Moving Forward - DivorceBusting.com

Is this where the cool kids hang?

You are correct... it�s a whole nother world down here. Sit back, get some pop corn, a beer and read the stories of some of these folks :-).

Originally Posted by pinn

You are correct... it�s a whole nother world down here. Sit back, get some pop corn, a beer and read the stories of some of these folks :-).

Nice to meet you, pinn! Coming from a guy whose Dad died at 61 and whose grandfathers both died in the 40s, life is too short to wallow in the muck. I"m ready for the next phase of my life, and I have faith that God has great plans for me.

Hang in there H, keep GAL

Hugs!!!

Keep your head held high, Harvey!

My head is held high, ovrrnbw. D is final. I'm no longer in a fog, completely blaming myself.

Since the D went final, XW is treating me like a BFF. I don't really have too much bitterness towards her. I think she's in a strange spot (in a fog herself), and she did what she felt she needed to do to be happy. I've made a conscious effort to treat her with integrity and humility--although I don't let her walk all over me. Not because I'm trying to win her back, but because that's just me and it's best for the girls. I've started to read the "No More Mr. Nice Guy" book and I don't think I have NGS. I'm a nice guy and chill, but that's because my Mom is like that. I definitely have some anti-NGS traits. Did others in this section of the forum get into a cordial, friendly relationship with their X soon after the D or is this not normal?

I had breakfast with mine right after we went to court to finalize everything hahaha! I don�t have any ill will toward her. She was/is in a bad spot. We don�t talk much anymore but if something comes up we still check in (ie family crisis). If we had kids, I think our relationship would have been fine. I just choose to stay away now so I don�t get sucked back in... 20 yrs of that was enough!

Originally Posted by harvey

Did others in this section of the forum get into a cordial, friendly relationship with their X soon after the D or is this not normal?

harvey,

My XW did some truly evil things to her own family. She's not the kind of person I would have as a friend.

I haven't spoken to my now XH since the night he walked out (October 11 2015) and left everything behind.

If we were ever to be in the same room together again (we sometimes work in the same industry), it wouldn't even register that he was there, it would be like he wasn't in the room, and I would act accordingly.

I wouldn't ever speak to him again. There are only a couple of people who fall into that category for me. He is one of them.

Hey Harvey - just checking in and seeing if you'd gone live on the dating site yet. I am curious to see what that's like (I got married before online dating became a thing).

Also, wanted to say thanks for being there for me. You are STILL awesome.

I cant be friends with my ex. Cordial and polite. Yes. But he did so much crap. To be friends would be like nornalizing really disordered behavior. Like befriending a rapist.... considering the fact that when somene cheats they put you at the same risk, and emotional trauma might even be worse cause it comes with gaslighting, i think thats a really fair analogy.

Originally Posted by FlySolo

Hey Harvey - just checking in and seeing if you'd gone live on the dating site yet. I am curious to see what that's like (I got married before online dating became a thing).

Also, wanted to say thanks for being there for me. You are STILL awesome.

I created a profile on three sites, but I haven't activated them. What I've seen hasn't been promising. Then again, the dudes weren't that promising (if my XW decides to go the online dating route), so there's that.

Thanks for being there for me. The fact that you also had two daughters that were the same ages as my daughters made it feel like we were kindred spirits.

Sorry for the emoticon.

I am ok with emoji's. I just don't like them from him. Part of the rainbows and unicorns fa�ade he likes to project.

Activate one of the profiles. Even if you're not quite ready for a relationship you will meet some nice people and hopefully make some new friends along the way. As long as you don't expect the right woman to come along straight away, I think it would be a good thing to give a go. It will help build your confidence too and allow you to flex some of those charm qualities that come out in your post when you're not talking about your sitch - funny, encouraging and self confident. You got this.

I just had my first ugly exchange with XW. We are splitting our accounts. She accused me of paying off bills early so that they would come out of our joint account before we split the checking account. I through every week or two and pay whatever has come. I guess she always waited until the last second to pay the bills. That doesn't work for me because I tend to get overdue payments. She got rude. I told her that wasn't my intention. I told her that if this was going to work out, then she needed to show more respect for me. She got huffy. It's probably good to see the ugly side of her.

harvey,

I'm searching for the right words and I can't seem to find them. Maybe I should ask a question (or two, or three).

You're divorced, right? You didn't split the accounts before the divorce? And you expected that to go well?

Originally Posted by doodler

harvey,

I'm searching for the right words and I can't seem to find them. Maybe I should ask a question (or two, or three).

You're divorced, right? You didn't split the accounts before the divorce? And you expected that to go well?

We are in a unique situation. We have a house here and a house out of state that we are in the process of selling. The timing for the DB was not ideal. We were in the process of relocating to another state. Of course, she wanted the big house when we built here and she wanted the big house when we moved to another state. It still burns my ass that she said she now realizes she doesn't need a big house. She plans to move to a downtown apartment when we are settled. That's fine. I plan on having a house and yard, so the girls have some space.

I activated my dating profile. I know I shouldn't do it, but I feel like I'm in a good spot. Already got 5 likes. One of them is pretty hot and my type.

I sent her a message.

I had a good weekend, but I really hit the wall tonight. Maybe it's because I will be staying with XW and the kids for a couple of days this week. Maybe it' s because I have't seen the girls in awhile. GAL this weekend involved going out with friends for all you can eat crab legs on Saturday. Today I helped my cousin's husband with some handy man stuff he was doing. I came home tonight and my heart is extremely heavy. It really does get lonely when the kids aren't here. I'm not really looking forward to spending a lot of time with XW. It really tore me up when we acted like we were a family after telling the girls a couple of weeks ago.

Hang in there, Harvey. Believe it or not, it all gets easier in time. There is no rush and you just have to take things at your own pace, but at some point, it WILL get better. Sending positive thoughts and vibes your way while you are having to spend time with your XW. Enjoy your kiddos!

Almost two months into the divorce. I'm doing fine. It's still less than 6 months from when I heard ILYBINILWY. It's hard to stick with a routine right now. I've been traveling a lot. The next few months are transitional. Girls are down south. I'm up north. I'll get down to see them for 10 days in February and March and for 15 days in April. Then, we'll settle in our new town. I'm looking forward to getting 50/50 time with them.

One house has a contingency offer. The other house is now on the market and supposedly there's quite a bit of interest. I pray that we get these houses off our hands and can just be done with it. I have started looking for houses in the new town.

I have not dated. Primarily, because I'm not in the town I'll settle in. I have corresponded with a gal I met on a dating site. She seems relatively eager to go on a date with me, so I guess that's good. She's young and my type, but I wonder if she's a bit more party girl than I'm going to be into.