I haven’t started a new thread in forever so I forgot how to do it. Same old same old here but need to post more. I need to get to a new place :-)
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2780810&#Post2780810
Upon further review I’ll just pass. Nothing to come from this so may as well not start it.
Ummm....so are you making a commitment to stay single? If so, that's fine. But if you actually would prefer to be in a relationship, I do NOT understand why you wouldn't at least go out on a dinner date with this guy? (Or is there something you omitted from the story, like he's married, a homeless bum, or 20 years younger???)
I'd love to know too - but much more for personal reasons. I will say, your reaction and possible final decision is common - far too common. So you're not alone. What I'd love to know is why, as this has happened to me too many times to count - although I'd not call myself very attractive. But far too many times I've asked someone out, been told no, yet they don't go onto date anyone else either - often for years! I've more and more come to realize it's not me, but what then? Help me and others understand why someone you appear to be attracted to, were somewhat flattered or at least surprised he was interested in you, and somewhat excited by is not worthy of even a single date? I don't get it - but would love to.
. (In more ways than one).
Yes, I am interested in your answer.
V
Hi Everyone,
Thanks for all of the responses. If I haven’t mentioned it before, I have a tendency to be all bark and no bite and I’m a sucker for a really hot guy. So, I met him for a drink yesterday. I want to be clear....this has the potential to be nothing more than a hook up so I’m not crazy and delusional. What I’ve struggled with is NG. I told him I didn’t see our R as serious anymore. I told him that about a month or month and a half ago. For those of you following along, he kinda disappeared and had a break down for about 5 months. And while I supported him, the way he handled things changed the way I viewed our R. I still like hanging out with him but I just feel different. Sooooo, I knew if I met this guy for a drink I would be tempted to at least make out with him. I’m not good at this new world we live in where everyone has rosters of folks to date :-)
Anyway. I met the guy at his favorite watering hole. The age range of customers was lots of senior citizens but they all hugged him and he was very polite. When he would introduce me, the women would take me aside and say “he’s such a nice young man and look at him!” I’m many things but blind isn’t one of him.
I was nervous about going but I figured it wouldn’t matter in the long run. Sooooo.... we did shots, danced (things get dicey when I dance in public) and made out in public. Again, this was nothing but fun but he called me today and said he had a good time. I said I did too. There is your update.
Going to NY for 2 days this week for work. Hope everyone had a good weekend.
So you still haven't explained WHY this guy only has hookup potential.
Because I’m pretty sure this guy is a player and not looking for anything. And that’s totally okay
So NG is coming over tonight. Although it’s been about 20 months but it’s been an interesting 20 months. I’m going to a thing later this month where I will see the guy I was mega attracted to will be there. I’m hoping that has faded. Guess I will see. It’s actually much easier not being attracted to folks.
Happy Monday :-)
So on my journey to Seattle today, I think I realized something. I’ve always known it instinctually but I keep fighting it. I’m probably never going to find that attraction to someone where it’s reciprocated – even for just a fling. Yes, there was the hook up guy right after my divorce but that wasn’t really reciprocated. So perhaps it’s time for me to really take a look at what I can and cannot handle. Just realized that we don’t always get what we want course. I already knew that. But this seems to be something that a lot of people find and they’re not happy with. But I just can’t get anyone to want to? Which probably is funny to a lot of people who know me because according to society, even though I’m 45, I’m
allegedly one of the good looking people. Doesn’t ever feel that way and that ship is sailing fast :-). If it hasn’t already sailed.
I don’t understand this attitude — that if it hasn’t happened yet, it won’t. ???? I had coffee, professionally, with someone who divorced at 22 and remarried at 42. She’s beautiful. It just took that long for her. She’s been married now for 13 years and has a great relationship with her husband. But in the time that she was single, she built a nice career for herself, raised her two kids, got degrees... She kept busy. She said that there were times when the kids were young that she’d go to school events and see all the families with two parents sitting around her, and she’d feel kind of badly about it, but at the end of the day, she now has a beautiful life that’s full of adventure (she told me about it), a career she enjoys, the financial security of having provided for herself, and a great husband who was apparently worth the wait.
Why don’t we all assume that will happen for us? ESPECIALLY you, GB! Do you really know what you want, or is what you think you should want fighting with what you really want?
Hi MB,
Thanks for popping by. I think you’ve nailed something....I don’t think I want it. I’m curious-that’s absolutely true but eh, I’m not sure it is worth the effort. Or perhaps, I’m not sure I want to find out? I recognize that’s confusing but I’ve been called worse:-)
Oh gosh! I certainly hope I don’t come across like I think I’m all that and a bag of chips. I’ve struggled with self esteem issues my entire life but for the last year or so I’ve seemed to reach a more peaceful place with that. I just always hear that stuff but it doesn’t mean anything. I’m thrilled when other people meet someone, get married or celebrate a milestone. I simply don’t think much about that stuff for myself anymore. But I also believe, everything doesn’t happen for everyone. Does that make me a quitter? I hope not. Probably more of a realist. And anything is possible. :-)
I did when another big award at my job-yaaaaasssss! Total surprise and I do appreciate it. This gig has been a little crazy the last month or so but I’m looking forward to going away for 72 hours by myself. And hanging with a couple of my guy friends while I’m away. I need to regroup and have a little fun. The former hot stove will be on this trip but I’ll be okay.
Hope everyone is having a great week. I slept for 10 hours last night. Victory.
Happy Fri-yay!
I had a crazy week. I had a trip that reminded me of “Trains, Planes and Automobiles” minus the burnt out car. Omg. I was exhausted and happy to be home.
That guy I met..I told my friend (she was with me when I met him) that I didn’t think I would hear from again. She said “he calls you every day and face times you.” I said maybe. But...it had only been a week. Anyway. The next day after meeting him he called and said he had fun and that he liked kids. (He doesn’t have any). I said I had fun as well (I did) and that was the last I heard from him:-)
Oh well. Guess the universe wanted to remind me I can be attracted to someone. It may not be reciprocated but perhaps the universe was trying to say “FFS, listen to the universe, GB.” I am. Promise.
St Patty’s day is tomorrow and I’m going out with a friend. Hope everyone is enjoying the weekend.
Isn't it funny how the universe tries to tell us stuff and we have a hard time listening? Things have a funny way of working themselves out the way they are supposed to. Hang in there, GB....good things are coming your way!
Oh my. I’m a mess when it comes to men. Really. I thought I was okay but I’m not. It’s time to address some of this stuff for my sake. Or for the sake of my sanity.
Hi everyone. I have a funny story but first I wanted to post something else first.
As I’ve mentined, ex Mr. GB had not spoken to his family in 4 years barring a text or 2. S8 always tells his mom that it’s not right Daddy doesn’t talk to you. Apparently, ex Mr GB met his brother last week. He told the brother that I was really special and no one was like me (I am unique:-). Anyways, ex Mr GB reached out and said some people have these contentious, horrible exes and he just wanted to say that he realizes how lucky he is to have me in his life. That I always try to do the right thing and never judge him. It was actually much nicer than what I’ve written, but I realized I was terrible at DB trying to save my marriage, but for he most part I DB like a boss post divorce. Trust me it has been difficult at times and some people have called me crazy, but I’ve just trusted that this was what was best for me. So........
Here is the funny. As I’ve written, I have thought I wanted a very sexually charged fling. I have also stated I have not been with very many people. When I met Player guy about a month ago, he works in an industry where the one I have is broken. Originally, (meaning when I met him) he said he wouldn’t charge me to fix mine. I thought that was nice but I didn’t expect him to do that and I felt like he would change his tune. And he did after the night I met him for a drink. All good. I absolutely wasn’t expecting him to fix it for free.
He came over one day and made the repairs. Something else happened as well. Holy caca that man is hawt! He’s 6’5 and I’ve never seen a body like that. He’s 42. While he is extremely attractive and funny, nothing is happening here. But I thought I would live a little. He hung out for a bit. I had cash because this was for his personal company but I guess I didn’t specifically say how much do I owe you or just didn’t come up. I sent him a text saying thanks and it works great. He said, “FYI. I don’t work for free.” I said that I wasn’t expecting him too and to let me now how much I owe him. I was terrified he was going to send an invoice from a company called Big B@ller or something like that. He sent me an invoice for $75 which was super cheap for what he did...professionally. In my mind, I started to wonder. Is that the going rate for the sexay now days? $75? Bada Bing! I’m sorry. I just had to laugh :-). I’m pretty sure my fantasy of having a hot fling with someone I’m actually attracted to is just that....a fantasy. And I’m beginning to come to terms with that.
Went out with my best friend last night and went to dinner with NG the other night. My oldest turns 15 this week. I can’t believe it.
Hope everyone is having a good weekend.
You are super special and your ex is a wassock.
V
You are sweet, V. Hope you are well :-)
Great funny story! 6'5"....HUBBA HUBBA!
I am not sure what a wassock is, but if lady V thinks so, I'll just say ditto what she said because she's a smart lady.
I like wassock...
Wally or other words staring with w and ending in er! 😂😂😂
Have fun, life is supposed to be fun!
Wassock an oldIe worldie English term for brainless butt behaviour, the difference here is that these chaps and chapess once had capacity and through choice gave it up. Wassocks chose to be stoooopid, it wasn't an act of birth or accident. There stoooopidity was deliberately self inflicted.
Like hitting yourself over the head with a hammer to see what happens, or sleeping around to see if you catch a disease that can't be cured, or drinking too much to see if they will give you a new liver, driving without a seat belt. That sort of Wassocking, high drama and stoooopidity. That was chosen by the Wassock.
Seemed to fit.
V
Wassock an oldIe worldie English term for brainless butt behaviour, the difference here is that these chaps and chapess once had capacity and through choice gave it up. Wassocks chose to be stoooopid, it wasn't an act of birth or accident. There stoooopidity was deliberately self inflicted.
Like hitting yourself over the head with a hammer to see what happens, or sleeping around to see if you catch a disease that can't be cured, or drinking too much to see if they will give you a new liver, driving without a seat belt. That sort of Wassocking, high drama and stoooopidity. That was chosen by the Wassock.
Seemed to fit.
V
Thanks for clearing that up, V. Yeah, ditto V calling him a wassock.
I just like the sound of it, it sound like an idjoit... without knowing the exact meaning.
People are craze. Plain and simple
Aw Dizzam! I had a funny post and it just ghosted. Like peeps in the real world :-)
Seems like copy and pasting is the issue, I never have it ghost if I type it directly here.
Hello this is just filler. I really have nothing to say. I'm just doing my doodler thing. la la la la la la la la la la la hey hey hey hey hey waa waa waa waa waa hee hee hee hee hee
Georgiabelle,
I agree with everything you said. Without a doubt, weird old guys make the best companions.
But, I prefer to call it eccentricity rather than weirdness.
Ummmmmmm is there sort of special or disappearing ink here? I'm not seeing anything but Doodlers post. Is this problem ever going to be fixed or is this community on its last legs? I hope not but have to wonder?
Don,
Apparently Georgiabelle has a strange fetish for weird old guys whose first name starts with "do". I just assumed she was talking about me, but I may have been wrong.
RESTORED POSTING FOR GEORGIABELLE
I had written the most exciting post but it was during the Disappeared era:-). Lets see if I can catch everyone up.
Remember the guy I was insanely attracted to that worked for my friend? I had one too many margaritas and made an a$$ in front of myself last spring? Yes. Im sure you guys forgot. It was uneventful. Well we were going to meet for a drink. He was insistent and I agreed. It never crossed my mind until the day after we scheduled that he might bail...boom. Call me an old curmudgeon, but FFS why do peeps do this? Yes. I realize that a better, easier opp came along but either a) dont plan something you have no intention of doing or b) send text and say bailing. My feelings (Im building up quite the armor) werent hurt but I loathe rude. Eh. Oh well. Ill run into him soon and Ill be nice.
Oh and I was reading on other threads what folks are attracted to.... Im attracted to primarily black or biracial men. The guy that bailed is white but he has the look that makes me go weak- if thats possible for me. Which is funny, because people (including my guy friends) are always a bit surprised by this. Thats always what Ive been primarily physically and sexually attracted to but never explored until post D. But again, Im more apt to be attracted to those men, however Ive only dated white guys. Just thought it was interesting to read what some others like.
I have another funny Ill share soon. Love reading everyones threads. Hugs!
DonH,
You have not been around much in the last month. The forum has an issue these days with disappearing postings. We have all been experimenting to see what the system will accept and what it will not. We have found that contractions, using special characters, copying and pasting from a document, as well as from cell phones, laptops and using other forms of software sometimes throws the system into a crazy mode of disappearing postings. Also, lengthy postings trip the disappearing act as well. It's been a trial by error type of situation.
As moderators, we have informed the higher ups of the issue and it is my understanding that they are working on it and they will be doing something with the system in the next month or so. We ask that you please be patient. As I move through the postings, I am looking for those blank postings and will attempt to restore them for the posters.
Im attracted to primarily black or biracial men.
Oops! I read that wrong. I thought it said, "weird old guys whose names start with 'do'" (as well as poor eyesight).
Georgiabelle
In my 20's I had one serious romance with a guy who looked like OJ (before that was a bad thing) and a serious crush/short dating experience with a biracial man (who is still adorable and brilliant but happily married now for decades).
My exH was white and the rest of the guys I dated in my 20's were, as well as the first couple after my divorce. But now the last three men I dated were black and the new guy I have a date with on Saturday is half black half jewish. (He asked me if I had ever dated a black man, I said yes but he'd be my first Jewish date lol). As I get older I have to say black men keep their looks a lot better than most white guys!
Sadly I don't map for men of colour. I prefer blonde or redheads with pale skin. Ash Brown is ok too. It's just the way it is. I have lots of coloured and black male friends, particularly those from the Asian community. Lovely men who will come into my life as great friends but not lovers.
Being pale and blonde myself that's interesting.
But as for do ers, I think that might be an experiment. I have dated 5 men and married 2 all with the same first name. And even more freaky the guy I am seeing at the moment has that name and another guy who asked me out is the same. That would be 7 men all with the same first name.
That's like really peculiar, perhaps I am cursed.
V
Not cursed - blessed! Because you'll never accidentally call them by the wrong name in the heat of passion! Score!
DonH,
You have not been around much in the last month. The forum has an issue these days with disappearing postings. We have all been experimenting to see what the system will accept and what it will not. We have found that contractions, using special characters, copying and pasting from a document, as well as from cell phones, laptops and using other forms of software sometimes throws the system into a crazy mode of disappearing postings. Also, lengthy postings trip the disappearing act as well. It's been a trial by error type of situation.
As moderators, we have informed the higher ups of the issue and it is my understanding that they are working on it and they will be doing something with the system in the next month or so. We ask that you please be patient. As I move through the postings, I am looking for those blank postings and will attempt to restore them for the posters.
Job, I'm very well aware of the disappearing posts as it's been going on for like a month or maybe two now. Not sure why you think I've not been around as I've been here pretty much every day or other day for the last year - whether I'm posting or not. Hmmmmmm, I wonder if the system is not logging me in either?
I know there is not at all anything the moderators can do about it, but I would think that by now IT could have fixed it. My hunch is, there is no "IT department" as MWD has not released a new book, the website has not had a new or updated look in 10 years and, well, it just appears things are coasting along, sort of like an old car - as long as it keeps running they will keep using it but they are not about to put any money into it. Totally just my thoughts. I'm sure any competent IT professional could have figured this out by now. I'd just hate to see the forums go away as web technology changes a lightening pace - often to keep up with SPAM and hack treats, etc. and well, the program running this board is very, very old and outdated. It is just a matter of time until they will have to replace it with current technology, or turn it off. I'm just hoping that doesn't happen - rather than disappearing posts, it would be a disappearing forum. That would be sad.
Georgia,
Sorry for the hi-jack on your thread.
Don,
I totally agree w/what you posted. I do not want to see the forum fall off the map as there are people who need a safe place to come for support We have so many wonderful people who come here to help each other from all walks of life and who give of their time each and every day to post, or they may read and circle back to post a day, week or a month later...but they care. Sometimes, this forum is far better than sitting in therapist's office. This forum isn't just about relationships, we share things such as recipes, vacation tips, how to repair things in the home or car repairs, etc. It's a place to come to share and learn how to survive once a relationship dissolves. It really would be a pity to allow this forum to drop.
I would like share this with you and the posters...the system upgrade was placed on hold for the time being...but they are in the process of redesigning the entire site, which hopefully, will be completed in 30 days per Virginia. I am hoping that they will take a hard look at the system upgrade as I do not think redesigning of the site is going to fix the issue...but I'm not an IT professional...so what do I know?
the program running this board is very, very old and outdated.
Actually the IT department is part of UBB, and UBB has updated their software, however we do not have the current version.
I am only guessing that the redesign of the forum is part of all this.
I'm hoping they start selling DB t-shirts on the updated forum. I can think of some good t-shirt slogans:
- I love you, but I'm not in love with you
- He's just a friend
- I'm polyamorous
- Soul mates forever or until I meet my next soul mate
- It was just the tip
- The children will be happier
- It was an accident, he just fell in...
So when all of the posts were invisible, I suppose I was as well
I'm baaaaaack!
I can't believe school starts back next week. We like to send the kids back to school when it's boiling outside.S15 is 5'10, D13 is 5"8 and S 8 is almost 5 feet. I've got to get higher heels. I'm still taller than S8 and the dog, but everyone else is looking down on me.
I have to go to training next week for work. An entire week so I will miss their first day of school. That makes me sad but I need to get this out of the way. Work is busy but going well. I really enjoy being a sales coach and I have the best team evah!
So the guy I dated for a year and a half sent me a text asking if I wanted to meet for a drink the following week. That was 2 months ago? Haven't heard from him. He was struggling with me not viewing our R the same way he did. I was very honest and said him "vanishing" for a bit changed the way I felt. I enjoyed spending time with him and liked him, but that all he had to do was say "I have a lot going on and I can't see you right now." He did not. He had some jealousy issues as well. Great guy and I wish him well. Do I miss him some? Yes on occasion. However, I will not be introducing anyone to my kids again. This guy was talking marriage and stuff and my kids heard that. Shame on me. He has some personal challenges and who knows? Maybe we can be friends again in the future.
Soooooo, the guy that makes my heart go pitter patter? The playa? Oh he is sooooo funny. He does some stuff around my house. We click on a humor level. We do chat almost every day (he initiates except when I had to initiate because the alarm kept going off at 3am). Physcially ( and I have been very clear that I rarely experience sexual attraction) he just makes me drool.... He is 6'5 and he is black. I am finding that I am more physically attracted to black men and the way they interact with me. But I've only been biblical with him a couple of times. He always talks about us going away together but I don't buy that. I think he gets caught up in the moment and I am just a roster member. However, I am okay with that. We actually click personality wise and will be nothing more than friends.
So I decided to sign up for OLD. I hear everyone say how awful it is and it has been fun for me. I have a tendency to attract struggling artists, actors, etc. However, I may be the only woman who meets successful, employed men online. If you have been following along, you know that no figs are given by me of what someone does for a living. I'm not into money or status, I always hope I meet someone who is happy in their life-regardless of what they do. Most of the men I meet are looking for a R and I am honest that I am open, but only with the right person. I did kind of click with one guy (a former semi pro soccer player), but he said he couldn't casually date. He is hot and funny, but we aren't a fit. Almost every guy I have gone out with has not been married and has no kids-which is cool. It's just funny because I have 3
I also met a really cute Fed ex driver I met at the hardware store (he's black as well and 31). He, too is 6"4. He reaches out every day but I think he just likes to talk. It's all good. And the 24 year old Justin Bieber look alike I met at lunch. Omg. He is adorable but I'm not interested in that. All of these guys work out 2 hours a day so they are fit. Meanwhile, GB classifies Skittles as a fruit.
I will update more later. Hugs and positive energy to everyone! xoxo
So I decided to sign up for OLD. I hear everyone say how awful it is and it has been fun for me. I have a tendency to attract struggling artists, actors, etc. However, I may be the only woman who meets successful, employed men online. If you have been following along, you know that no figs are given by me of what someone does for a living. I'm not into money or status, I always hope I meet someone who is happy in their life-regardless of what they do. Most of the men I meet are looking for a R and I am honest that I am open, but only with the right person. I did kind of click with one guy (a former semi pro soccer player), but he said he couldn't casually date. He is hot and funny, but we aren't a fit. Almost every guy I have gone out with has not been married and has no kids-which is cool. It's just funny because I have 3
I also met a really cute Fed ex driver I met at the hardware store (he's black as well and 31). He, too is 6"4. He reaches out every day but I think he just likes to talk. It's all good. And the 24 year old Justin Bieber look alike I met at lunch. Omg. He is adorable but I'm not interested in that. All of these guys work out 2 hours a day so they are fit. Meanwhile, GB classifies Skittles as a fruit.
I will update more later. Hugs and positive energy to everyone! xoxo
Great update! Mr. 6'5" sounds dreamy.
I think everyone has different experiences with OLD. It wasn't my thing, though it is how I met Sparky, but I know others who it has worked out great for. One of my closest friends married a guy she met through OLD a few months ago. I'm not necessarily into money or status either, but I DO want someone with a job because I don't want to financially support anyone other than myself and my dog. I don't care what the job is....he can be a burger flipper at McDonalds or the CEO of a bank, but he needs to make his own money because I make my own and I don't expect him to support me any more than I want to support him. I think those of us who don't have good luck with OLD probably have a variety of reasons we don't. For me, personally, for some reason, I tend to attract either dudes who don't work for any number of reasons or who dudes who are on disability. I don't have anything against disability, but I went down that road with my XH and I do not want to voluntarily go down it again because it is a HARD path.
I'm SO glad you are having positive experiences with it! I love your posts because you are one of the most positive folks I read on here and it is nice to see folks doing well and doing their thing. I'm with you on skittles being a fruit...Starburst too.
Nothing sexier than a tall sexy black man in my book! You go girl!
What an expensive day!!!! I really need to sell this house and move into a townhome. That is another ball of wax. But I’m going to have to get cracking on that ball of wax. Is it Friday...yet? :-)
So, I want to be self aware. I took my OLD profile down after 7 weeks. It felt like a lot of work. I understand relationships take work, however, I’m not that committed right now. In a perfect world, I would like someone funny and that I’m sexually attracted to. And while I have sorta found that, I’m on a roster of sorts. So, I’m in rotation which I realize should make me feel used or devalued. I feel nothing of the sort. I may be even more detached than these men. Actually, according to them I am. Which sometimes makes me wonder if will ever meet someone I really like. Guess I’m just shooting for sexual attraction in the interim. It’s rare.
I dunno. Thinking outloud Ed Sheerhan style :-)
I kinda get it. After the exhaustion of dealing with crazy exBF, I went through a period where I was perfectly happy to go back to being just one of the women in rotation with my old Love Avoidant friend.He was excellent company when I saw him and he required nothing of me when I wasn't there. I would have liked to have had a little more of him but always understood that wasn't his deal. If he hadn't ghosted me I'd probably still be happy with that arrangement.
But since he did I dipped my toes back into the dating pool and was promptly snapped up by Caterpillar Mustache Man. (Really its fine in person lol). I feel like the Avoidant now because he wants to fall madly deeply in love and I'm just........ cautious. It's going well so far - I think perhaps I'm just too jaded/experienced/analytical to let myself jump all the way into the deep end yet. If he wants me he'll just have to be patient with taking it slow emotionally. (But I'm enjoying the regular sex which he is kind of genius at.)
You're right, dating is a lot of work. You can just have FWBs if you prefer. But make sure this is your choice and not just about your insecurities,
Thanks KML. I’ve been reading along about Ginger’s online dating adventures and decided to share my own. I’ve got a good one.
So, I shut down my match profile about a month ago. It was too much soooooo last week I downloaded Bumble. One guy, we will call him J asked me to meet for a drink. He’s 40. He asks if his age bothers me. I say the bigger question is does my age bother you? He laughs. If I have not pointed this out, the men that are interested in me are never married, no kids and work out 2 hours a day. Good. For. Them. Anyway, we meet. He played college football, is cute, funny and seems normal. I like to keep my initial dates to 2 hours or less. When I get to my car, he texts me that he thinks I’m gorgeous, normal (haaaa!) and would I like to go out again.
The guy I met yesterday.....was flirty over text but not inappropriate. He’s an actor (wasn’t smiling in any of his pics) so I wasn’t sure what I would think. 39. Never married. No kids. And a former dating coach:-). He seemed anxious to meet and again was...flirty. We meet and I can’t tell if he’s disappointed (every person says I look exactly like my pics and they’ve all been taken in the last month). He’s cuter in person and tells me about shows/films he has worked on. He’s very smart and still flirty but....more funny. We have very easy banter and I *think* he finds me attractive but not sure there is any connection or chemistry. I go to my car and we hug and say nice meeting you. When I get to my car he texts asking what to do around where he is. I know I will get an eye roll but I’m a pretty good judge of peeps. I said “you can come hang at my house for a while if you want.” He says “are you sure?” I said it was fine.
He gets to my house and my dog loves him. He sits on one couch and me on the other. The conversation flows but it’s a little odd because he is teasing me about where I grew up, my height, etc. He stays for about 2 hours and we just talk. Never touch each other. He is getting ready to leave and bends down to pet my dog and smacks my booty. I was a bit caught off guard but long ago I’ve written that for the guys with a booty fetish, I get TONS of attention. It’s kind of odd sometimes. So odd that my daughter says she hopes she doesn’t inherit “the butt”. Anyways, he gets up, says nice meeting you and leaves. I know I’m never going to hear from him again so I texted him, “ so, as a dating coach did you encourage clients to smack people on the butt right after they meet them? :-). No response.
I’m the only woman who hears about men online looking for hookups but I never meet those peeps. JK. Thought the story was funny.
Hugs to everyone.
Wow. Thats just really, really, bizarre. What the hxll is wrong with people out there? And why cant it be our ex's that are going on dates with all these nut jobs?
Wow. Thats just really, really, bizarre. What the hxll is wrong with people out there? And why cant it be our ex's that are going on dates with all these nut jobs?
I second that "what the hxll is wrong with people", Juju. Seriously................what the HXLL is wrong with people. Have we become such a microwave, instant gratification, selfish society that we have just completely forgotten simple things like common courtesy, decency, the nuances of being polite and friendly, but not some overbearing horn dog? Ugh........................
Some people just can't be explained. I used to be naïve and think there was an obvious reason behind why people do what they do.
But OLD has taught me that there is just no explanation to people's nuttiness.
Hi Peeps!
It’s been a while since I’ve been here and I wanted to check in. What’s been happening? Oh gosh. Where do I start?
Kids are great. Growing up so fast (sad face). I was looking to be a living donor (May as well do something big while I’m on earth, right?). Gotta be in great health to be a living donor and I passed with flying colors...except I had to get a cyst checked out on a certain part of my body. Then was told must have cyst removed so I’m down an organ and a half. However, 2 weeks after that surgery I develop this hacking cough. No fever and since I’ve never even had strep I’m not sure what to think. Go to doctor 3 times and they say I have a bug. Finally, I tell ex Mr. GB’s mom (who was helping me during recovery) I need to go to ER. I have a collapsed lung and am admitted for 12 days. Oh. And btw, GB, you also have MRSA in your lungs! Go big or go home. I’m an overachiever. Anyhow, I’m recovering and while it was a bit rough, I’m certainly swimsuit ready. Seriously. I look freaking fab in a bikini right now except for all of my new scars And I’ve been approved to be a living donor but I just can’t go there right now.
Ex Mr GB is getting married in a couple of months so he’s certainly had more success than I in the dating department. I dated someone for a couple of months earlier this year and thought this could be a fit. But he “ghosted” mid text. However, he showed back up the night before my first surgery. He said he was falling for me and was nervous. I don’t really believe that , however I was happy to hear him out. He asked if we could meet when I felt better. He was calling and texting while I was in the hospital after the 2nd surgery. However, now that I’m recovered, crickets. Hard pass on this:-) Nearly dying made me realize in addition to not being able to do crazy anymore, I also can’t handle flaky. I just don’t have the fortitude. I would like to find someone. Not willing to put in the effort to OLD right now. So, I’ll just do me.
I love catching up on everyone’s threads. Sounds like peeps are doing awesome and I’m glad to hear that. Hugs to you al!
Yowzer!!!
Sorry about your health problems! Please put your energies into getting well!
As for being ghosted mid-text - yeah, super flaky red flag. Ghosted after a couple of months dating - ok, could be cold feet, whatever. Ghosted mid-text? Sounds like a guy whose wife came home unexpectedly. No third chances for him.
I got ghosted last year, but kinda different. After the implosion of bipolar crazy exBF, I didn't date for some time, then spent a little time with a Love Avoidant guy I had dated 5 years before. He had always been upfront that he "didn't do relationships" and I had stopped seeing him before I started dating crazy exBF but we stayed friends and spoke occasionally over the years.
He was glad to see me again and I was happy to have some no-pressure comfort. Saw him for a day or two, 3-4 times over about three months. Then zip - nada, no answers to texts or phone calls since last May. I still don't know what happened to him. He lives a couple hours away in a security building, I wasn't about to go stalk him. I didn't see any obituary and a package mailed to his condo (returning a movie he'd lent me) didn't bounce back so I assume he's alive. He's suffered from depression in the past so my best guess is he's back in a funk and just shutting everyone out. I know he was still seeing other women and I wasn't making any demands so I don't think it was that he felt too close to me and got scared. (Also pretty sure he's not married - lives in a sparse one bedroom loft, couldn't hide signs of a wife there.
Anyway, after he ghosted I resigned myself to starting dating again. Started dating a new guy in June, he got diagnosed with stage 3 lung cancer in September. It's been an adventure.
Take care of yourself and get healthy. Dating can wait a little longer.
I wouldn’t want to deal with someone that ghosts. It is irresponsible and inconsiderate and really disrespectful. The only good thing is that you find out their true natures via the cowardliness of ghosting. A few months is a long time. Sorry your going through these health issues though.
Hi everyone! I can’t find my last thread so I decided to name it after one of my “fold laundry” songs. I wish the song would fold laundry. :-). My peeps are getting so big....16, 14 and 9. They are doing well and complaining about school. What’s new about that, right?
On my previous thread...wherever it is...I told about my near death experience. I’m doing well. Little rib pain and I will have to have a hernia repaired (cry cry cry...no more surgeries) but I do look stellar in a bikini for an old chick. Seriously. Maybe it’s a confidence thing but I *DO* get lots of make attention-usually the under 35 crowd. And we all know what that is.
Ex Mr GB gets married next month. I admit I am struggling. It’s not wanting to be with him...more mourning the loss of what won’t be and hasn’t been. If I’m being totally honest, it’s weird to think about the person you thought you were going to be with for life is marrying someone else. She’s cool and her first marriage. This is his 3rd. He’s very much a romantic so I wish them well. Her mother wanted me to come to the wedding. I politely declined. Hard pass on that.
Relationship wise? Eh. I date some. I’ll be honest. They are generally extremely physically attractive men in their early to mid 30s. There are no legs to those relationships and I don’t delude myself into thinking they are anything. But I’ve been out with firefighters, basketball players, fitness models, actors, etc. I’m every cliche there is. I would like to have an actual relationship but I’m not sure I’m equipped with the appropriate tools right now. Plus, I would have to meet someone. Self deprecating humor aside, life is pretty good.
I think I’m lonely. My circle is tight. I work and hang out with my kids and ex in-laws. But, I do want something more. Just not sure how to get it.
Welcome back. To find your previous thread, click on your user name, and then click on show forum posts.
I have merged your two threads together for you.
Hi everyone,
Happy holidays! Gosh, I’ve been catching up on everyone’s threads. I’ve missed so much.
Life is busy. Kids are great. Dog is spoiled. Work is nutty. House is a mess but I feel good. If I’m being honest and according to the attention I get, I look pretty hot for a 47 yr old. Ha! That makes me sound super egotistical and nothing could be further from the truth. Again, I’m basing it on attention :-) My PT tells me all the guys at the gym and in my nutrition group ask about me. He said he’s never had this happen before. I told him it’s because I’m one of the oldest peeps there. I suspected that they were asking about me, so..... well, my ego is fragile and I’ll take the ego stroke.
It’s a weird time of year although I do enjoy the holidays on some level. I DID remember BD day this year and it kind of hit me. It does SEEM (and I realize that is perception) like everyone is paired up. Many of the guys I met during the spread out 3 months of OLD are now in relationships. Ex Mr GB is married. Ex Bf after Mr GB has a gf. Even the guy I dated for a couple of months earlier this year is with someone. A good friend who hasn’t dated in over 5 years is now in a R. Another friend who had not been on a date in 6 years is now in a R. It IS cuffing season so lots of peeps are paired up. Me? I’m lonely. However, and I don’t think I’ve been in this place before, I’m not sure I have the capacity to date right now. For the first time, I’m not sure I EVER see myself in a relationship again. And that makes me incredibly sad.
I’m one of those weird people who enjoyed OLD. But in full disclosure, I’ve done very little of it. I enjoy meeting people because everyone has a story. And honestly, I NEVER put any expectations on OLD. If I meet someone cool, then I met someone cool. I always had a good time on all of my dates. I realize if I want to date, that is the route I will have to go. Again, no expectations. Occasionally I’ve gone out with men my age or within a few years, most of the men I’ve gone out with have been under 35. Why? All were funny. I’m sure almost all are considered attractive but the real reason is they asked me out. There is nowhere to go with those peeps. Actors. Models. FFs. Former pro athletes. Police Officers. More Actors. I’m not saying those guys aren’t capable of relationships because I’m sure they are. However, those relationships will not be with me and I’m well aware of it. Men with kids generally don’t ask me out although I did go out with a guy who was retired, 49, had a teenager, and was a former gym owner. (Have I told you guys all the guys I attract work out 2 hours a day? This is hilarious because I don’t really enjoy working out. I would rather drink my full fat milk from the jug and wash the cookies down). He was very attractive. Engaging. And polite. And I felt not one darn thing.
Because I’m a cliche, I do have a semi crush on my PT. Don’t all women have a crush on their personal trainer? He’s very sweet and funny. Did I mention he is hot? He is also very concerned about who I go out with and he’s actually called the night of or the next morning after the date. I think he feels bad for me🤷‍♀️ I told him I’m just going through a transition and hopefully I’ll come out on the other side better. I’ll still be single but maybe I can just make peace with some of what I feel because I simply don’t see me ever getting in another R. I teared up writing that and I’m being candid about the way I feel. I miss hugs, kisses and that other physical stuff. Oh well.
Excited though. Ex MR GB has the kids the week after Xmas (he does help if I travel for work provided it doesn’t interfere with his plans) so I’m leaving the country. I’m going to Belize and swim, drink and lounge on the beach for 6 days. I’m ready.
Sending everyone hugs, health and peace. Xo
good for you GB! don't worry about a R ..... it'll happen (or not) when and if it's supposed to (at least that is what I tell myself).
You're going to love Belize - snorkeling is fantastic, so I've heard.
Enjoy!!! xoxoxo
GB - you want a relationship but don’t think you’ll ever have one - why is that?
Yeah the young guys are fun but generally not leading to anything long term. Have you tried being the one to reach out to guys closer in age? ( For me that has been guys ten years younger or less, I’ve still only dated one guy older than me since my divorce but not by design).
I’ve generally had good luck by reaching out to guys I found interesting online.
I think you might be deliberately sabotaging by picking unavailable or inappropriate men, people who something long term cannot develop with. I did this unconsciously the first few years after my divorce.
Are you still struggling with your body image? Still afraid to get in a real relationship because you might get hurt? Or just not willing to deal with one until your kids are grown?
I have to admit - right now in my dating life, becoming a Love Avoidant with a few good FWBs looks kinda good. (Long story short - boyfriend who was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer 3 mos after we met is living with me but turns out to be difficult to live with because of his Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder/ germophobia. )
But if what you want is a nice long-term relationship - try reaching out to the guys who interest you online. Look for ones who don’t look like they’re obsessed with the gym (the body perfectionists are not gonna be a good influence on your body issues). And remember - You Deserve to Be Loved. You’re capable of it and sounds to me like you’re getting a little closer to being ready to allow it into your life.
Thanks for popping by. Well....2020 really has been a year. I’ll start with the good. I’m in great heath. I have 3 fantastic kids. I’m very happy to be employed and with a job I love. I have great fur peeps, friends, and as I’ve stated many times, a wonderful relationship with my ex h’s family. I also look Dizzam good in a bikini-particularly for an old person. :-)
I’m lucky I’m so many ways. Haven’t been in love but eh...perhaps that will come one day.
I have a very cordial and friendly relationship with x Mr. GB. For the most part, he lets me do the heavy lifting with the kids and remarried back in the fall. She is always sweet and nice to the kids. They just bought a very swanky (600k house) and travel lots. He does lots of things he used to blast folks for doing. At first, I felt pangs of envy at the 600k house. Not because I want a 600k house but because....well he’s working FT and I don’t know. It felt like he didn’t think we were that important to him. I have an old 45 year old house that is lots of work....but ya know what? It’s homey. I have a roof over my head and it’s peaceful.
I’m going to try to express myself as best as possible because probably like many of you, some days being married to him seemed like a lifetime ago. He struggled the 12 years we were together and was rarely employed. Severe depression and anxiety. And now he makes BIG money and he does pay more than he is supposed to regarding support-which is nice. He gets very agitated with the kids and when he does see them, he literally texts a few hours after getting them when are we meeting. He’s even stated there is no drama with me. Zero. Never any disputes over days (the kids all rarely go visit him) or anything of the sort. Sometimes we have a chuckle over text or a giggle when we see each other. I also have a very keen sense when something is up with him. I just feel it.
So I figured something was up when he wanted all kids to come Friday. He announces that he and his 46 yr old wife are shocked to find out they are having a baby later this year. I’m certain this was a surprise as he is very hands off and has told everyone who would listen he didn’t want a 3rd kid. So now he’s having a 4th. I know I’m rambling but I wanted a 4th kid but knew due to his employment issues and anxiety and depression, that was a bad idea. It was also weird hearing this from the kids just like when he got married. I congratulated him and his wife. Like I said, I kind of think the baby thing is exciting. But I’m also insane about kids.
This is my struggle. My daughter is devastated. She has many abandonment issues with her dad. My 17 yr old is autistic and just kind of shrugged at this. The 10 yr old is excited about being a big brother. I’m actually weirdly excited and I think they are crazy because an infant at 47 isn’t for me but I’m not the one having it so who cares? But this is all....weird. I mean...he left me and he also left his kids. Yet, (and I know it was a shock) but now he’s having another one? I was the one who wanted another (not now obviously but when we were married). I can’t describe how I see this. It looks like everything has worked out fabulously for him which is nice I suppose. Was I that awful? He publicly stated a number of times that having kids ruined his life and made him put his life on hold. I mean I worked 12 hours a day because he didn’t most of the time yet I’m terrified I will get laid off. He’s doing it over again. And please know, I understand it’s not a contest. I do. But wow...,sometimes I think I must have been horrible because it’s like he did a 180.
I dunno. I hope I don’t sound whiny. I’m just trying to relay my feelings. Hope everyone is safe and well. I usually just read along here. Tell me I’m awful. I’m ready. :-)
GB not everything that looks good from the outside is what it seems. He hasn’t had a personality transplant. Odds are he was NOT happy to find out he was going to have another child (a child that incidentally, due to parental age and family history, has a good chance of being autistic too).
He might also be in debt up to his neck with that house. A year from now he might be cheating on the new wife to escape the reality of diapers and midnight feedings.
Don’t waste energy resenting this “perfect” life you think he has, cuz it’s not, I guarantee you. Your life sounds pretty good to me, and you’re authentic.
My ex married a woman 19 years younger than him, and I mentioned once to my (grown) kids that I thought they might try for a kid, especially since she was adopted. My son was INCENSED at the idea of having another sibling forced upon him without his consent! (Fortunately they didn’t seem to have any plans to have a child as it turns out.)
I know how you feel. My ex is dating a much younger girl that’s sweet with our son and my guess is would obviously want kids. (I had wanted another kid so bad - and it was the only reason i even wanted my ex back. Even way before he left, I remember thinking “just give me 1 more kid and we can divorce”) with me, he would sleep till 3pm while i was up early with a infant/toddler. He even slept in on days he was supposed to pick son up from preschool while I was working. But I noticed that now - he can wake up if he has to meet us somewhere and that you don’t have to call his phone 50x to wake him up. I would be so mad if he had a kid yet wasted my childbearing years. And even madder if he helped out more with new kid.
I’m not sure anymore - if it’s a matter of f’d up people that don’t change their stripes. My ex lives an easy life right now. No responsibility- no hardships. But once he remarries - any normal partner will have similar demands that I did.
Or is it a matter of relationship dynamics. Like maybe they will be more compatible with a different personality and maturity - just like we will.
I kind of think he’s gonna end up being jealous of your “perfect life” with hobbies and socializing and older kids and without the sleep deprivation.
Thank you, KML and Juju. I appreciate what both of you are saying. I’m kind of ashamed of how I feel. I’ve cried several times today and my 10 yr old asked me if I’m okay.
I wasn’t expecting this. Them getting married stirred what I would expect to be normal feelings of weirdness. This has taken on a whole new level of...I don’t know. His wife is 46. He is 47. I’m not envious of having a newborn at those ages, however, I can’t help but think I must have really been terrible. Maybe he never loved me. It doesn’t matter at this point at all. It’s just that this hits on a different level. And I want him to be miserable and I realize that is wrong and does not dizzam thing for me.
He lives about 20 minutes away and he told the 10 yr old that when the baby comes, then they can visit more to give me a “break.” I mean the 10 yr old is kind of excited and I’m happy for him. He’s so sweet. And I’ve told him he is going to be the best big brother. I dunno. I know this sounds awful but I swear to the universe my ex always makes everything about him. And yes-I know I’m making this post about him. So clearly I’ve got some emotional work to do.
Juju, I know this pandemic has been tough for so many on a multitude of levels. For the last 3 months I’ve been wondering about love, money, and the fact that it’s just me and I’m terrified of losing my job. I’m insane about my kids. I have a very small circle (very, very small) but a huge group of guy friends who live across the US. They always cheer me on in challenging situations. I’m an extrovert and according to society (I feel dumb saying this) says I’m one of the hot moms. Ha. I just laughed at that but that’s what I get told frequently. . I’m great at getting dates but honestly I never really connect with people for a relationship. I would like one. I really would and finally feel ready. I’ve thought that gif about a year or so. I’m not sure what to do. The people I click with aren’t appropriate for a relationship. I don’t have many hobbies. I read, workout, go out on occasion, and hang out with my kids.
Forgive me everyone. I sound like a whiny b!y@tch. I know I do. I’m sorry for sounding so dang self absorbed. Wishing everyone good juju.
What better place to whine than here?
georgiabelle - I think one thing about maintaining looks as you age is that it does give you more opportunities in the dating world - especially OLD in which success is highly based on looks. Problem is that the type of guy that cares solely about looks is gonna target you and those type of guys don’t make the best partners. Also those guys that care about looks like that - also tend to care about age. And unless your significantly younger then them - they tend to be pretty fickle. That’s my thoughts.
Have you evaluated the type of guy that you are attracted to and attracting? Also, what is it that you value most in yourself? If looks are something you relied on for self confidence - it’s not real self love. And you need that to connect with someone.
You know that there are men out there who like beautiful woman but also require other suitable and compatible traits from the woman and they make good partners.
Thanks so much KML, Juju, and LH19. I appreciate your input and you are all correct. It’s okay to whine here. Yay! And Juju, you are correct. I mean while it opens doors, online dating in itself is based on well...appearances. I’m fairly secure and confident, and I just want someone I can be myself with and vice versa. And I want him to be relatively happy with his life. And yes LH, I certainly have to bring stuff to the table. And if I’m being honest, GB as a human being is fairly easy to date. However, GB and her life? Eh. Not so much. I really do think I have an idea of what I want and need.....I’m just not sure how or if I will find it. But I gotta keep looking. I know it’s such a strange time and it has been a struggle at times mentally (just like it has been for so many). I’ve cried a few times over the last couple of weeks. So.....now for an update. Y’all ready for this (cheerleading song:-)
Had a great vacation last week. The kids and I had a blast with my niece and nephew. We enjoyed the ocean, talked until 3am, searched for shells and played board games. I. Can’t. Complain. The weather and ocean were glorious. I’ve never met a beach I didn’t like.
So I decided to put up an OLD profile about a month ago. I left it up for 8 days. I had 2 fun dates but not really clicking on a more than friendly level. One guy asked me out again. Actually he wanted to take me on a trip but since I had only met the man for an hour and a half and given him a hug, that didn’t feel like a yay for me. 2nd date was a former national news anchor (I kept thinking he looked like he belonged on television but I really don’t watch anything). We had a drink on a patio. We had good convo. However, he didn’t ask me out again. On the 8th day a guy pops up on my suggestions or whatever terminology they use and I just had to reach out. I told the universe if he replies that day, I’ll reply back and then delete my profile. Not because of him but because I was gonna delete it anyway. I think my capacity is low on sites haha-even though I love meeting people. He messaged back and asked me out.
So I met him and we kind of clicked. As in he asked me out again at the end of the first date. I see him a 2nd and we just kind of hit it off. So much so that after about 2 weeks I started feeling a bit...scared and overwhelmed. He lives about an hour away. Something transpired (I’ll skip details but for someone like me, it’s significant. Nothing he did. Was something I did). We had a conversation and I thought we were done. He called me twice on vacation but I didn’t answer. I didn’t even notice he had called. Until I had half a margarita (I think I’ve told you guys I really can’t drink much and it was 98 outside). Long story short he wanted to talk when I got back. I agreed and well...he gave me flowers and told me really liked me and that I had to be honest and communicate with him. We’ve talked on the phone every day and seeing him Wednesday. He’s funny yet intense. Kind of nerdy like me.
So last week (remember the only guy I’ve really dated post D-New guy? We dated for 2 years). I liked a video of a song he recorded and he asked if we could meet. He lives in another state. I met him last night and I laughed so hard I cried. We ended weirdly but it was fun to catch up. Ended with a huge He wants to meet Friday night. I dunno. He called last night after we met and earlier today.
Who knows what’s happening here or if anything is happening. At least I’m speaking to humans. Thanks for reading along this crazy. Xoxo
Remind me, why did the guy you dated before not work out? (Might be good to remind yourself). The new date sounds promising, hope his nerdy self lives up to this initial promise.
Glad to see you’re getting out girlfriend.
I met him last night and I laughed so hard I cried.
Nothing better than that feeling.
New Guy was in a bad place the last year of our R. He has a child the say age as my youngest. However, he was super unhappy career wise and has since found a new gig and moved out of state. He also has a side business that has taken off so he’s in a better place mentally. He basically disappeared after 2 years. He sent a text asking if I wanted to have a drink and that was it for a year. I had not seen him in over 2 years. He apologized. I accepted. And I’m very forgiving, but that doesn’t mean I would sign up for that again. But he’s not asking. It felt like 2 good friends laughing and having a good time. Which I totally enjoyed.
The guy I’ve been seeing for a month is well...probably not gonna work. Please know he treats me extremely well but he’s 12 years younger. Never been married and no kids. He’s very “old school” and romantic. Not sure what to make of this but I’m just trying to go with the flow.
Well - 12 years younger isn't a dealbreaker but if he wants to have kids it's got a limited shelf life
However, if you're ok with something not being a lifetime thing, nothing wrong with having a fun relationship with somebody who treats you well. And it;s not like you have to make a decision right this minute either.
Going with the flow sounds right for you.
Hi KML,
Yes, I totally agree. I’ve brought that up with 12 year younger guy...let’s call him K. He said he’s not really interested in having kids. I understand that peeps change their mind or decide differently so that’s why I’m going with the flow. He is very consistent, calls every day and well...,I don’t know. I’m seeing what happens. :-)
I’m hear you whine. Will someone send me some cheese please? Preferably a spicy one. Just listen to me vent for maybe 25 seconds.
I’m so darn lonely. I keep thinking I want someone. I keep thinking I might be a good partner at this point. Ugh. I’m. Just. Lonely. I miss hanging out with someone and snuggling. Nothing fancy. I’m not a fancy woman.
Things are done with the Canadian. He was kind of controlling and I don’t think he understood the “challenges” of being a single Mom. I think he wanted to BUT he couldn’t. That however is my longest online relationship. I think we lasted about a month. Yes. I still hear from and talk to many of the peeps I went out with but I went out with this guy about 10 times. A record of sorts.
My employer is being sold and the sale will take until Jan. Grateful to have a job still.
I dunno. I would like something really good to happen. Gah. Whine over.
Awww, hon - I’m sorry. You’re allowed to whine. It’s disappointing but also good that you recognized he wasn’t for you - that’s what dating is for, after all, right? To figure out if someone is a match - or not.
And it’s an incredibly difficult time to be single. This is when the companionship and support of a relationship would be especially good to have.
(((((Hug)))))
Don’t give up. You’re finally in a place where you’re open to the idea of a relationship. That’s a start. Hang in there. A better guy will come along.
I'm sorry doll. At least you're dating. Kml is right, it's tough right now to be without a snuggle partner. i get it - sometimes I just want a hug, but ... well, love in the time of Covid. It will get better. you've come so far, don't give up now. xooxo
Thanks for reading. I’m just going to admit I’ve come to whine for a minute. I’m sorry. I hate doing it but I need to..
So, I’m doing a bit better with ex Mr. GB and his wife having a kid. Honestly, I know it will be weird, however, I generally try not to think of him. We are friendly and I’m grateful that I’m a mother as a result of my time with him. However well ..Apparently the new wife “switched up on him.” She had never been married before and had moved across the country a number of times for a variety of relationships. She was really laid-back when they were dating and I think she’s a bit high strung now. She yells at him and tells him what he will and won’t do. This was told to me by him and the kids. I didn’t ask. I did smile. Is that bad? They make lots of money and I do struggle with that thinking that he rarely worked with me and that somehow we didn’t warrant him to support his family. I know. I know. I’ve got to push that aside. I admit it. And I try to be nice to everyone. But some days I just want him to be miserable. Swing the 2x4 hard at moi!
So my daughter “dates” a friend’s son. We’ve known each other for several years and talked to each other a lot when going through our respective divorces. They live a few hours away and essentially talk on the phone 5 hours a day. Ah to be a teenager. :-). Anyways, the dad is my dream guy. My kids say he’s a taller, better looking Tom Brady. We’ve been friends for years. He is a fitness model (yes, as a reminder I’m a cliche) and designer. He’s ridiculously hot, nerdy, funny and a great dad. However, he had a gf for many years. I knew her. While pleasant to me, I didn’t think they would go the distance. They broke up earlier this year. We really click and he’s only a couple of years younger. Of course, he isn’t going to be available long and when I visited in late May he was semi dating this woman he has worked with for years. Long story short. They visited. We had beverages and we kind of kissed (he had to semi participate cause he’s a foot taller than me) and said he was attracted, wasn’t rejecting me (but I mean he was which I get because they are actually in a R versus just dating) to me but the woman was now his gf. I would say I felt guilty but I didn’t really know. And honestly at least I go to my deathbed saying I got that close to him :-). Sigh. Universe is killing me. Honestly, I’m
Not surprised. I don’t have luck like that. Anyway, we had so much fun on their visit. If only he was single. But he’s not. And he’s not going to be. This is a bitter pill to swallow but it’s par for the course.
I’m lonely. I’ve seen the ex bf a couple of times and will see him Sunday for a bit. Not sure how I would meet someone. Gah. I’m just ready. However, I understand just because I’m ready doesn’t mean it’s my time. What I’m really hoping is that I just decide being by myself is better. I really don’t know how much “dating” I have left in me. Would be nice to find someone. Not sure that’s in the cards.
Hope everyone is heathy and well.
Am I poster child for how not to date? So, I think the pandemic has stirred things in many people-myself included. 3 meh I’ve dated have waited to meet and talk. One was the Canadian. While physically and mentally attracted to him, he is, ahem, rather controlling. If I’m being repetitive I apologize in advance. He works out for three hours a day and he invited me over for movie night when were seeing each other. He held up a snack size bag of chips and thought that we could indulge. I had to stifle my laughter.
I actually texted him to see how he was doing because I came across something that reminded me of him. Honestly I wasn’t even sure he’d respond but we started some banter and he invited me over to talk. I didn’t go the first night he asked. But I agreed to come over the next night. I walked in the door, he hugged me, then kissed me and the tried to you know...all within the first 5 minutes. While I understand that’s normal, I asked him if we could just chat first since I had not seen him in five weeks. He became kind of angry and ask why we had to rehash this foolishness. I am very logical for a woman and I asked him what he meant by that because I did think the reason we end it was foolish. Although it was a much bigger issue in play which I totally get. But basically he stopped speaking to me because he thought it took too long for me to call him back. And I agreed with him that I thought that was foolish but that he was the one who stopped speaking to me. So then he offered to get me an earpiece or to install some thing in my car. And he told me that he had gotten approved to be a foster parent. And his mother was as well. And he obviously has a very big heart and he’s a kind human, but he is also very ridged and controlling. I’m very much a free spirit. And even though I have a tendency to attract men who are a little bit more buttoned down, I just felt like I would be disappointing him nonstop. And I just want something that flows a little easier at this point. I also told him that I don’t want to keep him from having kids to which he responded he was totally open to any situation. However, I could tell by his face that he really wants to have kids of his own. He’s 38. I told him that he can still do that.
We talked for a bit and I told him that I was a bit hurt when he hung up on me because I didn’t call him back fast enough. He said it was close to two hours before I called him back and it was at night. I was driving back from the lake with my oldest son and I don’t talk on the phone while I drive. I had also wanted to do something for his birthday and he declined. I told him that I just wanted to do something nice for him and then I didn’t hear from him for five weeks because he got angry at me. However, when I got there he was all over me which made me feel a bit odd. He finally got frustrated with me and accused me of withholding intimacy for a ransom. I could understand if we were seeing each other but I had not talked to the man in almost 6 weeks so I’m not sure what the ransom was. He told me I wasn’t serious about reconciling and that obviously I didn’t have true love and passion for him. He’s very much a romantic and his exact words were that he is looking for a fairytale. Unfortunately or fortunately I don’t believe in fairytales. He walked me to my car and was super angry with him. I don’t think we will chat again.
That’s all I have. I am meeting the guy that I dated for two years for mimosas on Saturday morning. Well, I can’t drink very much so it’ll probably be a single mimosa for me. He lives out of state now but we’ve had fun catching up. Nothing has happened except for a kiss.
Hope everyone is healthy and doing well during this very odd time. Sending everyone a hug.
So then he offered to get me an earpiece or to install some thing in my car.
OH my GOD. RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Definitely too controlling. And strange. Get out!
Hi KML,
Yes, he was controlling. I’m not seeing him anymore. He got upset when I wouldn’t do the sexay with him.
I hope everyone had a nice holiday. I kind of quietly keep up with everyone here. I’m sorry. I have to throw up on this board.
Ex Mr. GB says the kids have hurt his feelings about his new baby. He has totally ignored DS17 for the last 6 1/2 years and hasn’t been much better with DD15 and D10. It’s always about him. He said they were so hurtful to him that he’s rethinking Christmas gifts. I’m going to be snarky so call me out on it. Yes. Hurtful words to him always take precedent over the children’s feelings. Sigh. Call me a bad person. I am delighted that this baby is kicking his behind. Seriously. He looks like he’s aged 15 years and the kid is only two months old.
My company is being acquired by another large company in the next month. I hope not to be out of a job but I could be. For some reason, I just can’t be overly concerned about that right this minute. I mean I’m concerned. But I realized I only control what I can control. And I’m concerned because of Covid that I would have a difficult time finding another position. Some days I think about it a lot. Some days I don’t.
About 7 weeks ago, the guy that offered me a single chip reached out to me. Please know that I’m a relatively intelligent woman who is generally a good judge of character. I decided to meet him. For a man who talks about the importance of communication, that going silent or getting me to “guess” what happened is old. He said he was okay not having kids. We started seeing each other again and we were having fun. It seemed much more relaxed and he was really trying. Trying to get to know me and doing things that I liked. However, I always felt like no matter what I did there was something wrong with it. But I kept trying to push that feeling away. He’s very intense. I have no idea what happened (he always wants me to guess?) but he just ghosted. I just can’t take it any more. I just can’t. I don’t have it in me. I don’t believe all men are bad. Most of my friends are guys and I think they’re great people. I just can’t do it anymore. And I know it’s a numbers game but I just don’t think I can do it again. I watch other people and they are in relationship. My ex. His brother. His brother’s ex wife. All but me. And then I start wondering what’s wrong with me? And I know I’m flawed. I have lots of flaws. But I try to be self-aware.
I would like to meet someone age appropriate. I online dated for 6 days this year. I met 3 people. He was one. I love meeting people but I just can’t anymore. And I’m sure this will elicit eye rolls because I sound ridiculous. I’m closer to 50 than 40 but I do get lots of attention IRL and OLD. Not like a hot 25 year old woman trust me. I’m not delusional :-) I know looks fade-I know I’m at the tail end of this. I am considered conventionally very attractive for my age. I just don’t think I need to go out with another fitness model, actor, musician, artist, runway model, firefighters, former NBA practice squad players, news anchors, adult film actors (I found this out after a couple of dates) or fitness enthusiasts. And that’s all great. They have all been nice humans and some I really clicked with as people. Those are the only people who ask me out, though. I am not dumb. I know what the 30 year olds want. I do not get attached easily nor do I pursue. I have never been called needy or clingy. Quite the opposite. I try to work on being more vulnerable. I could write a book and I’ve only online dated for a total of less than 3 months in 6 years. I meet men fairly easily for a person who doesn’t OLD and rarely leaves her house. I’m not into looks. I just want someone I’m attracted to and vice versa who is also happy with his life. I don’t care what he does for a living but hopefully he’s happy with it. I don’t care how much money he has because money doesn’t buy happiness. I. Am. Done. And I need to make peace with it. My self esteem is shot. And I am very empathetic to men because I know they are expected to make the first move. Or to ask women out. And I totally understand that they get rejected often and I hate hearing that. I hate it when women are rude to men and treat them badly. I just can’t do it anymore though.
I know that I’m a bit worked up because bomb drop is five days after my birthday and my birthday is coming up in a couple of weeks. I just wish that I had found someone by now. And I think deep down inside I know I’m not going to. And I’m just struggling with that. So I’m sorry for being whiny. I’m crying and hopefully this too shall pass.
Sorry for the rant. I hope December is a great month for everyone. Love and positive energy to you all.
{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}
sometimes all i need is a hug and someone to listen.
let it out. let it go. it's ok.
Awww girl - I know how frustrating it is. And not easy with kids. And your ex is a narcissistic idiot.
Maybe once the pandemic is over, you can get a trusted girlfriend to vet your online picks for you? You don't seem to have a well-tuned antennae for weeding out the chaff. Or you can get involved in some groups that might lead to meeting single guys naturally.
And in the meantime - other relationships can fill some of those voids. My BFF fills a lot of the "sounding board" role that a spouse used to fill. Friends provide companionship. Put more effort into those relationships.
Take the focus off of dating for the present. It's too hard in a pandemic anyway. (Although you can screen future dates by asking them whether they wore a mask in the pandemic. All the Covid deniers you can eliminate in one fell swoop).
Sorry too about the job insecurity. It's a tough time to be putting feelers out, right before Xmas, but might be a good idea to start networking a bit at least. And figuring out how best to make yourself indispensible at work if you prefer to stay after the acquisition.
It's just a lot. I get it. And you are in the thick of it with your kids right now with an ex who is useless.
Let me just tell you, you are NOT nearing any kind of end of your attractiveness. I only started dating again in my early 50's after my divorce and it was NOT a problem.
Take the focus off of dating for the present. It's too hard in a pandemic anyway. (Although you can screen future dates by asking them whether they wore a mask in the pandemic. All the Covid deniers you can eliminate in one fell swoop).
OMG SMH. Look at me talking in acronyms. LOL. Did it again. But seriously, tossing out the Trump supporters will already cut the prospect pool in half, then there is the ant-lock down crowd, or those who don’t worship at the mask alter, although I’m sure there will be some crossover there. Going to really make finding someone even harder, especially for those who believe it’s a numbers game, when half the group is dismissed out of hand.
GB, I get it. Ive been through it which is in part why I gave up on OLD long ago and do not regret it in the least. But there are still other ways and other potentials out there to meet people (as long as you’re not following advice to eliminate half the dating pool out of hand.) ghosting, not showing up , etc have become the norm. And the more it happens the more people think it’s normal and okay to do. Heck it was done to me so why shouldn’t I not do the same? I know you don’t think that way but many do. It’s clear there are many sheep out there who just follow the crowd and it becomes learned behavior.
But I’d hate for you to give up. Perhaps just alter your methods. And I do agree with KML to have someone help you. You’ve not posted a huge amount and it is all online so what can I know for sure but I do have to wonder if your picker is off? You may well be picking the wrong guys. Yeah, there are a lot of wrong guys to pick but you seem to maybe be attracted to them. I have to wonder how many good guys you might be passing by because they are not fitness models, athletes, musicians or firefighters (even though I am both lol) the more time passes the pickier many of us get. That effects things. It’s much harder to find the right fit in someone but it can be done. Don’t give up totally.
Going to really make finding someone even harder, especially for those who believe it’s a numbers game, when half the group is dismissed out of hand.
Sorry Don - it would actually make it easier for me, by eliminating people who I am obviously completely morally and politically incompatible with.
Going to really make finding someone even harder, especially for those who believe it’s a numbers game, when half the group is dismissed out of hand.
Sorry Don - it would actually make it easier for me, by eliminating people who I am obviously completely morally and politically incompatible with.
I'm with Don. I've dated great women who I'm politically incompatible with. In two days it will be the second anniversary of my divorce to a woman that I was politically compatible with. I've been dating a woman for 15 months who I'm somewhat politically incompatible with (she's more left than me, but not a corona hysteric). You'd be surprise if you opened your mind and tried to understand other people's points of view more--instead of writing people off for a belief that matters little in the grand scheme of things (dating-wise). Most people aren't as rigid about politics as you seem to be.
Politics matter to me as a reflection of someone's values, and personally, I would not be happy with someone whose values varied so much from mine. I realize other people may not care about those things, and that's fine for them, but to me, someone whose politics embrace misogyny, racism and homophobia, or who just doesn't CARE that they vote for people who enact policies that endorse those things, would not be likely to be someone I could be happy with. Just as I wouldn't likely be happy living with a smoker. Someone who doesn't care that they voted for people who endorsed a ruling that doctors can refuse to care for my trans son just because he's trans, does not share enough values with me to be compatible. And I'd prefer to know that up front. Those people would not likely be happy with me either.
I tend to agree with kml - but then both of us are fairly passionate about a number of issues that others may view differently. Specifically around what we think of as "human rights"
With that said, if as an individual you don't feel as strongly about such things, like in my case smoking - which I regard as a dirty habit but one that I regard closer to the "personal choice" line - then that's your own thing. Other people may believe strongly in their particular version of religion and that needs to be their own boundary.
I think that the key take-away is that if a potential partner either has a strong view on an issue that is opposed to your own or visa versa then it is important to try to get those things out of the way early. Which is tough - because some people with controversial views tend to keep them quiet especially when they are trying to impress the other person. It took a long time for me to find out that my now former fiancé is anti-vaccination - at least as far as the influenza vaccine goes. I chose to go along with that because she didn't dismiss my own beliefs but it certainly was something that would have been a black mark if I'd known it earlier.
The key thing I think is respect. Do you respect the other person's opinions even if you disagree with them. And I'm not talking tolerant amusement but recognizing that this particular thing is important and also treating it with respect and as important even if it isn't your own "thing".
One very important thing to recognize when out in the dating pool (and I know that this is going to cause a bunch of forehead smacking) is that we have the agency to choose or reject any potential partner who comes along based on whatever is important to us. And as I've learned through painful experience, initial impressions combined with rose-coloured glasses and optimism isn't enough.
Yes - and finding those things out before you start dating, or before it gets very far, is kinder on everyone all around.
Hey GB... just getting acquainted with your sitch.
Regarding dating... I hear you girl. But right now, with Covid still going on, dating sure isn't the same as one might remember or imagine. Give it sometime, and work on you. I guess chatting online, is harmless. Nothing wrong with some friendly banter from the opposite sex. That's just my opinion.
The fish pond where I am is not full, but I'm not seriously looking. I'm a BIG believer in the right ones come when it's the right time, when all your stars are aligned sort of speak. When you're on top of the world, at the peak of your game, you have this magical aura that shines from you, attracting opportunities to you and people to you. I have to remind myself of this too.
Hi GB,
I saw you commenting on others' threads, and thought to reads up on yours. December seemed like a rough month for you with so much happening at once. I hope the first couple of months of 2021 are treating you better!
Aw...CW, thanks for stopping by and I appreciate the kind words. I actually reconnected with someone and we had a great December. It was fun to have someone to celebrate my birthday, Christmas, and NYE. It was all very romantic until it ended about 5 weeks ago. Oh well. He wasn’t the one but that’s okay. I’ll keep on keeping on.
Hey GB - glad you had company for those holidays, sorry it ended but we all know things end for a reason, one good thing about this DBing process I think is that we tend not to get "stuck' on failed dating relationships the way we might have when we were younger and dumber.
Thanks KML. I appreciate your kind words and you are correct. While sometimes painful or difficult, sometimes we have to give things a shot. Didn’t work but it was fun while it lasted.
Happy Thursday. I’ve been reading along on everyone’s thread. Hope everyone is safe and enjoying some nice weather. Pssst. Don’t be jelly but it was 85 here last weekend. Not as nice this week.
My niece visited from college the last 2 weekends. I enjoy having her here with my peeps. We have lots of fun. My other niece (she’s 8) is visiting for the week. She’s sweet and how small we say it? Very chatty.
I’ve been soooooo tired this week. Exterior of my house is getting painted abs screened in porch was redone. Exciting but expensive. Inside will get painted in a couple of weeks.
I’m not sure why, well I know why.....I downloaded Bumble last night. I used it a few weeks few years ago and met some guys I’m still friendly with. I’m being much more strategic this time. No guys under 40 (yes, I understand age is allegedly just a number but I feel like I need to focus on older peeps). I forgot how overwhelming this felt. I don’t miss the feeling :-). I have no idea how often you all get asked out IRL at this point, I guess I thought I should expand the pool a little . I’m not expecting anything to come of it but I’ve connected with a few seemingly nice, funny people. We will see. I feel like I need to make a greater efffort.
I’m exhausted. Hopefully I can rest some this weekend. Happy Friday eve!
Hi GB! I’m glad you’re willing to look again. Just cut yourself some slack though - visitors, house painting and repairs - you’ve got a lot on your plate! It’s ok to just take your time online, no need to turn it into full time searching right now unless that feels like escape instead of another job you have to do.
Especially in these pandemic times, meeting organically in the real world is difficult. So enjoy meeting people online. Sounds like you’re setting some more serious parameters this time, that’s good!
(PS I hear you on the house stuff. We had a rainstorm yesterday and when I came home, I found a piece of curved metal about a foot square on my front walkway. I have no idea where it came from - could it be part of the top of my chimney? Some important piece of roof flashing? Or a random piece of debris blown from the neighbor’s yard? Will I only find out once something starts leaking???)
(PS I hear you on the house stuff. We had a rainstorm yesterday and when I came home, I found a piece of curved metal about a foot square on my front walkway. I have no idea where it came from - could it be part of the top of my chimney? Some important piece of roof flashing? Or a random piece of debris blown from the neighbor’s yard? Will I only find out once something starts leaking???)
I’m not sure why, well I know why.....I downloaded Bumble last night. I used it a few weeks few years ago and met some guys I’m still friendly with. I’m being much more strategic this time. No guys under 40 (yes, I understand age is allegedly just a number but I feel like I need to focus on older peeps). I forgot how overwhelming this felt. I don’t miss the feeling :-).
Yep - I know that feeling. At least from the point of view of - do I "really" want to put the effort into this that it would take?
"Did the primary buffer panel just fall off my gorram ship for no apparent reason?!
Exactly!
Bumble! GIRL! Do tell! I'm WAY out of practice, and know nothing about any of this sites...lol... have you heard of Hinge? (I have not).
Have fun, be safe!