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Where to go, what to do?Or unskilled.
Either way. It has been my most active year in dating. But the most unsuccessful. I am learning a lot about myself and others though.
My desire to love and to be loved is still there, but it is really like some sort of unicorn.
Here's to hoping that my new chapter in life will open up new opportunity.
Or......maybe you are looking for love in all the wrong places?????????????
I just got a message from a girl that told me I was a Unicorn
Well, where does one look? I looked on line, someone set me up.....Fail and Fail.
I think I am just going to start hanging outside the men's locker room.
I hear that Sunday mornings at the grocery store is a target rich environment.
We are only getting your account of what the discussions with HC are and he may well be selfish, but honestly, I don't see it that way. He is seeing YOU clearly if he said he doesn't think you can do casual. You may recall that I said when all of this started with HC and prior to that, that we guys can sense this stuff - we just can. He saw it written all over you. You tried to play it all off and you said, oh no I'm playing it casual with him and I think you may well have tried to but he senses the truth. I think he's in some ways doing you a favor - nearly saving yourself from the feelings that we all know you will have when he rejects you or even just doesn't return a text quickly enough.
The really hard part of all of this is we are who we are - that's all of us, myself included. How then do we change to be someone else? You want what you want, and it's not even wrong to want it, but it sometimes comes off as needy and insecure - which is just not sexy. You've given away all of yourself in hopes that the guys will just love you so much that they can't help but want to be with you, but life doesn't work that way. Somehow the best you can do from what I can see, is get your confidence back and get into the mindset that they need to wow you and win you over - not the other way around. Thing is, some are willing to do that - but then you may not be interested in them or they may not be healthy partners. Again, how do we become someone else? I know that I can't do it. I feel the way I feel about things, I am who I am.
Yeah, you've had a lot of guys come through the door but honestly, I don't see any of them being close to the great guy who got away - not one of them. I'm betting you will agree with me. I don't think what you want makes you a unicorn - it may be more unicornish (see that, I made up a word) about how you go about trying to get it.
So, what now? From my view, I think you need to continue meeting more guys and accepting more dates. However, you somehow need to largely adjust how you date them, how you interact, how you think about and approach it all. Yeah, sort of change what you are doing - which is sooooo darn hard to do. I think you need to love yourself as much or more than any guy will love you. I think it needs to start there.
There is someone out there that will be the right fit for you. Thankfully I don't think you've scared that right guy off so that's a bonus. That right guy is still waiting to meet you and when he does, you'll have all of the wrong ones and all of the lessons learned to thank for getting you ready for him.
Hi G,
I agree with Dawn and Don, or as I will refer to them as D&D. :-) FWIW, I got asked out by a guy at the grocery store last week. It CAN happen. Ha!
Congrats on the house and the possible 2nd gig. I’m sure it’s a bit of a drain, but you are wise in planning for your next FT job. Sweet on da house!
I concur with Don 1000% that men can sense when women want more. They are very good at that. Many women try to “play it cool” in hopes he gets won over and that is probably about as common as that unicorn. Please know, I’m no R expert but the one thing about you that jumps out to me is that you “jump in.” I don’t mean sexy times either. You and band guy would have been a fabulous fit and that was known after just a couple of weeks. Please know, I’m not throwing shade-I simply cannot relate. I’m a slow mover I suppose. Or as my security guy says “a turtle” when it comes to dudes. While HC sounds like a good human, like many of us (myself included) he wants what he wants on his terms. I wouldn’t be surprised if you don’t hear from him again. He may come looking for dessert because he senses you may *sucuumb* in the right circumstances. Your call, but it’s hard to put expectations on a booty call/casual R.
Your D sounds like a great kid. Enjoy every minute with her.
Hello my friend. I have been keeping up and jumping up and down over here for weeks...sometimes yelling at my computer screen.
Ok, G, I am going to be really honest here...you keep shooting yourself in the foot and wondering why it hurts.
First of all, HC...has told you in many ways that he does not want a relationship. Doesn't matter if he is selfish, self involved, or anything else. He told you. You didn't have to like it, but, you had to hear it.
And I know you in RL, so, I know that you are not built to have a relationship without emotions and real feelings being involved. I know, because I am the same way. Just ain't for you.
Yet you engaged with him, again...and again got the same results. It really doesn't have anything to do with you. It has to do with him. He doesn't want a relationship. End of that freakin' story.
As far as BG..honestly, who knows why he did what he did? I suspect he is looking for something he has in his head. I don't think he is even sure what it is. But he said what he did, you reacted as you did and should have let that go.
Some people will like us, some wont. Some will be attracted, some wont. Some will have issues, some wont.
The important thing is this....you have to know, deep in your soul....your worth. Because if you don't, you will continue feel as you do when these things happen.
One thing I've learned through this journey is that I am enough and I am worthy. So, if someone doesn't see that...they can move along.
The other thing I've learned is that everyone has their own stuff. And that stuff has nothing at all to do with me. It's all theirs. How they react, what they do...theirs to own. As long as I stay on my path...do my thing...I'm good.
So, time for me to kick your as$ a little. Ready?
I have been telling you this for some time. Just live your life. You have some amazing stuff to be celebrating. Your very own home, your awesome daughter, a good job and the opportunity for one that is a better fit, your health and people who love you.
Those are some really incredible things, G. Really incredible.
I know you want to share your life with someone. I do. I think for right now you should allow the universe to do its thing.
Start celebrating you. Keep moving forward. Keep working on you. Put some good vibes out there. I really believe, and it happened for me, that when I let go of what I thought I wanted and needed, that is when someone walked into my life.
I was done. Trust me on that. I had decided that I was good. I didnt need anyone to fill up my life. I had enough on my plate to worry about it. I was just going to live my life.
That is when I met R. Funny thing is...he was at the exact same place...same mindset.
I love you, girl. I want so much for you to let what is supposed to happen...happen. Just believe it will. You are an incredible woman, G. Really incredible.
So very happy for you about the house. I had been praying hard.
Don- I don't mean he is being selfish because he is seeing what he is. He is in the selfish mode post-divorce. And I am at fault and he is at fault for us even seeing each other. And he brought up the I still want to see you convo. I made myself clear the last time, as he did. So I figured since we both made our selves clear, something had changed. But no, he still wants what he wants without giving, and I was willing to compromise, but not down to his level. we are in two different times in our lives. It's over, I told him I couldn't be friends, and I will likely never see or here from him again.
I am more than OK with it now. More than I am than with band guy. And UR- you really nailed it. He absolutely had a picture of what his perfect partner is supposed to be like. He told me as much when he told me he wouldn't date a non-teacher until his last GF. I believe he had the feelings he said he had for me, but the part that "wasn't right" for him was that it didn't come from the woman who had the qualities that fit his ideal. That's why he could sit there and name all the things that made me a good partner, tell me how much he liked me and ect. But I didn't perfectly check his boxes of the type of woman those feelings are supposed to come from. I truly believe it was his loss, and he may actually realize it one day. I may not know when he does, but he will.
GB- thank you! I am excited and terrified for all these new opportunities, but I think they will be life changing. I do realize that I am not capable of just dessert. It's not that I need total commitment up front, but there are things I do need that do not come from a guy who doesn't see a relationship on the horizon. I need to slow it down.
UR- yes, like you and others have said, and you know me IRL. I can't do the non-commitment thing. I can date, but only with the purpose that we are both on the same page of wanting eventual relationship. Not just for fun times.
Things I need to change. When someone shows me who they are: LISTEN! No more going back to the same old.
Recognize what isn't healthy for me and does not align with my end goals.
Let go of what I want . Just let it go. If it finds me, then it finds me. I know I am ok on my own. I am accomplishing what I felt would be possible on my own. I do hope before I die, that I will share a mutual love with someone. But I can't rush it and I just have to be fine as things are.
I am leaving my past in the past. I am not letting anyone reenter my life anymore either. I let my ex do that. Look what happened there.
UR-I hope when I am all settled, you'll come up to visit. I would love to see you and have some one on one time too. Love you.
Oh, and yes. I speak of my worth, but I am not honoring it. I need to start honoring it. I am caught in the place where I do truly recognize my worth, but when others don't, I doubt it. I can't let that happen anymore either.
J9- Target is very rich for the male to hunt! You will often find me there strolling around leisurely with a starbucks in hand spending more money than intended. But it's my happy place. Along with many other women, especially mothers. Trick is find the single ones.
I hear Home Depot is where it's at for the women. The only and only time I spotted a good looking guy there, and we connected eyes, it turned out it was my engaged coworker I had a huge crush on. Another time, I squirted wood stain directly into my eye next to an other couple who freaked out and handed me all their tissues and I walked around with a stained face. I sure know how to impress. Today, D10 and I will be going to look at paint colors.
I met some contractors yesterday an D10 was with me. The plumber comes in and D10 and I have an interaction (yes, she tries ot be the adult) and he says to me "single mom?" I said "yup, is it that obvious?" We laughed, he is divorced. he's a little old for me, but it was funny. I guess we stick out like sore thumbs. he can do the work I need, and he will send me an estimate on Monday. Then I met the floor guy and I am torn. But I realize I NEED this money from the landlord who still has no answer. I am screwed without this money.
Going to visit a very close friend in another state with D10. A DB friend who has become a best friend. I am throwing him a bday BBQ at his house. I invited his close friends which are my friends too. And I did the right thing. I invited exNG and his fiancé. Personally. There are 3 September birthdays in the group, one of them is his (he will be 50!, but he hates celebrating his Bday). It's all his close friends, so I figured he should come to. I didn't hear from him until this morning and I am shocked, he is going to come by.
I don't think it will be too weird. Hopefully not for D10, but I think she might be happy to see him. I put on 10lbs, and I am not happy about that, but whatevs. We all want to look good for our ex's even if we are over them. But he is into skinny Asian chicks (his fiancé is one) and I am anything but. Although my friends do say I am Filipino by association.
I just told D10 and she said "AWKWARD!!!" I told her not so much.
I will be the only uncoupled one out of 4 couples. But that's nothing different from the last 10 years of my life!
Oh, listen to what my ex did. I gave him ONE thing to handle for school. He had to attend a meeting for Ipads at the school. I reminded him umpteen times, sent him the email, and his wife reminded him as he was leaving out the door to bring D10 to cheerleading (he was going to go from there). HE DIDN'T GO AND CLAIMS HE FORGOT! I mean, come on?! If this man had to do what I ddo and raise our daughter alone, she probably wouldn't even be registered for school. There is a make-up meeting on 9/4 he says he is going to. he can't miss this one. Else she won't get her ipad which they do their homework on. I'll never forget the time in 3rd grade he was going ot pick her directly up from school. He forgot, she was standing outside waiting for me. He's an idiot.
But we all knew that already.
Sounds like you are moving along nicely w/the contractors. You will need to get on the landlord about the money this coming week. Are you getting several estimates on your flooring?
I think it's very nice that you are throwing a birthday bash for your DB friend. He will enjoying the party as well as seeing all of his friends. You are a great friend to all who know you.
As for the weight gain...let that be...you'll lose the weight once you are in your new home and have things to do that will keep your mind and body busy.
Travel safely and have a great time!
Just journaling to get some feelings out.
he party for my friend was very nice. Everyone showed. Even exNG who we all figured even though he said he would, wouldn't. He showed without his fiancé and with his daughter who was so nice to see. He actually stayed the for a very long time. He sat down and had a convo with D10 and she told him all about our house, school, ect. The kids were playing, and we all sat around the firepit. he was across from me. He was telling a story about his now ex friend and he said, well, I was using Ginger as an example as how she is completing her degree online, raising a child and working full time" Once in a while we would make jabs at each other about how I live in NJ and sooooo far away which is what ultimately ended our R. twice I caught him staring at me, and once, I caught myself staring at him. It is awkward in how someone can feel so familiar yet unfamiliar at the same time. I can't believe I once saw the rest of my life with him. He saw the same, I do know he did. He just didn't want the work to get there. I would have moved up there. I truly would have. If he would have shown commitment to me and put effort in, I would have done what he wanted. I really, truly loved him.
Now he is engaged to some woman who he spoils to death monetarily. Funny how things turn out.
I was really really happy to see the whole friends group, including him, all together . It doesn't happen often that he is there anymore because his fiancé isn't social. And he said when he left "I really need to do this more often, I love it". And I know that. Because when we were together he would tell me how much he missed just being around his friends. He hugged me goodbye and thanked me for inviting him because he had such a good time.
There were so many woulda coulda shoulda beens in who reappear in my life in someway. It makes me so sad how none of them really panned out and I got hurt multiple times because if my own fault. My exH was a third chance.
I need to leave all the guys in my past in the past and not let them re-enter my life. I hope one day to meet a guy, and not have to be I the position for second chances. That we work for on the first time.
Ok, I feel better now.
An interesting tid bit:
I was bored and swiping around on bumble. I came across my cousin's BIL and a single dad in town. But, I did message this one guy. He tells me he hasn't been on the dating scene in 15 years. I said "oh, newly divorced?" he tells me, "no, freshly separated". I asked him what made him get back on the scene so soon. He tells me " I just want to get over her".
I, of course, explain that getting over someone doesn't mean getting under someone else and you really have to do the work and be right with yourself. I also said , I am sure you don't want to use some nice woman who is in a good place and looking to add to her life just so that you can get over your ex?"
Needless to say, I never heard from him again.
G - You just mind f-ed him
An interesting tid bit: I was bored and swiping around on bumble. I came across my cousin's BIL and a single dad in town. But, I did message this one guy.
OMG - step away from those d@mn OLD dating apps will ya???? It's like crack - you just can't stop. LOL. Yes, great job finding out the guy's true motives and giving him a dose of reality, but I swear, like 80% of the people on there are misfits. They just are - we've talked about this. I'm so curious why you keep going back to this cheese-less tunnel? I've done soooooo much better both with dating and with my mental health since I stopped the whole OLD thing. It was only upsetting me - not getting me any closer to anything. You keep getting sucked back in. It's almost like gambling... the next one is going to be a winner, I can just feel it!
I am a masochist, what can I say? I really did get bored and I flipped though. I did start talking to one guy. We have been texting and having a drink Friday night. So far, so normal. Guilty until proven innocent of course. He just seems like a regular guy. Has a job, a home in the town over, a 4 year old son he is very involved with. Loves the outdoors. Pictures are good. Who knows. I am counting on this one being a bust too.
Busy weekend anyways. before the date I have my daughter's pep rally, Saturday morning I am volunteering at a health fair. I left it up to ex to take care of D10's cheerleading pictures that are happening at that time. That night she has a game too, but it is also her bff's parents joint 50th which I am invited to. Sunday will be for exercising and relaxing.
Cheer season, school starting tomorrow, moving, wedding in Maine, D10's birthday......(she's going to be 11 next week!) is making for a very busy next two months.
I won't lie. I am so overwhelmed my mind keeps shutting down and I am pretty much exhausted all the time. I know it will get better soon though.
Just have fun with it and if something happens it happens. If you want to have sex then have sex......just follow your own advice that you have given to me
. Have no expectations and take it for what it is, live in the moment. If something materializes then it materializes if it doesn't then move on to the next. I think you can OLD you just can't take it seriously.
I am going to have fun with it. NO sexy time though. I got my fill otherwise, I think I can keep it in my pants. Ideally, (and this is not an expectation) a nice date, and a nice good night kiss, then a call the next day making plans for our other date.
Or I just enjoy some good beer. He is a beer snob like me!
I absolutely love reading all the comments folks get on their posts to see how people think/react differently to things. It really gives me some good insight. I have noticed something that both you and J9 have said several times that stands out to me. I think it stands out because I feel exactly the opposite. I'm not saying I'm right in my way of thinking, of course....just that it is how I think. I noticed y'all have both said "guilty until proven innocent". I try to look at it the other way. And, you know, honestly as I think about it, that may be my problem. Maybe a dose of skepticism (for lack of a better word) is what is needed to make it in the OLD world. I think I have always been a tad too trusting. I'm too quick to believe the good in people and that is why I constantly have to remind myself to pay attention to people's actions rather than their words. It is REALLY easy to say anything but actions tend to prove out over time where words are just lip service, much of the time.
I wish you luck with your upcoming date and hope it is a pleasant experience for you. You are a fantastic person and I hope that he sees that and you both have a sparked interest. Just go with the flow and have fun.
I absolutely love reading all the comments folks get on their posts to see how people think/react differently to things. It really gives me some good insight. I have noticed something that both you and J9 have said several times that stands out to me. I think it stands out because I feel exactly the opposite. I'm not saying I'm right in my way of thinking, of course....just that it is how I think. I noticed y'all have both said "guilty until proven innocent". I try to look at it the other way. And, you know, honestly as I think about it, that may be my problem. Maybe a dose of skepticism (for lack of a better word) is what is needed to make it in the OLD world. I think I have always been a tad too trusting. I'm too quick to believe the good in people and that is why I constantly have to remind myself to pay attention to people's actions rather than their words. It is REALLY easy to say anything but actions tend to prove out over time where words are just lip service, much of the time.
I wish you luck with your upcoming date and hope it is a pleasant experience for you. You are a fantastic person and I hope that he sees that and you both have a sparked interest. Just go with the flow and have fun.
I am afraid I taught J9 that saying. TBH, I was always the most trusting person. I got burned every single time. But I really only apply that to online dating, where I don't know the person from a hole in the wall. Honestly though, I feel as if men need to start proving themselves to me a little before I trust them. Because my open trust has yielded quite awful results for me.
Thank you Dawn, it will be nice is this is actually a nice normal date. But if not, I went out on a Friday night I don't have my daughter and had a drink with a guy. No harm in that.
I think that last date just creeped me out because he was so forward. And the other part that creeped me out was that he knew EVERYONE in the restaurant he took me to. I felt like I was on display as his woman to these people. It was weird to say the least.
OMG - step away from those d@mn OLD dating apps will ya????
Seriously? Do we really need to edit the word d@mn? The system doesn't even do it! And you can still figure out what the word is replacing @ for the a. I mean what is the possible point of this? We are all adults here - is reading the word d@mn with an a different than d@mn? I know moderators do this for free and in general do a really great job here but wow this is just, I don't know very odd? clearly lots and lots of time on your hands to make a change like that. Perhaps it's my years of journalism training and editing coming out but this really struck me. Maybe I'm the wierd one, but d@amn. Lol.
Sorry Ginger to hi-jack....
DonH,
There is a thread at the top of this forum that is a gentle reminder of the "terms and conditions" that we agree to when we request a User ID and password to post on the forums. I have copied a portion of that thread here to remind all about the language.
"One of the "terms and conditions" that is in the Policies thread that Cadet has posted is stated as: "Participants shall treat each other with respect, refraining from rudeness and foul language." It has been suggested that if you need to use foul language, then either change the spelling or change a character within the word.
Please try to keep the language as clean as possible. I realize that we all tend to forget that we aren't sitting around with a group of friends just shooting the breeze and anything that we say is okay, however, we do need to be mindful of those who do come here to read our postings and sometimes the language can be offensive to others.
We all have been there and done that...so let's help each other keep the respect alive and the language as clean as possible. The moderators have been cleaning up some of the language, but we don't have the time to read each and every posting to censure it for the language. So, I'm asking for your help to be mindful of what you are posting."
Remember...what you post can be viewed by anyone that comes here, i.e., whether the person is a poster or a visitor.
And d@amn is "foul language"? C'mon. I guarentee you can turn on any over the air television or radio any time of the day and hear the word d@amn. I don't want to make a bigger deal of this but you may just be taking things a bit too seriously. That said you have a thankless job and I do appreciate the work you do - just like I appreciate the job of a cop but if he was pulling people over for "violating the speed limit" for driving 56 in a 55 zone I'd say use a little common sence. In no world is d@amn foul language, but whatever lol
Ginger I do have to give you credit - at least I think I do. I know there is no way I'd be able to keep doing it like you do. That really says something about you! I admire you for it at least to a good degree. I wish I had that attribute. Of course at some point you have to consider a cheese less tunnel but we say you've got to kiss a lot of frogs and you are totally doing that! You should be proud of your ability and strength!
So that random guy from Friday night never contacted you again? I'm very surprised. You never talked about how he knew everyone. It so totally sounds like he was showing you off to the people there! All the touching and stuff - it's rare if ever I've done that on a first date with a total stranger - just odd. But I think your assessment is dead on "look at the girl I have with me everyone!" And if true, that's why he didn't contact you again - he achieved what he wanted.
Dawn: in one of Dr. Phils recent books he talks about how the world has changed. He talks about how we were raised to give the bennefit of the doubt. He claims we all need to change that - no one deserves the bennefit of the doubt these days. That's what ginger is saying and Joseph is parroting. People need to prove themselves to us. I've always been great at figuring people out - unless I'm interested in or dating them! Lol. The world is filled with scammer, used car salesman types that have a total knack at telling us what we want to hear they charm and say just the right things while totally scamming us. Some are so natural at it. For some reason I'm great at spotting them in daily life - perhaps because I don't give the bennefit of the doubt. Wish I had the same ability with woman and romantic encounters. My point though is consider Dr. Phils advice and don't give that blanket pass to anyone. Suspect everyone until they prove who they are to you. He talks about baiter and other bad traits to look out for. I don't remember the name of the book but it's a good read from I think 2013? You don't have to totally change who you are either - it's just protecting yourself with another layer.
You know me, Don, I just keep getting back on that horse. Like an idiot who has been tossed on her head so many times!
today was D10's first day of 6th grade. We had a crisis last night. Her book report didn't save, we couldn't even retype it because there was a problem with the computer/printer, and we had to write everything. Thank God she did already on a different sheet. This was all after cheer practice last night. I felt so bad, we both had a panic attack, but pulled our selves together. We had to finish it this morning. It's been so hard to do with her sharing custody and her vacations with her father, then cheer every night for 2 horus. He doesn't have a computer at all. He doesn't do any work with her. It's all on me! Excuses, sure, but it's been really hard to pull it all together for myself this summer. I am completely overwhelmed. Can you believe her father didn't even call her to wish her a great first day of school? Well, you probably could. It didn't even phase her. I was the one who realized it. Nonetheless, I sent him, his wife, and his sister a pic of her from her 1st day of kindergarten and her first day of 6th grade.
I am super overwhelmed lately. I have been wondering what's it's like to share the responsibility of raising a child and life in general with a partner. I get sad I never knew it. My daughter looks to me for EVERYTHING. she expects nothing of her father. And I try so hard to do it all. Her father may be in her life, but I really have no help. If I need something from him, I need to ask. For once it would be nice if he asked if there was anything I need him to do for our daughter. I lay there at night and look at the other queen sized bed, empty, as always. Well, sometimes I throw my clean laundry there.
It's hard having no one. No husband/boyfriend, no mom, no siblings. It wears me down bit.
I loved the photos that you posted. You have and continue to do a great job being a mom to your daughter. She knows who is putting forth 100% effort in raising her. She knows that her father is a Disney dad and will not put forth the effort to be interested in her life. He has missed the boat entirely on being a real part of her life.
I'm sure her first day of school will be exciting and she'll have a lot to tell you this evening.
Never, ever, doubt yourself. You may be frazzled at times, but you are there for your daughter and you are doing a great job. She will never forget everything you do for her.
Hang in there!
Oh Job, Thank you! some days I mess up because I am so overwhelmed. I dropped her off at her aunts house the last 2 days when she had no school. It was her daughter's first day of kindergarten, they were in the middle of a photo shoot with these fancy signs and all the grandma's there..... I never did that for my kid. I snap a shot, no sign, and run out the door. I've done it every single year, just me and her.
I also realize I messed up because I didn't officially sign her up for before and after care. She has just been going there all year around since kindergarten for summer camp also that I didn't realize I didn't "officially" sign her up. I was afraid she wasn't going to get bussed back to the club. I called and panicked and they said she wasn't on list and they would pick her up because its us. (my daughter practically works there, she's kind of famous)
I need to pull my sh!t together. The encouragement helps, thanks Job
On an another note..... My ex's sister, D10's aunt, I realize is as mean as her brother. She is downright cruel to her mother in front of her to me and always always b!tching about her H in front of him to me. She seems almost miserable. Doesn't have to work, is rich, ect. But can't stand the people in her life. I'll never get it.
I am just so relating to you right now Ginger. I did not have my son do any of the summer assignments and i am feeling like "one of those moms" right now. Everytime i tried to go on that d@mn parent portal there was a problem. And we were a part of a study that required tons of driving plus his camp was far and requored lots of driving then i was sick the past 3 weeks and pushing myself to keep going cause i just started a 2nd supplement job that basically [censored] but has great flexibility.
And i too was wondering' what would it be like if i had someone else invested in sharing this responsibility?
Amd then of course i really started to resent my ex for his irresponsibility and his resentment of paying me the bare minimum in child support. Like how the hell does he not see it? Does he realize how hard it is to work more when i am balancing all the necessaries for HIS child. HIS own flesh and blood. I cant save. Im not putting what hebis into retirement.
And then he gets to act like doting dad taking his kid to water parks every other weekend.
I just remind myself of my relationship with son' and how embarassed and ashamed I would be to be capable of living the way my ex is, even though it is an easier life.
I will say i cannot believe how readily i grasped on to the idea that our waywards were actually more miserable then us back when i was a newcomer.
I dont believe that any more. They are just a bunch of people capable of leaving their responsibilities in life onto other and they are completely ok or in denial of that.
The waywards do not want to be accountable for their actions and above all else, do not want the responsibility of being a partner nor a parent. They want to look good to others and stand out as mommy and/or daddy of the year. They want to be able to look in the mirror and think that they are so great just by spending a wee bit of time w/their children and please...they shutter to think that they have to spend once cent more on their children.
They never grew up and most likely never will. Shame on them! They have no idea what it is like to have a child come home and hug a parent because the parent has been there for them. They have no idea what it means to love unconditionally.
I am always in awe of the mothers and fathers that post of how they are taking care of their children. It's tough job being both parents, but each and everyone of the parents here are doing a wonderful job and your children will remember who was there for them when they needed love, support, guidance and an ear to listen.
Juju, I hear ya. My ex pays next to nothing for his rental and has 2 incomes in his home. he looks like Disney dad with the vacation and parties and swimming pools he takes her to. That is all he does. I told him he had to take her for cheer pictures tomorrow (it's his day) because I am volunteering at a health fair. He does it and feels like he is so wonderful. he has tons in retirement, which I know, and will be able to retire at 55.
I could not agree with you both more, my ex has not grown up AT ALL. I have known him well since 18 too. He doesn't give a rat's arse about responsibility. he is in it for the accolades. H has never been responsible for any actions. Our whole R and M he left me in charge of everything. So if something goes wrong, he could blame me. He hasn't taken responsibility for one thing in his life and he really doesn't give a crap.
Thanks job, it means a lot to hear that. Doing both jobs is the toughest job I could have ever imagined.
I managed to do my research on my date tonight. I go to find out his exW was voted some working mother of the year in 2015. She was also diagnosed with breast cancer right after the birth of their son. Which is where according his the timeline, I think their marriage pretty much went down hill. A little intimidating, I won't lie. But a fun drink would be nice.
The waywards do not want to be accountable for their actions and above all else, do not want the responsibility of being a partner nor a parent. They want to look good to others and stand out as mommy and/or daddy of the year. They want to be able to look in the mirror and think that they are so great just by spending a wee bit of time w/their children and please...they shutter to think that they have to spend once cent more on their children.
They never grew up and most likely never will. Shame on them! They have no idea what it is like to have a child come home and hug a parent because the parent has been there for them. They have no idea what it means to love unconditionally.
I am always in awe of the mothers and fathers that post of how they are taking care of their children. It's tough job being both parents, but each and everyone of the parents here are doing a wonderful job and your children will remember who was there for them when they needed love, support, guidance and an ear to listen.
I couldn't agree more! I was shocked at how totally immature my XH really was when we went through our divorce and I realized he'd actually been that way along but I overlooked it out of love, I suppose (or possibly stupidity...not sure which). He never took responsibility or accountability for his own actions, blamed the entire divorce on me, cheated on me and lied about it (still lies about it to this day), then wanted me to tell everyone in our lives that the D was a mutual decision, mainly because he didn't want to look like a big giant douchebag since I'd stuck by him through his years of medical issues and his almost dying.
I also totally agree on being in awe of all those who have younger kids and do it by themselves. My kids were adults when we D'ed so they didn't need much, though in the days, weeks, months after D, they leaned on me WAY more than they did him. Despite his wanting me to lie and tell everyone the whole thing was mutual, the girls figured out pretty quick that it wasn't mutual (no, I did NOT tell them and I never will because as bad as I hate their father, I would never do anything to make him look "less than" in their eyes). I am just awestruck by those who handle and manage the little ones in the face of D and putting the pieces back together after. It is amazing!
I managed to do my research on my date tonight. I go to find out his exW was voted some working mother of the year in 2015. She was also diagnosed with breast cancer right after the birth of their son. Which is where according his the timeline, I think their marriage pretty much went down hill. A little intimidating, I won't lie. But a fun drink would be nice.
While I understand why you say your "research" led you to something that would be intimidating, I don't think you should be. The XW is who she is and good for her, but you are amazing in your own right and no one should compare you to each other. I just read somewhere recently and actually it is something I have heard many times over, but anyway, the gist of what I read was that you shouldn't judge your own self against the outward lifestyles/appearances (and I don't mean appearance as in physical appearance so much as I mean appearance in relation to how their life seems to be) of others or you will feel "less than" every time because you will be really hard on yourself. Just relax and go have fun.
Agreed with dawn. No need to be intimidated...look at yourself. Single mom, very independent with a house and good career.
I would however view this date with caution. New mom with breast cancer and the marriage declined during that time? Where was he? My marriage sloped severely down hill when i was pregnant and diagnosed with melanoma. Why? Becs3use ex was being asked to help more and because i was so scared and stressed and looking for suppprt from someone that kept disappearing.
Thank you ladies! I went into the date unintimidated and just myself. Believe it or not, the scenario I described that would be ideal about this date actually played out just like that. We actually had a 3 hour date, not realizing it. We were having beers and eating apps outside at a bar/grill at our little airport in town and it was a beautiful night. He is totally cool, smart, cute, tall (I mention that, because I had no idea before going into the date. he is 6'2"), very devoted dad, ect.. He paid, we walked out to the car and he told me he would really like to see me again and I told him I would like that very much, then he kissed me. It was a sweet kiss. No tongue, not passionate, but....Nice. The way it should be after knowing someone for only hours. When he got home, he texted me that he had a really fun time. We have been in contact today. he said something very sweet too. So, I didn't hop into anyone's bed, go back to anyone's house, have an intense make out session. I had a normal date. I look forward to the next one.
So, I have a dilemma that came up earlier in the night. D10's pep rally was last night and of course ex and OWW were there. My ex was kind of enough to bring me a spiked coke (yes, we are those parents). OWW tells me on my weekend her and her girlfriends are going apple picking and other kids are going and she would like for ME and D10 to come. I think she invited me because it is my weekend. Anyways, she tells me the woman who introduced her and ex is going to be there. She does not know I know this. I want to smack that woman. I know she was a MAJOR player in getting them together. She asked me in front of D10, so of course D10 wants me to go (well, she said "by my mommy won't know anyone!). I mean, what do I do?! Hanging out with my ex husbands affair partner, the friend who hooked them up and all her friends? I mean, is this not weird? What do I do? I will be moving at that time. I can back out using the excuse of the move, and just let her take D10. Or I can go so everyone can meet me and have to see that I am just a normal woman and a great mom who didn't deserve what I got.
It's just the weirdest position to be in.
On a good note, my landlord's deal is going through and I am getting the money! I have been waiting for this! I can start booking my contractors and I know what I have to work with. I volunteered today at the community health fair our hospital system sponsors and it was awesome. I won a basket in a raffle. It really is a great thing because for so many people, this is their ONLY access to healthcare. They are uninsured and poor. So it's a one stop shop for all their preventative medicine. I'll be doing this every year.
Anywho. I cheerleading tonight then D10's BFF's joint 50th birthday. Their daughter doesn't want to miss cheerleading, so I offered to bring her to the party with me after halftime. It will be my 3rd night in a row in the same bar/ restauraunt.
Tomorrow. Relaxing. I am so tired.
Nice G!!! 6’2.......not a bad height
. Sounds like you had a great time.......remember your advice to me.
Congrats on the cash!
I would NOT accept the invite. You don't have to apologize to your daughter. Inviting you two in front of your daughter is really tacky. You always invite the adult first. Even me and my ex make a point to never tell the kids we are doing something that requires both parents approval until we've reached a consensus. So no, you don't have to go, and you don't need to be defensive. Don't make it bigger than it has to be. "No" and move on. If this destroys your daughter's world then it's for the best anyway because she would need to learn that you don't always get everything you want.
Put Ginger first for a while. We'll tell you when you become selfish but at this time the pendulum needs to keep swinging that direction.
Oh h@ll no - no apple picking for you. And who the h@ll sets up a married man with a pregnant wife anyway?? B
Date sounds nice and appropriate. I WOULD like to know the story behind the marriage breaking down after his wife got cancer though. We've seen so many WASs who ran when their spouses were diagnosed, I'd want to be sure he wasn't that kind.
You guys are right. I do not need to be going apple picking. D is more than welcomed to go, but I really don't want to. I am a bit of a wimp, because I'll make an excuse, I won't say the truth, because I have to maintain a decent relationship for the sake of D10. I will be moving anyways, probably even painting that weekend, so there is really no time at all.
I also wondered when I realized that the breakdown of the M seems to come at the time after the baby and diagnosis. We did not share why we got divorced yet, we kept it light for the first date. I figure one of three possibilities. I first considered maybe he wasn't there for her? But it seems unlikely, because he is so involved with their son, since the beginning from what he describes, that I don't think it was that. A new baby on top of a cancer diagnosis had to have been so extremely stressful for the both of them, I wonder if their marriage simply didn't survive it. Also, I have seen when people survive something like cancer, they reevaluate their lives having been given a second chance, and maybe she though for whatever reason he wasn't the one. I really hope he wasn't a dick. They seem to get along pretty well, which is great. I am 180ing over here with this guy. I am free today, like totally free. Normally because of kid schedules I would suggest we spend time together. Because I know I won't be all that free. But I am not. he can come to me and ask. We are texting now, but I mentioned nothing.
The birthday party last night was hilarious. D10 has brought me some really cool people into my life. And these people know how to party! It's a group of couples in town, plus me, lol. The husbands are all awesome, the women are my women. We had a blast. One couple are going ot be my other backyard neighbors. They offered any help or anything I ever need. Everyone last night said they are very impressed that I am buying on my own and all made sure to mention that. I think I made the right move by staying in town.
Think I am going to start some packing today. It's getting real!
Oh my God, I found out what happened to their M. When their S was 3 months old, his exW was diagnosed with cancer. he had been feeling extremely exhausted , he thought due to a newborn and being up with him while his wife was going through her surgery and treatments. He thought he should get checked out and found out he thyroid cancer 3 weeks after his wife was diagnosed. I didn't ask, but I think I can safely assume this stress lead to the breakdown of their marriage. I was tearing when he told me. Life can really be a biotch.
And he asked me out for dinner Wednesday:) Like a another normal date
I like where this is heading much better. Easy peasy remember!
Ginger,
I am so happy to read that you had a normal date and you both enjoyed yourselves. This is so much better and if the normal dates continue, he might just be the one that will be there for the long haul. Keep it simple and don't rush the process.
How are you coming along on packing? When do you plan to move into your new home?
Yay for you, G! So thrilled for you to find a nice, normal dude. Glad you enjoyed. I would say a big helllllllllllllllllllllllll no to the apple picking. What kind of person, step mother or no, invites another adult to do something in front of a young child? Of course the child is going to want to go and want to make mom (in this case you) feel like they should go. Duh! That is just a no no. Reminds me of when we were kids, our parents had a rule that if we wanted someone to come over to the house or to spend the night, we must ask BEFORE we invited the person and we could NOT ask in front of the person. That allowed for the no answer, IF it was necessary (which it usually wasn't) without creating a super awkward situation.
Agreed. OW just sounds oblivious. Like she just does not know better regarding lots of stuff. I think its ok to call her on her ridiculousness. Im the queen of nasty passive aggressive remarks so what i would say is...
"Dont you think that would be a little awkward for me to be around... (name of woman that set them up)? She is the catalyst for a lot of the stress and suffering i went through while pregnant. Thank god daughter was born healthy. One day i am positive you will understand better" and then adopt the greatest expression i have learned from southerners. "Bless your heart"
Agreed. OW just sounds oblivious. Like she just does not know better regarding lots of stuff. I think its ok to call her on her ridiculousness. Im the queen of nasty passive aggressive remarks so what i would say is...
"Dont you think that would be a little awkward for me to be around... (name of woman that set them up)? She is the catalyst for a lot of the stress and suffering i went through while pregnant. Thank god daughter was born healthy. One day i am positive you will understand better" and then adopt the greatest expression i have learned from southerners. "Bless your heart"
This is awesome. There are so many layers to that onion. You're not only taking a shot at that woman, you're explaining the reasoning being that she was on a team of people that destroyed your family, with OW being the captain of that team (or co-captain with XH). So you're actually telling her you think she's a horrible person you want nothing to do with and calling out why, to her face, in front of your daughter, but all without saying anything directly to her. Then the 'bless your heart' is just the mic drop. Nicely done jj.
I love what Juju posted! It will give her something to think about and come to realize just how crazy it was to suggest that you be invited along on this outing.
I love it too! But admittedly, I am not brave enough. We all get along, and I am just too tired to even put tension back up there. I conflict avoid, obviously.
She has never acknowledged what she has done to me and our family. I would actually respect an apology, but she has never come to me like a woman and gave me one. And I know she knows what she did was wrong.
It's sad that I let them all "get away" with it and I sweep it under the rug. I do it to keep peace for our daughter. But one day, and mark my words, she will hear it from me and what I think about what they did. Ex has heard it from me, oh, and she will too.
She has never acknowledged what she has done to me and our family. I would actually respect an apology, but she has never come to me like a woman and gave me one. And I know she knows what she did was wrong.
It's sad that I let them all "get away" with it and I sweep it under the rug. I do it to keep peace for our daughter. But one day, and mark my words, she will hear it from me and what I think about what they did. Ex has heard it from me, oh, and she will too.
You didn't let them "get away" with anything. You moved on. NOTHING wrong with that. I get what you are saying because I felt that way at first too. I didn't even want an apology from my XH's new skank as much as I just wanted him to acknowledge what he'd done, but through counseling and just some long, deep thoughts with myself, I realized that it just didn't matter. So, for me, in order to move forward, I had to let go of him ever acknowledging that he'd, indeed, broken our marriage vows by sleeping with another woman while we were still married. He wouldn't admit it then and he won't now, so she certainly won't, though they are both very well aware of what happened. I finally found my own peace and happiness in just letting it go. You have to do what is right for yourself and I think doing it now to keep peace for your daughter is a great thing. But, I urge you, think about just letting it go because another 8 years until D10 is D18 is a long time to hold on to it to wait for an apology and to have your say to her. She's already proven she's not a decent woman by what she did to your family and hanging on to that for another 8 years is not likely going to change anything. Why not go into your "new" life when D10 is doing her own thing as an adult without a grudge and just living your best life for YOU? You deserve to give yourself a break and be happy. You said XH has heard it and based on everything you have said about him before, I would suspect that whatever you said fell on deaf ears, so I'm not sure why waiting for 8 more years is going to change his or OW's ability to really hear and understand what you say. They won't likely ever fess up to how wrong their actions were and if they are still married to each other in 8 years, that will just give them more ammo to say that what they did was right, which will only make things worse for you.
I'm certainly not trying to be Debbie Downer here. Just trying to help you see a different perspective. You are this amazing, strong, fantastic woman and you are setting an example for D10 with everything you do. She seems to be a bright, well-adjusted young lady from the things you say and I would imagine that is quite a proud achievement for you, to raise such a fine young woman. XH is her dad and you can't change that. XH was an a$$ and he and OW ruined your family. You can't change that. What you can change is how you frame that in relation to your own current life and future. As D10 gets older and your dealings with him become somewhat more removed from each other, I hope and pray that you can find a way to just let go of the past and move forward and live your best life with only those who are important to you in it being the major players.
Give yourself some credit, G. You are dealing with a sh!tty situation and you handle it with grace and style. That's a lesson your D10 is seeing constantly and she'll be better for it. And, as she gets older, she WILL see XH and OW for who they really are because kids are not stupid. She likely already sees it to some degree, but maybe can't process it quite yet, but she will as she matures.
She has never acknowledged what she has done to me and our family. I would actually respect an apology, but she has never come to me like a woman and gave me one. And I know she knows what she did was wrong.
It's sad that I let them all "get away" with it and I sweep it under the rug. I do it to keep peace for our daughter. But one day, and mark my words, she will hear it from me and what I think about what they did. Ex has heard it from me, oh, and she will too.
Just to add my 2 pence to this, on my way home very late last night the song "Why don't you stay" by Sugarland came up on the shuffle list. The last couple of times it has, I've just skipped it, but last night I let it play.
It's a song from the OW perspective if my point of view matches the writer's.
What I've come to realize over time is that OW/OM/misc flying monkeys - NONE of them care about the BS. Infidelity is accepted by the greater population as "normal", "fun", "an act of exuberance". For many of our spouses, they also don't care about the damage that their selfishness caused. It is really only those of us who are directly affected by it and those close to us who have any concept at all of how horrible of an experience it can be to have your trust so completely destroyed.
So - I don't expect an apology from the OM in my case, nor to I want one. I used to think that I would want an apology from my ex but now I doubt I would believe it if she did and it wouldn't change anything. If my ex does have any regrets and it is extremely possible that she does, it would be about how
her life has gotten bad, not the fact that she nearly killed me, alienated her children from their mother and possibly permanently damaged the ability of all of us to trust as completely and deeply as we did 3 years ago.
When the subject of infidelity comes up for example at the barber-shop and the guys go "he-he-he" I will insert a comment that yeah - having to worry about the paternity of your kids, or getting tested for STI's, or paying a large portion of my income to a woman who uses it to party with her boyfriend is just a big laugh ain't it. I'm not quite that rude about it, but my point gets across and at least a couple of people, for a couple of minutes realize that infidelity is indeed a BIG deal.
<rant off>
Hmmm, I think the reason why I can be fine and normal is because I really am "over it". I am not holding onto animosity or hatred. I don't think it's an apology I desire as much as acknowledgment, and I know it is way easier for her to live with herself and face me without having to actually deal with it directly to me. I think it get's under my skin just a little extra some times. Like my ex wanted her tonight as his night, the night before her birthday because he has his family coming over and celebrating. I am not waking up to my baby girl on her birthday. She is. Ex will be out of the house for work and she will be the first person my daughter sees on her birthday. Something feels just so wrong about it.
To speak to what you said, Andrew, my ex does not see infidelity as a big deal at all. There has never been a woman in his life he never cheated on. Maybe except his current wife? I don't know. But he cheated on all of them, starting in high school. His father has never been faithful to any of his wives, baby momma's or women, and he was open about it and thought it was funny. OWW has parents that have been married forever and really seem like really nice people, to be totally honest. I don't know that they know the real story, but I think she was a case of a woman with low self esteem and probably no men interested in her, as soon as one was, BAM. As long as she didn't have to face who she was hurting, she could pretend like it wasn't happening.
This is D's first year with her own locker in school and she told me her 2 friends got permission to stay after school and decorate it today so when she comes to school tomorrow she has a decorated locker. She is so excited. So cute. Tonight I have my second date. he is so cute. He always texts me good morning and goodnight, always asks me how my day is going, is always respectful, and just seems like a good guy. he has quite a story. I look forward to getting to know him better. I did find out, ironically enough, he used to live around the corner from FF. He lives in a neighboring town, but that town is huge and it has a few lake communities. He sent me the house he gutted and rebuilt, which was his martial home, and it was right where FF lived. Small world. He moved else where in town since they sold the home.
Work just keeps getting more odd, and my house seems to be coming along. I am really hoping for that 9/21 closing date.
G - You ready for your date tonight?
The ex called me the other night and asked if I could drop her off at his house tonight and I said "nope, I have a date!" D was on speaker phone and heard me and now is giving me the third degree, lol. So his sister will pick her up at 5:30, date is at 7. We are going for sushi, my favorite! It's a BYOB and I said I would bring the wine. A nice place on the water too, hopefully the weather will clear up. Got my outfit picked and everything. Hopefully all goes well.
Oh, and in bad news. I think my knee is messed up again. My LCL this time. I can't extend my knee without it popping on the side and it almost takes me down. I feel like I'll never be right again. I went to crossfit this week anyways. I have an ortho apt on Monday. I don't really need this right now, hopfully it is nothing.
Rhut rho.......G is going to get her swerve on!
......and date 2 in the books! Another great one. This one lasted 2 hours and ended with a more passionate kiss in the rain. So romantic. I was going to pay for dinner, but he paid when I got up to use the restroom. I came back and told him I was going to pay. He said now I am going to go on another date with him. Guess where we are going..... hatchet throwing, hahaha! Hopefully this won't be the kiss of death, hahaha! He texted me when he got home that he was still smiling from the kiss. I am so looking forward to date 3 which won't happen until sometime next week.
Today is my baby's 11th birthday! I can't believe how time flies. Tonight she will be flying, literally at the indoor skydiving. Then the 3 of us will have dinner. Tomorrow she requests a special birthday dinner at the Columbian resturaunt by our house with just me. (because she loves their chicken fingers and fries). Saturday will be a celebration with my dad and stepmother at hibachi like we do every year. She gets lots of birthday celebrations. She deserves them.
Work seriously p!ssed me off today, but I won't let it get me down. Today is a good day.
I am very happy to read that your date last evening went well. Now, it's on to date 3! He sounds like a really nice guy who is taking things slowly w/you. That's far better than being to quick to rush to the finish line.
Happy Birthday to your young lady. She's having a lot of celebrations this week and she deserves every one of them.
Don't allow work to get you down...Friday is just around the corner and things have been looking up for you. Smile, stay positive and let those that bug you wonder why you are smiling.
Have a great day!
Thank you very much Job! Doing the normal dating thing is really nice. He's really sweet and a gentleman. He texted me this morning "Good Morning, Gorgeous!" We are making plans for next Friday right now for hatchet throwing and dinner. Next Friday should also be my closing date. MY LOAN WAS APPROVED! We are waiting for the appraisal. I got a $1000 credit in lieu of repairs. I still can't believe this is happening. All great stuff.
Nice work G! This sounds very promising!!! He certainly seems interested. Send some of those positive vibes my way
Nice work G! This sounds very promising!!! He certainly seems interested. Send some of those positive vibes my way
I will send those positive vibes on over!
Things just got to a new level I am not used to.
He friended me on FB. Asked me if he could first. I've only been social media friends with 2 guys I dated.
Well, I guess the good thing is he is unlikely to ghost me now.
Thanks G! Maybe your next thread title will be "Lucky In Love"
Oh, I haven't even friended CMM on FB yet and we've been dating for 3 months!
I have lots of ex-boyfriends on FB, totally appropriate but I think it might make CMM jealous to see them posting things to me (nothing EVER inappropriate, mostly humorous or political stuff, or something musical they think I might be interested in. ) Also if he looks at their pictures they are mostly tall and handsome (not that CMM isn't handsome but some of the ex's are intimidatingly handsome). And what if he asks me about the adorable young guy in his 30's in St. Louis - how do I explain that we are online dating friends from years ago who never met in person but formed a friendship???
Gee - I've never really had to face this issue before to tell the truth. Crazy ExBF was on FB but he didn't spend much time on it (because of course his other women might catch on ). Luckily for me CMM doesn't really do FB so I'm hoping it just doesn't come up for a long time.
Hmmmm.....what do other people do about FB friending dates?
I have never even had a relationship status on FB, and I think I posted one picture in a lifetime with a boyfriend and he made me take it down. And that pretty much put the nail in the coffin of our R.
This is really a strange territory for me. I mean, I've got nothing to hide on there. Pics of me and my D mostly, funny memes and recipes. It's like I don't know what to do with a guy who shows interest and doesn't distance himself from me.
New territory.
I haven't had much experience with this. I'm a big facebooker because I have friends and family scattered all over the place. When XH and I were married, we both had FB and used it and tagged each other and posted pics and such, but since my D, I haven't posted pics with people I have dated, nor have I friended guys I have dated. Sparky doesn't have facebook so it isn't an issue with him, though there have been a couple of pics of him on mine, but never just the 2 of us. One is a pic of me and him and my 2 friends we went to see Def Leppard with back in the summer. The other is a family gathering at the lake where we were all in the water playing with water toys and you can see him in the group in a few of them. I think it is likely a personal decision for everyone. I will likely continue to keep pics of Sparky off my facebook for awhile, but who knows what the future holds. If he were a fb user, I would certainly friend him, but we are past the initial dating phase. I don't necessarily hide anything on my fb....lots of family pics and memes and inspirational things that speak to me. Today I posted a pic of my niece and my dad because it is their birthdays. I try to be a what you see is what you get kind of person, so that is how I post, but I certainly wouldn't add people in the initial dating phases. I keep my settings to friends only and I only friend people who I actually know.
Oh, I DEFINITELY don't do the relationship status thing. What a nightmare that would be, deciding when to post you're in a relationship, did you do it too soon, too late, when do you change it, etc? Oh heck no.
Btw Ginger - it IS actually a good sign that he wants to friend you. Guys who are juggling multiple women know to avoid FB because the women catch onto each other and cause trouble. (Crazy ExBF had another FB account for that reason I found out.)
Btw Ginger - it IS actually a good sign that he wants to friend you. Guys who are juggling multiple women know to avoid FB because the women catch onto each other and cause trouble.
LOL - I expect that the first time that I'm tagged in a photo as part of a couple that "lots" of sh## will hit the fan both with my ex-wife and the other of the two women that I'm interested in who I am connected to on FB. Assuming that it's the other one of course.
Congratulations on the loan! I am so happy for you and your daughter! Things are finally starting to look up for you!
As for the new guy wanting to be friends on FB...that's a step forward. I like the fact that he asked you first. This man has manners and knows how to communicate w/women the proper way.
I am so very happy for you!
OMG, G....I am smiling so big right now...so very happy for you and proud of you, too. See what happens when you do something different? Just sayin...
Praying that things continue to move forward in a positive way.
Love you, girl. Cant wait to see your new house. Give G a big birthday hug for me.
Unless you have a small number of friends and only keep it to close friends (small being 50 or 75) I don't see any problem with it. Most people these days have hundreds of friends on FB so what's the diff? Now changing your R status for me is HUGE and gas never been done by me. I'm even very careful,about posting pictures or doing posts. But friends, no big deal at all to me. Thing is, since mist of my dates in the last years have NOT come from OLD, I often was Facebook friends before we ever dated. That's how it was with wild girl - we were friends on FB a year prior to our first date. Now some dozens of dates or get togethers in we've still each only posted one or two pictures together. I've got multiple FB friends who I dated before who are still FB friends today. Funny thing, I did notice be unfriended me recently. Who knows why.
Bottom one, I'd not sweat it, just clip accept. The real issue may be when friends if yours start to friend him, or him them. Lol.
Thank you UR and JOb! I am feeling good. I'm about to be a homeowner, and I have a guy who so far seems legit. I am scared the other shoe is going to drop somewhere, but I can't live like that. I need to have no expectations either way. And yes, UR, I did something different! A wise man named Mach also told me I should try something different..... lol. We have a date set for next Friday, which is like a week and a half in between. We could probably see eachother next Wednesday, but I won't mention it. He can do something about that. So dinner and hatchet throwing next Friday.
We are officially friends on social media, he has like some of my posts, and anyone who is friends with me could probably figure out who he is. Initials are M.K. he is really the sweetest. I get the sweetest good morning texts and good night texts and we chat during the day and he will check in and ask how my day is going. We didn't get into details yet, but he did mention that he had a 2 year custody battle to be able to get almost 50/50. So a real dad.
I don't think I would ever add a relationship status unless I was married. Or it was important to the one I am with. I am superstitious and I would feel like that is the worst jinx. I ALMOST did it with FF, and I am glad I didn't! It would probably be one of the most liked posts I ever put on FB, because of shock and awe! But it's not really my thing. I am almost a little scarred from exNG who wanted to make sure that there was nothing ever on FB about us.
D11 had a great Bday wither mom and dad. She loved the indoor skydiving and we bought heavily discounted flights for her and her BFF who really wants to go. We went out to dinner and all had a nice dinner together. he was telling me about all the concerts he is attending in the next two weeks and how he is going to see a band we both like alone, because no one will go with him. he asked me if I want to go with him. There is no one to watch our daughter if I even did, but how weird that his wife and him want to hang out with me separately and socially.
Gee, I must have been a really awful wife and person to want to spend time with me, huh?
Strange times.
By the way, I almost have an actual house!!!!!
I am so freakin excited for you. Oh and that Mach guy...he"s ok...I guess. Hee hee.
I am so freakin excited for you. Oh and that Mach guy...he"s ok...I guess. Hee hee.
Hmmmm.....
So I forgot to actually send a Bday text to your boss.....
Please wish her a Happy Birthday from us ???
: )
Something different eh?
Jus take it easy there Tommy Boy....
Well, that was a busy weekend. Hd some nice birthday celebrations for D11 and my family. The ex didn't come to the game, woohoo! My dad needed tires on his car and the ex did hook him up, so my dad has to be nice now, lol.
And we bought a dog! My long times friends mom has bred her dogs a few times. She has always been quite the animal lover (she nursed squirrels, ducks, birds, everything back to health when we were kids). Her chihuaua and [censored] zu had puppies and they are so freakin' cute. $400 bucks, and we chose a brown and white boy. She will hold him until we are ready. We are beyond excited and think we have him named "Beans".
I had some problems with the contractors, but I think we sorted it out. Praying for a Friday or Monday closing.
As for my man..... haha, I should not call him my man. But I sure do like him. He's just a good guy. He had a busy weekend with his son, but always stayed in touch. His son is insanely adorable. We have out plans Friday night and weather permitting, he is going to take me fishing and kayaking on the weekend. Today he also told me not to be shy if I need any help in the moving process, he would be more than happy to help. I thought that was really, really sweet. I probably won't take him up on it, but just knowing he sincerely offered meant a lot. I look forward to seeing him Friday. I also look forward to kissing him again, I won't lie. But I love the slow. He is getting any, but still is very giving. It's pretty awesome.
I went to see the surgeon this morning because my knee has been doing some strange stuff. I have IT band syndrome, so he gave me an injection and told me no squats and lunges in crossfit. he thinks it might be due to overuse. The weird popping, is unrelated, but he is hoping it's scar tissue breaking up. I of course, embarrassed him and myself, because I am wearing a dress, because that is what I wear to work, and he has to bed my knee, and he gets all flustered. he is also incredibly hot, so I got embarrassed. It's always nice seeing him
Today he also told me not to be shy if I need any help in the moving process, he would be more than happy to help. I thought that was really, really sweet. I probably won't take him up on it, but just knowing he sincerely offered meant a lot.
Ummm....Miss Independent.....let him help! Acts of Service guys WANT to be of service. Let him come and be strong and manly. Then give him lots of Words of Affirmation about how helpful he was (people who do acts of service are mostly looking for words of affirmation in return).
I'm super independent and it has taken me a lifetime to recognize that I need to let a man be helpful. I still forget sometimes.
We just started dating though, I don't want to seem like a needy burden right off the bat. I could perhaps use his assistance for something small and make him a home cooked meal, because that is what I am good at. And we will make each other feel helpful and appreciated.
And if he breaks a sweat in the process go jump in the shower with him
He offered!!!! Take him up on it!!! Let him have a chance to be a white knight!
OK, I will take him up on it. I will come up with something that is not too much. he has a pick-up truck (all the guys I date do, it's strange) so I can have him help me transport some stuff. I have a problem helping guys be white knights, as much as I love it. My ex felt that anything I asked of him was some awful burden. It's stuck in my head. And I rarely asked anything because I knew it. I handled the bills, necessary phone calls, all of that. If I asked him to do something around the house it meant he was "taking care of me" and was sick of it! (his words when leaving) meanwhile I took care of everything and I managed pull off being a stay at home parent and working 26-30 hours a week at night.
I digress. But yeah, I have fear of being "too needy" if I accept help and I don't want to be a burden.
My stress is through the roof right now with this pending closing date and all that needs to be done. I am freaking a bit.
But I can't wait for my date this Friday. I am enjoying the slowness of this, actually. It leaves a lot of anticipation, and when it is "time" I think it will be great, because we really like eachother and will know eachother better. So, no showers, but I am definitely hoping for a bit of a make-out session.
So,
I have had a crazy past few days. Thursday was awful. Work was horrible while I was trying to deal with my mortgage company who stinks. They don't communicate, and we are ended really having a pushed back closing date. I have encountered another problem, but Ill make a long story short, I don't know if my closing is going to be Tuesday or Thursday, but it has caused a problem because of contractors. I have the most straightforward closing, it shouldn't be such a headache.
In other news, I had my date Friday night with my guy. It was wonderful. Then yesterday I took him up on his offer of assistance. I can't believe he did what he did for me. He has a huge pick-up and we went and got my wood. which was 42 boxes, 40lbs each, and equaled a ton. Not only did he get it for me, but we both carried one ton of freakin wood into my new house (they let me bring it to acclimate). I was so so thankful. He made it no big deal. He said I am incredibly awesome and he was happy to help. I took him to dinner and we had such a great time, and we both came out with our life stories. We both have had it very rough. I think that's why we relate so well.
So we are violating the "rules" of spending time together and today he is taking me kayaking for my first time! I am super excited. Yeah, sure, we are seeing eachother everyday day this weekend, but we don't have kids and it just worked out well. This week might not work out, and we have our kids this weekend.
He is so chill and down to earth and we click so well. Physical attraction is totally there in full force. He's sweet, affectionate, funny, and generous. I look forward to seeing where this goes. But so far so good.
I am just hoping this week goes a little better and I get those keys to my house and get the ball rolling.
I am so sorry to read that your mortgage company is giving you the blues...but it will be over very, very soon. Stick with them and continue to communicate with them. Do not let them off the hook.
As for your NG helping you out...wonderful! See, he really did want to help you and what he did was great. So, did you get all of the flooring into the house so that it can acclimate? It takes about 72 hours for that to happen. I can't wait to hear all of the progress going on in your new home. Take photos to document the progress so that you have them to look back on when the work is completed.
I am so proud of you! Look at what you've accomplished and continue to accomplish, i.e., against the odds.
Thank you Job! I almost can't believe I am making this happen, even if the road is rocky. I can't wait to close. That's a great idea, I need to take before pictures of my house so I can really appreciate the work when it is done. We brought all the wood to the house so it could acclimate. I can't believe we got it in there.
I was a huge step for me to let him help. ANd his did it without complaining once. We went out to dinner after and I told him what a huge deal it was to accept help for me. He said "I am more than happy to help such an awesome woman.
The weekend did continue to be amazing. We went kayaking and fishing at a beautiful reservoir not too far from us yesterday. I had never done either. I grew up a city girl with parents who never did this stuff. We were out there for 6 hours, and I didn't even realize it. We got sandwiches, docked and had a little picnic. He is an absolute sharp contrast from my ex. He is seriously patient, sweet, and encouraging. Helped me with everything, nothing inconvenienced him at all. If this was my ex and I, he would have found some way to insult me, yell at me, ect. He was totally encouraging. I also did really good fishing and actually held a fish. He took pictures for me, and there was a point he was taking pictures and I didn't even know it. He got some good candid shots.
He told me my smile was so genuine in the pictures that he thought it was beautiful and made him smile. My BFF texted me this morning and said "I saw your pictures you posted, did you notice something about them?' so there I am worried I had a booger on my face. She said "you smile is REAL!!!" It was.
I also took a huge step and thanked him in my FB post. And it didn't bother him. I am definitely enjoying our time together. He is too
we talked about future plans and things we would like to do together. So far, so good, I'll take it!
I am so glad you had a great time out on the water. Your photos say it is all...you were enjoying yourself doing something totally different. Your smile lit up your face! Enjoy your time together, take it slowly and try not to rush the process.
He sounds awesome. I am so glad the tides are turning for you! Equity amd a new guy thats great!
I understand the feeling of not wanting to ask for help from romantic interests. . With my ex, i always asked him for help. Looking back i actually should have been more independent with certain things. And right before BD, his complaint about me was that i was too needy and he had to do everything. (Not really true as i was working and hyper alert taking care of adhd kid) Our marriage counselor suggested it is often a way that we use to try to get attention from an inattentive spouse.
So with the 2 guys I dated after BD i never asked for help. I thought it was a sign of neediness and that it wwould come across as someone with a selfish character and as a flaw.
Like you, i am learning that guys like to help though. It makes them feel important maybe? Or if they are hobby/mechanically inclined it offers them a way to demonstrate affection in a way more co fortable to them then conversation?
Congrats G! I think most guys like to help.....I think it has something to do with the natural desire to watch out for and take care of your lady. Chivalry....old school thoughts of physical labor should be done by men because we are naturally stronger.
I am sure he was happy you allowed him to help and be part of the process.
My 10 cents.
Kayak... Fishing... Now that's a weekend I can support.. G, he sounds like the type of guy you've been looking for, but keep things at a even pace, no need to rush things along. It's great that you let him help, especially since it seems he really helped, but make sure you keep your focus on getting the house ready. Fit him in if it makes sense, but if it doesn't, tell him that and make plans for a later date. You got this G.
Ps- saw the pick, that is so not how you hold a fish, lol... Run your hand with the spines and hold them down, that will keep you from getting stabbed.
Kayak... Fishing... Now that's a weekend I can support.. G, he sounds like the type of guy you've been looking for, but keep things at a even pace, no need to rush things along. It's great that you let him help, especially since it seems he really helped, but make sure you keep your focus on getting the house ready. Fit him in if it makes sense, but if it doesn't, tell him that and make plans for a later date. You got this G.
Ps- saw the pick, that is so not how you hold a fish, lol... Run your hand with the spines and hold them down, that will keep you from getting stabbed.
I see why you enjoy kayaking and fishing so much. I was in a place of zen and totally completely present and disconnected and it was awesome. he actually did teach me about the spines, how to smooth them out so they don't cut you, how to unhook the fish and hold it. He had already taken care of the spines for me so I could hold the fish. He's a sweetie!
I do have to slow myself down in my head sometimes. I really like him, things are great, but we are still getting to know each other. I still live with some fear of saying or doing something wrong to scare him off. My ex really did leave some scars. He looks at me as a prize, likewise, though. So far, I don't have one negative gut feeling.
So I find out this morning my ex and his wife also bought a house. Gotta take my wind away! So D11 is going to be getting 2 new houses within a month of eachother. 2 new bedrooms. She seems to be less excited about her dad's new house. She didn't even really want to talk about it, which was strange. I think she is more excited, because ours is coming with a dog and is in her BFF's backyard.
Anyways. Still in Limbo on the house. Causing me a little bit of stress. I'll just have to work with what I have though.
I see why you enjoy kayaking and fishing so much. I was in a place of zen and totally completely present and disconnected and it was awesome.
I agree, fishing can be transcendent. I can remember a number if times when I was out on a boat fishing with my dad and thinking I didn't want it to end.
I can also remember being out on a boat, about 100 miles off shore in the Gulf with my now XW (it was before we were married). We were fishing and scuba diving. We decided to stay on the boat overnight. It was a moonless night and there were no lights anywhere; we were completely alone. When the phosphorescent water lapped against the boat, there would be a hint of luminescence along the edge of the water. The Milky Way was the brightest thing in the sky and we'd see an occasional meteor streak across the sky. It was so incredible that it's indescribable and it's still a great memory even though my XW is long gone.
I guess I need to go fishing.
I can remember deep sea fishing in Florida when I was a kid and my step-dad puking his guts out off the side of the boat. Nothing is worse as he was on the front of the boat and I was on the back.............
I AM OFFICIALLY A HOMEOWNER!
It's still surreal. Papers are signed, keys are in hand!
I am waiting for D11 to officially enter as the homeowners. I am going to go surprise her and pick her up from school after her math test. Contractors start tomorrow.
Tonight my guy and I are going out to celebrate.
Today is a really really good day
CONGRATULATIONS! I am so excited for you and your daughter! This is a new and exciting chapter of your life. I can't wait to hear how the renovations go and you are finally all moved in.
CONGRATULATIONS GINGER!
- I figured I'd better yell so you can hear me over how awesome your news is.
Congrats G......Ice Cube could not have said it better himself! Today is a good day............