of women telling you, yet the guys are arguing that it's a bad idea. I am completely baffled here.
J- put all of that aside.
What do YOU WANT to do. Not what you think you should do or what others think you should do, but what do you want to do and what do you think she would appreciate?
Because that's all that really matters.
It's not about the cost I just dont want to come across as too relationshipy. I settled on a mix of pink Rose's, daisies, lilies, larkspur with white snap dragons and lavender. Someone please take my man card......
"What about the spouses that live the bare minimum because of paying child support. There are examples in both directions. Which is why they will never understand. Each case is different because there are spouses that pay and there are spouses that dont pay. This is one reason why I will never get married again until the marriage law in the US changes. It just isnt worth it anymore. And they wonder why kids are like they are. Unless one makes really good money, both parents are required to work just to make it now a days and the kids are the ones that suffer. I cant teach my daughter to be a woman just like a woman can teach a son how to be a man. I understand people are not going to like that comment but that is my opinion"
Rex, what do you propose the law be changed to regarding child support? 17% for 1 child is really not a lot - plus there is more to the calculation based on both salaries. Personally, I think they should look more at who chose to leave the marriage, affairs, addictions that took up a lot of money. But that is probably not realistic and would cost too much in court fees.
For the love of God.
Most men want inside a woman's head to know what to do, and here are a bunch of women telling you, yet the guys are arguing that it's a bad idea. I am completely baffled here.
J- put all of that aside.
What do YOU WANT to do. Not what you think you should do or what others think you should do, but what do you want to do and what do you think she would appreciate?
Because that's all that really matters.
I would agree because no man or woman here is in the Dr's head we can only speculate. You be a leader and take care of yourself.
Well since they are not exclusive, what if another guy she is sleeping with sends her 2 dozen roses then what?
It's not about the cost I just dont want to come across as too relationshipy. I settled on a mix of pink Rose's, daisies, lilies, larkspur with white snap dragons and lavender. Someone please take my man card......
It does not come across as relationshipy. Just shows that you are attracted to her and you appreciate her and find her valuable enough to make an effort. She is not the type to settle with less.
Ok well I just ordered them..........dating is expensive:)
LOL. Thank God Rex took the pressure off me with that statement.
You send your wife/girlfriend roses no doubt but not someone you have been on six dates and are not exclusive with.
Listen, I'm telling you how to succeed with women. You don't have to follow my advise. But I guarantee that you just give the woman that waited 6 dates to sleep with you a card, and she will find another guy. A lot of guys at this age are willing to go that extra mile. So you put yourself out of the competition by looking cheap.
I will tell you that if a woman leaves you because of this, because of a card instead of roses then she was not for you and you should move on. She has no true value of your worth.
Rex
In theory maybe. But that's kind of the real world. You guys don't have to be part of it. This chick is good looking and a professional and she has class. Shes not hooking up with guys in bar room bathrooms. She is also not needy and begging for attention and love.
I could say the same thing about my job. " Hey, if they make me come in on a snow day that is ridiculous. I'm just gonna move on and find a job that accepts my refusal to drive in bad weather. They don't deserve me as a great staff member"... Hah! There are tons of people out there looking for a job. They would fill that spot in a matter of weeks.
I understand why child support is necessary and if 1 parent has primary, full time custody then yes I get it. The only reason why I am paying is because of a wage difference. Her and I share in the same amount of expenses for the girls but in addition to those shared expenses I am also giving her money each month. So I essentially have all of her expenses plus an additional 850 a mth to boot. That is what i dont think is fair but it is what it is if there is a wage discrepancy someone is paying.
Well since they are not exclusive, what if another guy she is sleeping with sends her 2 dozen roses then what?
Is this a math problem? Because then she gets 3 dozen roses. But she will go with the guy she really wants to be with. The amount of roses doesn't count. Or if theya re even roses. It's the thought. ANd if you had no thought and the other guy had a thought, she would be judging you by the fact you weren't thoughtful, not by the fact she didn't receive roses.
Get it?
And yes, flowers are crazy expensive on V-day.
My exFF got me roses on V-day 4 days after we went on our first date. I found it sweet. He got me wine and a bear too. ANd his thought behind it...… he knew I hadn't gotten anything like that in a long time. He wanted me to feel special. ANd I appreciated it.
Rex, what do you propose the law be changed to regarding child support? 17% for 1 child is really not a lot - plus there is more to the calculation based on both salaries. Personally, I think they should look more at who chose to leave the marriage, affairs, addictions that took up a lot of money. But that is probably not realistic and would cost too much in court fees.
honestly, I have no Idea what the law should be changed to because they are trying to generalize something in which each situation is different and personal. Some spouses pay some spouses dont, some spouses are good parents some are not. You know you could have the CS go into a pool like say snap and have the kids shop at stores where the kids can get clothing and food, but then again that wouldnt work for some people either.
Child support came about to preserve in a divorce what the nucleus of a family should be, which at the time was the dad being the breadwinner and the mother being the housewife. to try and keep the same status for the child in both homes.
As it is now people are almost rewarded to get divorced than stay married. Even the tax law now, if me and my ex filed together for 2018 we would get 5k back, if we filed separately and I claim my daughter i would get 6.7k back and my ex owes $200, and if my ex claims my daughter she gets about 4k back and I come out about owing 1k. Luckily its my turn to claim my child.
The thing CS is a disadvantage for the man, because they have no say whether the child be born, yet still will have to pay child support if they dont get 50/50 custody or if they make more money.
What about the man who had a one night stand with a crazy woman and he uses a contraceptive but the woman gets it out and still uses the sperm to get pregnant. Should he have to pay child support? I recommend to all young men i meet to get a vasectomy, because they can get it reversed and they are in control of pregnancy at that point. They are no longer at the whims of an emotional woman, who might be trying to use them as a paycheck. And i am not saying all women are like this. They are however protected from the women who are like this.
I have a buddy of mine that is a good day but travels for work so he couldnt do 50/50. He pays his xw 2300 a mth for their two daughters that are around my kids age. Does anyone think a 9 and 7 yr old have 2300 a month in expenses??? Oh she also has a brand new Mercedes:)
Well since they are not exclusive, what if another guy she is sleeping with sends her 2 dozen roses then what?
That is why he should be dating other women, he would have options. she would get 2 dozen roses from one guy and a card from another. you keep true to your frame and be your confident self. No need to compete with other men when there are millions of single ladies out there.
If she came back and threw it in my face saying I got two dozen roses from this guy and you gave me a card. I would just say thats nice of him, a card from me though is worth more than two dozen roses from that other guy, and if you cant see that, then that is your issue not mine. Then I would say, you go have your fun and ill see you around and i wouldnt contact her again unless she initiated contact with me first and then I would make her work for it. I have no issue with seeing a woman who can be dating other men, I just dont want to know about them.
Rex - and LIH, you both like to talk all this red pill reddit - alpha male stuff...
But i am confused cause it sounds like you want to reverse the roles and have the female court you??? But thats not alpha male. I dont know what that is. More like a chip on the shoulder?
LIH, maybe its not the coach but how u are interpreting the coach? Rex, i can see why that red pill approach might appeal to a guy that was hurt and treated badly by his ex spouse. ( I dont know your sitch, but am assuming that as you post here) But you miss out on relating to a woman as a human being. Your gonna scare away nice girls with those types of demands and tests and from straying from universal and probably evolutionary based male/female dynamics in courtship.
The girls that did that courting with J are kind of messed up. A nice girl will love the valentines day gesture and will reciprocate on a birthday or something else.
Rex - and LIH, you both like to talk all this red pill reddit - alpha male stuff...
But i am confused cause it sounds like you want to reverse the roles and have the female court you??? But thats not alpha male. I dont know what that is. More like a chip on the shoulder?
LIH, maybe its not the coach but how u are interpreting the coach? Rex, i can see why that red pill approach might appeal to a guy that was hurt and treated badly by his ex spouse. ( I dont know your sitch, but am assuming that as you post here) But you miss out on relating to a woman as a human being. Your gonna scare away nice girls with those types of demands and tests and from straying from universal and probably evolutionary based male/female dynamics in courtship.
The girls that did that courting with J are kind of messed up. A nice girl will love the valentines day gesture and will reciprocate on a birthday or something else.
That would make sense except I am not hurt by my ex. I understand why she did what she did. I just no longer need to have a woman in my life. I am living for me and if a woman comes along and wants to be a part of that then great. If not then thats great also. I accept women for who they are and am no longer shocked by the actions that they take. They are going to do what they are going to do and I accept that I can not control that nor do I want to control that. However, just because they act the way they do sometimes, does not mean that I will put up with it. I know my value as a man.
Its not about tests or demands, just a value set on time. and my time is scarce.
Btw what is a nice girl now a days? Because in my opinion women can act all sorts of ways it just depends on the guy she is interacting with and her interest level in him.
I could say the same thing about my job. " Hey, if they make me come in on a snow day that is ridiculous. I'm just gonna move on and find a job that accepts my refusal to drive in bad weather. They don't deserve me as a great staff member"... Hah! There are tons of people out there looking for a job. They would fill that spot in a matter of weeks.
That doesnt mean they would be as good as an employee as you are.
There are tons of people out there looking for relationships and marriage, yet there are still single people out there.
They might not be as a good employee as i am, but they might be as well. I would have to have a huge ego and unrealistic view of the world to think that I am unreplaceable. I want to maintain by job so i follow the rules. In order to obtain my job. I knew i had to put my best foot forward. Extra work in the beginning, that i was not always compensated for. Thats life. I need and want a job.
Now if you don't want or need female compansionship or a relationship with a high quality female you can certainly act the way you guys advise.
But if you want a relationship or female companionship from a female that is considered higher quality, you have to put the red pill stuff away. Those guys on those forums are usually anti marriage and often recommend prostitutes or escorts. (Im not opposed. Makes sense for some guys) the other option for red pill guys is to go after women with lower senses of self esteem or that are not that bright. The tactics they preach do work on those women, and again makes sense for some guys.
But Joseph has not indicated hes after that. He seems to want a woman he can relate to and a positive role model for his daughters. He doesnt seem to need a relationship, but he seems open to one with the right woman.
I cant edit here but want to add to the first paragraph on jobs cause its a good analogy...
Now if i didnt care about a profession, just wanted a job like working in a fast food joint. I would not have to follow the rules as much, as those jobs are a dime a dozen and they are desperate for workers that dont show up stoned. But i dont want that type of a job. I want to show up to a job that challenges me intellectually. That i feel needed and important in. One in which i can make a real difference in peoples lives. Thats why i respect the people i work for and with and follow the work culture.
Holy heII was I gone getting some work done for 6 hours or 6 days? Once again Josephs place is where all the action is.
Well Don if you must know I am having a problem finding a quality woman right now, though I have only been at if for 5-6 months. I'm not sure I would consider it on the same level as you because if I am still single, bitter and jaded 14 years from now I probably will have joined a monastery.
That was a bit harsh. I'm not sure I'm bitter and jaded then again after as many years as I've had without finding a quality R I may have a right to be. Yet I'm still nowhere near joining a monistary. It's not like I've not had dates or sex during this time just not a fulfilling LTR with a quality woman.
Perhaps that was not the defensive retort I took it as but what I really question is why you seem to take comments about or against the coach personally? None of us are saying these things about you. It's almost as if you really secretly are the coach and we are bashing your book. It's not the case. Just because we question him should have no bearing on you - but it really seems to. Why?
I really don't have time to start my own thread because I spend too much time hijacking Js thread defending the All Mighty One lol. I do have a date with a new girl on Saturday so we shall see.
Of course nothing says you have to post and I and others value your input as you have been giving it. That said, bitter or jaded or whatever, I've been putting it all out there. It's easy to wait until I have a success story to tell and then post but hopefully others learn from my mistakes. And I don't know how to say this and not have it sound like a cheap shot and it's really not but not telling us how all of your dates have gone is a great way to not have to at least consider the coaches teachings are not working that well for you either. You'd be spending even more time defending. I just hope after a dozen or so women who didn't follow the playbook if you find one that dies you then say, see it worked - the coach was right - because so far he doesn't seem to be coming through for you either. That would truly be cherry picking. Mostly I think we'd learn a lot from your trials just as we do from Josephs. Hopefully you'll reconsider.
Thank you for opening your life to us warts and all Joseph. It's nice to share in a positive one with you. And I'll say it again remember how all over you we were with the first many women? That's not been the case with the latest one - for good reason! Well done.
Now this child support crap - and that's what it is in Josephs case - crap. I can't begin to understand how if kids are with mom 15 days a month and with dad 15 days a month dad still pays and mom doesn't. How is that possible? That's not child support - that's spousal support plain and simple. I don't know if you had a bad attorney or just agreed to something you now regret? If a judge forced this that stinks. It costs X dollars a day to support a child. If one spouce makes less he or she needs to get a better job. Why should the other spouce make up the difference? I'm all for paying for my half - MY HALF. The fact I make more money should have zero to do with it. Then again we live in a world where the "rich" should pay a higher percentage if taxes - just cuz they can. This seems like the same flawed mentality. It's all about being "FAIR". Don's rules for life #14 (and I really do have this list - 15 of them) anyhow #14 is "Fair is the other F word."
But if you want a relationship or female companionship from a female that is considered higher quality, you have to put the red pill stuff away. the other option for red pill guys is to go after women with lower senses of self esteem or that are not that bright.
So if I understand correctly, only high quality women want a relationship and they are not capable of wanting anything less than a relationship, or women with lower senses of self-esteem or not that bright do not want a relationship? Yes you do have to act differently towards a high-quality female, but I don't feel many of them exist. To me a high-quality female is what other people would call a unicorn.
Also red pill to me is a man who knows how women act and is bitter towards them, I am not bitter towards them. I understand it may sound like I'm bitter towards them but I really am not.
Also, are you saying fast food workers are not needed or are not important? To me it's about not what you do but whether or not you have a passion for it. You can make a change in someone's life at any job.
I would now consider me having a passion for life, not solely for women.
In Texas they call it offset child support. I spoke with a buddy of mine that did this with 50/50 and my friend who is a judge as well. According him if there is an income difference someone always pays. If I didn’t have 50/50 it would be double. It didn’t really bother me at first but more removed from my Xw I get it really stinks.
To be fair she is a teacher,the money comes to about 10k per year. I am in our family home but she had to move to a 2 bedroom condo on the other side of town because that is all she could afford and shehasnocarpaymentbe abuse I gave her the one that was almost paid off in the divorce. So right now she is set up but add in a car payment and a few other bills and who knows.
But yeah it [censored].
I am open to a R, I don’t need one but I do love and miss women. I have never been a playboy, more of a one woman type of man and I don’t feel the need to date 100s of women before I settle down. If it is the dr then cool. If it’s not cool to I just know that eventually it will happen. I am a little scared, I do get some anxiety when I am with the dr. Maybe I am nervous about a R. After being with 1 woman for so long it is hard to get used to someone else.
Np DH......I know people benefit and I can take the heat. I am not a perfect person by any means but I do try to be the best person I can be. I have been very lucky, blessed, and fortunate in my life. We might be on different paths but in many ways our journeys are the same. We all went through the same traumatic experience and it is to journal, share, and learn from everyone else. I don’t know if the dr is the one but there are too many things that make sense for me just to ignore them and not explore what becomes of it. This does seem normal and so far she seems normal as well. Outside of getting lazy in my marriage I was good husband, I am a good father, and I know there is a lot of love I have to give.
But if you want a relationship or female companionship from a female that is considered higher quality, you have to put the red pill stuff away. the other option for red pill guys is to go after women with lower senses of self esteem or that are not that bright.
So if I understand correctly, only high quality women want a relationship and they are not capable of wanting anything less than a relationship, or women with lower senses of self-esteem or not that bright do not want a relationship? Yes you do have to act differently towards a high-quality female, but I don't feel many of them exist. To me a high-quality female is what other people would call a unicorn.
Also red pill to me is a man who knows how women act and is bitter towards them, I am not bitter towards them. I understand it may sound like I'm bitter towards them but I really am not.
Also, are you saying fast food workers are not needed or are not important? To me it's about not what you do but whether or not you have a passion for it. You can make a change in someone's life at any job.
I would now consider me having a passion for life, not solely for women.
I dont define a "high quality woman" as a woman that only wants a marriage. I define her as a woman that respects herself and only tolerates respect from others. A women that treats other with respect as well. These are the women that have more going for them and are considered desirable.
A low quality woman is the one you have to worry about impregnating herself from used condoms (as you brought up). And that bring on crazy drama - like ex boyfriend calling you up because they are not being honest - cheaters, narcissists, crazy etc.
I never said any thing about fast food workers. I said that a fast food job is a low quality job. Low wages. No benefits. Poor working conditions. No one voluntarily takes a job like that unless they have no other options. Most people strive for union jobs or a profession.
Men that dont really want to strive or that have no other option will go for low quality women. A high quality women is going to see through games and BS, like testing them at car wash dates. They know that because they are quality women men will treat them well and with respect. Not showing appreciation for a high quality female that you are sleeping with on a holiday meant for romance is disrespectful. If Joe was struggling and could not afford it, thats a different story. But its not the case here.
This thread just keeps getting more interesting. Getting vasectomies for the off chance some crazy woman steals your sperm from a condom and inseminates themselves..... good lord. I hope that is a joke.
I believe in offset child support. It's the same in my state. Equality for the kids in the homes are important. Take a scenario you have a wife who pretty much sacrificed so the husband could build his career. She wroks part time as say, a receptionist. Now the couple divorces and they have the kids 50/50. The kids should live on barely nothing at moms and live the life at dad's? No, that isn't fair. The friend who doesn't have his kids equally but travels and obviously makes big bucks. I am sure the wife sacrificed there so he could travel and make the big bucks. Hell yeah, the kids should have a Mercedes at mom's house too! The ex wife should be too! I am sure without her sacrifice, he wouldn't be making those big bucks. The kids shouldn't be living way below the means of dad's house at mom's house. I have friends who raised their kids while the men built their careers. The men admit they wouldn't have gotten to where they were today without their wife's support when they were out at late night client dinners or travelling on business or working 12 hour days. They deserve equality when they split. Sure, we all know in the name of infidelity , it stinks. when one wants divorce and the other doesn't. But unfortunately our system can't weigh upon that. One partner might have cheated, but we don't know that the other partner was simply awful and violated their vows in other ways. The law can't decide that, so I think the child support laws do their best to equalize. And those who abuse should be ashamed. ANd this is coming from a woman where if we had 50/50, I would be paying him while he has two incomes in his home and I was raising our daughter on one. Also from a woman who had to pay 57% of the daycare because she earned more. He left a high paying job for the lower paying job because his would have "us" set in retirement. Well, guess hwo is set in retirement at the age of 55 now. NOT ME! And I have to alternate tax years because even though I have her more, he pays his pittance of child support, so he gets claim half of the time. Figure that out. But my daughter lives well at both homes without either parent having to live like a pauper.Just be happy your kids are living just as good the other 50% of the time. Because if they weren't, then I would be raising heck.
The problem I see is that there are laws that dictate the percentage that one pays but there are no laws that dictate how the person receiving the money spends it. Ok if I give a 1000 a month but it only costs 500 then the other 500 should be put into savings, a college fund or something for the kids.
Oh, but it does. When they figured it out, didn't you list all household expenses? to maintain a proper lifestyle for your kids over there including that's how they calculate. .A portion of that money goes towards the roof over their head at their mom's. J- do you feel like it isn't getting spent on your kids? Is the mom's home crappy? Is she driving a broken down car? Do they set the heat at 60? Are your kids not benefiting from the money? DO you truly feel like it's the kids money that got her boobs? Do your kids have nice clothes, eat nice meals, does she take them out for treats when they deserve it? Has she claimed she hasn't had enough money to take the girls to do something fun? LIke I have said, a guage of the money being misued is this stuff not happening. Ill fitting clothes, ramen noodles, a broken down car, a car that isn't safe, all the while mom is vacationing and getting plastic surgery. That's how you know your money is being not spent on the kids. CHild support isn't just for food and clothes. It's to make sure they have a good roof over their head, a warm home, and a safe transportation.
ANd J, I truly do feel for you if she is misusing that money and your girls aren't living the same quality life over there as they do by you. That would be really really sh!tty of her.
No household expenses were listed. It was 25% of her net and 25% of my net and I make up the difference. My kids are taken care of at both places but she is able to do a lot more with them than I am. For example, she flew herself and the girls out to Cali for thanksgiving. I can’t afford to do that. She is able to take them shopping every week. I can’t do that. There are other things as well that she does with them that I can’t afford to do. I am glad they are happy but my oldest has made comments about what they do with mommy and obviously they have no idea I give her money each month. I guess if the man wasn’t suppose to pay for dates then I guess that would help some
.
With the child support, is her income more than yours now?
Thankfully your kids seem to be happy and the money is going towards them.
My ex has more money to take her on vacations because they have two incomes rolling in and their mortgage is less than mine. But hey, my daughter got to go on a carribean cruise last year while I worked!
And I don't believe the man is supposed to pay for dates. I would say M and I are pretty even right now with me perhaps even paying the majority. I am pretty sure I make more, even though my expenses are higher. He's got the real raw deal. He wants an even 50/50, but his ex is awful. She makes more, so he has to pay child support.
Wow I go to a meeting with one of my customers and I come back and this place has blown up.
Here is my perspective from the standpoint of a guy who receives CS.... 50/50 custody and our child expense split is 60/40 Her/Me. We also arranged the CS she pays me to have as little impact on her monthly cash flow because she [censored] at money and I need her to be just okay at money So she pays me a c-note every month and I get to claim the kids on my taxes.
XW makes more than me and because of what we do her ceiling is a lot higher than mine. I am hamstrung because we moved back to our home state and she decided to have an EA at her new job and divorce me. I could make equal and in the near term more than her if I was working in the state we came from. So now I am working on a side hustle with the hope that I can make some more money. What eats at me and makes me angry is that I take the CS because I need it not because I want it. It's a weeks worth of groceries, but I hate taking effing money from her. It feels disgusting. My goal is to make enough $$$ down the road to drop CS and have a true 50/50 split. Getting a divorce is too easy and entering a marriage isn't hard enough.
This thread just keeps getting more interesting. Getting vasectomies for the off chance some crazy woman steals your sperm from a condom and inseminates themselves..... good lord. I hope that is a joke.
Isn't it the NBA that teaches new players to flush or pocket condoms for later disposal because of the crazies impregnating themselves?
Sh!tty people do sh!tty things regardless of their sex.
Take a scenario you have a wife who pretty much sacrificed so the husband could build his career. She wroks part time as say, a receptionist. Now the couple divorces and they have the kids 50/50. The kids should live on barely nothing at moms and live the life at dad's? No, that isn't fair. The friend who doesn't have his kids equally but travels and obviously makes big bucks. I am sure the wife sacrificed there so he could travel and make the big bucks. Hell yeah, the kids should have a Mercedes at mom's house too! The ex wife should be too! I am sure without her sacrifice, he wouldn't be making those big bucks. The kids shouldn't be living way below the means of dad's house at mom's house. I have friends who raised their kids while the men built their careers. The men admit they wouldn't have gotten to where they were today without their wife's support when they were out at late night client dinners or travelling on business or working 12 hour days. They deserve equality when they split.
Why is it the woman who made the sacrifice?
My XW told me it was her lifelong dream to be able to stay home for the 10 year period while her kids were in their pre-school years. She didn't think it would be possible because she figured she'd have to provide for them. I was already making the income when we met I am making now, so I told her I'd provide so she could stay home with the kids.
So for 10 years I worked my a$$ off, and I saw my children much less while they were growing up, so she could not punch a clock and spend her full life with the kids during their formative years, which is what she dreamed of doing. Was I not the one making the sacrifice of working hard and not being able to be as close to my kids? Why am I not being compensated for the loss of those irreplaceable years and the endless hours I put in?
Of course as soon as the youngest was in school XW found another man and filed for divorce, and yes, while I have 50% parental time, I have had to pay so much it crippled my lifestyle without impacting hers. I worked double time for 10 years to grant her wish, and so to be fair I have to continue to work double time, along with losing my home and wiping out my retirement for legal fees.
Now look, the kids have gotta eat at both parents' houses and they need both parents in their life. But the pendulum has swung pretty far when this is the social narrative. That's what red pill means to me. I'm not bitter, I've never been better. It's just not that complicated. I don't gamble at the casino because I understand for every $100 I bet I win back only $97, it is a bad game for the players. That doesn't make me bitter at the casino. I'd just rather stick to online chess...
I'll add this note- I felt I was being generous. If I had known how this would financially expose me and frankly financially enable her to destroy our marriage I wouldn't have allowed her to stay at home. I would've said "Sorry toots, I love you and want to take care of you, but that will allow you to destroy my life in 10 years, so I'm going to insist you put the kids in day care and go to work and prioritize your career so you're not holding something over my head..."
Not really, it just doesn't make any sense to me that the rules work this way. OK, I get it, my voice isn't going to matter and reality works how it works. I just get to decide what moves I make given the rules. I can handle that.
This thread just keeps getting more interesting. Getting vasectomies for the off chance some crazy woman steals your sperm from a condom and inseminates themselves..... good lord. I hope that is a joke.
Isn't it the NBA that teaches new players to flush or pocket condoms for later disposal because of the crazies impregnating themselves?
Sh!tty people do sh!tty things regardless of their sex.
True but what about the regular Joe smoe who wasnt aware that women actually pull this stuff. If a man pokes holes in his condom the woman can still abort. If a woman pokes holes in his condom he cant force her to abort. Or if she lies and tells him she is on the pill when she really isnt.
Yes you do have to act differently towards a high-quality female, but I don't feel many of them exist. To me a high-quality female is what other people would call a unicorn.
I would now consider me having a passion for life, not solely for women.
Since I've said similar things it will come as little surprise that I wholeheartedly agree. I would just maybe change it to a SINGLE high quality woman is a unicorn.
I also am finding more and more that most woman want a relationship - certainly a lot more than many guys, at least in the age range I'm in. I swear I hear or read over and over from mostly women they do not want to serial date or hook up or FWB or the like. I don't see nearly as many guys saying that. It's like a guy not looking for an R has little chance. So they then tell these women what they want to hear, while still doing what they want. This further jades everyone.
So what's the chances of finding a unicorn.
This thread just keeps getting more interesting. Getting vasectomies for the off chance some crazy woman steals your sperm from a condom and inseminates themselves..... good lord. I hope that is a joke.
Isn't it the NBA that teaches new players to flush or pocket condoms for later disposal because of the crazies impregnating themselves?
Sh!tty people do sh!tty things regardless of their sex.
True but what about the regular Joe smoe who wasnt aware that women actually pull this stuff. If a man pokes holes in his condom the woman can still abort. If a woman pokes holes in his condom he cant force her to abort. Or if she lies and tells him she is on the pill when she really isnt.
The basical biological function of sex is reproduction. Until science comes up with male birth control then pregnancy will always the potential outcome of the act and the final decision of the woman. You can only be responsible for yourself if you aren't prepared to conceive a child then wrap it up or don't do it.
No...my income is still greater. Again I understand why someone pays I just don't think it is 100% aligned with the expenses.
Finally on the coach. I do think he is more right than wrong. Maybe what he teaches is obvious but to a newcomer on the dating scene I had no clue. Obviously he is no Poe or Longfellow and he might come across to Bro or like a salesman but put all of that aside his ideas or ideas he has learned and repackaged as his own are generally on point.
He does not specifically address dating with kids and I do think a lot of what he teaches is catered towards people who are single that can very easily just make a date when the woman reaches out. I do think staying off the phone and seeing the person face to face is a great concept in theory however with kids you just cant make a date ever time she calls and it is almost impossible to stay off the phone.
The dr is still not blowing up my phone after 6 dates and sex however when I make plans with her now she has progressed to wanting to see me more than 1 time per week. I had to reach out to her a little more to get her to start warming up more. So I will usually either reach out 1 time in the morning or 1 time at night depending on what I did last. I reached out to her last night so I did not do anything this morning. So tomorrow morning I will prob text her although we are meeting up tonight. I am still very careful to not blow up her phone but so far what I have been doing is working which isn't exactly what the coach would say to do.
I will say though when I did reach out to her yday and asked when she was available she pretty much knew what she wanted with tonight, and sat night. Seeing me more than 1 time this week is all her idea.
[
That was a bit harsh. I'm not sure I'm bitter and jaded then again after as many years as I've had without finding a quality R I may have a right to be. Yet I'm still nowhere near joining a monistary. It's not like I've not had dates or sex during this time just not a fulfilling LTR with a quality woman.
That was a bit harsh Don I do apologize. I felt you were poking at me and you know now I can get defensive lol. You have to admit though you are a tad jaded. Maybe I will be though if it doesn't work out for me in the future?
Perhaps that was not the defensive retort I took it as but what I really question is why you seem to take comments about or against the coach personally? None of us are saying these things about you. It's almost as if you really secretly are the coach and we are bashing your book. It's not the case. Just because we question him should have no bearing on you - but it really seems to. Why?
Honestly I don't know why. Again I came across his work when I was looking for guidance. My life wasn't working for me at the time. It started me on my path of self improvement. Plus I think I should have been a lawyer because I am a fact based guy. Again for an example you and G say the book is filled with information that is obvious. I know you both posted on Ballast's thread so you know first hand it is obviously not obvious lol. Just like DB you would think it is obvious not to pursue a woman who has dumped you and is cheating on you. Again obvious right?
And I don't know how to say this and not have it sound like a cheap shot and it's really not but not telling us how all of your dates have gone is a great way to not have to at least consider the coaches teachings are not working that well for you either.
Don roughly 12 OLD dates since my D. Not interested in a second date 11 times. 1 time I was she wouldn't continue dating me unless I stopped talking to other women. 3 non OLD hookups with no interest both ways for it to be anything more. I am looking for the unicorn myself and I am trying not to hurt anyone in the process. Not really much to expand upon. I have some Jerry Seinfeld in me I didn't want a second date with a woman who had bigger traps then me.
Rex - and LIH, you both like to talk all this red pill reddit - alpha male stuff...
I really don't appreciate being lumped in the same category as Rex (No offense buddy) he once compared woman to prey.
Take a scenario you have a wife who pretty much sacrificed so the husband could build his career. She wroks part time as say, a receptionist. Now the couple divorces and they have the kids 50/50. The kids should live on barely nothing at moms and live the life at dad's? No, that isn't fair. The friend who doesn't have his kids equally but travels and obviously makes big bucks. I am sure the wife sacrificed there so he could travel and make the big bucks. Hell yeah, the kids should have a Mercedes at mom's house too! The ex wife should be too! I am sure without her sacrifice, he wouldn't be making those big bucks. The kids shouldn't be living way below the means of dad's house at mom's house. I have friends who raised their kids while the men built their careers. The men admit they wouldn't have gotten to where they were today without their wife's support when they were out at late night client dinners or travelling on business or working 12 hour days. They deserve equality when they split.
Why is it the woman who made the sacrifice?
My XW told me it was her lifelong dream to be able to stay home for the 10 year period while her kids were in their pre-school years. She didn't think it would be possible because she figured she'd have to provide for them. I was already making the income when we met I am making now, so I told her I'd provide so she could stay home with the kids.
So for 10 years I worked my a$$ off, and I saw my children much less while they were growing up, so she could not punch a clock and spend her full life with the kids during their formative years, which is what she dreamed of doing. Was I not the one making the sacrifice of working hard and not being able to be as close to my kids? Why am I not being compensated for the loss of those irreplaceable years and the endless hours I put in?
Of course as soon as the youngest was in school XW found another man and filed for divorce, and yes, while I have 50% parental time, I have had to pay so much it crippled my lifestyle without impacting hers. I worked double time for 10 years to grant her wish, and so to be fair I have to continue to work double time, along with losing my home and wiping out my retirement for legal fees.
Now look, the kids have gotta eat at both parents' houses and they need both parents in their life. But the pendulum has swung pretty far when this is the social narrative. That's what red pill means to me. I'm not bitter, I've never been better. It's just not that complicated. I don't gamble at the casino because I understand for every $100 I bet I win back only $97, it is a bad game for the players. That doesn't make me bitter at the casino. I'd just rather stick to online chess...
Unfortunatly we dont know what the future brings. It sounds like having 1 stable parent home with the kids (does not matter if its male or female) is better for the CHILDREN. 3 kids in childcare in my neck of the woods would cost more then what a salary would bring home. 8 years ago, i think it was 1300 a kid and thats if you have the luxury of a 9 to 5 job. So at the time it was not a practical solution. You dont know who is watching your kid either. Abuse is a real issue in daycare (especislly with kids that have sensory issues, adhd, autism). Constant love and holding of infants is ideal and in our evolution as well.
Right before my ex left, and i was doing my best to DB amd be agreeable, he put all this pressure on me to go back to work full time. (My son was receiving 2 hours worth special services in a preschool and was 2 or 3 at the time) I brought up those same points above. He told me to figure it out. Everyone else does. HE PUT THE BEST INTERESTS OF HIS OWN SON BEHIND HIS OWN - which was to set up a legal situation that was to his advantage. I will always be repulsed by him for that. Absolutely disgusting. And i am proud of myself for always insiting on my sons best interests and not ever once putting a mans wishes in front of his best interests.
Point being it should be about whats best for the children and family dynamic.
I loved working part time. Being home with kids is harder then working. Leaving the house to go to work often felt like a vacation to me because its so much easier. If my ex had decreased his work so i could increase mine we would have been more equal in things like 401ks amd pensions (especially since the money my ex was earning was getting pulled from atms in bad neighborhoods and not being spent on the family)
Now you and i had extremes in bad luck and legal choices on each side. The male provider got screwed, in my case female that stayed home/worked part time and wanted to do waht was best for her child is at a financial disadvantage.
This thread just keeps getting more interesting. Getting vasectomies for the off chance some crazy woman steals your sperm from a condom and inseminates themselves..... good lord. I hope that is a joke.
Isn't it the NBA that teaches new players to flush or pocket condoms for later disposal because of the crazies impregnating themselves?
Sh!tty people do sh!tty things regardless of their sex.
True but what about the regular Joe smoe who wasnt aware that women actually pull this stuff. If a man pokes holes in his condom the woman can still abort. If a woman pokes holes in his condom he cant force her to abort. Or if she lies and tells him she is on the pill when she really isnt.
Thats why its in ones benefit to make the effort on a higher quality female. Shes not looking to do sonething like that. And the pick up strategies you are advising are geared for low quality females amd will not work on the type of female with a medical degree that doesnt throw herself on a guy. Thats the point im trying to make.
Oh J9! Just trying to catch up...I´m like two or three threads behind.
Too much warp here...
My hugs for you and the girls
I´m sorry man
(((J9)))
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