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Moving On To The Bright Side 2Ok....well I ended it with the one girl. I feel much better after doing so, I think in my mind I wanted it to work but knew I wasn't feeling it, the attraction. I do have another girl lined up....trying to get something set up for Saturday night which is dependent on finding someone to watch them.
I do have another girl lined up....trying to get something set up for Saturday night which is dependent on finding someone to watch them.
That sounds a little kinky.
LOL......I left out my girls. Someone to watch my girls..............
Whew! I thought it was that other thing.
Well, I'm behind, but thanks for answering my question earlier anyway. I do wish you the best in your endeavors. Hope you are able to work out Saturday night.
Thanks Dawn....and no the EW VS XW didn't bother me
. I guess I never paid attention before I just went by the first letter of both words and didn't pay attention to how it was normally used on the board. I'll make the correction moving forward....glad you got a chuckle
On a side note the girl I ended things with responded back to me saying No hard feelings, she enjoyed spending time with me, told me I seemed like a good guy and told me to have a great rest of my summer.
I wonder on some level if she is relieved. I just don't think she was emotionally ready. Just my opinion.
You get huge points for being upfront and honest with her. Many people appreciate knowing. I've got to deduct a point or two for doing it over text.
I get that's so common these days and you only had two dates so that's why I'm only taking away one or two points. Lol
I still think you are putting way too much effort and brain energy into all of this. I know it's so hard not to and I've done it before as well. Can just tell you that at least for me, when you feel a connection, it's far less work. At least that's been the case for me. I just feel so much more myself again. Yeah I'm putting in effort but it's so natural feeling. Even how it started off for me, like some outside force just guided me to do what now feels natural. I too had tried to force myself to feel something when meeting new people. I was just thinking about that earlier for some reason. I remember going on dates and feeling like well maybe I might sort of have an attraction. Yet even when getting ready for the date I was almost dreading it - like just doing it because I wanted to force myself to give her a chance. I think that's where you were. Just don't try so hard. Just be. You can still put effort into dating, just don't let so much hang on the outcome let what will be, just be.
Well, happy birthday J9!
Hope you can enjoy the day with your Ds. Have fun man, you deserve it.
Happy Birthday! Try to enjoy your special day!
Thanks all....the big 45...half way to the 5th floor! The girls and I are going over to a friends house tonight to celebrate so it should be fun.
I feel better today about letting the other girl go. She was nice, sweet, and I think I really wanted it to work but I didn’t have that excitement in my gut that comes with not seeing someone that often. It felt kind of like I was settling so I think I made the right choice.
Happy birthday!
I think you gave it some time and you just weren't feeling it, that's fine. But really, don't expect anyone to be moving fast or emotionally invested by the third date. it's kind of a red flag if they are. I do think you want to get to that R point because you feel behind in the race. But you aren't. You are doing it right.
And Dawn,
Thank you. I know I really am not a slut. Just an adult woman with needs. And I shouldn't make fun of myself.
Thanks G....I didn't expect that but I expected (inside myself) to feel that desire to rip her clothes off or excitement for the next date. I am fine with her taking her time and not pushing sex but I just felt flat with minimal excitement or lust.
And Dawn,
Thank you. I know I really am not a slut. Just an adult woman with needs. And I shouldn't make fun of myself.
Amen, sister!!!!!!
Happy birthday, J9! 45 looks good on you.
Thanks D.....I had someone ask me yesterday how old I was and they couldn't believe it
It was a nice early birthday present!
Happy Birthday bro!!!! will tip a glass in your honor. Enjoy the day
Thanks M......my boss got in a bottle of bourbon, small batch 1782 I think. Will definitely have a pour tonight after the girls go to bed
Happy birthday! Hope it’s the best year ever:-)
Thanks GB! I am really excited and looking forward to it!!
Well it appears my potential date for tomorrow night has flaked out on me. I told her very late Wednesday that I was available on Saturday night if that worked for her and she did not respond back. Not sure why she agreed to meet and asked me about my schedule to flake out but oh well. I guess she might be trying to slow roll me but if she doesn't reach out today I will go ahead and make other plans for tomorrow night since my girls will be at a sleepover.
On a side note my birthday was great. Went over to our family friends house for dinner she took my daughters out on Thursday night so they could get me a birthday present. The funny thing is that I took my D's out shopping so they could get a present for their mom (XW) but she couldn't do the same for me???? SMH....it did slightly bother me but oh well, no expectations, and I know I did the right thing.
The XW then sent me a text message this morning wish me a belated birthday. I was like why even bother.............meh.
Had a great week with my girls, took them to the zoo yesterday, spent time with friends, soccer and basketball games. Their mom should be here in a couple of hours for kid exchange. The are going to a local water park this afternoon so I know they will have fun.
The date I was supposed to have on sat night did not happen. She texted me on sat afternoon telling me that a close friend of hers had cancer come back so had spent a lot of time with her and her kids then lost track of the week. A pretty elaborate excuse for canceling a date so I tended to believe her. It looks like we have alternating weeks with our kids so I think it will be hard to connect. I also don’t really feel much of a vibe from her so I am not sure if I will reach out again or not. I ended up going out with friends instead, made no female connections but had a good time!
I was able to make another connection though with another lady on Sunday and we tentatively have a date set for tomorrow night. Just waiting for her to confirm. She seems to be playing games though with just cutting off texting convo in the middle of us talking so know I am in a period of NC. I guess it is part of the game. Anyway, she seems really cool and has great energy so I am optimistic.
She texted me on sat afternoon telling me that a close friend of hers had cancer come back so had spent a lot of time with her and her kids then lost track of the week. A pretty elaborate excuse for canceling a date so I tended to believe her.
If she didnt try to give an alternate date time, then I would consider that very low interest level on her part and wouldnt reach out to her. I would just put her behind you and go to the next lady, if she is interested she will reach out. As always if women are really interested they will move heaven and earth to make a date, and if they cant they will usually give an alternate time so they know they will still have a date.
Rexgm
Thanks RX....I kind of got that feeling as well. The funny thing was that she initially was all over getting together so I have no clue what happened. I didn’t blow up her phone, I was just waiting for her to confirm. In fact I think I asked her to meet up in my second email to her.
Same with this other girl that has still not confirmed. I asked her out after the 4th message, she offered her number to me, even suggested tomorrow or Thursday and now radio silence for 24 hours. I don’t get it.
J,
Here is my advice to you. Do not ask for a confirm because it shows weakness. "are you really gonna show up"? Come from this mindset: of course you are going to show up because I am awesome!
Hey ........... when are you free to get together? Great! Meet me at Smith's Bar at 1234 main street at the date and time she comes back with as long as it works for you. "If you get there first grab us a table, if I get there first I will grab a table see you then".
No more contact from YOU until the date. It builds anticipation.
Thanks L.....she lives about 25 miles away from me in a different town so I think that is why I felt the need for some coordination however I understand where you are coming from. I will try this the next time.
She still has not confirmed and I have been NC since Monday so unless she gets back with me today it looks like this one flaked out. I have had 3 flake outs in the last week....it is not a good feeling but from what I hear all part of the OLD process.
I thought this one was good to go.......I asked her out on my third message, she agreed, even offered up today or tomorrow and proactively gave me her phone number. Texting back and forth was very minimal but then she just went dark on me. I assume there are other men in the picture.
Yeah you never know whats going on in the background. Be sure not to take it personal. These things take time.
I don't....it was a little bit of a learning curve though. I just move on to the next and if she wants it bad enough she has my number
J,
The day of the date you could always send a msg stating " cant wait to see what you will be wearing tonight, ill be in my thong and bowtie or whatever you will be wearing ;)" and if there is no response from her then I would count it as a flake and she met someone else, otherwise she might respond with great see you there. its not confirming its more of you expecting her to be there, and if for some reason she cant make it she should let you know. Also remember women are not logical who knows what goes through their mind. Once you stop trying to figure it out you will be much happier. Remember trust nothing they say and only 50% of what they do, or something like that.
Rexgm
Ok cool.....good strategy. Well I went to place tonight and she didn’t show. I didn’t expect her to but I did hold up my end of the bargain and I had fun. I ended up talking with three different ladies, two of which where into me and asked me to take my shirt off
. They were not my type but the interaction was fun and they were definitely into sex. I am not that type of guy especially if I am not into them but the thought did cross my mind. I did give one my number and she called me at the bar to validate it was actually my number. I told her I thought that was weak and she should just trust me that I wouldn’t give her a fake number. She didn’t have a response just stared at me.
Maybe I'm being too serious about it all but does it not really stink that such a good idea and premise such as OLD has been otherwise corrupted like this? It's all of this Crapp that had me turn off my profile and never look back. Why do people think it's okay to just ghost people, not show up, lie, put up old photos and all the rest of the nonsense - in great part because it's only OLD. It's as if it's become the standard of behavior.
You handled it all very well, don't get me wrong. I just marvle at how an otherwise great idea of bringing single people together has somehow become the place for all the misfits to come and treat each other badly. It's her loss and you will be just fine but it's still not right - just not right. It's after going through things like this that otherwise great catches like us finally say enough already and walk away from the money making scam that is OLD
Thanks DH......I don’t understand, why go to all that trouble and then flake especially after giving me your digits. Anyway I have a potential date this weekend with a 51yr old teacher. Hopefully we will firm it up today,a little older than what I had originally intended but she looks good and we have a lot of similar interests.
So I have a date lined up for tomorrow night with another girl..45 and a nurse so I have my fingers crossed. We are meeting at a bar close to her place at 6 pm. The good news is that I am getting dates and getting interaction from ladies. The bad news is that so far none of them have really panned out to anything more than one date. I guess I just need to take it for what it's worth.
So I have a date lined up for tomorrow night with another girl..45 and a nurse so I have my fingers crossed. We are meeting at a bar close to her place at 6 pm. The good news is that I am getting dates and getting interaction from ladies. The bad news is that so far none of them have really panned out to anything more than one date. I guess I just need to take it for what it's worth.
You can't go wrong with a nurse
Just keep making the dates. It's a numbers game. Or so they tell me. Hey, you get out and get a drink, right?
Good luck! You really are a good catch, J. Some woman will be smart and not let you go.
So I have a date lined up for tomorrow night with another girl..45 and a nurse so I have my fingers crossed. We are meeting at a bar close to her place at 6 pm. The good news is that I am getting dates and getting interaction from ladies. The bad news is that so far none of them have really panned out to anything more than one date. I guess I just need to take it for what it's worth.
I think that's the issue with OLD; getting dates isn't a problem, but the quality of the dates is an issue. And, maybe it's a numbers game, but it becomes expensive and time consuming.
So far the pictures have been deceiving. Yes expensive but I think for me, right now, it is a necessary evil as if nothing else it helps put myself out there and interacting with ladies.
So far the pictures have been deceiving.
Yes, that tends to be the norm with OLD. And, I'm sure the deception doesn't end with the picture.
Yes expensive but I think for me, right now, it is a necessary evil as if nothing else it helps put myself out there and interacting with ladies.
You sound a little desperate. Maybe a little time away from OLD would be good? Maybe meetup with a kayaking group or something along those lines.
I remember having a date setup one Saturday evening. I'd been working on one of my home improvement projects all day. I had to go to Home Depot to get something for the project, and I remember thinking, "I'd much rather work on my project than go on another crappy date." I called the woman right from the Home Depot garden center and canceled the date. Now, I do the Home Depot test, I ask myself if I'd rather be at Home Depot or go on a date. (Check out the paint section of Home Depot early on a Saturday morning. Hobby Lobby is another hot spot.)
Yes, that tends to be the norm with OLD. And, I'm sure the deception doesn't end with the picture.
I still smile remembering "Hot Mother Theresa"
I still smile remembering "Hot Mother Theresa"
Andrew,
You really know how to rub salt in the wound. I'm blubbering at my desk. Meanie!
It's kinda amazing how my experience with OLD, as well as that of many others, is being mirrored by what you are having happen to you. It's almost like how so many WAW stories are the same or at least similar It's the same with OLD. I too had more success earlier on. I used to connect with more women when I was in my mid to later 40s. Not sure if it's an age thing or just that I didn't try as hard my last go around in my early 50s. But I too had nearly always one and done dates. Never was stood up but right or wrong I always confirmed and have a great, great BS detector so I weeded them out earlier on. I had many ghost me. I had many talk and talk and talk but never want to meet. I had some agree to meet and then back out. I had "women" 25 years younger than me tell me how they are into older guys - and often lived 800 miles away as well - that were clearly scammers.
Sadly I didn't have one even minor success OLD. I had a couple of decent enough dates and a few kisses but that's the best I can report. That's why I finally figured it for what it was - not at all unlike the magic pills that are sold for ED or weight loss or whatever. We want to believe OLD will really work and that it's just about the only way for us. It is not! I've had way better dates with ladies I met at events or through friends, or at seminars, etc. Heck I could have asked two out a couple of weekends ago and I'll bet both would have accepted and the time I spent with each was still better than the actual dates from OLD! I'd suggest you at least consider trying something else. Let friends know you are willing to meet people. Talk with people wherever you go. Join a meetup group or similar. Get a good wingman or some buddies and head out to some events. You don't even have to stop OLD but give some of these other things a try. Or, let OLD run its course for you. You'll either be one of the 10 or 20 percent that find someone that way or like others of us here, including Doodler and myself, you'll hang up the OLD spurs and chalk it up to a failed attempt.
I find myself saying this a lot but one of the things I find fascinating about this forum is hearing about other peoples' experiences with something I, too, have tried. It is kind of nice to see OLD from a man's perspective. For me, OLD has been pretty much a bust. Most of the men who message me are obvious catfish....they'll come on strong and their grammar indicates that English is not their primary language. Their profiles always say they are from Little Rock or Dallas or Atlanta, but I live pretty near Little Rock and am somewhat familiar with it so I will ask them questions that they never can seem to answer and then I'll get some oddly stammered explanation about how they are overseas for work, but will be back soon. Yeah....right........ For me, for the most part, the ones who have been real people have either been guys who are disabled, extremely uneducated or guys who are WAY younger than me. Now, I have nothing against people with disabilities, but as I think I've mentioned before, I went down that road with my XH and it is not a road I want to go down again. It is a VERY hard row to hoe. The uneducated ones, well, those are the hardest ones for me because I value education above most other things so it is difficult for me to have a good conversation with someone who only wants to talk about sports and hunting. The young ones are a no brainer....nope, I have raised my lovely daughters to adulthood, so thanks, but no thanks............don't need to take any more kids to raise.
Having said all that, it would appear, though, at least for the current time, OLD HAS worked for me. I am fairly certain I have mentioned this before, but Sparky and I actually met on an OLD site. Now granted, we messaged on the site for quite a bit before I ever even exchanged phone numbers with him....at least a month. Then, just a week or so after exchanging phone numbers, his dad passed away rather suddenly, so we talked for several months before we actually met in person, not because neither of us wanted to but because of circumstances beyond our control. During that time, though, we did continue to talk on a pretty regular basis.
I say all of that, not to hijack your post to talk about me, but to say that OLD is just plain weird and I think it probably works for some and not so much for others. If you are enjoying the results you are seeing, stick with it. If not, boot it and move on to something else. Life is too short to spend too much time worrying about things that MIGHT happen or whatever.
I don't go for evening dates firstly. I go for daytime coffee dates then we decide if we want to see each other again.
And I always give the benefit of the doubt, but I am almost exclusively an IRL dates, and yes I will ask for a coffee meet up.
Had some lovely dates with some gorgeous men but no real connection yet. But I have enjoyed it and I hope so have they.
V
Thanks V....I will just keep moving. I do have a date tonight, just meeting for a drink and then we will go from there. The other one that I thought was going to be for tomorrow she never got with me. She told me she would contact me yesterday after she checked with her family that is in town but I go ghosted instead. Oh well......I am used to it now
A little tangent J - I am not on OLD yet, but this ghosting business as an acceptable way of interacting and communication is just bananas. I am just amazed that this is what it has come down to - like you can't even send a message saying 'no, thanks'. or whatever you want to close the loop. Basic communication skills have just gone out of the window now. All of this makes me just want to try my luck IRL instead of OLD when I get to it.
M....it is crazy but what I have learned is that both men and women have multiple conversations going on at once. It seems that everyone has a back up plan. I decided that I will give it 6 months so I got 4months left. If I don’t find anyone that I enjoy spending time with by then I will take a break.
Ok......another date last night that was enjoyable for the company but she is not my type. I took my profile offline as this should be fun but I am finding that it is frustrating. This lasy told me that most of her pictures were 5 yrs old. That kind of rubbed me the wrong way.
J,
Couple options:
1. FaceTime in advance
2. Just say right off the bat: you were not honest in your profile and honest if very important to me
If it makes you feel better I have a friend who has been online dating for 8 year and he says it happens all the time. He use to feel bad and see it through but now he just leaves.
Hang in there buddy!
I'm sorry J. I have pictures up from 5 years ago and current ones. I guess I am lucky I still look the same. Really that much of a drastic difference in 5 years?
I think a break will do you well. OLD makes it tricky where you can't really fall for the personality so that the person looks beautiful because you like them so much. The physical appearance comes first. I tried with a guy I wasn't attracted to at all because he was nice. But in the end, not attracted at all.
So, I would definitely go with the suggestion of joining some meet up groups so you can meet people in person first. C-nut did pretty well with that. Become friends first, enjoy their personality. Let something grow.
Thanks guys....I am definitely going to cool it for a while and see if I can meet someone organically. I did have another girl that I was chatting with I think get a little upset with me which is why I hate texting. She asked me how long I had been divorced for and I told her we had been separated for a year and finally got the D done is April. Then she came back with how short of a time period it has been and that she had been D for 7years....like it was a badge of honor. So I asked her if she was concerned? She said it was more of a comment and then proceeded to say that it takes most people years to get over a D. I came back and told her not necessarily if you put in the work and then she ghosted me. I guess she didn’t like that comment but whatever it’s true. Smh.
I was thinking about you. I know you are an active guy who likes sports and exercise. You need to use this to your advantage in the dating world.
You need to get into some group exercise/crossfit kind of thing where you have the same group pretty consistently. I met a guy like that. I know someone who met her husband like that. Bonus: your petite fit girl chance is higher. ANd even if she isn't a tiny 115lb woman, atleast she is fit and can keep up and be active.
You play BBall? Coed league! I joined a coed VB league and first night became friends with 3 guys. I had a small crush on one, but he was way too young for me. It was sort of a bar league so after we would get a drink right there and a bite to eat. If I didn't rupture my ACL on the second night, who knows who I might have met? And remember, you can meet people who can introduce you to people.
Point being, put your GAL in your environment with your likes. The regular gym rarely works, but branch out. I am trying a new local crossfit place this week. Maybe I'll get lucky. Or thin. One of the two. But I will get my socialization and my workout and I am open to whatever might come my way.
You have nothing to lose!
I checked out my local site and I can get 9 sessions for like $140 so I will stop by tomorrow and sign up to see what the clientele is like
Just journaling my 9 year old has been having problems leaving mom when I go to pick up the girls for the week. She misses her mom very much and cries when I go get them. Today I saw my x break down for the first time in a long time, I assume she is carrying around guilt and I saw it for the first time. I validated her and then reminded her to not let the girls see her emotional. Currently we are a week on and a week off but we are considering like a 2-3-2 type of arrangement if this persists. Surprisingly it has not effected me the same way so I guess I have been the rock. I hate it for my D. I took them to get yogurt, swimming, and let her know how much we loved her. It just really stinks.
I am very sorry for your children's pain. I know it s$cks big time.
The week on/off scheduled is not advised for younger kids. It really is too long for a child to go without Mommy/Daddy. I would strongly advise you switch to the 2-3-2 arrangement.
My D will be 11, and I have her majority of the time and the way the schedule falls sometimes, she goes for a week without seeing her dad. And around day 5 it's a lot of "I miss Daddy, I never get to see him". SO we try to minimize the gaps as much as we can.
It does stink, and I am sorry.
We do 2-2-5-5, and it's a nice mix of short and long time together with both parents, with both parents getting 2 weekends/month. Tweens probably benefit from not going so long between homes. Mine are actually getting to the age where they probably need to move to 7-7 (for school and social life), but it will be hard on Dad, for sure.
Thanks guys.....her worst moments are when she says good bye and we drive off. Today she woke up fine with no mention of mommy. It is heartbreaking to see but for whatever reason it didn’t impact me emotionally. The Xw and I leave 4 miles from each other so changing it up would be very easy. We have been doing this routine for over a year now so I wonder why this has all of a sudden started. I need to think more on it.
My youngest had 2 soccer games on Saturday so in between the games we all went out to breakfast together as a family. I was good with it but there was a moment I had when I thought about how nice it was to eating together. That was probably the first time that had happened in several months.
Well not much to report over the last few days. I have a couple of girls that I just started chatting with so I will ask them to meet up next week for some coffee. I can tell they are interested but I am also getting the vibe that they would like to get to know me a little first. I don't like going back and forth in long texting convo's so I need to find the right time but I also need to vet them out a little bit more myself so I can try to stop my string of dates that don't go anywhere
One of the ladies has her oldest going into high school this year but she is only 41. Not sure how young her second kid is but with mine being 9 and 7 she may not want to go back into having young kids again. I guess we shall see how it plays out as I am finding out there are more variables to considered the older we get. The second lady has 11 yr old twins which is more in the age range of mine.
The week has been going well, hit the gym a few times, my youngest has soccer practice tonight and my oldest has practice on Saturday. I am taking them to a Hotel downtown Dallas on Saturday during the day as they have a really cool outdoor water park so we are going to spend the night....kind of a last hooray before schools starts next Wednesday. We are actually meeting some other parents there as well and they have a swim up adult bar so it should be fun!
The X came and got the girls last night and took them out to dinner and shopping for some schools clothes. I am glad she is putting the child support money to good use
I was also happy she did it so my oldest got a chance to spend some time with her mom.
I guess that is about it...hopefully something will pan out with 1 of these 2 ladies.
Alright....well 1 of the 2 girls I have been talking to has come through and she is looking forward to us getting together next week when she returns from vacation. I got her name and gave her my digits and she seems very interested so we shall see. If her pictures line-up with her bio and how she looks in person it could work. She is fit (one of my requirements), pictures indicate that, is blonde (my weakness), attends church (another requirement) and has two boys 1 that is going into high school, and the other which is probably 7th grade. She is 41 and lives about 20 min away so not too bad. I would say this is probably my best prospect so far and will be my 6th date and the 5th girl in about 2.5 months.
The second girl responded to my initial email and then never responded to my follow up. I just don't understand why you would even initially respond if you had no interest in continuing the dialogue. Makes no sense.
Fit, blond and attends church. You do have some tough requirements, but hey, you are a man who knows what he wants. I hope she shows up looking just like her pictures indicate. 6th date in 2.5 months is pretty good, actually.
hear me out, J. She didn't respond because she is trying to keep up with the other 50 messages and it probably got buried. I do the same thing. Unless I am like really interested. Or, she was emailing with a whole bunch and she found the one she wanted to continue with. I now it seems rude and disrescpectful, but for women, unless they make this an actual part-time job, they can't get to them all.
LOL G.....well those are initial basic requirements and then there is the obvious connection piece and a few other items on my list. I am on Match and on Match you can tell when they read their messages. So I initially thought she was going to flake because she read my message yesterday and never responded until 6:30 this morning which is the time we initially chatted on Thursday. I go to the gym in the mornings so she probably assumed I would be available and she is on vacation as well so maybe she didn't have time but I don't buy that because everyone has some time during the day to respond to something.
So G I think you are right......she probably got flooded with messages, was weeding them out and since she got back with me I assume I made the cut
The question is though how many other dudes made the cut as well
C´mon man, c´mon...remember it´s a marathon...;)
I´ve read your last post on Lane´s thread. Imho you are describing a typical MLC wife there. I remember those feelings. Not your monkeys man...not your road anymore...f@ck the spark...
I know man...keep shining
(((J9)))
Yep...you got it Nef.....I am moving.....every day gets better. I can feel it.
So I met another lady online and it appears so far we have hit if off as much as you can without actually meeting. She is 41, an IT Manager and has 2 boys 14 and 12. She has been divorced for 7years. She is fit, goes to church, and is into her kids. Her parents got divorced when she was 4 however she has a good relationship with her father which is a question I asked. She has made it clear that she is interested in a relationship and you can tell she is ready for a man. Not sure how I feel about it all and obviously we have not met yet in person so I don’t know about the attraction piece however we do share other similar values and beliefs...more than I can type. I just need to remind myself to take it slow.
BUt is she blonde?????
Just kidding. I saw what you wrote on my thread. I do see why she is worried. I get it. It's been a long time and she knows what she wants and she's probably dated guys who were just trying dating on for size and found out they weren't ready. As you know, I have been though it on more than one occasion, and it fuking hurts.
I do suggest that you really think if you are ready for something long term. I believe in being truly honest with yourself. I believe you will. I know you are considerate of others. Slow is good, as long as you share the same end goals.
Um.....yes
For me slow is key....I am not a fan of dating just to date but I don't want to get married tomorrow either if that makes sense. If we hit it off I won't feel the need to hang out with other girls however I still think we can go slow and not immediately spend a bunch of time with each other. We live 20 min from each other and with kids that won't be possible anyway.
Um.....yes
For me slow is key....I am not a fan of dating just to date but I don't want to get married tomorrow either if that makes sense. If we hit it off I won't feel the need to hang out with other girls however I still think we can go slow and not immediately spend a bunch of time with each other. We live 20 min from each other and with kids that won't be possible anyway.
LOL! I know, I know, band dude lived 20 minutes away and we both had kids and we made too much time for eachother. Learn from me.
Slow is good. Being in this lady's position, There is nothing wrong with slow as long as there is an intended destination.
Sorry g I wasn't inferring to what just happened to you but yes I agree. I don't think you go on multiple dates without the intention of something not happening
Hi all......well date set for tomorrow night with Fed Ex girl. We have been chatting for a week pretty much non-stop and seem to have great chemistry. Tomorrow will be the moment of truth if that chemistry will translate into physical chemistry. I can see how people can get attached just by texting each other and since women are emotional creatures I can totally see how this would be the case for them especially in an OLD environment.
My daughters went back to school today and it was the first time that I was not there to see them off. I was actually ok with it so I guess it goes to show how far I have come in over a year.
I did have another lady reach out to me that for whatever reason we have not been able to connect. When I first signed up for OLD we matched on BUMBLE but she never initiated a conversation so it expired. When I signed up for Match she liked me so a couple of weeks later I sent her an email and she never responded to me. This was about two months ago so fast forward to yesterday and she sends me an email. I have not read it or responded to it yet but part of me is like you snooze you lose but I give her credit because after ignoring me twice she has the confidence to send me an email. I want to read it and respond but it will be pointless if Fed Ex and I hit it off tomorrow. I thought about waiting until after the date so I could get a better read on the situation.
It's not pointless.......
Sorry to use my self as an example again, but you could hit it off great on the first date, but that doesn't mean relationship and commitment. keep your options open.
And have a great time. I think sometimes expectations might get too high when the texting is all great and the nervousness of the first meeting comes in. Try not to build something up in your head, and go with the flow.
That's where I am at with now G.........I am hopeful but I realize the meeting in person is the big test and to your point a R might not come of it. I get the sense though that she is ready for one after being D'd for 7 years. We shall see.
J,
Couple thoughts based on your last posts:
1. You are texting way to much. What are you going to talk about on your date if your an open book? You want some mystery. Is he dating other women? He must be really busy with his career, kids and working out etc.
I set a date on Monday for Thursday and will not text her at all and just show up for the date.Builds anticipation.
2. Date as many women as you can until one of them decides they want to be exclusive. Then you make the choice if you want to be exclusive.
3. Try to keep it to one date a week until she falls in love with you.
Hey L......thanks, I kind of got sucked into this one but I understand where you are coming from. I definitely agree that I will not be the one to bring up being exclusive. Unfortunately I have not been good at dating multiple women but I no having an abundance of them is a good position to be in.
How has it been for you so far?
First meet-up tomorrow. I am probably a little to picky and I have only sent a message to one girl. I am out of town every weekend in the Summer so limits me also.
I am in no hurry and just kinda testing the waters. So far my selection for "spiritual but not religious" and being recently divorced has hampered me a little bit.
Cool.......LH is all grown up!
I started off in no hurry but then once I started interacting it became kind of fun. It felt weird messaging my first girl but now it's no biggie. This girl did ask me how long I have been D'd for and I told her the paperwork was final in April but separated a year before that and I took a year off to just learn about me.. She pressed me a little but seemed satisfied with my answers. I have learned if they are really interested and into you it doesn't matter.
To be honest with you I do just fine on my own. I never realized how many single available women from 35-50 there are in my area.
Don't think I am ready for a LTR but we will see how it goes.
Life is good my friend!
Good for you! I am happy for you, you deserve it!
Ok well my date tonight might end up getting cancelled. She is an IT Manager and told me last night her and her team are having prod issues with a new system and if they can't get it fixed she might have to work tonight.
So uggh......that really stinks. So I told her that it would be unfortunate as we would have to postpone our first kiss but totally understandable......she responded with an LOL, thanks for making me smile. I then told her the kiss has to last for 10 seconds and she responded by saying that maybe she doesn't kiss on the first date, then I responded by saying "you will"
So I guess we shall see what happens. If it doesn't happen tonight then our next opportunity to meet up would be on Sunday afternoon before I get the girls. Next week will be tough since I have them all week so the most I would be able to do would be lunch or grab some coffee over lunch.
My daughters went back to school today and it was the first time that I was not there to see them off. I was actually ok with it so I guess it goes to show how far I have come in over a year.
Your girls know you are there man
(((J9)))
About the dating sitch...it seems J9 transmutated into Speedy Gonzales...;-)
I find it interesting to see dating from a man's perspective, so thank you for that. I mean, my best friend is a man and we talk pretty openly about the dating world, but he is in a weirdly unique situation where he kind of wants to date and kind of doesn't, so his insight is skewed a bit differently from men who actually want to date and meet women.
Thanks for giving me the opportunity to see the other side and get a fresh perspective that I don't get from my own head. Oh and fingers crossed that your date is still on for tonight, but if not, Sunday.
Thanks D.......it's not easy for guys either.
Alright the date is set between 5:15 and 5:30 tonight. Only meeting for 1 drink because she has to work at 7 pm for her system release into production.
Keep your fingers crossed for me you all! J9 needs to reap the rewards of all the work he has put in!
No expectations J9....... They will kill you.
But I do wish you the best, I hope it goes well and leads to a second date.
Thanks G.....right got it! No expectations.
Well that was a bust......old [censored]! Ladies......please post current pictures of yourself, not from 2016 or when you thought you looked your best but please from the last 6 months.......ugggh so frustrating!!!!!!!!!!
J,
Man I am shocked 2 years makes such a difference. Try not to get to frustrated and on to the next one. My thought right now is you want it to much right now and the universe doesn't work that way.
At least you went on the date, mine canceled 7 hours before due to having to work over. I told her no problem let me know your schedule next week and we'll see what works. Still nothing and I don't expect to hear from her.
Expectations remain at zero.
Side note: last night daughter wakes me up moms on the phone. I say hello she's all frantic that she thinks someone is trying to get into her house. I go over because it's 3 minutes away. Nothing. First time a saw her in about a month. Felt nothing but feeling sorry for her. Home alone, scared in half the house I have.
Good days are ahead my friend, football starts soon lol!
I think ur right L......just putting too much into it. I need to relax more with it. 1 of her pics was from 2013 and the other 1 that showed her body was for when she was training for her fitness competition which is not how she looks bau. When i made a comment about her photo and she responded with i am a little thicker now that should have been my clue. I also like girls that are outgoing, energetic, and bubbly. She was more reserved, a more process driven type of person. She texted me last night......telling me thanks but I won't respond, no need after the initial meeting. I am sure she knew.
I got a couple of those calls early on, it is sad if you think about it but they will not go down without a fight! Your right, no expectations
Yes......football starts soon!!!
I think a non response is a bit rude. She was really busy and took the time out to meet with you.
Just respond with something like " glad to have met you. Didnt feel a connection but best of luck" or something along those lines.
Did she gain like 50lbs? Or 10lbs? I don't know how drastic of a change it could be aging wise in 2 years......
I mean, she's not all that smart if she is putting some fitness model photos up if she doesn't look like that anymore. What a way to disappoint someone. I must be one of the only women who put up some of my least flattering pictures. Maybe that's why guys are attracted to me. I like to set the standard real low so they are pleasantly surprised.
You clearly have a high standard of physique, which while possible, is kind of hard for women in their 40's who have had children to maintain. Especially since hormones start to really take over and weight loss becomes much harder. So, in OLD, you better expect a lot less than you see in pictures. You like what you like, but your pool is a lot smaller, you know what I mean?
And yes, personality a big one. Some people are really just nervous on first OLD. I like outgoing and talkative and sarcastic and funny. I get it.
Have you started your cross fit? I took my trial class last week and loved it. My friend and her husband signed up (We laugh and call me the sister wife) and we start next Tuesday officially. There was some serious eye candy up in there! I hope to become eye candy myself, haha.
I agree with Juju. Say something. Don't just ignore. See, you start before you meet saying stuff like "not seeing you will delay our first kiss" but then you want to say nothing after the date? Nah, that's not right.
I am sorry it didn't work out. It's a huge numbers game, you have barely dipped your toes in. That's why you should talk to multiple women at a time. It's meeting. It's not relationshipping. You'll get there.
Sorry it wasn't up to your expectations, J9, but I have to go with Juju and Ginger on this one. Do NOT just not respond at all to her text. That really doesn't seem like the type of man you are, so at least be honest with her. You seem like too nice a guy to just ghost her now, even if you aren't interested.
I am fairly certain that I have said this before, maybe even to you, but that is one of the things I HATE about OLD. I post current pics, but honestly, some of my current pics are more flattering than I really look, so I make darn sure I tell people on the front end that I'm a fat girl. And, while I have some very flattering photos posted, I also have a couple that I HATE, but that really SHOW me, so that people know what they are getting. I honestly think that is the reason I don't have much success with OLD. But, it is what it is. I have had several men tell me that they meet women in person and they look at least 10 years older than their pics. I just don't get that. But, honestly, it works that way with men too. I had seen pics of a guy then met him in person and the pics didn't look anything at all like what he looked like in person. I wondered for a minute if it was even the same guy. Apparently false advertising is common. LOL
Hang in there, J9, and just keep talking to and meeting women. You'll find one that fits your needs and wants when the time is right.
Thanks guys, I appreciate your input and I will consider it all. I know it goes both ways with the pictures, being honest, etc. I guess for me it is just a turn off if you are not being honest. Whatever you look like just own it and be honest that is the frustrating part for me. I really believe that people know they do it, I even had this conversation with over text with this girl when she asked me about my experiences with OLD. I told her I didn't like it, I had not been past any first dates and when she asked why I told her people don't look like they do in their pictures. That was a perfect opportunity for her to step up and something but she chose not to.
She knows what she did.
Cmon J9! I agree with the girls here J9. Knights in shining armour behave in an honourable and polite manner all the time...You know...all of us are carrying a bug of feeling/emotions with ourselves: rejections, frustrations, depression, what else...there´s no need to be so judgmental.
Just relax, another day and another lesson learnt.
Keep shining
J,
Dont let anyone pressure you into doing anything you are not comfortable with. You already did better than me, after I would of seen her I just would of said, sorry but your not what i expected from your pictures and I would of thanked her for coming and just left. Funny when that happens i never get a text afterwards saying anything. it only has happened twice and I leave because i am not going to waste money, they had already wasted my time. Also, coming from a enlightened perspective I treat people the way i would liked to be treated. So i would respond to her with, a Thankyou but I just wasnt feeling it between us. Best of luck to you...
For instance Tuesday I asked a lady out for tonight and she said it was her sons 19th b-day this weekend so she wasnt sure if he wanted to do something friday night for his birthday, but she said she would let me know. So we message during the week and I dont bring it up. Well today I still havent heard a response about the date, figure she has a low interest level, so I message her, hey dont worry about tonight. I figured you wanted some time with your son, so I went ahead and made other plans. I am free sunday if you want to do brunch or coffee. Lol she would always respond but she didnt after this message so I am sure she is pissed. Oh well not my issue.
Rexgm
I am more like ginger and dawn. I like to give pics that i really look myself in or even ones where i am super casual no makeup so that no one would be disappointed. I would never use filters or anything liket that. (Its one of the advantages to me being a pretty negative and cynical personality...i am not afraid of reality)
But a few points..
1. Filtered, professional pics are pretty obvious. If you only see that, you cannot expect they are gonna really look like that. That is like believeing actresses really look IRL as they do in the magazines with professional hair and makeup and lighting and filters.
2. I dont necessarily know that people are lying intentionally. I think that many of them just dont have that awareness. Like they believe what they want to see. They are not trying to deceive but maybe in denial of those 10 lbs? Or they truly see themselves as their best pic.
3. Whats with the guys and height??? Omg. You automatically have to subtract an inch or 2. Height is a very objrctive measurement. Weight, you have to take into consideration muscle mass, where the curves are, angles, clothing etc. So might be a bit more difficult for some. Age too. If soneone is lying about age. That is blatantly deceitful.
Maybe OLD isn't for me as I am brutally honest. I am 6'2, 230 and all my pictures are within the last year. I have 6 up, full body shots, including me playing basketball, me and a buddy riding bikes, and another on the lake riding a jet ski. The 2 most recent ones are from Easter and this summer. I guess I am a unicorn
I agree....I don't think it is intentional as some may have put those pics up when they joined the site however I would hope people would be self-aware. A lot of ladies put pictures up of them from 2 years ago when they were on vacation with their hubby and do a bad job of cropping him out.
The filtered ones are very obvious....I just would hope that at minimum people would be aware and put something up that is recent but I guess not or it depends on the person.
If they are all head shots I bypass and they must show something so I can get a sense of how they look.
IDK maybe I am too picky like G suggested.
I hate that this is true, but i am pretty sure that with dating there is a bit of a league or class system people have to be realistic about. Especially at our age.
So if one is a fairly attractive 40 year old female, she cant expect to get a 40 year old attractive and wealthy man. Lets be realistic. They are gonna go for 30 year olds. And if they are very wealthy, they can go for 20 year olds. But she can date older or give up on the looks or the money. If she is attractive she will be able to date younger guys, but they will have no money and i would be afraid to if child bearing was on the table for either 1.
If you are an attractive male but not wealthy your shot at a young attractive 30 year old is not as high. Many women are gonna care more about a mans wealth then their looks. Many men are gonna care more about a females weight and looks.
Now of course you can reach high. But the odds are also higher for dissapointment and rejection.
You also have to consider the sense of entitlement that people that are wealthy or extremely good looking have. Will they themselves be faithful? And knowing that looks and wealth are not guarantees either. She can get an injury and gain weight. Markets can go down or a bad risk and he can lose everything.
Now this seems to be true with OLD.
When we meet people IRL, you develop crushes or respect or admiration for who the person is. When you go out and maybe work on friendships itbhas the potential to develp differently cause the superficial stuff and league system doesnt get in the way. You are kearning who the actual person is. But with OLD i dont know that there is actually time for that.
J......I agree with you 100%. I make 6 figures and most of who reaches out to me are ladies that make in the 50k to 75k range and those in thier 20s. For some reason a tend to attract a lot of teachers. With that said I had a lady reach out to me this morning who lives in my town, we go to the same gym, and she makes 150k plus. So I assume she could not find a man she liked in her range and she doesn’t want to carry someone either. So I guess that does happen from time to time unless she is not attractive......hopefully she is and is a unicorn! I have another lady that reached out to me as well that I am chatting with who is a teacher:)
Hopefully 3 pm goes well but truthfully I really don’t care.......it’s just something to do.
Just to add I am don’t need a super model nor is that what I am looking for........I just need to feel some attraction, something to work with that can build the more I get to know someone. I can’t say to myself oh hell no the minute they walk in the door......I would’ve fine with...ok I can work with this.
Man.... you get into salary and what not that quick? I would never bring it up and if they ask me it’s probably an instant ignore regardless of how hot she is. I feel like that is something for way way waaaaay down the line. Guess I got some learning to do.
OH ok.. I see this is in reference to online dating so there must be an option to select how much you make. I would still answer 'prefer not to answer' whether I made 2$ or a million. The absolute last thing in the world that I would want is someone being drawn to me because of money. I'd much rather get into way down the line when I know she likes me for me and then she can be surprised by it. Ugh... online dating is the worst!
Sorry I accidently posted in H's thread. Finally a great date and she wants to see me again. I got my first date kiss! She was cute and her personality was awesome!
Ty kml!! So we met up for brunch today and were together for about 2 hours. I have my girls this week so I won’t see her again until maybe Friday but we had another great time, she is really awesome! After brunch we ended up back at her place for a long make out session that we cut short for obvious reasons. Anyway it is really looking good at the moment. She wore white jeans today so I was able to get an idea of her body......she looked really good.
YEAAAAHHHH J9! back to back dates and a make out sesh. And you are attracted to her. Not too shabby for the short time you have been doing this.